Chapter Nine
Sooner or Later
He woke up early just to watch her sleep.
Her limbs twisted contentedly in the wreck of sheets, bathed in the golden warmth of dawn resolutely stealing into the room in spite of the heavy curtains drawn over the window, erased any enduring impressions from his awareness. She wasn't his enemy or his ally, his friend or his lover; she was simply there, and that was all he could ask of someone such as her, unbound by the laws and the affiliations that governed the rest of humanity.
He had lied the night before, though: there wasn't enough time, there was never enough time when it came to her.
The impending questions and suspicions at the hands of Weiss drove him to action even as the first light of the day touched the tips of the fingers she had flung out into the space he had vacated, all the time he had promised draining away with every inch the sun gained on the morning. He was in the process of searching out pen and paper to write her a poignant note vowing that next time, maybe next time they would get around to that discussion, when she stirred, rolling over to bury her face in the pillow he had relinquished and drawing in a long breath as she passed into consciousness. She blinked once or twice as she regarded him, but there was no sign of sleepy confusion over her surroundings about her, only an easy acceptance.
Her eyes shut again languidly and smile fluttered around the edges of her mouth. "Stay. Please. Stay all day, I'll show you around the city."
He settled on the brink of the bed next to her, fidgeting with the ends of his jacket and staring at his feet on the floor. "You know I can't do that. I've got hell to pay as it is, how am I supposed to explain a whole day's disappearance?"
"I don't care," she announced recklessly. "Tell them you got drunk, there was fight, and you got arrested for brawling, something like that."
"But would they believe me?"
She released a small, rough laugh. "Of course not. You, Agent Michael Vaughn, do anything imprudent? God forbid! But we'll have all day to think of a better excuse."
"Sydney..."
"I know." She opened her eyes with a weighty sigh and there was a rustle of scratchy fabric as she sat up beside him. "You have to go." Her arms draped his shoulders with an enjoyable burden and she hid her nose in curve of his neck. "I swear, Vaughn, when it's all over, we'll spend all day, all week together with nothing to interrupt us."
"You keep saying that," he ventured a little defensively, but more mindfully of the reaction it was going to invoke in her, "'when it's all over.'"
She withdrew so quickly that he could hear the air hissing to fill the space between them, and all he could see were her eyes darkening against him. "What do you mean by that?" Her words were so cold and calculated the walls seemed to shiver in their wake.
He drew himself up in an instant response to the animosity, "You always say it will be over soon, but when is soon?"
"These things take time, Vaughn." That last, single name had never cut so much before coming from her throat but he barely heard in his determination to demand the rest of the answers he'd been craving.
"And what does happen when it's all over, Sydney? Did you think the CIA would welcome you back with open arms? Did you think you'd be forgiven, be a hero? No matter the reasons, you've done something inexcusable, they can't trust you, they'll lock you up! So where will you go from here Sydney, where do we go?"
"I thought," she punched the statement fiercely, "that I would get away from this life, somewhere where no one would ever find me, where I'd be free of any obligations. I thought you would come with me."
"You assumed that I'd come with you, but you never even asked me? What if I don't want to leave behind everything I've ever known for you? You may forget from time to time, but I did choose this life, this job for myself. And I like my illusions, the few of them I have left, my family, my friends, my security. It's not so simple for me to it give up as it was for you."
"You said you loved me." Her voice was quiet, but the glinting wintriness of her glare was enough to push him with an almost physically force off the bed and back a few steps; still, he managed to hold her eyes with a chill of his own.
"And you said you loved me."
The silence stretched with a wretched, knife-like sting, and his knees almost buckled under the pressure of the hostility, causing him to retreat another couple staggering paces. His back hit the wall and he slid down it to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest and turning his face away from the death-like grip their stares had been drawn into as he recognized what they were doing to themselves.
"You remember the people in the park, don't you?" He spoke so softly, making so little impact in the buzzing of anger in the air, that Sydney actually leaned forward to hear. The laughter that was trying to spill out caught on his tongue, and he choked on it for a moment. "How could you forget? We envied them so much, their dogs and their families and their happiness, even their problems.
