As he heard the bolt spring back, Robert jumped, dashed for the kitchen and
out the side door of the house. As if he hadn't already known the identity
of her late night visitor, the red sportscar parked jauntily in front of
Elizabeth's driveway said it all. Dorsett. He had been the one on the
phone, and she had probably told him to wait until after eleven. Well, it
was after eleven and he should be happy that he'd spent those four
uninterrupted hours with Elizabeth, Robert tried to convince himself. But
he couldn't help letting the muscles in his jaw tense around the jealous
words he wanted to say to her. You shouldn't have invited me, he thought.
I'd just about given up on you when you did. Dammit, he thought, I have to
stop staring at her house and get in the car and drive home. And so he did
just that.
Elizabeth was on her feet, staring after Robert as Edward caught her hand and laughed. « Romantic dinner with Romano ? » he chuckled. « You really want in on that research grant, don't you ? » he joked. When she didn't answer, he continued with mock hurt, « Should I be jealous, Elizabeth ? After all, you told me you couldn't see me tonight. »
Elizabeth turned and stared at Edward Dorsett. Something in his laugh seemed cruel and hurtful. She felt every muscle in her body tense as she broke his grip on her left hand and held out her right palm to him. « My key, please, » she said coldly.
**
The next day in the hospital Robert wasn't in, but Elizabeth still flinched every time she passed the name plate on the door to his office. Should she call to apologize ? What would she say ? Was an apology even necessary ? What had she really done wrong ? And hadn't she made it right by making Dorsett to leave ?
Elizabeth tried to push thoughts of Robert out of her mind, but she couldn't help feeling guilty. About ten times a day she wanted to call him, but she felt like she wouldn't know what to say if she couldn't see his eyes. She thought about going to his home but hesitated. If he was hurt, nursing his wound, should she really invade that one safe place ?
So irritable and anxious, she waited until Tuesday.
**
8 am, Elizabeth watched him open the door to his office. She took a deep breath and followed him before he even had a chance to turn and close the door. He gasped in surprise to find her standing so close when he turned around and jumped back instinctively as if he'd been burned. Well, he has been, she thought.
Safe on the other side of the desk, Robert met her gaze and steadied his own. Bold at first, Elizabeth now felt small and scared in his presence. « Robert, » she began haltingly, «I just wanted to apologize for Thursday.. » When his face didn't change, she pushed on. « I really wasn't planning for.. » Then she really couldn't continue. She felt absolutely wretched and could only seem to twist her fingers together and look down at them, hoping that he would say something to save her from her ever-deepening embarrassment.
He cleared his throat. « Elizabeth, I should apologize, » he said in measured tones. « I should have called to thank you, but I've been swamped. » Pausing to attempt a joke he added, « Too many little livers, too little time. »
Elizabeth winced a bit at the joke and looked down again. When it was obvious that he had nothing more to say, she made one last effort, one last attempt at earning his forgiveness. « I just don't want you to think.. »
« Elizabeth, » he interrupted sharply, coming out from behind the desk. She was still twisting her fingers together nervously, staring down at them instead of meeting his eyes, so he reached out with his right hand to still their knotting movement. She stopped wringing them, dropped the left, and just let him hold her right hand in his for a moment. But then he pulled his fingers away to continue in a low, serious voice. « You should not apologize to me or to anyone for living your life. You should not care what I think or what anyone else does. You need to be happy. You deserve that. And as for me.. » But before he could finish, Jing-Mei had burst through the door and his beeper went off. « You have to get to Northwestern, » Chen gasped.
**
Days passed and Elizabeth still felt like their conversation was unfinished. His words hung in the air. « As for me. » Well, what about him ? she thought. She could have called a friend at Northwestern to find out what had happened with Robert's study. She could have asked Chen. Instead she just waited for their next chance meeting. But he hadn't been in on Thursday, and as another quiet weekend passed, she pondered calling him or stopping by his house or making some excuse to show up at Mercy where he was on Mondays and just bump into him there. And as she looked over her surgical schedule for the next day and saw Dorsett's name, she realized that she hadn't thought of Edward at all.
