Part Thirteen

Jeff was awakened by something hitting him on the head. He muttered to himself. These days, he was used to waking up and finding at least one of the younger boys snuggled between himself and Lucy. He turned over to see who the perpetrator of his rude awakening was, only to find that it was his own dear wife who had clobbered him. Jeff turned to look at the clock on his bedside cabinet. 6.03am. He was surprised that Alan wasn't awake yet, yelling the house down and expecting the rest of his family to share his enthusiasm of being up at the crack of dawn. He looked back at Lucy. The movement of her eyes beneath the lids and her breathing suggested that she wasn't far from waking up herself. Over the years, her body clock seemed to have adjusted itself to wake up early even if none of the boys got to her first. He smiled at her, then lay on his back, arms folded underneath his head. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now that he was awake, so he decided to lay back and enjoy the rare moment of early morning tranquillity. Beside him, Lucy turned over and sighed in her sleep. He looked at her and was tempted to wrap her in a hug but decided to let her be. It was enough that the boys woke her up without him vying for her attention too. She seemed to sense his thoughts however, for she turned back over and looked at him.

"Morning," Jeff said. Lucy smiled at him and raised herself up on her elbow to look at the clock on Jeff's cabinet. She flopped back down and snuggled under the covers, closing her eyes again.

"It's amazing that Alan's not awake yet," Jeff said.

"Give him another few minutes," Lucy replied. Jeff snuggled up to her and she automatically placed an arm around his shoulders. She smiled when he kissed her forehead and opened her eyes again.

"What are you after?" she asked.

"You," he replied, with a smile.

"I think that you got me a long time ago," she said. A crash from Alan's room interrupted his parent's love-in. They sighed in unison. Lucy gave her husband a kiss and disentangled herself from their embrace.

"I'd better go and see to him before he breaks something," she said.

"I'll go and make a start on breakfast," Jeff replied.

Soon, the usual Saturday morning operation was underway to get five boys fed, washed and dressed. Since Jeff had made changes in the way he ran his business, he found that he had more time at the weekends to spend with his family. He and Lucy usually divided the boys up between them depending on who was doing what. They rarely took all five out together as pandemonium usually ensued. Today, Jeff was taking charge of the three eldest, whilst Lucy had the youngest two. Scott was currently into baseball and had practice on Saturdays. Virgil had a piano lesson. He didn't usually have them at the weekend, but his teacher couldn't make the usual time. Virgil had begged his parents for piano lessons because two of his friends had started playing. They agreed, but Jeff made him promise that he had to keep them up for six months even if he didn't like them. Jeff wasn't into throwing his hard-earned money away. To his parent's delight, Virgil not only enjoyed playing the instrument, but showed a real gift for it. So, they duly purchased an old upright piano, which had use from all members of the family, whether they were talented or not. Lucy could play the piano and had taken music at school, but she had never been interested in doing anything more with it. After shaking off her initial rustiness, she often sat with Virgil whilst he practiced. She had helped Virgil write his first song, a little rhyme about Barney and Lucky, their pet rabbits. The elder boys had wanted a dog, but as Jeff wasn't a pet person, something a little less conspicuous was decided upon.

Meanwhile, John had been invited to a birthday party, and had been appropriately groomed for the occasion. He was waiting with Virgil, watching his brother play a simple tune on the piano. In the living room, Lucy was playing with Alan and Gordon. Alan was now two and a half years old, and a handful when he wanted to be. When he was quiet, he looked just like a little cherub, with his blonde curls and bright blue eyes. Lucy called him her 'devil in disguise'. Right now, she was chasing her little angel-come-devil and his red-haired brother around the sofa. She caught Alan and began tickling him. Gordon, not wanting to be left out, came over and allowed himself to be 'caught' as well. She tickled both the boys, making them squeal with laughter, until they had enough. She scooped them up into a hug and kissed each of them. Jeff came into the room and she looked up at him with a smile.

"We're almost ready to go," he said. Lucy let her mischievous youngest sons go and tussle with each other. She stood up and followed Jeff into the hallway.

"Have you got John's present for Ritchie?" she asked.

