Disclaimers in Part 1. "Somebody Stand by Me" is sung by Faith Hill.
Sonnet 36
Saturday, 30 November 2002
Bethesda Naval Hospital
Bethesda, MD
1600 ZULU
Mac smiled for the first time in three weeks. She shivered and wrapped her jacket tightly around herself. 'Two weeks, six days, sixteen hours and 47 minutes,' she thought. That was how long it had been since she had seen AJ. A shadow passed over her face. 'No. I don't want to think about that now.'
Harriet opened the door to Mac's 'Vette. She had been quite excited when Mac had asked her to drive it to the hospital. Mac was amused by Harriet's enthusiasm. 'I just hope she doesn't drive too fast!'
"Thanks, Harriet." She climbed into the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt.
Both were quiet until they got on the Beltway. "So, Harriet, how are things at JAG?"
Harriet glanced at her friend quickly and then looked back at the road. She knew what Mac was really asking. "Same as always. Commander Rabb saved the day again, Sturgis had to save Harm's six, and the Admiral is in a rotten mood. Actually, he's been that way for the past three weeks." She paused, and continued. "I do think that your transfer has something to do with that, though."
Mac, who had been staring out the windshield, whipped her head around to look at Harriet. "How do you know about that, Harriet? I hadn't told anyone!"
"Oh, you know how scuttlebutt gets around, Mac. Of course, the way that General Albanese has been boasting about finally having you on his staff..."
Mac sighed. 'I should have known that my transfer wouldn't have been kept secret indefinitely. But I was looking forward to a few more days of peace!'
Mac had begun her search for a new posting the day after AJ had kissed her. She knew she couldn't see him again without wanting to either throw herself at him and kiss him, or slap him for just leaving her like that. The furthest one from Washington she could find was at Quantico. She was now heading their Legal Affairs office. Her transfer was effective 1 December, but she still had to clean out her office at JAG and pack her apartment for the move. The General had said she could start Wednesday, at the latest.
They arrived at Mac's apartment, and Mac thanked Harriet for picking her up.
"You're welcome, Mac. Are you sure you don't need any help? I'd be glad to fix you something to eat, get you some boxes, anything."
Mac smiled at Harriet. "No, but thanks, Harriet. You've been a great help already."
"OK, well, if you're sure..."
"I'm sure, Harriet. Now go on, I'm sure your two men are waiting for you to make lunch," Mac said, laughing a bit.
"I'm sure they are, too. Aren't men just so helpless?" Harriet said, rolling her eyes and giggling. She got into the minivan, and waved. Mac waved back, and walked up to her apartment.
When she opened the door, Mac shook her head and smiled fondly. Harriet knew her too well. A stack of flattened boxes leaned against the wall. The apartment had been recently cleaned; the smell of wood polish and antibacterial spray hung in the air. Mac dropped her belongings on the couch. She jumped as a book tumbled out of her bag. She picked it up.
"What the..." she said, stunned. "I thought I got rid of this weeks ago!" It was the book AJ had given her. She knew she had thrown it out. "Harriet..." she groaned.
She placed the book on the table, and walked into the kitchen. A covered dish sat on the counter. She threw her head back and laughed when she saw what was in it. "Beltway burgers! Thanks, Harriet!" Mac ate her lunch with relish.
When she was done, she was drawn to the living room. She reached for the book; then pulled back, as if scalded. "No! That's what got you into this in the first place, remember?" In order to take her mind off of the book and its giver, she methodically began to start packing what she would need to take to Quantico.
Sunday, 1 December 2002
JAG HQ
Falls Church, VA
1900 ZULU
Mac entered the bullpen. It was empty, quiet, and dark. She sighed with relief. She had no desire to run into...anyone...today. She made her way to her office and turned on the light. It was just as she left it. She shook her head, put on some music to keep her company, and got to work.
About an hour later, another person stepped off of the elevator. 'Damned SECNAV. Can't believe he insisted on me working on a Sunday.' AJ's guard immediately went up when he heard quiet singing. He saw an office light on. His heart started pounding in anticipation and dread. He stopped moving and just observed as the woman who had stolen his heart, Sarah Mackenzie, pack a box and sing along with the music.
"I've been this alone for so long
I'm beginning to wonder why
I stand in one place
Different name, different face
But no one's gonna see me
Break down and cry..."
He smiled sadly. 'Yep, that sounds like my Marine. Won't let anyone see her cry.'
"Won't somebody stand by me
Stand by me just one time
Won't somebody stand by me
Stand by me just one time..."
He saw the melancholy etched in her face as she sang along to the Faith Hill song. His heart ached for her. He wanted to go to her and comfort her, to enfold her in his arms and say everything would be all right, that he would stand by her...but he didn't. He realized that she wouldn't want him seeing her weakness, as she believed it to be. He quietly padded to his office.
Mac heard the click of the latch, and abruptly stopped singing. "Is someone there?" she called. No one answered, so she went back to what she was doing.
She finally finished, and sighed deeply. This made everything seem so final. There was one more thing she wanted to do. She really did not want to get caught doing it, though, so she would have to be quiet. 'Why am I doing this, anyway? I'm just setting myself up for another fall.' She picked up an envelope lying on the desk, and walked to the door to AJ's office. She slowly opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief. It was empty. She snuck inside and placed the envelope in the center of his desk, then turned and walked out. She collected her belongings from her office, turned out the light, and left.
When AJ returned from the head, he immediately spotted the envelope sitting in the middle of the desk. 'I know that wasn't there a few minutes ago.' He picked it up. His name was written on it, in a familiar flowing script. He opened it, pulled out the single sheet of paper, and began reading.
"Let me confess that we two must be twain,
Although our undivided loves are one:
So shall those blots that do with me remain,
Without thy help, by me be borne alone.
In our two loves there is but one respect,
Though in our lives a separable spite,
Which though it alter not love's sole effect,
Yet doth it steal sweet hours from love's delight.
I may not evermore acknowledge thee,
Lest my bewailed guilt should do thee shame,
Nor thou with public kindness honor me,
Unless thou take that honor from thy name:
But do not so, I love thee in such sort,
As thou being mine, mine is thy good report."
AJ sat heavily in his desk chair. He felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. 'Love? Does she love me?' He dropped his head in his hands. 'What have I done?'
He pulled out a pen and a piece of paper, and began writing.
