5. Pizza Pandemonium
When I came to I couldn't remember who I was, where I was, or what I was meant to be doing… for a few moments. As the memories came rushing back, I breathed in the sweet smell of the grass I was laying on trying to keep the headache from the sudden deluge of memories that was flooding my brain.
"Ugh, 'morning amnesia. Natures way to keep you from waking up screaming.'" I said remembering the old Dilbert punch line.
I pulled my self to my hands/claws and knees. In doing so, something fell off my back with a groan. I looked down and found Chris by my side. I took a look around and discovered the others sprawled around me, all of them just starting to wake up.
Glancing around, I saw we were in a small clearing in a deciduous forest (mostly pine trees with some Oak, Maple, and others). About a hundred feet away, straight ahead, the forest thinned and ended near what looked like a town. Pointing this out to my friends (who were now well awake and complaining about our rough landing) we started walking in that direction.
Five minutes later we immerged at the edge of the town. It was larger than it appeared and for some strange reason almost all the rooftops were a deep blue. While pondering where I had seen this place before, Nick pulled at my sleeve.
"What?" I asked a little annoyed that he had wrecked my train of thought.
"I know where we are." he said grimly.
"Really? How do you know?" I asked more than a little surprised.
He pointed to my left. Glancing over that way, I spotted two things that caused my jaw to drop. In the distance was a large Japanese Palace with blue roofing and two ridiculous looking golden horns sticking up from the roof (AN: I' don't know what they're called). The other more familiar building, which was just a hundred feet away, was a semi-large building with a red roof and a long thin section sticking forward with a clock on the end and a sign hanging under it saying 'Welcome.'
After
picking up my jaw, I started grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't believe where
we were.
"This
is great!" I exclaimed.
"Maybe from your point of view." muttered Nick.
"Why is this great? Where are we?" asked Kary.
"Why, we're in Little Tokyo!" I said happily
The others just gave me blank looks. I was about to explain when a siren sounded. The elongated part of the roof started to raise up while the clock folded down revealing the roof to be the barrel of a huge revolver.
That's when a clear feminine voce came on over the loud speakers.
"Attention citizens of Little Tokyo, get clear of the blast
The Pizza Cats are blasting off fast, fast, fast."
With that a blast of white smoke issued forth from the guns barrel. A second later, a red blast appeared. And finally a blue one. As the fireballs passed overhead, the flames dispersed to reveal three figures dressed in similar colored armor.
"Quick! We have to follow them." I shouted.
"Why?" asked Chris.
"And, more importantly, how?" added Kary.
"Just follow my lead, guys."
I concentrated on the card I wanted. A moment later it shot out from the cardholder on my wrist. Grabbing it, I swiped it through my Digivises slot and shouted, "Digi-Modify! 'Hyper Sonic' activate!" Feeling my speed increase exponentially, I took off after those colorful projectiles.
[-----------------]
"Hey guys, what do you think that is?" said the white armored figure pointing to a red figure (me) kicking up a cloud of dust as it quickly passed below.
"I don't know, but there's a few more of them." said the red, armored female pointing to five more figures zooming after the first.
"Maybe they drank too much and are trying to find a bathroom." suggested the blue clad individual.
"Oh man, if they're drunk we could have a big accident on our paws." stated the white figure.
"Oh come on! This is a kids show they would never allow alcohol in It." said the red figure.
"Hey why don't we ask the Narrator for help?" suggested the blue figure.
"OK. Hey! Mr. Narrator! What's with the speeders down there?" shouted the white figure.
"I, honestly, don't know." said the disembodied voice of the Narrator, "I don't know every thing that happens all the time."
"What?!" said the white figure, a little incredulous, "But I thought Narrators were supposed to be omni- omnio-. Oh, able to see everything."
"Sorry, the producers take it out of my pay check every time I tell you guys something you're not supposed to know."
"Darn."
"Well, they are heading where we're going. So maybe we'll find out anyway." said the blue figure.
"Well OK then." said the red figure.
"As our staunch hero's zoom off to fight evil…" said the Narrator.
[-----------------]
"…a new group of characters awaits their arrival."
"Am I hearing things?" asked Sage as we came to a stop in the woods on the other side of the city. We were at the place where, near as I could guess, the figures would land.
"Don't worry about it," I said casually, "it's just the Narrator."
"Narrator??"
"Yah."
"What is this? A TV show?" asked Leaf.
