Elizabeth held the fine gold chain between her fingers, looking at it
glinting in the light, the gold seemed to shimmer all the more through her
tears..
**
Earlier that evening, after Chen's invitation to the party and his casual refusal, Robert bolted from his chair and out of the hospital before he could stop to reconsider what he was about to do. Once he had bought the necklace, scribbled the card, driven it to her home and handed it to a perplexed new babysitter, he sat in his car in front of her house trying to catch his breath. His heart pounded, blood crashing in his ears. What had he just done ?
Later that night he stretched out on his livingroom couch, sipping on a single malt scotch and listening to the sad, sweet sounds of a solo cello recording he had bought just after his surgery. He was trying to imagine her reaction to the gift. Was she completely surprised or more likely shocked ? Had such a personal gesture invaded her private space ? Had this particular present gotten too close to her memories of Mark ? Would she know what he'd wanted this token to mean ? Did he ?
Three nights passed like this and on the third Robert set down his drink and set his jaw, making a silent resolution to just let it go. To let her go. After all, they had known each other for what seemed like forever. Well, it had been five years. How many times had he made a fool of himself trying to vie for her attentions ? Each time he had revealed himself to her, each time he had laid bare his anger, his fear, his sharp, naked desire for her, she had pulled away, retreating behind a calm, cool façade. She was distant, unobtainable, unchangingly beautiful and would never be his.
**
Upstairs in her bedroom, Elizabeth slowly unclasped the latch on the silver chain, removed it from her neck and slipped the ring from it carefully to slide it back onto her finger, but this time onto the ring finger of her right hand. After putting the old chain in a jewelry box on her dresser, she picked up the necklace Robert had given her and put it on in front of the mirror, carefully closing the tiny clasp. When she looked at her reflection, at the gold gleaming on her bare neck, she impulsively reached up to touch it, to smooth the links over her smooth skin. She blushed slightly, imagining that her touch was his.
Just then, the doorbell rang, and she ran down the stairs in her nightgown, knowing it would be him. But when she opened it, breathless and expectant, there was a strange man there, a taxi driver setting down two large suitcases. And from the taxi, under a pouring rain, emerged her mother.
**
After three days, Elizabeth finally had to ask, « Mother, you've never just come to visit without a reason. Um, not that your company isn't a delight.. » Isabelle laughed before responding, « Well, it's not every year that my only daughter turns 40, » she reminded as if she hadn't been taunting Elizabeth about her age ever since she'd arrived. « And of course I miss my grand daughter. » Elizabeth looked over at her mother with skepticism. As much as Isabelle loved Ella, her patience with the toddler was strained after about an hour. « Well, and by the looks of you, there's a man hidden somewhere around here, and I'm not leaving til I see who it is. »
Elizabeth started to stammer a denial, but blushed like a school girl and said nothing. It was just like when her mother had been called to the headmistress's office at school when Elizabeth had been caught in a boy's room before breakfast. Mother had only looked mildly irritated then if not slightly amused. Now Isabelle's expression turned from playful teasing to one of quiet concern as Elizabeth persisted in her silence. Isabelle, though was not so easily deterred, but instead of arguing she just offered Elizabeth a cup of tea and a steady stare.
As Elizabeth accepted the tea cup, a flood of memories rushed back over her. Of that other morning in the kitchen with mother and tea. Her wedding morning. In a rare moment of understanding, Isabelle asked gently, « Are you thinking about Mark ? » Elizabeth nodded, « I remember so many details of that day, » she whispered, stopping to catch herself before she really broke down. But she forced herself to finish the thought, « but it feels like it was another life. » Isabelle waited a minute for Elizabeth to regain her composure before concluding in a determined but quiet tone, « That's just it. You're still alive. »
**
In his office at Mercy, Robert closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the chair. Despite the success of his most recent presentation to the steering committee, he felt and looked defeated. The door pushed gently open, and he pulled himself together enough to look up and see who was there. It was Cecily, the pedes nurse who had worked some of the most difficult cases with him. « You look like you've lost your best friend, » she joked softly. Robert tried to laugh, but he felt that he had.
He looked back to his computer, pretending to be otherwise occupied, waiting for her to explain why she was there or better yet waiting for her to give up and go. When she didn't leave, he turned back to her irritably, « Don't you have somewhere to go ? A home ? A dog ? A plant to water ? » Realizing how harsh that had sounded, he began to apologize when she interrupted quietly, « I'm all alone. My husband left last year, » but then she brightened, « But there is my fish. Maurice. A chilean sea bass. He's waiting for me in the fridge, and if you give me a ride home, I'll roast him for you. » Blond, usually a little shy, funny, thought Robert, and he slid on his jacket and stood up.
