Madrox Studios Presents: Blazing Mutants!

"He wore a blazing saddle, he wore a shining star, his job to offer battle, to bad men near and far.

He conquered fear and he conquered hate, He turned our night into day, He made his blazing saddle a torch to light the way!

When outlaws ruled the west, and fear filled the land, A cry went up for a man with guts, to take the west in hand They needed a man who was brave and true, with justice for all his aim, When out of the sun rode a man with a gun, and Forge was his name, Yes Forge was his name!

He wore a blazing saddle, he wore a shining star, his job to offer battle, to bad men near and far.

He conquered fear and he conquered hate, He turned our night into day He made his blazing saddle a torch to light the way!"

"That's great, Scott!" said Jamie, sitting in his director's chair. "You'll be perfect for our intro singer,"

"Am I going to get an actual part in this movie?" Scott asked.

"Um, I'm still working on the casting. I'll let you know, ok?" Jamie said. He was working on his project for film school, and he had chosen to re- produce the classic movie, "Blazing Saddles".

As he poured over scripts, trying to decide which of his friends to cast for the appropriate roles in the movie, Xavier wheeled into the screening room.

"Professor, we're a little busy here today," Jamie said. "We've got 20 more people to cast, so I really can't be bothered right now,"

"Jamie, I wanted to have a word with you about your project," Xavier said, ignoring the aspiring director's complaints. "I don't know if you're aware of this, but Blazing Saddles was one of the most offensive movies of its time when it was first made. I'm afraid you're going to have to make some major revisions to the language of your movie, otherwise it's bound to offend the readers,"

"Professor! We can't go into re-writes now!" Jamie protested. "We shoot tomorrow!"

"Jamie," Xavier said sternly.

"Oh, fine," Jamie muttered, and paged his screenwriters to let them know that they would be working overtime yet again.

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Amara looked at her pager as it beeped. "He wants us to rewrite it AGAIN?!" she asked. "This is the fourth time!"

"We're gonna be up all night for this! I have school tomorrow!" Jubilee complained. "Why'd we agree to help him with this anyway?"

"Because if he goes to film school," Rahne said, "then he won't be around HERE anymore. Now come on, let's get started," she said, and the three mutants sat down to make more revisions to the script.

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The next day, Xavier approved the revisions, and they were ready to start filming. They configured the Danger Room to project a holographic image of the American West circa 1875, and began to shoot. Jamie took his place in his director's chair and took a look at his script.

"This is the best you could come up with?" Jamie asked Amara, pointing to a particular line.

"Well, we can't make any kind of racial or ethnic slurs, so this will have to do," she said. "Besides, it makes sense if you think about it, having mutants be freed slaves after the Civil War,"

"Alright, let's just start already," Jamie said, a bit upset at having to change the story. "Ok, places everyone, and ACTION!" he shouted.

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The camera panned across the scenic landscape of the Danger Room as Scott sang the opening credits. As he finished, the camera zoomed in on a stretch of railroad that snaked its way through the desert. Bobby, Ray, Sam, Amara, Roberto, Rahne, Kitty, Rogue, Evan, and several dozen people were working under the hot desert sun with picks, shovels, and hammers to lay track. They all had one thing in common; they were all mutants, most of whom were former slaves who were trying to earn a living after being liberated in the Civil War. Among them was Forge. Forge had been with the company for several months. He was an engineering genius, and with his mechanical arm was able to fashion any kind of tool and do just about any kind of job needed. However, his talents and his unique ability made him an object of scorn rather than praise in the eyes of his employers.

As Forge and the other men worked, a handcart carrying several men in cowboy outfits approached along the rails. It came to a stop, and Toad stepped down off the cart. He looked at the workers who were sweltering in the heat and shook his head.

"Come on, boys!" he shouted. "The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and shovels, you'd think it was 120 degrees. Can't be more than 114!" he said with a laugh. The other men on the cart laughed along with him. Suddenly, Ranhe keeled over, exhausted from the heat.

"Dock that mutie a day's pay for nappin' on the job," Toad said unsympathetically as some other workers picked up the collapsed mutant and carried him away. Toad turned back to the other workers. Forge watched Toad with an angry eye. He hated Toad for the way he treated the workers.

"Now come on, boys, where's your spirit?" Toad asked the dejected workers. "Why ain't you singin? Back when you were slaves, you sang like birds! Now come on, how about a good ol' mutie work song?"

Forge whispered to some of the other workers and then turned back to Toad and began to croon like Sammy Davis.

"I get no kick from champagne," he sang, while the other workers sang acapella behind him.

"Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all, so tell me, Why should it be true, that I get a belt out of you?"

The workers picked up the tempo on their backgrounds. "Ba bum bum ba bum ba bum," they sang as Forge continued into the next verse.

"Some get a kick from cocai-ai-aine,"

"Hold it, hold it! What the hell is that crap?" Toad asked. "I meant a real song, like Swing Low, Sweet Chariot," he sang.

