Jamie had the Danger Room set up for the next scene, in the town of Bayville. This was not the Bayville everybody knew, though. This was a recreation of a western desert town. Thanks to the holographic technology of the Danger Room, the town was completely authentic, down to the tumbleweeds and the dirt streets.

"Heh heh, eat your hearts out, Wachowski brothers," Jamie cackled as he rubbed his hands together. "Ok, everybody get set for the next scene," he called. The cast rushed to their spots, and Jamie realized something was wrong.

"Hey, we're four people short!" he shouted. "What's going on here?"

"Sorry, Jamie," said Amara. "We got everybody we could think of,"

"Aargh!" Jamie yelled. "We can't have delays now! We're on a very tight schedule, people! We need to have shooting wrapped up by Thursday night!"

"Well, then you'll have to ask the Professor if there are any more mutants around we haven't found yet," Amara quipped.

Jamie suddenly snapped his fingers. "I've got it!" he shouted, and summoned his multiples. "Ok, guys," he said, "I need you for extras in this scene. This is your big chance, so don't blow it!"

The Jamie clones rushed onto the set and took their places.

"Ok, everybody ready? Action!"

X

Pre-recorded music began playing and a choir began singing as the camera panned over Bayville.

"There was a peaceful town called Bayville, Where people lived in harmony. They never had no kind of trouble, There was no hint of misery,"

The camera continued to pan through the streets, passing by Scott Johnson's Ice Cream Parlor. It shifted into the saloon, where several of the mutants were sitting around in cowboy outfits, playing cards, having drinks, and ignoring the cattle that roamed through the building. The choir continued.

"The town saloon was always lively, But never nasty or obscene. Behind the bar stood Bobby Johnson, He always kept things nice and clean,"

On cue, Bobby, who was dressed in a bartender's costume, spit into a glass he was cleaning with a rag and belched loudly.

Suddenly, there was a loud commotion outside, as the choir changed keys.

"Then all at once the trouble started, A pack of murderers and thieves, Like swarms of locusts they descended, Their aim to make the townfolk bleed,"

A group of bandits rushed through the town on horseback, led by Lance. They rode through the streets, shooting their guns and terrifying the people of Bayville.

Sam, who was dressed as one of the bandits chased Duncan across the street. Duncan dove through a window to avoid the pursuing bandit, but suddenly dashed back outside when he saw another armed man inside, pointing his gun at him.

That kid's gonna die when he gets to my high school! Why can't I get a stunt-double for this? Kelly thought as he dove back onto the street, through a second window.

On the other side of the street, Ray, who was playing one of the bandits, lassoed a wooden tower and pulled it down, leaving Arcade dangling precariously from it. One of the Jamie clones, who was wearing a derby hat and smoking a cigar, had both the hat and cigar shot away from him. He turned to flee inside but ran right into a locked door and knocked himself cold, and vanished a second later.

Kitty found herself being chased by a man with a large sack. The man swung the sack, hitting her in the head and knocking her into a mud puddle.

"Ew, gross!" Kitty shouted, and ran for the nearest shower.

A final bandit threw a rope around Amanda's waist and dragged her through the now mud-covered streets.

"Well, that's the end of this suit," Amanda muttered as the bandit dragged her off the set.

Toad, playing the part of Lyle, inflicted one last indignity when he lassoed a public shower, which Kitty had ran into a few minutes earlier in an effort to clean the mud off of her. She shrieked as the shower was pulled away and tried to cover herself as best she could. Fortunately, she had already lathered herself up well enough that the camera was not able to catch anything.

"Jamie, get that camera off of me before I short circuit it!" she shouted, running away from the lens.

"Crud," Jamie muttered. "We could have used that footage!"

On the porch of Scott Johnson's ice cream store, Taryn found herself being held by one bandit as a second one slugged her repeatedly in the stomach. "Have you ever seen such cruelty?" she asked deliberately as the camera zoomed in on her bonnet-covered head, before the thugs went back to punching her.

The camera faded away from the scene and settled in on a church. Inside, the town choir was singing.

"Now is the time of great decision, Are we to stay or up and quit? There's no avoiding this conclusion, Our town is turning into,"

As the choir reached the end of the song, the church bell struck with a loud clang, drowning out the last word of the hymn.

Phew, Jamie thought. Good thing I wrote that in at the last second. That could have cost us our PG-13 rating!

At the front of the church, Kurt, dressed in a suit with a preacher's collar, beckoned the crowd to sit down.

"Now, I don't have to tell you people," he said, "what has been happening here in our beloved little town. Sherriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped,"

A nervous, uneasy grumbling went up from the congregation at this unpleasant scene.

"Now the time has come to act, and act fast!" Kurt said. "I'm leaving!" He picked up his hat and Bible and started for the exit. Before he took two steps, Logan stood up and blocked his path. Logan was dressed in tattered clothes and had the look of an old prospector to him.