"Right here," Jeff replied, picking it up from a small table. Lucy called for John and Virgil, whilst Jeff went to find Scott. John came running immediately at the sound of his mother's voice and went and hugged her.

"Looking forward to the party?" Lucy asked him. He nodded. Lucy ruffled his hair.

"Go and get your smart shoes on," she said. John obliged, always willing to do as his mother asked. Lucy saw Scott appear, dressed in his baseball kit. He'd been getting a bit of a superior attitude recently and Lucy wondered where her adorable baby had gone. The eye-rolling, the flippant remarks, the cavalier tone…

…for the first time, Lucy saw herself in her eldest. I guess that's karma for my mother, she thought wryly.

He was about to walk straight past her out of the front door without acknowledgement when she impulsively grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

"Don't I get a goodbye?" she asked.

"Mom! I'm not a baby," he protested. Lucy smiled at her eleven-year-old son and hugged him even closer.

"Oh, you'll always be my baby, Scott, even when you're as old as Dad," she said, in that purposefully embarrassing manner only mothers could manage.

"Who's old?" Jeff asked, escorting Virgil towards the front door.

"She said you were," Scott said, escaping his mother's grip.

"I did not," Lucy answered, watching Scott make his way to Jeff's car, followed by Virgil and John.

"You're only a couple of years behind me," Jeff warned, good-naturedly. Lucy smiled back at him.

"I'll see you later," she said. Jeff nodded at her as he stepped out of the door, a yell from Scott, worried about being late for baseball, giving him the hurry-up. Lucy turned her attention back to the two remaining boys in the living room, who were now intent on killing each other. She hid a smile as she watched them rolling around on the floor, pulling at each other's hair, eight little limbs thrashing about in a furious bundle.

"Right, that's enough," she said, trying not to laugh. They ignored her, so she stepped in and picked up the first one she could get hold of. It was Gordon.

"We've got to get ready to go out," she said to him, firmly. He just smiled goofily at her. When it came to disciplining the boys, Scott would scowl and be offended at the notion he was in the wrong, Virgil would get puppy-eyed in the hope of breaking his parent's resolve and John, if he didn't cry outright, would hide away. Gordon on the other hand, would just smile and laugh, as if nothing were wrong and whatever he'd done had just been a joke. Even now as she looked sternly at him, his amber eyes were full of merriment. As with the other boys, Lucy didn't give in – but it was hard not to sometimes. She turned to look for Alan, only to find that he had wandered off into the hallway. She sighed. It was always a nightmare trying to deal with the youngest pair at the same time. Perhaps because of their closeness in age, they had a certain dynamic between them, feeding off each other's mischief. Her mind, by now well used to the ways of little boys, quickly worked out the least painful way of solving the problem. With a determined look in her eyes, Lucy prepared to get Alan and Gordon ready to go out.


Jeff glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. Lucy was taking her time. He'd collected Virgil from his piano lesson and brought him home. A little later and he had collected John from the birthday party he was attending. He didn't have to worry about Scott immediately as he was going to a friend's house straight from his baseball practice. Jeff had been surprised to find that Lucy still wasn't home with Gordon and Alan. Maybe she had decided to take the boys for an ice cream or to the park. She usually called or left a message on his phone if she was going to take more than half an hour longer than originally planned, but there had been nothing. Jeff decided to try and call her. Straight through to voicemail. She probably had to deal with one of the boys. It was unusual that she was so late and hadn't been in touch at all. He put the thought to one side and concentrated on helping Virgil complete the Meccano model digger set he'd got for his birthday. John hadn't come down from his room yet, Jeff having earlier told him to get changed when he came home from the party. He had likely picked up a book and become engrossed in that. Suddenly, his phone rang. Thinking that it must be Lucy, Jeff grabbed it off the table only to note that it wasn't her. He answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"I'd like to speak to Mr Tracy, please." The voice was clear and professional and for those reasons, instinctively made Jeff uneasy.

"Speaking."

