Disclaimer: The usual-I don't own anything, except maybe the plot so help me God.

Chapter Nine: Of Painful Experiences

"So what did you guys get for Christmas?" asked Sirius. "I need to know what everyone got so I can compare it to what I got so I can know if my parents are slacking off."

"Well, let's see," began Lily. "I got a beanbag chair, three new Beatles records, an owl, loads of candy, a new flute, platform shoes, new clothes…I think that's about it…" Sirius nodded.

"Great, then my parents aren't total slackers," he said happily. "How was your Christmas Vacation here Remus?"

"It was okay. Only four other students stayed, Taryn included, so it was really quiet. I think the teachers enjoyed it a lot actually," commented Remus, looking up from his book. The three friends were sitting in the boys' dormitory on the first day back from Christmas break.

"How long ago did James and Peter and Carolina leave?" whined Sirius. "I'm hungry and if they don't get back here with food soon I think I'll die."

"You? Hungry?" asked Carolina, who was standing in the doorway, her robes bulging with stolen goodies. "I never would have guessed, Siri!"

"Siri?" asked James, pushing past Carolina. "Why Siri? There are so many more better things you could call him."

"Yes, but this way, you all rhyme!" said Lily. "Remie, Siri, Jamsie, and Petey. Perfectly annoying, don't you think?" The four boys glowered at her.

"If we have incredibly annoying nicknames, you should too," pronounced Sirius, cramming a custard doughnut down his throat.

"Sure, you go ahead and try to think up embarrassing nicknames for us," said Carolina mockingly. "This should be fun, Lils. They have the IQ of demented rodents."

"Now let's not be insulting," said Lily. "Rodents are actually highly intelligent creatures compared to this lot. I was thinking demented dung beetles."

"SHUT UP!" the four boys cried in unison. The girls dissolved into giggles.

"Speaking of stupid nicknames," inserted James, cutting off the girls' laughter, "we need a name for our little group of mad pranksters, don't ya think?"

"Yeah," said Remus. "A name that will be immortalized forever in a hall of fame, or maybe just written about in a famous children's book about a couple of kids our age that go to Hogwarts and have all sorts of mad adventures."

"Like Bonnie and Clyde," mussed Lily.

"They aren't a group," interjected Peter. "That's just two married people robbing banks. I was thinking like the mafia or something…"

"Remie, what were you saying before that, about a Hall of Fame?" asked James, getting an idea.

"I said, we should have a name that will someday be immortalized in a hall of fame or something," said Remus.

"THAT'S IT!" cried Sirius and James.

"What's it?" the others asked cautiously. In the four months that they had known each other, everyone had learned to fear the times that Sirius and James had the same idea.

"The MARAUDERS!" they yelled. "We'll be the marauders!"

"What's a marauder," wondered Peter.

Lily cleared her throat. "Marauder- someone who roams about and raids in search of plunder." Everyone stared at her. "What? My muggle English teacher, Ms. Biggums, beat certain definitions into our brains…especially if we ever misspelled them," Lily muttered, shuddering at the memory.

"Right then," said Remus, with a cautious look at Lily. "So it's decided. The Marauders forever!" Everyone was silent for a moment.

Sirius stood up. "Now, as the functioning president of The Marauders-." He was interrupted when his audience let out a cry.

"You? A president?" gasped Peter.

"Great we're doomed before we pull our first prank," groaned Carolina.

"Oh dear," muttered Remus.

"I believe you are mistaken," said James. "Marauders don't have presidents, they are to busy maraudering about."

"Fine," huffed Sirius. "But before you kick me out of office, let me lay down our long term goals. First, we shall become the most notorious pranksters Hogwarts has ever seen. Second, let's challenge the professors, test their creativity. Let's see how many detentions it is possible to retain in one year. Third, we have to make Malfoy wet his pants at least once-"

"Here, here!" cried Lily, grinning like a maniac. Sirius looked daggers at her.

"-and last but not least, we must discover all passages in and out of Hogwarts, cause how else are we going to avoid Filch and detentions and that despicable cat?" His last words were almost drowned out with the cheers that filled the room. Sirius grinned. "Thank you, thank you, thank you very much," he said in a fake American accent. Lily and Remus laughed, but no one else got it. "Oh never mind. I'm just a poor misunderstood genius."

