Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own 'em, I just make fun of 'em! LOL, although, I do love the movie very very much, don't get me wrong!! LOL
A/N: WARNING: This parody does go against the ideals of Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love, so don't get prissy with me in the end!!
Hey, I'm back!! I couldn't think of what to write, but now I think I have it and if I do, this will be the funniest yet, cause Come what May was just too cheesy. It was a cheesy hamburger with extra cheese put right on top and I don't even like cheese! It makes me sick, not that I am lactose and tolerant, oh no, just don't like it. I think it smells funny, like someone's old sneaker. Yup, someone's old stinky gym sneaker. Ok, so here it is, my anti-cheese, nothing on it, sandwich-er-parody…………LOL, anyway……..
Coup D'ETAT
[It all starts normally]
Satine: Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
[Whispers from audience]
Audience: Never seen the sky before, seriously??
Satine: Shit, they hate me! I can't go on!
Satine: Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I'm loving you more and more
Listen to my heart
Can you hear it sing
Obnoxious audience member trying to sound triumphant: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART! [Beats on chest like wild gorilla]
[Satine tries to ignore him, but she can't as he whips out his long knife hands. The member is actually Freddy Krueger]
Freddy: WHERE IS NANCY!?! [He walks towards the stage, flashing his fingers]
[Satine ignores him and continues, eventually, clawing at the floor, screaming "there is hell to pay!" the body guards pull him out]
Satine: Come back to me
And forgive everything!
[ Please, Christian!]
(she gasps)
[Another audience member chuckles]
Audience Member: AHHHHHHH, The apple I gave thee
Is eating the soul of she
So her soul will be mine
To eat until the end of time
It takes of pizza and maggot cheese-------
[yet another audience member interrupts]
Young fourteen year old girl: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHEESE!!!!!!!
[ She runs towards the camera, hands around her opened jaw, screaming]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Satine: ( She continues to sing, ignoring the insane girl, who was now running around the room screaming about the apocalypse and the old hag trying to cast a wicked spell on her) Seasons may change, winter to spring
(whispers) But I love you
(sings) til the end of time
Christian: Come what may
Come what may
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Satine: It's about Damn Time!
[Thinking that everything is alright, Satine calms down and smiles at Christian. She opens her mouth to sing as a humongous glob of saliva intrudes her mouth. She is on the floor, coughing]
Christian: OH! I'm so sorry Nic-er-Satine! I just couldn't help it!
Baz, the furious director: OK!! Can we just finish the song!
Satine: I will love you
Satine: What a glabrous pig!
Christian: Until my dying day
Satine: Dying day
Both: Come what may
Baz, interrupting them again: I'm sorry guys, I'm just not really believing that your in love!
Christian: Come what may
Christian: Well, why don't you tape little plastic hearts to my eyes and make me think dirty thoughts!
Satine: Come what may
Satine: Oh, my god, I think I broke a nail! Like totally for sure, I think I need a manicure!
Both: I will love you until my dying...
[Another audience member stands up]
Man: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Satine & Christian: SHUT UP!
[The man picks up a chair and clambers on stage]
Man: Take this BITCH!
[The man beats Satine over the head with a chair. This is where she dies.]
Christian: You mother fucker! YOU KILLED NIC-ER-SATINE!!! NIC-ER-SATINE WAS MY ONLY LOVE!
[ Christian snatches the chair and smacks the guy out the window where he hit's the Eiffel tower]
Christian: Who are we going to get to play Satine now?
[Baz thinks for a second and suddenly a light bulb appears fluorescent above his head. He reaches into the audience and grabs a girl's hand. It's Samara From THE RING]
Samara: Seven days…..
Christian: Can we just get this over with?
[Christian cowers as Samara approaches her with her long black hair in front of her face]
Toulouse: (spoken) Christian! He's got a gun! They're trying to kill you!
Zidler: (spoken) Shut up!
Toulouse: (spoken) Look, he's got a gun!
Doctor: Vive la vie la bohemia!
(utter chaos on stage - Argentinean wakes up and bursts through the doors)
Argentinean: No problem! Go back to work!
[But, there is a problem, he faints and barney now comes to take his place]
Barney: I love you! You love me! We're---
Toulouse: Going to kill Barney!
[Barney runs off stage with the midget chasing him, waving his cain. They pass by the frantic fourteen year old and the old hag, who has paused Barney using a charm. Toulouse whacks Barney with the cain]
Cast: No matter what you say, the show is ending our way. You've got to stand your ground! For Freedom, Beauty, Truth and Love! Children of the Revolution...
Satine (Really Samara): I'll fly away
Christian: My gift is my song...
Cast: No, you won't fool the Children of the Revolution (repeated)
Satine (Samara): I'll fly away
[Once again, someone interrupts the show. It's Michael Jackson. The whole rooms screams.]
Christian: Who the Fuck are you? Some kind of prostitute?
Michael: No, but I'd like to be!
[The whole room gasps as Satine rises from the dead and starts to dance the Thriller along with Michael]
Christian: Satine! You're alive!
Satine: Christian!
Christian: My gift is my song!
Cast: Come what may
Christian and Satine (Satine pushes Samara off the stage, where she also hit's the Eiffel Tower): I will love you!
Cast: Come what may
Christian and Satine: Yes, I will love you!
Cast: Come what may
Christian and Satine: I will love you until my dying
(the Duke picks up the gun which has somehow ended up in the aisle of the theatre. He points his gun at the lovers)
Duke: (spoken) My way! My way! [The Old Hag raises her wand "Wingardiem Leviosa" and raises the gun away, where is too, hit's the Eiffel Tower. The hag smiles at the lovers and vanishes]
Christian and Satine: day!
[Suddenly, Mome Fromage bursts in front on Satine and Christian for a final dancing sequence NOT included in the movie ]
Satine: Oh, My GOD! Christian, Look at her butt! It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends. Who understands those rap guys anyway? They only talk to her cause she looks like a total prostitute, ok? I mean her butt, it's just so big! I can't believe it's so round. It's just out there I mean, it's gross. Look, she's just so black
[Christian appears next to Mome who was showing off her beautiful butt]
Christian: I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But with that butt you got
Me so horny
Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz
Well use me, use me
cuz you ain't that average groupy………
And everyone lived happily ever after……….well, sort of!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Will that be all? Just a big, no cheese, extra pickles, hamburger?
LOL
Another Disclaimer: I don't own Sir-Mix-A lot's song 'Back Got Back', Samara, or anything else that you recognize.
What'd you think??
Please review!
Hey, and if you want to read an excellent story that DOES abide by Truth, Beauty, Freedom, and Love, read Tani's
Why Does my hearts Cry: Satine is still alive and has a child. But, Christian thought she was dead and was forced to get engaged. How can Satine win him back? By their baby?
Read it!!!
(Did I screw that up Tani??)
