Yay! Positive Feedback! A free Moebius plushie to all!! It doubles as a Torture Device! Just set it on fire, slam it against a wall, sell it to someone dumber than you, use it as a handy dust cloth, throw it in the microwave, feed it to...

Wnut: Get on with it!

Me: Okay! Here we go!

Legacy of Ganon: Nut Reaver Chapter 2

We begin with our undead hero-lady waltzing on to Melchiah's clan area. She first went off to her armoury and suited up in fine armour. She then searched her territory high and low for her followers, and succeeded in finding a few of her finest minstrils...

(As they march to Mel's area, the minstril sings Wingnut's Anthem)

Minstril: She is brave Wingnut, Who comes from Nosgoth She is not afraid to die, O Brave Wingnut! She is not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, Brave brave brave brave Wingnut!

Wingnut: ^_^ *beams proudly*

Minstril: She was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,

Wingnut: 0_0

Minstril: Or to have her eyes gouged out, or her elbows broken,

Wingnut: 0_o Wh-what?!

Minstril: Or to have her kneecaps slit and her body burned away,

Wingnut: O_O gulp

Minstril: Or to have her limbs all hacked and mangled!

Wingnut: 0.0

Minstril: Her liver removed and her heart cut out and her bowels unplugged-

Wingnut: -_-

Minstril: And her feet beaten up or her nostrils baked and her spine ripped up and her ears cut off and her-

Wingnut: That's enough singing!!!

Minstril: Bravely brave Wing-

Wingnut: Shut up! Were getting close...

Minstril: How can you tell?

Wingnut: *points to the 'Melchia's Clan This Way' sign*

So they go on their merry way until...

Three-Headed Melchihim: Halt!!!

Yes! It was the dreaded Three Headed Melchihim (3HM)! ....Hey....I think I've seen this movie!

3HM: Who are you?

Minstril: She is-

Wingnut: Shut up! (to 3HM) Oh, nobody really. Just passing through...

3HM: What do you want?

Minstril: To fight and-

Wingnut: SHUT UP!!!! Nothing, just to pass through...

3HM: No! This is my bit of the Clan Area! Find your own!

Wingnut: I am Wingnut, Liutennant of Ganon (under her breath) that !@$!$...

The 3 heads now speak individually amoungst themselves...

SECOND HEAD: Crap

FIRST HEAD: In that case I shall have to kill you.

SECOND HEAD: Shall I?

THIRD HEAD: Oh, I don't think so.

SECOND HEAD: I'm not sure.(to FIRST) What do I think?

FIRST HEAD: I think kill him.

SECOND HEAD: I'm still not sure.

Wingnut: I'm a HER!

THIRD HEAD: All right. How many of me think I should kill HER?

Wingnut: ^_^ Thanx!

FIRST HEAD: I do.

THIRD HEAD: One.

SECOND HEAD: That's not a quorum.

FIRST HEAD: It is if I'm the Chairman!

THIRD HEAD: Oo, it's not.

SECOND HEAD: I'm the Chairman this week.

FIRST HEAD:You're not.

SECOND HEAD: Look, it'll make it much simpler if I vote with me!

THIRD HEAD: To kill her.

SECOND HEAD: Yeah.

FIRST HEAD: (to Wingnut) Lady, I have decided to kill you.

THIRD HEAD: With one absenting.

FIRST HEAD: Lady, I have decided to kill you with one absenting.

THIRD HEAD: (to Wingnut) Sorry about this but I have to be fair.

Wingnut: Oh, that's all right. So you are going to kill me with your big axe.

FIRST HEAD: Er no, with my sword.

SECOND HEAD: Dagger.

THIRD HEAD: Mace is quicker.

FIRST HEAD: No, no, the sword, it's easier.

THIRD HEAD: She said axe.

Wingnut: Look, hurry up six eyes, or I shall cut your head off.

THIRD HEAD: (to Wingnut, referring to FIRST HEAD) For God's sake, CUT that one off, and do us all a favour.

FIRST HEAD: What do you mean?

THIRD HEAD: Yapping on all the time.

SECOND HEAD: You're lucky, you're not next to him.

THIRD HEAD: What do you mean?

SECOND HEAD: You snore.

THIRD HEAD: Oo, lies. Anyway, you've got bad breath.

SECOND HEAD: (aspirating heavily) I haven't.

(Both THIRD and FIRST HEADS turn away slightly, making faces.)

SECOND HEAD: It's not my fault. It's what you both eat. FIRST HEAD: Look, stop this arguing. We've got an undead vampire to kill.

THIRD HEAD: I say we use a lance!

For seconds, Wingnut held her own against the arguing of the 3HM, but the onslaught proved too much for her! Scarcely was her armor damp when she suddenly and dramatically changed tactics...

FIRST HEAD: Where is she?

SECOND HEAD: She's scampered off!

THIRD HEAD: So she has.

(Scene shifts. Wingnut and Minstrils are making their way onward. The music is jolly and bright, as if triumphant. Wingnut is not at all happy with the lyrics...)

Minstril: Brave Wingnut ran away!

Wingnut: NO!

Minstril: Bravely ran away, away.

Wingnut: I Didnt!

Minstril: When danger reared its ugly head. She bravely turned his tail and fled, Brave Wingnut turned about And gallantly she chickened out Bravely taking to her feet

Wingnut: All lies!

Minstril: She beat a very brave retreat Bravest of the brave Wingnut Petrified of being dead Soiled her pants then brave Wingnut Turned away and fled.

It was then that Wingnut removed the rusted armor, and for no aparent reason, was forced to eat her minstrils. And there was much rejoycing

Everyone on the Internet: Yaaaaaaaaaaay.

She makes her way onward and finds a Melchiahim...