"Mr Tracy, I'm Doctor Ivan Malloy at the Massachusetts General Hospital. I regret to have to inform you that your wife has been involved in an accident and is currently receiving treatment from us." Jeff's stomach suddenly knotted itself into a little ball. He glanced at Virgil who looked back at Jeff with curiosity, sensing a change in his father's mood. Jeff stood up.

"One moment, please," was all he said to the doctor. He moved to another room, shutting the door before speaking again.

"What sort of accident? How is she?"

"There was an incident involving multiple vehicles on the Interstate. Your wife had to undergo some theatre and is now being cared for in intensive care."

"Two of my sons were with her. Are they okay?"

"Your sons escaped any serious injury and are currently being looked after by nurses in our children's department. They will be able to go home when you come to the hospital," the doctor told him. Jeff breathed a partial sigh of relief. The boys were okay. But their mother… He had to get to that hospital. He told the doctor that he would be along shortly. After finishing the conversation, he told Virgil to watch John whilst he went next door. Fortunately, Terri was in, and came around straight away to keep an eye on the two boys who seemed a little confused by the abrupt change in their day, but they liked Terri, and she soon managed to distract their thoughts. On his way out, Jeff made a call to the mother of Scott's friend, asking if it was okay for Scott to stay longer. She was fine about it, even offering to keep Scott for the night if the need arose. She promised not to mention the accident to Scott. Jeff made another phone call, driving as fast as he dared at the same time, mindful that it was a traffic accident that had put his wife in hospital.

"Mother? If I give you my credit card details, and Dad makes the call, how quickly do you think you can fly over here?"


Upon arrival at the hospital, Jeff's first call was to see Gordon and Alan. Apart from being shaken and having some minor cuts and bruises, they were physically fine. They had had a lucky escape. The front of the car had taken all the impact against the truck it had unavoidably ended up crashing into in the chaos of the pile-up. The youngsters were glad to see their father, though Jeff noticed Gordon was understandably subdued.

"Where's Mommy?"

"She's being looked after by the doctors," Jeff told him.

"She wouldn't wake up." Gordon's small voice conveyed his confusion. His father had nothing to say that could ease this and merely wrapped the boy in another hug. Despite his relief at the relative well-being of his youngest two boys, Jeff was desperate to see their mother. He dispatched the pair back into the care of the nurses and left to make his way to the intensive care unit. Dr Malloy was on hand to meet him.

"Mr Tracy," he said, shaking his hand.

"How is she?" Jeff asked.

"As I told you, we had to operate on Lucille to stabilise her and try to address some of the injuries sustained. These include internal injuries and fractures; consequently, there was a lot of blood loss. We've given her transfusions but I'm afraid that we've also had to induce a coma to see if that will help her recover," Dr Malloy said. Jeff just stared at him.

"You're saying that she might not make it?" he asked. A sudden, dreadful fear gripped him.

"We're doing the best we can for Lucille," Dr Malloy replied, gently. "I'll take you to her." He led Jeff to where Lucy was being treated. Jeff drew in a sharp breath. There on the bed was Lucy, though she was barely recognisable underneath all the bandages and tubes. Jeff felt his mouth go dry as he tried to make sense of what he was seeing.

"Is there anyone who you would like me to call for you?" Dr Malloy asked.

"No, thank you," Jeff replied. "I've dealt with that."

"Okay. I'll leave you alone with her. I suggest that the best thing to do is to talk to her," the doctor said.

"Talk to her?"

"Yes, absolutely. It's recommended – it may help provide comfort," Dr Malloy told him. Jeff just nodded his head and sat down in a chair next to Lucy's bed.

"If you need anything, just ask one of the nurses," the doctor said. Jeff simply nodded his head again as Dr Malloy left the room. He sat staring at Lucy, noting the bruising on what he could see of her face. Nothing seemed to be going through his numbed mind. Eventually he found himself taking hold of her hand.

"Hi Sweetie, it's me," he began. He took a cautious look around the room, feeling self-conscious.

"Gordon and Alan are okay. My mother should be picking them up soon, when she arrives from the farm." He swallowed, willing away a lump that had formed in his throat. He looked again at the motionless figure in the bed. It was so wrong to see her so still. Where was her smile, which lit up her hazel-brown eyes? Why silence instead of her soft, warm voice?