"Um, yeah, except for that whole genius part," said Carolina. Sirius muttered something under his breath waving his wand inconspicuously. Everything was silent for a moment, and then Lily squeaked while Carolina bolted into the bathroom, and the boys rolled about on the floor laughing.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Carolina bellowed from the bathroom. "SIRIUS YOU BLOODY IDIOT!" This just made the boys laugh harder. Even Lily submitted and began to giggle uncontrollably as Carolina walked back into the room with newly sprouted cat ears, claws and whiskers, and her newly sprouted white-gold tail draped gracefully over one arm.

"Well, you can serve as our mascot at the Quidditch match today. And since that spell wont wear off for another two hours, I think we should force her to go," said Sirius with an evil twinkle in his black eyes.

"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Carolina yelled, rather like a war cry, as she flung herself at the unsuspecting Sirius. The other four just stood to the side, mouths hanging open. After five minutes of scrambling and clawing (I'll bet Sirius regretting adding those to the spell, Lily grimaced inwardly.) and hair pulling, Carolina sat heavily on top of Sirius's stomach. He whimpered. "Now, Siri, what was that you were saying about the Quidditch match?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, your majesty. I am truly sorry for causing you this trouble, and I humbly repent. Now will you get your elbow out of my gut and kindly relocate your knee?" he said, his face pale, and screwed up against the pain. Carolina blushed lightly and got off of him. James and Remus pulled him to his feet, but he promptly collapsed against Lily, toppling her onto the nearest bed. Carolina smiled victoriously and left the room, muttering about incompetent fools. Sirius sat up, holding his head.

"That…girl…can…fight…" he whimpered, clutching his left cheek, where scars were already forming, and his stomach.

"Erm, Sirius?" wheezed Lily, her voice muffled.

"Yes?"

"Could you get off me? I can't breathe." Sirius smiled and got off.

"Right, because you would rather it were Jamsie here lying on top of you, wouldn't you?" Peter managed to race across the room and twist Lily's arms behind her back before she could maul Sirius.

"Now Siri," Remus said reasonably. "Do you really want to have your arse kicked by two girls on the same day?" Sirius grinned and sauntered out of the room. Peter let Lily go. She slowly stretched her muscles, rather like a cat, and slunk out of the room quietly, her emerald eyes glittering.

"Sirius just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut…boy is that remark going to come back to haunt him," muttered Remus prophetically.

The next morning, Sirius woke up to find that all of his robes and clothes, down to every last sock, had been dyed a brilliant shade of pink. He gulped, and begged his friends for their extra clothes, but somehow, all their spares had mysteriously disappeared during the night, leaving Sirius to walk into the Great Hall looking like a rather terrifying stick of disturbingly pink cotton candy. His blushing face did nothing to help the outfit, and then, to make things worse, when he sat down at the Gryffindor table amid gales of laughter, Lily and Carolina sat down beside him

"Why Siri, pink? It just doesn't suit you, you know," said Carolina casually.

"Yes, but I have some lovely pink platforms that you could borrow if you like," Lily added wickedly. He glared at them.

"Your time will come, Richardson. And yours will come too, Evans. I'll be back!" he stormed out of the room, colliding with Professor McGonagall. Lily saw him speak to her quietly, and soon she was marching over to the two guilty girls.

"Lily Evans and Carolina Richardson, what did you do to Mr. Black's robes?" she demanded shrilly.

"Why professor," said Lily, in a voice that had earned her the nickname teacher's pet. "I really have no earthly idea what you could be talking about. I mean, I couldn't help but noticed Sirius's change in attire, but really, when would we have had time to do this? I'm sure if you ask Taryn or Peyton they will tell you that we were in our beds all night. I do believe that you have to wrong people, but good luck catching the culprit." Lily tuned her smile into sticky-sweet mode, perfect for melting any teacher's heart.

"All right Ms. Evans. Mr. Black must have been mistaken. Thank you for clearing that up for us," said the professor, swooping off to her seat at the teachers table. Carolina gazed awestruck at Lily.

"That was amazing!" she gasped. "You were wonderful. That was brilliant!" Lily smiled.

"Yes, I agree, that was one of my better performances. Oh crap, I left my books for Charms in the dorm. Want to come with?" Carolina nodded, and they walked out into the entrance hall. Suddenly, Sirius popped out from behind a suit of armor.

"So what is it then?" he asked eagerly. "Detention for a week? A month?" The girls smiled at him sickeningly.

