Jamie looked out over the lot where they were shooting in today. Due to the large amount of space required, they had had to shoot this scene outside. Right now, they were standing in an open lot in downtown Bayville. This lot had been the home of several movie scenes in the past, and Jamie was prepared to add another famous scene to the place's reputation.

X

It was late at night when Forge and Remy snuck into the railroad workers' camp, using bushes to disguise themselves. They made their way down to Evan's tent and raised the flap. Evan was fast asleep. Forge shook him gently to wake him up.

"What the?" Evan asked, but Forge put his hand over his mouth.

"Say hello," he whispered.

"Hello," Evan whispered back.

Forge nodded. "Now listen, and listen good. I want you to get all the brothers together. Round up all the lumber, canvas, paint, and nails you can lay your hands on and meet me tonight, three miles due east of Bayville. Come at midnight, understand?"

"Yeah," Evan said. "You think we should Kitty them?"

"No, she's still too wound up from that scene in Todd Fan's parody. Take care of it yourself," Forge said. "Now say goodbye,"

"Goodbye,"

"Thanks a lot, bro," Forge said, and tiptoed away from the tent. Evan woke up the other mutants in his tent and explained the situation to them.

Later on, Forge and Remy arrived at the spot they had told Evan to meet them at. The citizens of Bayville were already there waiting. Forge climbed up on a boulder and addressed the crowd.

"Alright, folks," he said. "I know you're a bit confused, wonderin' what you're doin' out here in the middle of the prairie in the middle of the night,"

"YOU BET YOUR ASS!" came the unanimous response.

"What we're gonna do, in this very spot, is build an exact copy of the town of Bayville, all the way down to the orange roof on Scott Johnson's outhouse,"

"I get it!" said Sam. "When Pietro Lamar and his goons come riding in to destroy the real Bayville tomorrow, they'll actually be destroying the fake Bayville, but we'll know that it's the real Bayville, even though we'll know it's the real Bayville,"

"Shut up already!" shouted the crowd.

"How are we gonna do it?" Scott asked. "We ain't got the time and we ain't got the people,"

"Wrong!" Forge said, and pointed to the hill. "There's why!"

The citizens of Bayville turned around to see Evan leading hundreds of mutant railroad workers over the hill.

"These mutants have agreed to help us make our dream come true," Forge explained. "And all they ask in return is a little plot of land to homestead. Now what do you say?"

The citizens began grumbling nervously.

"Absolutely not!" Jean said. "We don't want no Irish coming in here!"

"Hey!" Rahne shouted.

"Rahne, you're from Scotland! What are you complaining about?"

"It's the principle of the thing!" said Rahne. "It's an assault on every part of Ireland and Great Britain. Ask anybody from Wales, they'll say the same thing!"

"Ok, fine!" Jean said, giving up the argument. "Everybody!"

The mutants cheered, and the assembled throng began shaking hands in friendship.

"Oh, Lord!" Kurt prayed. "Do we have the strength to carry out this mighty task, or are we just jerking off?"

"AMEN!!!" said the crowd, and set to work building the new Bayville.

The people worked all through the night, and by morning, they had completed the replica of Bayville. The buildings and storefronts looked just like a movie set, but it would suit Forge's purposes.

"Ok, ok!" he shouted. "We have done it! Now, let's see what we have done,"

The people looked around the town, and admitted that no flaw could be found in their craftsmanship.

X

A few miles away, Pietro stood in front of his army of criminals. He stood on a rock and addressed them.

"Men!" he called. "Today, we set out on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west! Now, you will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking a certain nomination for best supporting actor,"

"Wait a minute!" he shouted at Jamie. "What's with this 'supporting' crap? I should be in the running for best actor for this! Hell, I should blow everybody else out of the water!"

"Hey, I did the best I could with the committee, and this is all they would agree to," Jamie said.

Pietro sighed. Best supporting actor would have to do until he could hook up with a real director. He wondered if Todd Fan would be interested in casting him in another parody sometime soon. Perhaps Young Frankenstein.

"Now, raise your right hand for the pledge," he said. A group of German soldiers raised their left hands.

"Right!" Pietro shouted, and the soldiers switched hands.

"Now repeat after me! I,"

"I!" said the army.