"Lucy. Tell me this is a joke or that I'm just dreaming. You're going to be fine, aren't you? Everything's going to be just fine."


He couldn't have said how long he sat there with Lucy, willing her to get better, reliving anecdotes from their years together. His mother arrived at what must have been around early evening. Josie burst into tears as soon as she set eyes on her daughter-in-law. She tried to persuade her son to take a break from his vigil, but he refused, save to make arrangements for his mother to collect Scott from his friend's place and take him home along with Gordon and Alan.

"Mother… Scott, Virgil and John. Are you okay to tell them? About the accident? I don't think I'm going to be home before their bedtimes." For the first time in many years, if not ever, Josie saw fear in her son's eyes, even though his voice remained eerily collected. The grandchildren were important, of course, but Jeff was still her son and despite being a grown man, he needed her now.

"Of course, Jeff. You just concentrate on Lucy." She hesitatingly gave him a hug. He gave her his keys and directions on how to reach the part of the hospital where Gordon and Alan were. Josie left the hospital with her youngest grandsons, deeply troubled, not just for Lucy, but for Jeff as well. She did the only thing she could in the circumstances and threw herself into looking after all five of her grandchildren. Meanwhile, Jeff stayed with Lucy, the minutes running into hours as the night passed by. He refused anything to eat but accepted the odd cup of coffee that a nurse brought him. The doctors coming in and out of the room seemed almost invisible to him. If he had paid attention to them, he would have noticed the worried glances that they gave each other.

In those hours, to Jeff it was as though the two of them existed in their own separate world, as he repeatedly told Lucy that she would pull through, trying to convince himself as much as her, if she could indeed hear him. The next interruption came when Dr Malloy came to see him. For the first time, Jeff noticed the clock on the wall and was surprised to see that it was just after nine o'clock in the morning. The doctor persuaded Jeff to leave Lucy for a few minutes so that they could talk outside.

"As you know, we've been monitoring Lucille all night," he began. He paused and looked Jeff in the eyes.

"I'm afraid that the signs are she isn't going to recover," he said, gravely.

"She's only been in one night. Give her a little more time," Jeff answered. Dr Malloy shook his head, sadly.

"The monitors and tests are telling us that the only thing keeping her alive is the life support," he said. Jeff looked back at him.

"You're asking me to switch it off, aren't you?" he asked, his voice low.

"I appreciate that it is not an easy decision, and it is not one that we come to lightly, either, however, under the circumstances, it is the most appropriate option," Dr Malloy replied. Jeff seemed bewildered for a moment, but then his mouth set in a grim line.

"I want a second opinion," he said.

"Mr Tracy…"

"That is my wife in there, Doctor, the mother of my children. I'm not going to pull the plug just like that," Jeff replied. He wasn't shouting, but he spoke in a manner that made Dr Malloy give in.

"Of course," he said. "I understand. I will arrange for her medical records to be sent to our partner contact now as a matter of urgency." After a couple of hours, the response was received, backing Dr Malloy's decision. It still took much persuasion to get Jeff to accept that Lucy was beyond help. He watched, stony faced, as they removed as much of the wires and tubes as they could before letting Jeff be alone with her for the last few moments. He took hold of her hand again and stroked the side of her cheek.

"I'm here Lucy," he said, softly, keeping his eyes on her until he knew that she had gone.

No goodbyes, no I love you's, no deathbed speeches.

It took Jeff's mind a second or so to catch up with what had just happened. Lucy was dead. She wasn't going to come home.

Lucy was dead.

Then the tears came, the toll of the past few hours too great for Jeff to cope with any longer. Jeff lowered his head, unable to prevent himself from sobbing, clinging onto his wife's now-lifeless hand, unable to let go. He would never let go…


It was a while later before Jeff arrived back home. Part of him didn't want to come back, but he knew that he had to, to tell his mother. To tell the boys. He snuck inside the house, somehow feeling a stranger. He found his mother in the kitchen, making a drink. She turned and looked at him, surprised that he hadn't called beforehand to let her know he was on the way.