"Well actually it is." I replied.
There was a moment of silence.
"Its true! The show is about the hero's called-"
At that moment the three figures crashed into the ground jus in front of us. As the dust settled the figure (which turned out to be a cat) clad in blue armor stepped out holding a red umbrella. "Hey you kooky characters, catch the captivating conundrum that is this cool cat: Guido Anchovy." he said and gave a small wink.
The red figure stepped out playing a few notes on a small flute. "Perfect pink Polly Esther," she then blew a small kiss, "comin' at ya."
Finally, the white armor clad figure stepped into view between the others. "I'm Speedy Cerviche, and you better not be lookn' for trouble otherwise we'll sic Polly on ya."
"Together," said the Narrator, "they are The Samuri…"
"Pizza Cats!" finished the cats.
"Oh cool! Can I have your autographs?" I asked.
"Why?" asked Speedy obviously confused.
"I love your show."
"Ben, what the heck is this about a show??" asked Leaf.
"I'll show you. Do you mind if I show them the theme song of your show?" I asked the cats.
"Not at all." said Speedy.
"Go right ahead." added Guido.
Pulling out my Digivise I selected the info on The Samuri Pizza Cats TV show and pulled up the theme song. A two dimensional screen was projected from my Digivise onto a nearby tree.
(AN: to see a video clip of the theme song, go to Jonas Miles' Samurai Pizza Cats Lair (you may have to search for it) in the Theater section, called SPCopen.mpeg)
The Samuri Pizza Cats Theme song:
Samurai Pizza Cats...
[Cats: Oh yeah!]
Who do you call when you want some pepperoni?
Samurai Pizza Cats...
[Speedy Cerviche: Right on!]
They're stepping out crime, and you know that ain't baloney
There's Speedy Cerviche,
He's the leader of the bunch
[Polly & Guido: That's right!]
A heck of a fighter
Makes a heck of a lunch.
And little Polly Esther
Who's never afraid
[Polly: That's me!]
Of going into battle
When the bad guys invade.
Here's Guido Anchovy
A wild romantic rover.
This cat gets down down
With a love hangover
Here come the Pizza Cats.
They're so bad.
They've got more fur than any turtle ever had!
They're stronger than old cheese...
[Stronger than old cheese.]
Stronger than dirt...
[Stronger than dirt.]
Step on their tails...
[Not on my tail!]
And you're gonna' get hurt...
[Don't hurt me!]
Samurai Pizza Cats...
They're fighting crime
All over town!
Three... Two... One...
Pizza Cats are on the run!
The Big Cheese is the villain,
Who's lower than low.
It's a rotten shame
He lives in Little Tokyo.
We've got a nasty Bad Bird
And some nasty Ninja Crows.
As soon as someone finds the script
We might begin the show.
Sit back and kick up your feet
And turn the sound up high.
And if you want the full effects
Go eat a pizza pie!
Samuri Pizza Cats
"Cool." said Chris after the song had ended.
"And who are you guys?" asked Polly.
"Oh, sorry. I'm Benjamon. Just call me Ben. And these are my friends."
After telling them our names (human and Digimon) the cats looked puzzled.
"Why do all your names have 'mon' at the end?" asked Guido.
"Because we're part Digimon. Meaning 'Digital Monster' but don't worry we're friendly." I said.
"How do we know we can trust you?" asked Polly suspiciously.
"I'm a big fan of your show, I have The Samuri Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath memorized."
"Oh ya? Then let's hear It." said Speedy.
"O.K. Will you guys say your lines as well?" I asked.
"Sure." replied Guido.
"Ladies and Gentlemen…" said the Narrator.
I couldn't resist butting in with, "Who arrived?"
"Ahem." replied the Narrator, obviously annoyed, "As I was saying. Ladies and gentlemen, The Samuri Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath."
"The Samuri Pizza Cats Fan Club Oath"
(AN: There's a copy of this with the end theme on the same site as above)
Me: The Pizza Cats are samuri
And I'd like to note
Their antics take your breath away
Like fur balls in your throat
Speedy: We kittens are a special breed
We never call retreat
Guido: Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down
Polly: We land upon our feet
Me: So hail to thee oh Pizza Cats
Please ring your little bell
Although you may be pen and ink
We know you'll fight like…
ALL: Pizza Cats!
"Wow, how did you know that so well?" asked Speedy.