"Swing Low, Sweet Chariot?" the workers asked, confused.

"Don't know that one, huh?" Toad said. "Well, how about The Camptown Ladies?"

"The Camptown Ladies?" Forge asked. "The Camptown Ladies?" echoed the workers.

"Oh, you know!" Toad said, and started waving his hands as he sung. "The Camptown ladies sing this song, doo dah, doo dah," The other men that were with Toad joined in and began dancing around.

"The camptown racetrack's five miles long, all the doo dah day. Gonna run all night, gonna ride all day, bet my money on the bobtail nag, somebody bet on the bay!"

Just then, shots rang out as Lance rode up on a horse. "What in the wide wide world of sports is going on here?" he asked angrily. "I hired you people to get some track laid, not dance around like a bunch of Kansas City fairies!"

"Sorry, Mr. Taggart!" Toad said apologetically. "Guess we kinda got caught up,"

"Listen, dummy," Lance said. "The surveyors say we might have run into some quicksand up ahead. Better check it out,"

"Ok, I'll send out a team of horses to check out the ground," Toad said.

Lance smacked Toad in the head, crushing his hat. "You dummy! We can't afford to lose no horses! Send over a couple of muties," he said.

"Yes, Mr. Taggert," Toad said as Lance rode off. He turned to the workers and saw his favorite targets of abuse. "You, and you," he said, pointing at Forge and Evan.

Forge took off his hat and walked up to Toad. "Sir," he said humbly. "He specifically requested two 'muties'. Well, to let you in on a family secret, my grandmother was human,"

Toad was unimpressed. "Get on that handcart and head down to the end of that line!" he ordered.

"Just trying to help you out," Forge said.

"Git!" Toad shouted, and Forge and Evan climbed onto the cart and started pushing.

"You said your grandma was human!" Evan laughed. They started singing Camptown Ladies as the cart rolled along the tracks. Suddenly, the cart came to an abrupt stop and began to sink.

"Forge?" Evan asked.

"What?"

"Am I wrong, or is the world rising?" Evan asked nervously.

"I don't know," Forge said as they sank farther and farther. "But whatever it is, I hate it!"

After a few seconds, they were buried up to their chins in the ground.

"Hey, Evan?" Forge asked. "What is it that's not exactly water, and not exactly earth?"

"Quicksand!!!" they screamed.

A few moments later, Lance and Toad rode up on their horses. Lance jumped down and looked at the two mutants in the quicksand.

"Oh, shoot!" he said, throwing his hat on the ground. "Quicksand! Now we are in trouble!"

"They're in trouble," Evan muttered, clinging tightly to the cart.

"Lyle!" Lance said, turning to Toad. "Get your rope and get over here, quick!"

Toad rode up and swung a rope over his head. The rope caught on the cart and Lance and Toad pulled it out of the quicksand.

"Phew, that was close," Lance said. "We nearly lost a four hundred dollar hand cart!" he said, totally ignoring Forge and Evan. They started discussing where to re-route the railroad.

"Forge, we gonna die! They're gonna leave us here to die!" Evan cried.

"Take it easy, Evan," Forge said. "My foot's on the rail," He took Evan's hand and they began to crawl out of the quicksand.

"So we can put it straight through good ol' Bayville," Lance said to Toad. He turned to see Forge and Evan lying on the ground, covered in dirt and sand.

"Break's over, boys," he said. "Don't just lay there getting' a suntan. Ain't gonna do you no good no how," He picked up a shovel and dropped it at Forge's feet. "Here, take this shovel and put it to good use," he said, and walked off.

Forge looked at Lance angrily as he walked away, and then picked up the shovel, murder in his eyes.

Evan saw the look on Forge's face. "Forge, wait! Don't do it!" he said.

"I have to, baby, I have to!" Forge said, and crept up behind Lance.

Lance was dictating to Toad as Forge snuck up on him. "Send a telegraph to the main office, and tell them that I said OW!" he said, just as Forge hit him in the head with the shovel. The shovel hit Lance in the head with a loud clang and knocked him to the ground.

"Tell them I said OW! Gotcha," Toad said.

"And cut!" Jamie said. "Ok, great take, people. That one's in the can!"

Lance got up, rubbing his head gingerly. "Hey, what gives? I thought you said that shovel was going to be a prop!" he shouted at Jamie.

"I find these lines highly offensive!" Toad complained. "If this keeps up, I'm calling the ACLU!"

"Hey, Jamie, I think Rahne's gonna need to go to the hospital," Roberto said.

"Dammit, we can't afford to lose people now!" Jamie shouted. "Just get her an icepack or something!"

"Do you have any idea it's going to cost to get these stains out?" Forge asked, pointing at his ruined shirt. "I'm going to my trailer!"

"You don't have a trailer!" Jamie shouted at him. "Now, where's Pietro? We need him for the next scene?"

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