"Jeff?" she asked, questioningly. He turned his head away, unable to say anything. Josie brought a hand up to her mouth, her eyes filling with tears.

"Oh no," she whispered. She recovered herself enough to reach out to her son. He waved her away.

"Where are the boys?" he asked.

"Gordon, Alan and Johnny are watching television. Scotty and Virgil are outside, as you can see," Josie replied. She noted her son's exhausted appearance. "Jeff, you don't…"

"I have to, Mother. The sooner, the better," he said.

"Do you want me to call Scott and Virgil?" Josie asked.

"Yes. I'm going to tell them and John together. The other two are too young to understand," Jeff said. Josie felt her heart break further as she realised that Gordon and Alan would be unlikely to remember anything about their mother when they were older. She looked at her own son and found herself worrying for him again. She knew well how much he kept things to himself. Lucy had helped ease that somewhat, but suddenly it seemed as if he had snapped shut again. In a situation such as this it wasn't healthy, and Josie was a little frightened at just how impassive Jeff seemed to be. She feared that he would try and bottle everything up until it came out at an inappropriate time, the worst-case scenario being that it would be directed at one or more of the boys. The thought of Lucy, so beautiful and full of life, no longer being around brought the tears to Josie's eyes again. She pulled herself together. She could grieve later when she returned to Kansas. Her help was needed here. She looked at Jeff.

"Where do you want me to send Scott and Virgil?" she asked.

"Tell them to come to my study," Jeff replied, and left the room to get John.

"Is Mommy better yet?" John asked, as he was escorted to his father's study. Jeff hushed him, and waited for Scott and Virgil to come, which they did after a couple of minutes. Jeff looked at each of them, noting their expressions – John expectant, Virgil nonchalant and Scott worried, but trying to hide it.

He knows something is up, Jeff thought. He tried to focus on what he was about to say, but he had no idea of how to say it.

"Boys…" he began. "I have something to tell you about your mother." He saw that they were waiting for him to continue.

"She was very poorly after the accident she had yesterday in the car with Gordon and Alan," Jeff said. He tried to search for a way of putting it.

"The doctors couldn't make her better," he said. "I'm sorry, boys… I'm sorry, but your mother is dead." The last few words just came tumbling out of his mouth. Scott immediately turned and ran out of the room.

"Scott!" Jeff called after him sharply, but it was no use. He looked back at John and Virgil. They both looked bewildered.

"But why?" Virgil asked quietly. Jeff put a hand on his shoulder and did the same to John.

"Sometimes when people get hurt… Sometimes it's too much…"

"I want Mommy," John interrupted, his cheeks reddening.

"I know, son."

"I want Mommy," John repeated, insistent, tears forming in his sky-blue eyes. Jeff held his middle child close as the boy began to sob, his small fist clutching tightly onto his father's shirt, his body shaking. It was enough to set Virgil off, although not as violently as his brother. He too was drawn into his father's embrace.

Jeff closed his eyes against more tears of his own, trying to focus on comforting the two boys. Yesterday had started so normally and now the world was upside down, dark. He felt a pang inside when it suddenly occurred to him that he was going to have to contact Lucy's family and tell them. He dreaded to think of how Caroline would take the news. Jeff had worked so hard to convince Lucy's mother that he was someone who would take good care of her precious daughter, and now he was going to have to tell her that she was dead, barely six years after her husband had passed away.