A little while later, he was following Cecily into her dark, quiet apartment. As she prepared the ill-fated fish, Robert glanced at her CD collection, her framed vacation photos, her plants. He couldn't think of anything to say, but she didn't seem to mind. They spent the evening mostly in silence over a decent meal washed down with cheap chardonnay. After he thanked her, standing up from the card table, she followed him to the front door and put her hand on the knob, sliding in between Robert and his exit. Good God, he thought, stunned, she wants a good night kiss. Since the accident, especially since the amputation, he had had no thoughts of kissing a woman. Okay, no thoughts of any woman but one. He certainly had no illusions of anyone wanting him to kiss her. He could no longer hold a woman in his arms. He could no longer put his hands in her hair while they .. But Cecily was still patiently waiting, so he just leaned in, eyes closed, and kissed her quickly. Then he moved past her and left.
**
After taking a personal day to spend with her mother, Elizabeth was back at County. She silently counted five days since she'd received Robert's gift and more than that since they'd last spoken. Well, he'd waited five years for her after all. He could wait another five minutes. She'd just start with a thank you and then see..
As she approached his office, Elizabeth heard Pratt's unmistakable laugh. « Tinkerbell just laid a wet one on Captain Hook, » he was saying to Chen who looked pretty amused herself. « That's not nice, » she corrected him. « Hey, » Pratt retorted, « I back the brother. I am all for the one-armed men of the world reclaiming their mojo. » When Elizabeth reached them, Pratt was already off down the hall, still laughing and shaking his head. « What's got him in such a good mood ? » Elizabeth asked Chen with a friendly smile. « Well, » Chen answered embarrassed, « It looks like Romano's got a girlfriend. »
**
In her dream, his hands were up under her hair, closing the clasp. His fingers trailed down after the chain and his lips followed, sipping at the soft, supple skin of her neck and shoulder. He pulled her back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her to tighten their embrace, so that against her back she could feel the strong outline of his chest. Whispering something she couldn't understand, the tip of his tongue touched her ear and tickled her deliciously. As her knees weakened, he held her against him, one hand at her waist, while the fingers of the other trailed down the inside of her bare arm. When he found her hand he brought it up to his lips.. Writhing, perspiring and then cringeing with embarrassment, Elizabeth awakened, hoping that her mother hadn't heard her moaning his name in her sleep.
**
Earlier that evening, after Chen's invitation to the party and his casual refusal, Robert bolted from his chair and out of the hospital before he could stop to reconsider what he was about to do. Once he had bought the necklace, scribbled the card, driven it to her home and handed it to a perplexed new babysitter, he sat in his car in front of her house trying to catch his breath. His heart pounded, blood crashing in his ears. What had he just done ?
Later that night he stretched out on his livingroom couch, sipping on a single malt scotch and listening to the sad, sweet sounds of a solo cello recording he had bought just after his surgery. He was trying to imagine her reaction to the gift. Was she completely surprised or more likely shocked ? Had such a personal gesture invaded her private space ? Had this particular present gotten too close to her memories of Mark ? Would she know what he'd wanted this token to mean ? Did he ?
Three nights passed like this and on the third Robert set down his drink and set his jaw, making a silent resolution to just let it go. To let her go. After all, they had known each other for what seemed like forever. Well, it had been five years. How many times had he made a fool of himself trying to vie for her attentions ? Each time he had revealed himself to her, each time he had laid bare his anger, his fear, his sharp, naked desire for her, she had pulled away, retreating behind a calm, cool façade. She was distant, unobtainable, unchangingly beautiful and would never be his.
**
Upstairs in her bedroom, Elizabeth slowly unclasped the latch on the silver chain, removed it from her neck and slipped the ring from it carefully to slide it back onto her finger, but this time onto the ring finger of her right hand. After putting the old chain in a jewelry box on her dresser, she picked up the necklace Robert had given her and put it on in front of the mirror, carefully closing the tiny clasp. When she looked at her reflection, at the gold gleaming on her bare neck, she impulsively reached up to touch it, to smooth the links over her smooth skin. She blushed slightly, imagining that her touch was his.
Just then, the doorbell rang, and she ran down the stairs in her nightgown, knowing it would be him. But when she opened it, breathless and expectant, there was a strange man there, a taxi driver setting down two large suitcases. And from the taxi, under a pouring rain, emerged her mother.
