Sonnets of Life Part 16

Disclaimers in Part 1.


Sweet love, renew thy force; be it not said
Thy edge should blunter be than appetite,
Which but today by feeding is allayed,
Tomorrow sharpened in his former might:
So, love, be thou, although today thou fill
Thy hungry eyes, even till they wink with fullness,
Tomorrow see again, and do not kill
The spirit of love, with a perpetual dullness.
Let this sad interim like the ocean be
Which parts the shore, where two contracted new
Come daily to the banks, that when they see
Return of love, more blest may be the view;
Or call it winter, which being full of care,
Makes summer's welcome, thrice more wished, more rare.
--Sonnet 61

Friday, 20 December 2002
Chegwidden Residence
McLean, VA
0300 ZULU

"Come on in. Would you like something to drink?"

"Sure. Ah, water would be fine, thanks."

Now that it was time for their 'talk', both AJ and Mac were nervous. They had gotten through dinner nicely, laughing and chatting as if they were old friends. Mac talked about her new duty station, and all of the things she was doing to make it run smoother; and AJ brought her up-to-date on everyone at JAG. They talked about personal likes and dislikes, hobbies, all sorts of topics. AJ had invited Mac to stay at his house for the weekend, so they could spend time together and get to know each other better. Mac agreed. She couldn't think of a better way to spend two days, than with AJ.

AJ came back into the room with two glasses of water. He handed Mac's to her, and sat beside her on the couch. They sat for a few minutes, unsure of what to say. Finally, Mac broke the silence.

"This is ridiculous! Here we are, two fairly rational, mature adults--lawyers, for crying out loud--and we can't even start a simple conversation!"

AJ smiled. "You're right, it is pretty silly. All right, I suppose I'll go first. Sarah...that night, at the hospital..." he struggled to find the right words to say. Mac sat patiently, not interrupting, allowing him to organize his thoughts.

"I guess I panicked. I knew of my feelings for you; but at the same time, I knew I shouldn't have those feelings. They were against the regs, and I knew that I wouldn't do anything to break those regulations. But when I kissed you...all of those thoughts flew out the window. The strength of my feelings for you terrified me. I knew then that my career wasn't as important to me as it once was, and if you had shown any sign of reciprocating my feelings, I would have thrown it away with both hands. I was scared of change, I guess. For so long, my career, the Navy, was all I had. When faced with a decision...I took the coward's way out, and ran. Then, when I heard you had requested a transfer...I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Sarah...why did you transfer?" He looked at her expectantly.

Mac inhaled deeply. She had been expecting a question like this. "I couldn't see you again, AJ. Not after you hurt me like that." He opened his mouth to speak, and Mac put a finger to his lips, quieting him. "AJ, I had loved you for so long, and had had to hide those feelings, even from myself, for the same amount of time...that letting those feelings show was a great relief. Of course, that relief was short-lived," she said, letting out a bitter laugh, "considering the fact that you just ran. AJ, I let down my defenses for you. I let you see the real me, the one I haven't revealed for a long time. I let you in, and you kicked me down. And then, when you didn't come by for three weeks...when you didn't even try to contact me...I felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest." She choked on a sob. "I couldn't see you again, because I knew I would have flung myself at you and begged you to never let go."

Tears came to AJ's eyes as he saw the extent of the pain he had inflicted on this wonderful woman. He reached out and took her in his arms. "Oh, god, Sarah, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you again. I can't promise that I won't. You know what they say--'you only hurt the ones you love.'"

Mac looked up at him, eyes wide, tears still trickling down her cheeks. "Do you love me, AJ?" She held her breath.

He gazed at her incredulously. 'How can she still question that?' Then he realized that he had never said the words aloud, and that she needed to hear them. He smiled softly. She had the answer from the light in his eyes. "Yes, Sarah. I love you."

Those three simple words had such a glorious effect on Mac's features that AJ swore she would hear them every day for the rest of her life. Her eyes just lit up, like someone had turned on a switch. She graced him with the most beautiful smile AJ had ever seen. Then, she answered, "Good. Because I love you, too, AJ Chegwidden, and I'm not letting you go."

At the look of intense pleasure and happiness on AJ's face, Mac made the same silent vow AJ had made. She wouldn't let a day go by without telling this man, the man she loved with all her heart, just how much he meant to her.

Pulling her closer, AJ gently brushed his lips over hers. Mac sighed, circling her arms around his neck. It was a soft kiss, but full of passion, nonetheless. They sat like this for a few minutes, arms wrapped around each other, lips barely touching.