"We would tell you, but we don't talk to snitches," huffed Carolina. The girls stalked off, leaving Sirius staring at their retreating backs. Suddenly, he bolted after them, jumping and leaning on their shoulders.

"You mean you weren't punished?" he asked. The girls smiled as they rubbed sore shoulders.

"Wow Sirius. Pretty quick on the uptake there, aren't you?" Carolina mocked. He sighed.

"I'll never understand girls," he said.

"Earth is full Siri, GO HOME!" said Lily. "C'mon Lina, I still have to get my books." The girls sauntered off, leaving Sirius standing alone in the hall with his deflated ego and hot pink robes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day had not gone well for Sirius. He had gotten two detentions, one from McGonagall for 'deliberately placing the blame on two innocent girls as your idea of a joke' and another from Professor Centia because he had 'failed to comply with the dress code'. And even worse, today was the day the Slytherins decided that they had had enough.

It was after potions class when Sirius, James, Carolina, Lily, and Peter were cornered by Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Snape. The unsuspecting Gryffindors were caught totally off guard, and after a furious ten-minute battle, Lily and Peter had legs made of stone, Sirius had hot pink hair to 'match his new outfit', and James and Carolina had been silenced by some bizarre spell that Malfoy had thrown at them.

"Damn it," said Sirius, kicking the wall. "Damn it damn it damn it!" Lily was unsympathetic.

"Well at least you can move Siri," she said impatiently. "Now get the hell out of here and find a professor." Before he could leave Carolina jumped in front of him, waving her arms wildly.

"What the bloody hell are you doing" he asked. Carolina jumped up and down, screaming silently. Peter was the first to understand.

"Don't tell them it was the Slytherins. Do you have no pride? Tell them we got in a fight with each other and it got out of control." Carolina grinned at him and collapsed against the stone wall, wiping her forehead. Sirius smiled.

"Gotcha," he said, speeding off down the corridor.

"What a mess," Lily moaned, desperately trying to move her legs, but to no avail. Peter patted her arm sympathetically, while James banged his head against the wall repeatedly.

"This is bloody brilliant," Lily said. "Taken down by a bunch of SLYTHERINS. How mortifying." Carolina nodded her head emphatically, and James slid down to the floor, cursing silently.

"You know," Peter said slowly, "I'll bet you half of the hexes they used were either illegal or against school rules…in fact, I'm almost positive that the curse they used to turn our legs to stone was outlawed…" This time it was James's turn to jump up and down. "Yes, I suppose you're right James…as long as the whole school thinks that it was just a stupid fight, the Slytherins can't get any glory out of it." Lily looked at him. "What?" he asked, catching her eye.

"How do you understand them?" she wondered. "That's twice you've done it!" Peter shrugged.

"Luck I guess. Oh, here comes McGonagall, look sharp," Peter instructed.

"And angry at each other," Lily whispered as an after thought. McGonagall came gasping up to them, red faced with fury.

"How dare you!" she wheezed. "No magic in the corridors! It's strictly forbidden! And no fighting!" she stopped and gasped. "And that's the Stoning Curse! It was banned at all wizarding school and in some small countries! Which one of you did this?" Every glanced around nervously, as Peter muttered, 'I told you so" under his breath.

"Not confessing are we? Not ratting out the perpetrator? Well then, I believe that this little spat of yours has earned you each two weeks worth of detentions."

"Two weeks?!?" Sirius cried. He guiltily clapped a hand over his mouth as McGonagall focused her heavy glare on him.

    "Did I say two weeks?" she said, grinning rather like a pouncing cat. "I meant a month for you Mr. Black. Is that clear?"

"A month?" Lily gasped stupidly. "Just for speaking his mind? That's not fair!"

"Well, life's not fair and then you die Ms. Evans," said McGonagall coldly. "And I believe that you have just signed up to join Mr. Black in his long month of detention. Any other volunteers?" Everyone shook their head, and McGonagall turned to leave.

"Excuse me, Professor?" Lily said quietly. McGonagall whirled around. "We can't move, and Carolina and James there can't talk, so if you don't mind?" The professor nodded curtly, and Lily felt herself being lifted into the air.

"I don't know how to fix this, so you might as well come to the Hospital Wing. You, Black, will go through the day with your lovely pink hair as a reminder, and Ms. Richardson and Mr. Potter will get their voices restored. Follow me those that can walk!" she barked, leading a strange procession of comical characters through the passageway.

