Never Could Have Been Worse
Chaotic Orchid Angel
Rated: R
Disclaimer: I still don't own it and I don't want it! (Whines like Tallest Purple: I don't like it!)
Author's Note: Still makin' do without a beta. Sighs. If it sucks, it's not my fault! Well, okay it is. Sorry.
Chapter Five
Swirls of steam drifted from the cup of cocoa. She blew a puff of air into the liquid, hoping to cool it down. She was stalling. Dib sat across from her, waiting patiently and expectantly. She sighed. Might as well get over with.
"Where do want me to start," she asked, refusing to meet his gaze.
"How about from the beginning," he replied.
They didn't leave the table for two hours.
"I can't believe I told you all that," she whispered. She felt so exposed.
Dib reached over and took her hand into his. "I'm glad you did."
She flinched a bit when he took her hand. She wasn't used to all the physical contact she had been receiving over the past twelve hours. It wasn't bad, just a little strange. She usually shied away from any touches she received. She took a deep breath and tried to relax. It wasn't working.
"I feel… I don't know what I feel!" she said. "I feel weak and I hate that! I want to go out and hit something but at the same time I just want to curl up and cry, and that makes me even angrier! I don't cry!" she exclaimed.
She snatched her hand back and jumped up to begin pacing the kitchen.
"I don't understand any of this and its driving me crazy! What the fuck is wrong with me?" she cried.
He didn't know what to say. He tried to approach her.
"Don't come near me!" she hissed. She was getting that wild look in her eyes again.
He reached out for her.
"Don't fucking touch me Dib!"
"It's not your fault Gaz," he said quietly. She snarled at him.
"Leave me alone! I don't want your help!"
"It is not your fault," he repeated. She was near breaking point again. Tears welled in her eyes.
"Not again! No more tears!" she screamed.
"Gaz…" he tried to speak.
"Shut up Dib! I hate you! I fucking hate you! I told you everything and now look how weak I've become! I hate you!" Tears were falling down her cheeks in rivers. "You say you care but do you really? I bet you're just waiting for this to end so you can go back to playing 'Paranormal Investigator'. Fine, go. Go play with Zim and forget about me. Everyone else does! Fuck it! I don't fucking care anymore!"
She screamed and fell to the floor in a heap. She flinched when Dib cautiously put his hand on her back. When she didn't attempt to remove it, he rubbed her back soothingly, like he did when they were small and she had a bad tummy ache.
She slowly lifted her head and whispered in a low voice, "I'm sorry Dib."
"I know."
She faced him and for the first time looked him straight in the eye.
"When did you get to be so smart?"
He gave a small chuckle. "About twelve hours ago."
She reached out and hugged him. "Thanks Dib."
"You're welcome. And you're wrong. Like I told you last night, I do care about you. I care because I love you. I know that most of the time I am not the ideal brother and I act like an idiot but I do love you Gaz. You're my baby sister, how could I not love you?"
"Most of the time?" she teased.
He smiled and squeezed her tighter. "I'll say it as many times as I need to in order for you to understand how much I mean it."
"Just not in public, then I really would disown you Dib."
They held each other for awhile contentedly.
"We're going to have to call Dad. He really needs to know about this Gaz," Dib said.
"I don't want to," she stated. Dib inwardly sighed. He knew she would fight about this.
"He needs to be told. Despite his faults, he is still our father. Besides, if we decide to send you to a hospital," her eyes widened at that," we need him to sign you in. You aren't eighteen yet and I'm not your legal guardian."
She broke away from his grasp. "You would send me away?" she asked, unbelieving of what he had just told her.
This could get very tedious. "Gaz, you need help. This is serious. You tried to kill yourself again. You're experiencing something to strong for you to handle. You need to be somewhere where you can learn how to overcome it. You need to be in a place where qualified people can help you. It's for your own good!"
"Who are you to call me crazy?" she asked. She stood in front of the window, staring at the outside world go about its business, oblivious to her pain.
"I'm not saying you're crazy. I'm saying that you are depressed. It's not insanity. You won't go to the Crazy House for Girls and you won't be locked away for the rest of your life. I can guarantee three days. A week tops." He stared at her figure in the window. She looked so tiny and fragile at the moment. He was amazed at her strength, but he knew she wouldn't last very much longer.
"Trust me Gaz. I've never lied to you, not about anything important. I wouldn't lie to you about this," he pleaded with her.
"You lied about Bitey the Vampire. He was my favorite stuffed vampire."
He smiled in spite of himself. He knew she would bring that up.
"Please Gaz? Let's not worry about hospitals right now and just call Dad. I'll make him listen this time, I swear."
He heard her sigh of defeat. "Fine. Call him. I have nothing to say to him at the moment. If he wants to talk to me, he can do it in person, not on a video monitor. And you can tell him I said that."
"Thank you Gaz." He reached for the phone and dialed the memorized number. He breathed in a sigh of relief when he heard his father's voice.
"Dad, I need to tell you something, and it's really important that you listen. Gaz needs help…"
Gaz narrowed her eyes in disgust. She walked out of the kitchen and went back to her bedroom. She curled up on her bed and clutched her second favorite stuffed animal, Ebony Werewolf. She could hear Dib talking to her father from up there. She clutched Ebony tighter. What if he did come home? What would he say? For the first time, Gaz was afraid of her father. She was terrified because she knew that his final actions would be the ones that would either save her or destroy her. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Dib walk in.
"Gaz?" he called out. She jumped, startled by the sound of his voice.
"What did he say?" she asked reluctantly. He sat down beside her.
"He'll be home in a week," he replied quietly.
"Wow," Gaz snorted, "a week. He sure is dropping everything to rush to my aid," she finished bitterly.
Dib only nodded. "At least he's coming."
Gaz flung her head back on her pillow. "So what now?"
"Now I call skool and tell them that we won't be in for a week. I'll say that we've caught the flu or something."
She looked at him strangely. "Why?"
He met her gaze and said, "So I can take care of you."
She felt the love in his words and gave him a watery smile.
" …I…" she struggled to say the right words. Her emotions were on overload so she said the first and easiest thing that came to mind.
"I love you Dib."
I am not turning Gaz into a big softie freak. She is still the badass we all know and love; she's just having an emotional breakdown. She will rise again!