AJ ran his tongue along the seam of Mac's lips, and she opened to him. When Mac felt AJ's tongue sliding along hers, she moaned. AJ didn't back away this time; instead, he deepened the kiss. Leaning back, Mac pulled AJ down with her.

Breaking the kiss, AJ nipped and kissed his way up Mac's jawline to her ear. Sucking her earlobe into his mouth, he swirled his tongue around it. Mac gasped and began squirming beneath him. Chuckling, AJ started to nibble down Mac's neck. He skimmed his hands over the smooth material of her dress. They ran down her arms...over her hips...back up to her breasts.

Mac stopped squirming and started pressing her body into AJ's in an effort to get closer. She raked her hands up his back and across his scalp, eliciting a groan from him. AJ stopped moving his hands and rested them lightly on her breasts. Mac whimpered as AJ tugged the bodice of the dress down, revealing her breasts. She gasped, her eyes snapping open, when she felt AJ's lips brush her nipple through the fabric of her bra. She looked down at AJ, who had a wolfish grin on his face. He eased open the front clasp of her bra and covered her breasts with his broad palms, massaging them briefly. He lowered his mouth to one, licking and nipping at it. He started at the outside, working his way towards the center. He sucked her nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it, causing shivers throughout her body. Mac felt the desire coursing through her veins like wildfire. She moaned deep in her throat, grasping AJ's head and holding it to her. The noises Mac was making went straight to AJ's groin. He rocked his hips into hers, pressing his erection into Mac's soft heat. Mac began to undulate against AJ, attempting to ease the sweet tension humming throughout her body. "AJ, please," she whimpered.

AJ looked up at Mac's face. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes heavy-lidded and bright with desire. Her breath was coming in short pants. Her breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze, red and swollen from his lips and teeth. "Touch me, AJ," she whispered huskily. This, and the inviting look in her eyes, almost broke the tight rein he had over his control...but not quite. "No, Sarah, not yet," he said hoarsely, breathing deeply, trying to calm his body's reaction to the sight.

Mac sat up, eyes blazing. The mood was broken. "What do you mean, not yet?" she demanded harshly. She started straightening her clothing.

AJ grabbed her hands and held them tightly in his. "Look at me. Sarah, look at me," he commanded. She looked, and he continued. "Sarah, I want the first time we make love to be special. I don't want it to be a quickie on the couch. I want you in my bed, where I can love you all night long, in the way you deserve. Besides...this is only our first date. Are you really the type of woman who sleeps with a man on the first date?" he teased gently, trying to cajole her back into good spirits. It worked.

Mac chuckled, sending a wave of desire washing through AJ again. "AJ, when the man looks like you...and makes me feel the way you do...there's a lot I'll do on the first date." She sobered. "But I understand what you mean. And if you think about it, I haven't even been out of your command for a month. If we start a relationship this soon, people may talk."

"Truthfully, Sarah, I haven't given that much thought. But you're right. Although, I do think that they would be a bit afraid to gossip behind our backs. So...are you upset with me for wanting to wait?" he asked, a bit hesitantly.

"No, AJ...but the next time I stay at your house, I expect the sleeping arrangements to be a bit different!" He laughed, relieved that she wasn't angry with him.

"Believe me, Sarah, so do I!" he growled in her ear. Mac convulsed at the sound of his voice.

"AJ, don't do that unless you want me to take you here on the couch!" she breathed urgently.

His eyes flamed with lust at the image that popped into his mind, but he remained true to his word. "Not yet, Marine; but soon!" He stood, and helped Mac to her feet. He led her to the guest bedroom, and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Any more, and we'll end up against the wall."

Mac smiled seductively. "That doesn't seem like such a bad place. Against the wall...on the couch...on the table...in the bathtub..."

"Sarah!" AJ groaned. "You're not playing fair!"

She took pity on him and said, "Good night, AJ." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. He kissed her forehead and said, "Good night, Sarah."

AJ groaned as he closed the door to his bedroom. It had taken all of his discipline and self-control to walk away and leave them both wanting. He hoped Mac understood why he wanted to wait. He wanted their first time to be something she would never forget.

Mac sighed, and closed the door at the same time AJ closed his. 'I wish I could be in there right now!' she thought, turning to prepare for bed. 'I know his reasoning behind waiting, but...we've waited for seven years!' She smirked, her mind turning to ways of breaking down his restraint. It wouldn't be easy, but...she would think of something.