Wingnut VO: These things looked a lot like the things in Jabba the Hut's place! Their scent was vampiric, but they moured upon their victim like a Tatooine Rockwyrm gobbles up it's Valeafor Rats......

Wingnut runs along until she sees flags with Melchia's symbol.

Wingnut VO: This Carmel House bore the unmistakable signs of Melchias clan area. My feelings told me this...Had our dynasty plumeted to summon corpses as soldiers?

Melchiahim: Death to the Rebellion! *gets killed*

Wingnut makes her way to a lake...

Wingnut: A lake. I will raise boulders to make my way across! *uses the Force to summon rocks, then hops across*

She comes to the Warp Gate...

Wingnut: So this is the gate that Darth Elder was talking about...I will join the Rebellion and destroy him!

Darth Elder: Wingnut.....I am your far distant cousin! Many times removed!

Wingnut: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! *draws Lightsaber out of nowhere and hacks her way to the Final Puzzle*

Here, she uses the Force to move her Lightsaber in such a way that it cuts all the wooden beams and makes the floor crash....on her.

Wingnut: OOF! X_X

6 Hours Later... Wingnut finally wakes up in Spectral Realm. She eats a few Sluagh and then shifts into Material, where she goes to Mel's Lair...

(Gate slams shut behind her)

Wingnut: AAAH! What? NOOOOO! I must get the gate back open!

So Wingnut tried everything to get it open. She tried squeezing her way through the bars, punching it, climbing on it, and even sneaking up on it.

Wingnut: OPEN SESAME!!!!!!.....(nothing happens)...... COME ON!!!!!!

But eventually, everything failed. So she, like, got frustrated, as any one of us would.

Wingnut: *puts quarter under gate and tries, unsuccessfully at that, to wedge it open* Come on! OPEN!!!! *runs around screaming and trying to bite her way through the bars*

Okay. Maybe a little more than any one of us would.

Wingnut: I'll never do it! Never! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! *hears rumbling voice* Hm? *edges over to shadowy figure* Show yourself, creature!

Creature: Here I am!

Wingnut: Not you! The one in the shadows!

Creature: *sniffle*

Melchia: Do you not recognize me sister.....have I so changed?

Wingnut: Jabba the Hut? We just finished the Star Wars crossover! Now were on Kung Pow: Enter the Fist!

Melchia: NO! Im Melchia you moron!

Wingnut: Ooooooooh......okay, sorry! Lets restart!

Melchia: *rolls eyes* Do you not recognize me sister? Have I so changed?

Wingnut: Well, yeah! You really let yourself go, didnt you Melchia?

Melchia: THATS ENOUGH! There are people that say I am a bad person. They say I do things that are not, er, correct to do. I do not believe in such talk as this! I am nice vampire, with happy feelings...all of the time! First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

Wingnut: A stretchy owl?

Melchia: Besides that!

Wingnut: The Christmas present we got Ganon?

Melchia: Oh for the love of-

Wingnut: A bumblebee?

Melchia: Ah, close enough. From this day forward, you will refer to me by the name...Betty! Nyra! Nryahahahahaha!

Wingnut: But...Isnt Betty a woman's name?

Mel-er-Betty: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Wingnut: Where is Ganon?

Betty: Beats me.

Wingnut: %@$#%

Betty: 0.0 o\_/o You were always the cursing kind...now, YOU DIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!

Betty then roared, and started to charge. But at that moment, all those Super-Deluxe Mega Sized Jmbo Burgers from the Fatso Burger caught up with him...

Betty: GRAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!! Now you DIIIIII- eeeeeep! *has a sudden fatal Heart attack*

Wingnut: .........................eh............Mel? Meeeeeeeeeel?

Doctor Melchiahim: * rushes in* LETS GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!!! * puts electric things on him* CLEAR!!!!!!!! Zap.

Betty: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!! *gets up* THE PAAAAAAAIN!!!!!!!

Doctor: Thats the seventh time this week! You have to watch your fat intake, Melchia!

Betty: Its......BETTY!!!!!*eats doctor* Alright....NOW you die! HIT IT!

Melchiahim: *pushes button on stereo, girly song begins to play*

Wingnut: AAAH! *runs and finds leaver that opens gate* Alright! This could help! *snaps leaver off and jumps out*

Using all her might, Wingnut hurls the stick at Betty. The stick whizes by his head. The stick hits the stereo, and iBlack Betty/i begins to play.

Wingnut: Hey! I love this song! *dances to the beat*

Melchia: I could dance like that....if I felt like it...

Wingnut: You threatened to kill me.....And I dont like that kind of thing. *kicks Betty*

Betty: OW! You stubbed my toe!!! *hides in cricle cage* Youre mean!

Wingnut: Hey! Chocolate! *walks to Betty's throne, accidentally trips over switch* *sits down and eats chocolate, dosent notice Betty's horridly bloody gorey painful death* Mmmmmmmmmmm......Hershey's....

Betty: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!! squish (soul bonds to Hershey bar)

Wingnut: *tastes soul* OOH OOH! Theres almonds in this!

EG: Consuming Melchia's soul has endowed-

Wingnut: It's Betty now....Hey! Snickers! Huzzah!

EG: Oh...Betty's soul...has endowed you with the ability to pass through insubstantial barriers.

Wingnut: Say what now?

EG: You can get out of the gate now. But only in Spectral Realm!

Wingnut: Goodie!*gathers Chocolate and shifts to Spectral*

An 'Insert Quarter Here' slot arrears next to the gate.

Wingnut: YAY! *puts in Quarter and walks off...*

To be Continued.....
How was that? I know, I know, it was pretty long. I hope you enjoy it! (confetti falls) WHERE DOES IT ALL COME FROM!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!? Please, review! Cya in da next chapter!

~Ganon