"And that is what I've been searching for, what I've been clinging to since I realized a long time ago that I was going to have to live with the lies if I was really going to do what I promised my father I would. Those visits with my mom, Donovan...Alice, it was all a guard against the inevitable, a semblance of normalcy I've been building." He swallowed, reaching for the apology he'd been working up to. "Something like that, something you've assembled your whole life around in hopes it would come true, is hard to sacrifice on demand; it's hard to accept that you're never going to get your chance. To comprehend that it means nothing because I'd give it up to follow you as long as you'll let me."
Her body fell into place next to his and she nestled her lips against his ear to whisper with an aching, tender passion exactly what he wanted to be told, "It's going to be our turn soon, Vaughn, we're going to be those people in the park. It's all going to be over soon."
He slipped an arm around her and pressed her lovingly to him, like he could wipe away all of the distance between them, holding onto her just as tightly as he held onto her lies.
* * * * * * * * * *
He met Weiss's intent gaze only for an instant as he entered, then let his eyes skitter away across the rest of the room, dropping his key on the table and heading unswervingly for his bed. As soon as he had unfolded himself and straightened the pillow behind his head, he glanced up to find Weiss still looking steadily at him.
Weiss closed his laptop and turned all the way around in the desk chair, something like disapproval underlying every move. "Wild night?"
"You could say that," Vaughn replied cautiously under hooded eyes.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
Weiss's jaw clenched and a spasm of frustration crossed his features. "You have to stop doing this to yourself, Mike. Sydney's gone and nothing is going to change that."
"I promise, Eric, Sydney is the last thing on my mind right now." And then he turned his head, already surrendering to sleep, and for a little while at least, his words were the truth.
A/N: So you thought the angst was over now that Syd and Vaughn were happily back together? Let me warn you: it's only beginning. Wait until you find out what Sydney does next chapter...
Sooner or Later
He woke up early just to watch her sleep.
Her limbs twisted contentedly in the wreck of sheets, bathed in the golden warmth of dawn resolutely stealing into the room in spite of the heavy curtains drawn over the window, erased any enduring impressions from his awareness. She wasn't his enemy or his ally, his friend or his lover; she was simply there, and that was all he could ask of someone such as her, unbound by the laws and the affiliations that governed the rest of humanity.
He had lied the night before, though: there wasn't enough time, there was never enough time when it came to her.
The impending questions and suspicions at the hands of Weiss drove him to action even as the first light of the day touched the tips of the fingers she had flung out into the space he had vacated, all the time he had promised draining away with every inch the sun gained on the morning. He was in the process of searching out pen and paper to write her a poignant note vowing that next time, maybe next time they would get around to that discussion, when she stirred, rolling over to bury her face in the pillow he had relinquished and drawing in a long breath as she passed into consciousness. She blinked once or twice as she regarded him, but there was no sign of sleepy confusion over her surroundings about her, only an easy acceptance.
Her eyes shut again languidly and smile fluttered around the edges of her mouth. "Stay. Please. Stay all day, I'll show you around the city."
He settled on the brink of the bed next to her, fidgeting with the ends of his jacket and staring at his feet on the floor. "You know I can't do that. I've got hell to pay as it is, how am I supposed to explain a whole day's disappearance?"
"I don't care," she announced recklessly. "Tell them you got drunk, there was fight, and you got arrested for brawling, something like that."
"But would they believe me?"
She released a small, rough laugh. "Of course not. You, Agent Michael Vaughn, do anything imprudent? God forbid! But we'll have all day to think of a better excuse."
"Sydney..."
"I know." She opened her eyes with a weighty sigh and there was a rustle of scratchy fabric as she sat up beside him. "You have to go." Her arms draped his shoulders with an enjoyable burden and she hid her nose in curve of his neck. "I swear, Vaughn, when it's all over, we'll spend all day, all week together with nothing to interrupt us."