**
Trying to ignore Edward's pointed looks from across the operating table, Elizabeth carefully removed a lymph node and requested some suction from the nurse. Her pager went off at her hip, but she ignored it and continued the procedure. When it went off twice more, she finally had to ask Shirley to check the number. When Shirley read it off, Elizabeth didn't recognize it, but just then the phone started to ring in the OR. A nurse picked it up and called over, « Dr Corday, it's for you. » « Tell them I'm otherwise occupied, » Elizabeth responded, focused on a small incision she was making. « It's Dr Romano, » the nurse replied, « He says he has to talk to you. » Elizabeth let out an exasperated breath, less annoyed that Robert was calling than that Edward was listening to this ridiculous three-way conversation. « Would you please tell him that I'm operating, » Elizabeth requested. « He says don't make him talk to you over the speaker, » the nurse answered. Then when she didn't continue, Elizabeth turned to look at her. The nurse was listening and nodding. She looked at Elizabeth again and just said. « You should take this. »
Elizabeth looked at Dorsett and without the slightest hint of apology announced, « I'll be right back. » She went to the phone with her hands in the air to stay sterile and let the nurse hold the receiver to her ear. Robert's voice was low and steady. « Elizabeth. I think you should scrub out and come over to Mercy now. » « Robert, if you're trying to hire me away, this is really not the best time, » Elizabeth joked. « I'm serious, » he answered, « It's Ella. »
**
Earlier that day, Robert had observed the third successful completion in his protocol for pediatric donation. Subjects B-1 and B-2 - he tried not to learn their names, just in case - were recovering well with no sign of rejection even without the usual high does of immuno-suppressant drugs. He didn't feel the instant gratification he used to when he had just finished a successful procedure, but he was starting to feel a slow satisfaction that he might be doing something good, slowly changing how transplant surgery worked throughout the city and maybe one day the world.
He decided to check on B-1 again and took the stairs to pedes. As he was walking through the hall, he happened to glance through a glass door and see a face he thought he knew. A child's face. But not one of his recent patients. His heart stopped for a second and he pushed past an orderly into the suture room. « Who brought her in ? » he demanded. The nurse turned from her last stitch in the child's forehead. « MVA, » the nurse replied. « The driver's being taken to surgery. There she is. » As a gurney wheeled by, Robert saw a young blond woman lying on it unconscious, Ella's babysitter. He let out his breath and turned to the child who had been quiet up to this point. When she recognized Robert, though, she let out a wail and held out her arms to him. He reached for her and she jumped to his chest, clamping her small arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder as shock gave way to fear and slowly to relief. « It's okay, » Robert reassured both the child and the nurse, explaining to the woman, « She's the daughter of a colleague from County. » After shushing Ella for a few minuets, he held her away from him to look her over carefully. Except for the cut above her eye, she was perfect. He sighed, grabbed her chart and told the nurse, « I'll take her to my office and call her mom. »
**
When Elizabeth burst through his office door almost an hour later, she didn't see anyone at first, but then when she heard Ella's giggle, she looked down and saw Robert's shoes sticking out from behind his desk. She circled round and saw them on the floor playing with a set of soft blocks which just wouldn't build high enough for any kind of respectable tower. Elizabeth knelt down and circled her daughter in her arms, pulling her into a tight hug which she didn't loosen until Ella's squirming forced her to. Then she looked up at Robert who was sitting on the floor looking at her.
« Do you want to see her chart ?» he asked softly. Elizabeth shook her head and fingered Ella's stitches. « I trust you, » she answered.
Elizabeth was on her feet, staring after Robert as Edward caught her hand and laughed. « Romantic dinner with Romano ? » he chuckled. « You really want in on that research grant, don't you ? » he joked. When she didn't answer, he continued with mock hurt, « Should I be jealous, Elizabeth ? After all, you told me you couldn't see me tonight. »
Elizabeth turned and stared at Edward Dorsett. Something in his laugh seemed cruel and hurtful. She felt every muscle in her body tense as she broke his grip on her left hand and held out her right palm to him. « My key, please, » she said coldly.
**
The next day in the hospital Robert wasn't in, but Elizabeth still flinched every time she passed the name plate on the door to his office. Should she call to apologize ? What would she say ? Was an apology even necessary ? What had she really done wrong ? And hadn't she made it right by making Dorsett to leave ?
Elizabeth tried to push thoughts of Robert out of her mind, but she couldn't help feeling guilty. About ten times a day she wanted to call him, but she felt like she wouldn't know what to say if she couldn't see his eyes. She thought about going to his home but hesitated. If he was hurt, nursing his wound, should she really invade that one safe place ?
So irritable and anxious, she waited until Tuesday.
**
8 am, Elizabeth watched him open the door to his office. She took a deep breath and followed him before he even had a chance to turn and close the door. He gasped in surprise to find her standing so close when he turned around and jumped back instinctively as if he'd been burned. Well, he has been, she thought.
Safe on the other side of the desk, Robert met her gaze and steadied his own. Bold at first, Elizabeth now felt small and scared in his presence. « Robert, » she began haltingly, «I just wanted to apologize for Thursday.. » When his face didn't change, she pushed on. « I really wasn't planning for.. » Then she really couldn't continue. She felt absolutely wretched and could only seem to twist her fingers together and look down at them, hoping that he would say something to save her from her ever-deepening embarrassment.