**
After three days, Elizabeth finally had to ask, « Mother, you've never just come to visit without a reason. Um, not that your company isn't a delight.. » Isabelle laughed before responding, « Well, it's not every year that my only daughter turns 40, » she reminded as if she hadn't been taunting Elizabeth about her age ever since she'd arrived. « And of course I miss my grand daughter. » Elizabeth looked over at her mother with skepticism. As much as Isabelle loved Ella, her patience with the toddler was strained after about an hour. « Well, and by the looks of you, there's a man hidden somewhere around here, and I'm not leaving til I see who it is. »
Elizabeth started to stammer a denial, but blushed like a school girl and said nothing. It was just like when her mother had been called to the headmistress's office at school when Elizabeth had been caught in a boy's room before breakfast. Mother had only looked mildly irritated then if not slightly amused. Now Isabelle's expression turned from playful teasing to one of quiet concern as Elizabeth persisted in her silence. Isabelle, though was not so easily deterred, but instead of arguing she just offered Elizabeth a cup of tea and a steady stare.
As Elizabeth accepted the tea cup, a flood of memories rushed back over her. Of that other morning in the kitchen with mother and tea. Her wedding morning. In a rare moment of understanding, Isabelle asked gently, « Are you thinking about Mark ? » Elizabeth nodded, « I remember so many details of that day, » she whispered, stopping to catch herself before she really broke down. But she forced herself to finish the thought, « but it feels like it was another life. » Isabelle waited a minute for Elizabeth to regain her composure before concluding in a determined but quiet tone, « That's just it. You're still alive. »
**
In his office at Mercy, Robert closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the chair. Despite the success of his most recent presentation to the steering committee, he felt and looked defeated. The door pushed gently open, and he pulled himself together enough to look up and see who was there. It was Cecily, the pedes nurse who had worked some of the most difficult cases with him. « You look like you've lost your best friend, » she joked softly. Robert tried to laugh, but he felt that he had.
He looked back to his computer, pretending to be otherwise occupied, waiting for her to explain why she was there or better yet waiting for her to give up and go. When she didn't leave, he turned back to her irritably, « Don't you have somewhere to go ? A home ? A dog ? A plant to water ? » Realizing how harsh that had sounded, he began to apologize when she interrupted quietly, « I'm all alone. My husband left last year, » but then she brightened, « But there is my fish. Maurice. A chilean sea bass. He's waiting for me in the fridge, and if you give me a ride home, I'll roast him for you. » Blond, usually a little shy, funny, thought Robert, and he slid on his jacket and stood up.
A little while later, he was following Cecily into her dark, quiet apartment. As she prepared the ill-fated fish, Robert glanced at her CD collection, her framed vacation photos, her plants. He couldn't think of anything to say, but she didn't seem to mind. They spent the evening mostly in silence over a decent meal washed down with cheap chardonnay. After he thanked her, standing up from the card table, she followed him to the front door and put her hand on the knob, sliding in between Robert and his exit. Good God, he thought, stunned, she wants a good night kiss. Since the accident, especially since the amputation, he had had no thoughts of kissing a woman. Okay, no thoughts of any woman but one. He certainly had no illusions of anyone wanting him to kiss her. He could no longer hold a woman in his arms. He could no longer put his hands in her hair while they .. But Cecily was still patiently waiting, so he just leaned in, eyes closed, and kissed her quickly. Then he moved past her and left.
**
After taking a personal day to spend with her mother, Elizabeth was back at County. She silently counted five days since she'd received Robert's gift and more than that since they'd last spoken. Well, he'd waited five years for her after all. He could wait another five minutes. She'd just start with a thank you and then see..
As she approached his office, Elizabeth heard Pratt's unmistakable laugh. « Tinkerbell just laid a wet one on Captain Hook, » he was saying to Chen who looked pretty amused herself. « That's not nice, » she corrected him. « Hey, » Pratt retorted, « I back the brother. I am all for the one-armed men of the world reclaiming their mojo. » When Elizabeth reached them, Pratt was already off down the hall, still laughing and shaking his head. « What's got him in such a good mood ? » Elizabeth asked Chen with a friendly smile. « Well, » Chen answered embarrassed, « It looks like Romano's got a girlfriend. »
**
In her dream, his hands were up under her hair, closing the clasp. His fingers trailed down after the chain and his lips followed, sipping at the soft, supple skin of her neck and shoulder. He pulled her back against his chest, wrapping his arms around her to tighten their embrace, so that against her back she could feel the strong outline of his chest. Whispering something she couldn't understand, the tip of his tongue touched her ear and tickled her deliciously. As her knees weakened, he held her against him, one hand at her waist, while the fingers of the other trailed down the inside of her bare arm. When he found her hand he brought it up to his lips.. Writhing, perspiring and then cringeing with embarrassment, Elizabeth awakened, hoping that her mother hadn't heard her moaning his name in her sleep.