"You keep saying that," he ventured a little defensively, but more mindfully of the reaction it was going to invoke in her, "'when it's all over.'"
She withdrew so quickly that he could hear the air hissing to fill the space between them, and all he could see were her eyes darkening against him. "What do you mean by that?" Her words were so cold and calculated the walls seemed to shiver in their wake.
He drew himself up in an instant response to the animosity, "You always say it will be over soon, but when is soon?"
"These things take time, Vaughn." That last, single name had never cut so much before coming from her throat but he barely heard in his determination to demand the rest of the answers he'd been craving.
"And what does happen when it's all over, Sydney? Did you think the CIA would welcome you back with open arms? Did you think you'd be forgiven, be a hero? No matter the reasons, you've done something inexcusable, they can't trust you, they'll lock you up! So where will you go from here Sydney, where do we go?"
"I thought," she punched the statement fiercely, "that I would get away from this life, somewhere where no one would ever find me, where I'd be free of any obligations. I thought you would come with me."
"You assumed that I'd come with you, but you never even asked me? What if I don't want to leave behind everything I've ever known for you? You may forget from time to time, but I did choose this life, this job for myself. And I like my illusions, the few of them I have left, my family, my friends, my security. It's not so simple for me to it give up as it was for you."
"You said you loved me." Her voice was quiet, but the glinting wintriness of her glare was enough to push him with an almost physically force off the bed and back a few steps; still, he managed to hold her eyes with a chill of his own.
"And you said you loved me."
The silence stretched with a wretched, knife-like sting, and his knees almost buckled under the pressure of the hostility, causing him to retreat another couple staggering paces. His back hit the wall and he slid down it to the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest and turning his face away from the death-like grip their stares had been drawn into as he recognized what they were doing to themselves.
"You remember the people in the park, don't you?" He spoke so softly, making so little impact in the buzzing of anger in the air, that Sydney actually leaned forward to hear. The laughter that was trying to spill out caught on his tongue, and he choked on it for a moment. "How could you forget? We envied them so much, their dogs and their families and their happiness, even their problems.
"And that is what I've been searching for, what I've been clinging to since I realized a long time ago that I was going to have to live with the lies if I was really going to do what I promised my father I would. Those visits with my mom, Donovan...Alice, it was all a guard against the inevitable, a semblance of normalcy I've been building." He swallowed, reaching for the apology he'd been working up to. "Something like that, something you've assembled your whole life around in hopes it would come true, is hard to sacrifice on demand; it's hard to accept that you're never going to get your chance. To comprehend that it means nothing because I'd give it up to follow you as long as you'll let me."
Her body fell into place next to his and she nestled her lips against his ear to whisper with an aching, tender passion exactly what he wanted to be told, "It's going to be our turn soon, Vaughn, we're going to be those people in the park. It's all going to be over soon."
He slipped an arm around her and pressed her lovingly to him, like he could wipe away all of the distance between them, holding onto her just as tightly as he held onto her lies.
* * * * * * * * * *
He met Weiss's intent gaze only for an instant as he entered, then let his eyes skitter away across the rest of the room, dropping his key on the table and heading unswervingly for his bed. As soon as he had unfolded himself and straightened the pillow behind his head, he glanced up to find Weiss still looking steadily at him.
Weiss closed his laptop and turned all the way around in the desk chair, something like disapproval underlying every move. "Wild night?"
"You could say that," Vaughn replied cautiously under hooded eyes.
"Want to talk about it?"
"Not really."
Weiss's jaw clenched and a spasm of frustration crossed his features. "You have to stop doing this to yourself, Mike. Sydney's gone and nothing is going to change that."
"I promise, Eric, Sydney is the last thing on my mind right now." And then he turned his head, already surrendering to sleep, and for a little while at least, his words were the truth.
A/N: So you thought the angst was over now that Syd and Vaughn were happily back together? Let me warn you: it's only beginning. Wait until you find out what Sydney does next chapter...
