This story came from a conversation on WIKTT, discussing how the fanfiction world would change after June 21st's release of OotP.
Credit Where It's Due:
You know JKR's stuff.
Riley's "Pawn to Queen" - A Hermione/Snape
story that was discontinued a few months ago. Immensly
dissapointed, I was.
Pigwideon - Writer of "The Sybil's Oracle,"
also was recently discontinued.
"The Insanity Trilogy" with Lorna Doors - a story written by Spamwarrior covering Harry's 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th years. Also my namesake.
Lorna Doors was hung up on bathtubs and the idea of tie dying Hogwarts.
And, of course, lanamariah for the verse snippets I
nipped. She's awesome.
I'm a single working mother
With a little mouth to feed
And years of teaching in Europe
Left me very much in need
Of some find of miracle,
Which came in the form
Of a little orphan boy
Alone and forlorn.
This tiny seed grew and grew
Into a tale amazingly long
(And, depending on your religion,
An archetype gone wrong!).
But all the masses ate it up
A million copies, two, three, four, five!
Pretty soon I'm world – famous
Because of a boy who didn't die.
First the craze hit Britain
American was next.
The whole world was caught up
In this explosive text.
Soon, no matter where I went,
The bloody Press was there.
"Jo, can you tell us what's in store?
The plot bits you give are rare."
Wherever I went, I wasn't safe
They tracked my every step.
And all the rumors flying 'round
Were giving me quite a rep!
As world – renowned as I was,
No one ever asked, "Jo who?"
So soon enough, I was wed
And promising, "I do!"
Now my life's focus has changed
I'm on a constant high.
I no longer really care
If Albus lives or dies
Or if our Hero turns to evil
And is Severus really good?
Who knows, under all that espionage,
He really truly could
Have been in love with Lily
Or be Voldie's long lost brother.
Could Remus have loved Pettigrew?
Or maybe there was another?
But I don't care what happens to Harry
Or if Draco lives or dies
Or if the next one's Sirius
Or if it'll make you cry.
This long term lack of cannon
Has made some fans sad
And they've started writing fanfics
(Although they're really bad!).
They'll have even more absurd thoughts
After The Order of the Phoenix.
I wonder what will happen
After I've written book six?
And all the movies, by the Gods!
Have helped to raise interest.
Now Mattel, Warner Brothers, and AOL
Have filed request after request
To out – make Hogsmeade's candy shops
Or create dolls of the gang,
Some of their models are horrible!
The worst one of all is Fang.
But the fans all eat it up
And ask to pay for more.
All the while they're crying,
"We need more books than just four!"
With all the shit Harry takes
And all that he's caused me,
I want to just stop writing.
Maybe they'll let me be!
I've lost my love for the story,
Like Riley's "Pawn to Queen."
There's been dozens of good stories lost
Because the writers feel like me.
The masses hounded them for more.
"Another book! More chapters!
We know you're dead sick of us,
But your story has us enraptured!"
I'm joining the scores of writers
Like Riley and Pigwideon.
I'm hanging up my quill,
I'm taking more time with my son.
My daughter and husband need me.
I'm a mother, like I said
And Harry's not my son.
I've got real life to live instead.
I give you my world,
Hogwarts is yours.
Appease Lorna Doors,
Tie Dye it Rainbow colors!
Or turn it into a place
For Lemony fresh smut.
Make Dudley a Wizard
Or Hermione a slut.
It belongs to you
My beloved fans.
Write what you will
Grow the story best you can.
But I'm a woman as well
As a writing Goddess.
For many years I had your ideas
A creativity Shepherdess.
Now I want to live my life
This is my writer's will.
What's coming will come, we'll meet it indeed,
But I've had my fill.
