Never Could Have Been Worse

Chaotic Orchid Angel

Rated: R

Disclaimer: J.V. hates me. He gives me nothing.

Author's Note: I am in desperate need of a beta reader! Anyone who wants the job should email me. Please!

BTW: I apologize for making this chapter so short. I get my inspiration at ungodly hours and it's starting to catch up with me. Tired eyed do not good proofreaders make. (One reason why I need a beta!)

Chapter Four

Dib awoke the next morning with his little sister in his arms. As the sunlight streamed through the bedroom curtains, he reflected on the previous nights' events. She tried to kill herself. Again. The first time was bad enough, but this time he watched her try to slice her wrist open. If he hadn't arrived when he did, she would have succeeded.

She sighed softly and twisted to get comfortable. She looked so peaceful at the moment, sleep erasing the torments she endured during consciousness. He gently moved a piece of hair that shifted onto her face out of the way.

Gaz had fought tooth and nail for control of that razor. She had succeeded in cutting a bit of her skin while she fought him and in an effort to make her stop, he followed the first thing that came to his mind and kissed her. To say she was stunned was putting it mildly. She ceased her grappling and stood completely still. When he released her lips, she looked at him uncertainly and collapsed in his arms, sobbing so piteously he thought the whole world hear her pain. He buried his face in her violet hair and squeezed her tightly. For the second time in her life, she cried herself to sleep in his arms.

He resolved that he would not get away without talking to him this time. She would talk to him and if needed, he would find her a good psychiatrist. He needed to call his father to let him know what happened and he would make him listen. But for now, he would hold her. The sound of her rhythmic breathing was like a lullaby and he drifted back to sleep.

Gaz slowly opened her eyes. Something was holding her in place. Her first instinct was to fight off whatever the intruder was, but then she remembered what it was. More specifically, who it was. She calmed down and relaxed into her brother's embrace. She could feel his breath on her neck coming down in long relaxed breaths. He was still sleeping. She didn't want to wake him.

Her eyes surveyed the surroundings. They were still in her room, sleeping on her bed. She took a moment to spread her gaze. She loved her room. Her safehaven from the world. She redecorated it when she was sixteen. The walls were painted a dark shade of lavender, and she hung gauzy black curtains over her windows. Her desk was in the corner by her closet and her t.v. was faced directly across her bed. Her bed. The crowning glory of her room. It was a beautiful black wrought-iron canopy bed from which she draped black and violet gauze curtains around. Her bed was her favorite place in the whole world. Not only was it beautiful, it was also very comfortable. She felt at peace in this room. She had originally intended to kill herself in this room for her first attempt. Her plans did not go as she expected.

She had planned on taking an overdose of sleeping medication in her bed the night before skool. When she went to the bathroom and opened the bottle, she tripped on the rug and spilled all the contents into the sink. The sink that was running water to fill her water glass. To say she was disappointed was an understatement. The next morning before skool, she stopped at the drugstore and bought a new bottle. She planned to do it again that night at home. The rest of the day proved to be tedious and with all the negative emotions and thoughts racing through her head, she decided to kill herself right there on skool grounds. Her plan failed once again. She was discovered and taken to the hospital.

Her relationship with her father was the straw that broke the camel's back. Though her early childhood, he had been around for her and Dib. Their mother had died shortly after Gaz's birth and they had no other family. By the time they had reached middle skool, their father had grown distant. He became the most esteemed scientist on the planet and his work sent him off to distant places, hardly giving him time to see his children. When they entered high skool, his relationship with them was almost non-existent. He still didn't know she had tried to kill herself. Coming to terms with the truth, Gaz realized that she still loved her father, but she would never be able to forgive him.

She had manage to convince Dib that she would be okay from then on. She tried convincing herself that she was fine, but deep down, she knew the truth. She hated life. She believed that there was no reason for her to live. Every day she felt the pain of living. It didn't help that she was a teenaged girl in high skool, spending the majority of her time with people who didn't give a flying fuck about her. She tried to fight her pain by fighting the world. Her misanthropic views on life and her "who gives a fuck" attitude was her arsenal. She fought long and hard and now she was sick of it. She wanted peace and she found peace in death.

She felt tears roll down her cheek and made no attempt to stop them this time. There was just no fucking point. She buried her face the pillow next to her and sobbed.

Dib woke at the sound of her crying. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let her cry. She needed to let it out. She had been holding all her emotions in for so long, it was no wonder she had snapped. He would let her cry until there were no more tears left in her tear ducts. After all, she was only human.