"Your name,"

"Your name,"

"Schmucks," Pietro grumbled. "Pledge allegiance, to Pietro Lamar,"

"To Peter Lamar," said the army.

"That's Peter!"

"That's Peter!"

"And to the evil for which he stands!"

"And to the evil for which he stands!" the army finished.

"Now, go do that voodoo that you do so well!" Pietro shouted, and the army rushed off towards Bayville.

X

In the mock-up of Bayville, Forge realized that something seemed to be missing.

"Hold it, hold it!" he shouted. "Stop the happiness, we are in trouble! We forgot one little detail,"

"But nothing's missing," Scott said. "Everything's here, down to the last hitching post,"

"Hey, I may play a blind man in another parody, but even I can see what's wrong here," Forge said.

"There's no people!" Jean realized. The crowd began to grow worried at this.

"Hey, don't panic!" Forge called out. "Now we just made a perfect copy of Bayville. Now we just need to make perfect copies of the people,"

"But they'll be here in half an hour!" Scott said.

"Then we got to start workin' fast! Now you start working on the dummies, Remy and Fred come with me," Forge said. "I've got an idea that'll slow 'em down to a crawl,"

A while later, the army of criminals rode up to a tollbooth, sitting all by itself in the middle of the desert.

"Lepetomaine Freeway!" Lance shouted, reading the sign on the tollbooth. "Now what'll that little asshole think of next!"

He started looking his pockets for change and realized he didn't have any money on him.

"Has anybody got a dime?" he called back to the army. Nobody else had any money, either.

"Aw, somebody's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!"

Up on the hill, Forge and Remy admired their handiwork. The army of criminals had been halted in their tracks. The delay would give them plenty of time to finish their work and prepare their trap.

An hour later, the last of the army made it through the tollbooth and descended on the mock Bayville, raising hell as they went.

On the hilltop, Forge looked on the scene with a telescope. "They're actually buyin' it!" he said. He knelt down next to a plunger box that would set off their booby trap.

"This is it, folks," he said. "Cover your ears!" He pressed the plunger, but nothing happened.

"Remy thought there was supposed to be an earthshatterin' kaboom right about here," Remy said.

"No, that would be too much of a giveaway," Forge said. "You think you can squeeze off a shot and set off the dynamite from here?" he asked.

"Remy'll give it a try," Remy said.

He stood up, walked over to the edge of the cliff, and took out his deck of cards.

"Oh Lord," Kurt prayed as Remy tried to aim. "Keep this man's eye keen, and, ow!" he said as Scott and Jean whacked him with their hats.

In the town, Lance walked over to one of the buildings. He noticed that it looked rather out of place and gave it a kick. To his amazement, the whole building fell over, and he realized the trap.

"It's a trick!" he shouted over the horde of outlaws. "We've been suckered in!"

His warning came too late, as Remy charged up several cards and hurled them with all his might. They hit the bundles of dynamite scattered throughout the town, and there was a massive explosion that blew the fake town to bits.

"Ok, folks!" Forge shouted. "Let's wipe 'em out!" He drew his gun and led the townsfolk in a wild charge into the midst of the army, and a wild brawl broke out in the middle of the streets.

Kurt kneed a man in the groin and then threw up his hands in prayer. "Forgive me, Lord!" he prayed, and ran off to find somebody else to hit.

Logan stood on the ruins of the fake saloon, drinking a bottle of whiskey. An outlaw rushed at him, but Logan opened his mouth and belched, and the stench knocked the man out.

"You son of a bitch!" Wanda yelled as she punched an outlaw in the face and sent him flying through a window. "Wow, this is so much better than those anger management classes Father used to send me to!"

Fred saw an outlaw hitting Ray over the head with a club, and pushed the man's horse completely over.

In the middle of the fracas, Remy and Forge stood back to back, punching outlaws left and right. In the excitement, Remy accidentally punched Forge.

"Ow, what was that for?" Forge asked.

"Now we even for that archery scene," Remy said.

The fight continued on, and soon it became clear that the small lot would not be big enough to contain the massive brawl. The actors began spilling out into the streets, fighting as they went.

"Hey, what's going on?" Jamie shouted in alarm. "This isn't in the script! Where are you all going!?"

His voice was completely lost in the fighting.

"Oh no!" he cried, realizing where the brawling actors were going. "They're heading for Todd Fan's set!"

X