He cleared his throat. « Elizabeth, I should apologize, » he said in measured tones. « I should have called to thank you, but I've been swamped. » Pausing to attempt a joke he added, « Too many little livers, too little time. »
Elizabeth winced a bit at the joke and looked down again. When it was obvious that he had nothing more to say, she made one last effort, one last attempt at earning his forgiveness. « I just don't want you to think.. »
« Elizabeth, » he interrupted sharply, coming out from behind the desk. She was still twisting her fingers together nervously, staring down at them instead of meeting his eyes, so he reached out with his right hand to still their knotting movement. She stopped wringing them, dropped the left, and just let him hold her right hand in his for a moment. But then he pulled his fingers away to continue in a low, serious voice. « You should not apologize to me or to anyone for living your life. You should not care what I think or what anyone else does. You need to be happy. You deserve that. And as for me.. » But before he could finish, Jing-Mei had burst through the door and his beeper went off. « You have to get to Northwestern, » Chen gasped.
**
Days passed and Elizabeth still felt like their conversation was unfinished. His words hung in the air. « As for me. » Well, what about him ? she thought. She could have called a friend at Northwestern to find out what had happened with Robert's study. She could have asked Chen. Instead she just waited for their next chance meeting. But he hadn't been in on Thursday, and as another quiet weekend passed, she pondered calling him or stopping by his house or making some excuse to show up at Mercy where he was on Mondays and just bump into him there. And as she looked over her surgical schedule for the next day and saw Dorsett's name, she realized that she hadn't thought of Edward at all.
**
Trying to ignore Edward's pointed looks from across the operating table, Elizabeth carefully removed a lymph node and requested some suction from the nurse. Her pager went off at her hip, but she ignored it and continued the procedure. When it went off twice more, she finally had to ask Shirley to check the number. When Shirley read it off, Elizabeth didn't recognize it, but just then the phone started to ring in the OR. A nurse picked it up and called over, « Dr Corday, it's for you. » « Tell them I'm otherwise occupied, » Elizabeth responded, focused on a small incision she was making. « It's Dr Romano, » the nurse replied, « He says he has to talk to you. » Elizabeth let out an exasperated breath, less annoyed that Robert was calling than that Edward was listening to this ridiculous three-way conversation. « Would you please tell him that I'm operating, » Elizabeth requested. « He says don't make him talk to you over the speaker, » the nurse answered. Then when she didn't continue, Elizabeth turned to look at her. The nurse was listening and nodding. She looked at Elizabeth again and just said. « You should take this. »
Elizabeth looked at Dorsett and without the slightest hint of apology announced, « I'll be right back. » She went to the phone with her hands in the air to stay sterile and let the nurse hold the receiver to her ear. Robert's voice was low and steady. « Elizabeth. I think you should scrub out and come over to Mercy now. » « Robert, if you're trying to hire me away, this is really not the best time, » Elizabeth joked. « I'm serious, » he answered, « It's Ella. »
**
Earlier that day, Robert had observed the third successful completion in his protocol for pediatric donation. Subjects B-1 and B-2 - he tried not to learn their names, just in case - were recovering well with no sign of rejection even without the usual high does of immuno-suppressant drugs. He didn't feel the instant gratification he used to when he had just finished a successful procedure, but he was starting to feel a slow satisfaction that he might be doing something good, slowly changing how transplant surgery worked throughout the city and maybe one day the world.
He decided to check on B-1 again and took the stairs to pedes. As he was walking through the hall, he happened to glance through a glass door and see a face he thought he knew. A child's face. But not one of his recent patients. His heart stopped for a second and he pushed past an orderly into the suture room. « Who brought her in ? » he demanded. The nurse turned from her last stitch in the child's forehead. « MVA, » the nurse replied. « The driver's being taken to surgery. There she is. » As a gurney wheeled by, Robert saw a young blond woman lying on it unconscious, Ella's babysitter. He let out his breath and turned to the child who had been quiet up to this point. When she recognized Robert, though, she let out a wail and held out her arms to him. He reached for her and she jumped to his chest, clamping her small arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder as shock gave way to fear and slowly to relief. « It's okay, » Robert reassured both the child and the nurse, explaining to the woman, « She's the daughter of a colleague from County. » After shushing Ella for a few minuets, he held her away from him to look her over carefully. Except for the cut above her eye, she was perfect. He sighed, grabbed her chart and told the nurse, « I'll take her to my office and call her mom. »
**
When Elizabeth burst through his office door almost an hour later, she didn't see anyone at first, but then when she heard Ella's giggle, she looked down and saw Robert's shoes sticking out from behind his desk. She circled round and saw them on the floor playing with a set of soft blocks which just wouldn't build high enough for any kind of respectable tower. Elizabeth knelt down and circled her daughter in her arms, pulling her into a tight hug which she didn't loosen until Ella's squirming forced her to. Then she looked up at Robert who was sitting on the floor looking at her.
« Do you want to see her chart ?» he asked softly. Elizabeth shook her head and fingered Ella's stitches. « I trust you, » she answered.