The following days passed in a blur. His mother was a blessing for helping out with the boys. Five children, each with their own distinct personality, meant five different ways of processing what had happened. Consequently, Jeff's own grief took a backseat to supporting his children. Despite doing his best to look controlled, inside he was torn up. The first couple of nights after Lucy's death he had spent on the sofa, unable to bring himself to sleep in their bed. This came to an end following John screaming the house down in the middle of the night, having had a nightmare and then being unable to find his father, leaving Jeff with a horrible guilt for failing his boys before their mother was even in the ground. Josie had tried to talk to him about his own wellbeing, but he had brushed her away each time. He didn't want to talk. Lucy had been the centre of his world for so long, and he wasn't ready to start rebuilding yet. Not that he had time to, what with the boys and legalities to sort out, a funeral to arrange and people to contact. For the first time in his life, Jeff chickened out of something. Unable to bear contacting his mother-in-law, he'd called Lucy's brother instead, not that it made delivering the news easy. Jeff arranged to pay for the flights of his in-laws and offered them to stay in the family home, hoping that them seeing the boys and vice-versa would provide some comfort for everyone. Besides Lucy, three other people had died in the pile-up. In itself, the accident would have got some publicity, but when the media got wind of the fact that one of the victims was the wife of ex-astronaut Jeff Tracy, owner of the fast growing Tracy Industries, the event got nationwide coverage. For the press, it was the perfect human interest story – tragic accident leaves national hero a widower and five young boys without a mother. For Jeff, the short press intrusion was another thorn in his side that he could have done without. He'd hated it back in the day, and time hadn't lessened that, especially not under the circumstances of the renewed interest.


The day of Lucy's funeral was a warm, sunny one. The service was a simple one, for neither Lucy nor Jeff were religious, and Lucy had never been someone who wanted a big deal made out of things.

"Oh, you can just pop me in a bin bag and chuck me in the ground," she had joked once, when they had discussed arrangements in the event one of them passed away. Jeff had arranged for something a little less rash for the occasion, a service that he thought offered the love and respect that Lucy had from so many people, and reflected the person she had been; warm-hearted, humorous, determined. Certainly, it seemed to go down well with the many mourners. Jeff mingled with them when it was over.

"Jeff." A voice with a Texan accent made him turn around.

"Tom." Jeff faced his imagined rival, noting how drawn he seemed.

"I just want to say how sorry I am for you and the boys," Tom began. He was being genuine, and Jeff accepted his condolences with a nod of the head.

"Lucy was a beautiful person," Tom continued. "But I guess you don't need to be told that."

"No," Jeff replied, quietly.

"And at least you got to tell her…well…" Tom trailed off, unable to finish. If it had been any other occasion, Jeff might have enjoyed seeing him squirm. He had seen Tom Delaney at work on the television, delivering news bulletins and interviewing big names with consummate ease. To see him lost for words was a novelty. But Lucy had tired of the silent war between Jeff and Tom a long time ago. Jeff did the only decent thing that he could. He offered his hand to Tom.

"Thank you for coming," he said. Tom took his hand and shook it.

"It was the least I could do," he replied. Jeff watched him disappear into the crowd. Amazing that after all these years, Tom still held a light for Lucy. But if he had loved her as much as Jeff had done, it shouldn't be a surprise. Jeff suddenly felt older than his thirty-seven years. He knew that Lucy lived on through each of the boys, and her presence was still felt in the house, but it would never be the same as if she were still alive. His mother came over to him.

"We're ready to go, if you are, Jeff," she said. Jeff took a last look around.

"Yes. I suppose I'm ready," he said. Josie looked at him sceptically, knowing that Jeff was far from ready for most things until he could begin to come to terms with Lucy's death. Perhaps she could help start that. She took Jeff's arm as they began to walk over to where the cars were parked.

"I think that the one thing about Lucy that stayed with me today was her ability to keep going no matter what obstacles were placed in her way," Josie said. Jeff knew what she was trying to do.

"Mother…" he began, but she interrupted him.

"Listen to me, Jeff. Just bear this in mind. Surely the best way to honour a person's memory is to take inspiration from them, instead of lamenting them?" Her eyes carried a certain determined look that Jeff was familiar with.

"I guess you're right," he finally mumbled. Josie smiled at him.

"I'm your mother, Jefferson. I'm always right," she said. Jeff managed a small smile, which Josie was glad to see. She knew then at that point that somehow, someday, Lucy's death would not be meaningless, which would be the most precious memorial of all.

The End.


Author's Note: This story came out of an idea to fill out the background of Jeff Tracy, and to make Lucille more than a piano playing baby machine. I thought it would be a fairly short story, but it's turned into the longest thing I've ever written, and been far more successful than I ever thought it would be. Thank you for all the reviews – I'm glad people have enjoyed it.