"You get back here, you pious, candy-ass sidewinder!" Logan shouted, his speech deliberately slurred by the large cotton balls stuffed in his cheeks. "There's no way that nobody's gonna leave this town!" He waved his arms around wildly and stomped his foot on the floor at this last bit.

"Hell, I was born here, I was raised here, and dadgum it, I'm gonna die here. And no side-windin' horn-swarglin' bursh-wackin' crocker-croker, is gonna rorl my burshis-cutter!" he finished up. His speech was so slurred thanks to the cotton that his last few words were completely unintelligible.

Jean stood up as Logan sat down. She was wearing a three piece suit, complete with a gold pocketwatch. "Now who can argue with that?" she asked.

"Revrin!" Logan shouted enthusiastically.

"I think we're all indebted to Logan Johnson, for clearly stating what needed to be said," Jean said. "I'm especially glad that these lovely children were here to hear that speech," She pointed to the back of the room, where Jamie's other three clones were sitting on a bench along with Rahne. "Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish, but it expressed a courage rarely seen in this day and age,"

"What are we made of?" Jean asked, changing her voice to a pleading tone. "Our forefathers came across the prarie, fought Indians, fought drought, fought locusts, fort Dix. Remember when Richard Dix tried to take over this town? But we didn't give up then, and by gum, we're not gonna give up now!" she concluded.

"Revrin!" Logan shouted as the crowd applauded. "Revrin," Jean said back.

Warren stood up to speak next. Jamie had had him flown in from England for this part, and had spared no expense.

"Jean Johnson is right!" he said. "What kind of people are we, anyhow? I say we stay and fight it out!" He sat down, trying to hide his boredom at flying halfway around the world just to say one line.

At the front of the room, Scott stood up. "Warren Johnson is right about Jean Johnson being right," he said. "And I'm not giving up my ice cream parlor that I built with these two hands for nothing or nobody!"

Bobby, who had to quickly change into a different costume after the saloon scene, jumped up excitedly. "Scott Johnson is right!" he said eagerly.

"Thank you, Bobby," Scott said.

"Revrin!" Logan said, adding the final word.

Kurt sighed. "Well, if we're going to stay, I think it's a big mistake!" he said, rolling his eyes. "We're going to need a new sheriff,"

Everybody immediately looked at Scott.

"Oh no, no way am I playing the sheriff in this parody!" Scott protested. "You saw the part I have in Mutants in Tights! I can't even string a cohesive sentence together! Forget it!"

"That's it!" Jamie snapped. "Nobody is allowed to mention Todd Fan's movie on this set ever again!"

Scott breathed a sigh of relief that he was not going to get stuck with the sheriff's part again. "Why don't we wire the governor?" he asked, reverting to the script. "Why should we get our own people killed?"

"Scott Johnson is right!" Bobby said, just as eagerly as before. "We'll wire the governor!"

"Revrin!" Logan said, expressing the unanimous consent of the room.

Kurt clasped his hands together and looked at the ceiling. "Then let us pray, for the deliverance of our new sheriff," he said, and opened his Bible. "I shall now read from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke,"

Suddenly, there was a crash as a bundle of dynamite flew through one of the windows of the church. The fuse was lit and burning quickly.

"And duck!" Kurt shouted, crouching behind the podium just as the bomb exploded.

"Cut, cut! Great take, folks!" Jamie said as the smoke cleared.

Logan spit the cotton balls out of his mouth. "Ugh, I think I'm gonna choke on those things!" he said. "You know, if you want me to sound like an incomprehensible prospector, why don't you let me get drunk so I can sound authentic?" he asked.

"Because we blew our food budget on all the baked beans we'll need later, that's why!" Jamie said.

Amanda glared at Kurt. "I can't believe I let you talk me into doing this! My clothes are ruined!" she shouted.

"Sorry," Kurt pouted. "I didn't know he was gonna drag you behind a horse!"

"Do I HAVE to keep sucking up to Scott?" Bobby asked. "I thought I was a full-fledged X-Man now?"

"Hey, you wanna keep your spot, just keep reading your lines," Scott growled.

"I think I cut my arm diving through that window!" Kelly shouted. "Why can't I get a stunt double for this scene?"

"Sorry," said Jamie. "Only members of the Mutant Union get stunt-doubles,"

"This is boring!" Jubilee muttered. "I'm going over to Todd Fan's set to see how Mutants in Tights is going!"

"No, you're not!" shouted Jamie. "Now get back here before I lock the set, er, I mean the Danger Room down!"

X

Next time: Will Pietro Lamar succeed in snatching Bayville? Will Jamie finish the film before his cast riots? Will I finish the story before I move away? Wait and see!