"You'd know it too if you got up at five AM to see the show every week day for a good two months or more." I said simply.
"Five AM?!" said a surprised Speedy.
"For two months?!" exclaimed Polly.
"Yah," I sighed wistfully, "and I was only five at the time, too."
There was another stunned silence.
"So, what are you guy's doing here?" I asked.
"Big Al gave us a multiple missing citizens report." stated Guido
"All of who were picnicking nearby." added Polly.
"We think the Big Cheese may be behind It." remarked Speedy.
"When has he ever not been behind it?" I asked sarcastically.
"Who is this 'Big Cheese'?" asked Kary.
"Seymour Cheese, AKA The Big Cheese, is a rat in more ways than one. He's the Prime Minister for the city and wants to rule it, and frankly I don't blame him with a legal system like this one. I mean, wouldn't you hate it if, because the current Emperor is nuts, and the queen is off visiting other countries, that the spoiled brat of a princess is in control with a lesser group of governors who aren't too capable themselves. No offence meant to Big Al, he's a very capable person."
"The two reasons The Big Cheese hasn't taken over yet is because: one, the Pizza Cats are always there to defeat him…"
"True, True." said Speedy, polishing his nails on his chest plate and looking at them casually.
"The other being that…the guy is an absolute idiot!" I said. "His best laid plans fall apart because of his own incompetence! It's usually his assistant's job to come up with all his schemes, which he goes and screws up anyway. Not to mention the guy's a cross dresser."
At that there were gasps all around and my brother made a gagging sound pointing his index finger down his throat.
"That maybe true," said Speedy, "but it's been months since The Big Comet Caper, and we haven't seen hide nor greasy hair of the big rat."
"Hmmm." I mused
"Well anyway, do you think we could help you guys?" I asked the Pizza Cats.
"Well, do you have any fighting experience?" asked Guido.
I smirked.
"Well, does destroying a psychotic demonic entity with my bare ha- er, claws count?" I asked rhetorically.
"I'd call that a big yes, Guido." said Polly.
"OK, so can you guys show us your attacks?" asked Speedy.
"Sure." I said glancing around.
Spotting an old tree, which looked about ready to fall over anyway, I said, "Nick, show them your attack first."
"Sure Mr. Leader." He said sarcastically.
He took a karate stance, took off running at the tree, and launched himself at it with a cry of, "V Headbut." He crashed headfirst into the tree leaving a sizeable dent and he walked away not even dizzy.
"No way!" shouted Speedy, astonished.
"Oh it gets better. Kary? If you would be so kind." I asked.
"Certainly." she replied. Stepping forward, she launched herself into the air, did a forward flip. When she came upright, she held her limbs stiff as crystals formed in the air around her. Then, shouting "Diamond Storm," she launched them all at the tree. She landed in a crouched position and we could see that each of the crystals had imbedded itself totally into the ground or, in the majority, into the tree.
"Incredible!" said Polly.
"Your up Leaf." I said casually.
"Um, Ben?" he said and indicated his body.
"Oh. You just concentrate on building up enough energy to do it." I stated casually.
"Everybody back off," I said holding my arms out to the sides and backing off myself, "give him some room."
"Why?" asked Speedy.
Just then there was a blast of energy from Leaf.
"Electmon Digivolve to…Leafamon!"
He was back to his Leomon form.
"Holy cats meow!" shouted Speedy.
Clenching his ham-sized fists, he sighed, "Ahh, that feels better."
Taking a stance, he threw his right arm forward firing a blast of golden energy, in the shape of a lion's head, with a cry of "Fist of the Beastking!" The blast hit a glancing blow to the tree and cut out a neat semi-circle straight through the left side of the trunk.
"Chris, your turn."
Chris ran full tilt at the tree. When he was only five feet away, he went into a controlled spin and shouted, "Terrier Tornado!" Hitting the tree with his long ears, he cut through the other half like a chain saw toppling the tree in the process.
"Sage, I'll attack with you since our attacks are similar. On the count of three: one, two, three!"
Sage shouted "Pepper Breath!" releasing a fireball from his mouth as I did the same when I shouted "Pyro Sphere!" Both attacks hit what remained of the tree and burned it to the ground.
"Well? What'd you think?" I asked the cats.
To say that they were at a loss for words would be an understatement. They all stood there with their jaws practically hanging to the ground.
"Any questions?" I asked casually.
Coming soon: Part 2