"Bloody evil that one is," said Sirius quietly, to no one in particular. They all nodded, scared of speaking aloud in her presence. Twenty minutes later, they were all back to their regular state, excepting Sirius, and walking back to the common room.

"I'd rather not show my face in the Great Hall tonight," Lily said, expressing the feelings of the group. "Our dorm or yours?" she asked.

"Oh lets go to theirs," begged Carolina hoarsely, still regaining her voice. "If I have to spend one more second hearing about how hot Sirius and James are, I think I'll puke." Sirius and James looked at her, confused.

"Not us!" cried Lily, scrunching up her nose, disgusted at the very thought. "Gross!"

"I resent that!" the two boys said at the same time, opening the door to their dorm.

"It's just that, we like you, but SO not in that way," explained Carolina rationally.

"And if I ever do end up liking either of you in that way, Carolina, shoot me, please," Lily said grinning at the lovely shade of magenta the boys were becoming. It clashed horribly with Sirius's robes. They sat in silence for ten minutes until they heard someone walking slowly up the stairs. The door swung open, and there stood Remus, looking as pale as anyone could be without being dead. He was leaning against the door frame, to tired to hold us his fragile body. Lily rushed over to him and he gratefully slung an arm over her shoulder, letting her lead him to his bed.

"Was it that bad Remie?" Last night had been the full moon, which was why Remus had not participated of any of the day's events. He grimaced, and nodded. Lily patted his back sympathetically.

"Well," James said, "it can't have been worse than what we just went through." Remus glanced around the room, and almost laughed out loud when he spotted Sirius's new look.

"One word, and you're dead Lupin." Remus raised his eyebrows. "Today has not been my day and trust me, you don't want to be the one who pushes me over the edge." Noting the malicious tone in Sirius's voice, Remus just nodded.

"What were you saying James? About the terrible day or whatever?" His voice was raspy from the unearthly howls he had been uttering all night, and his tongue was sore from the splinters that had lodged there as he had chewed several chairs to bits.

"Let's see…The day started out all right for me, and the girls, who got some serious-don't even think about it, Siri-revenge. Then we got silenced, dyed, and stoned by a bunch of crappy Slytherins. Any questions?" Remus raised a hand.

"Am I allowed to make an editorial comment?" he rasped. James nodded, and Remus rocked with laughter. Everyone else growled, and threw the nearest pillows at their laughing friend.

(A/N) Hey y'all! I'm sorry it took me so long, but my muse is on vacation and the replacement one was late for work (it is exactly 2,926 words, though!). I have been working on the story (I think Valentines Day has been affecting my brain, because I have already written Lily and you-know-who's (not Voldie you idiots, James) first smoocheroo. And someone elses, but I'm not telling! (free butterbeer to those that can guess). And, I, with the help of my new editor (I LOVE YOU ENGIE!) have decided that this story (however painful it may be) will continue through Harry's fifth year at least! And guess what (here's where you say 'What?' and act all interested in what I have to say) IT HAS A PLOT! AND SURPRISES! AND A TWIST! BOO-YAH! Okay, now that I have gotten that general weirdness out of my system—it's time for some thank you's and all that crap-me- awesome writer? YES! I LOVE YOU! rosezgarden-Thank you! Sure I'll check out your story (it may take awhile cuz my parents are seriously (SIRIUSLY!) pissed about me being online all the time) hgytuy-thanks! Glad you liked it! I'm sure going to keep writing, I've got lotsa ideas! Musicizdbest- well, our first book (it was bought the year it came out) is a total wreck-missing pages, popsicles stains (guilty), etcetera…and don't worry about the wreck of a room, I've got one too, and if you think that's bad you should see my locker *shudders*. I think I'm actually growing something in there…as to the Hobbit, I like it a lot, but I like books that are in series better. For some reason I like The Two Towers the best (Eowyn kicks @$$!)…Avebury- Well I like the green pen MORE! SO THERE! It corrupted you? you mean more than before, right? Hey, it turned my finger green too! DUDE! Dani- Sorry it took me so long to update…I hate school! I never said Remus was good at chess, I just said that he was teaching her chess (I think it's because he's supposed to be really smart, and the playing of chess takes intelligence and uummm….something else…) Tell me more about this Running Weasel thing! That sounds really cool, but I am a little confumbled…I like the lion attributes idea (that sort of gave me the idea for Sirius's spell!), but I'd rather have pranks no one has used you know? Not that I didn't appreciate your help, but still!

Thank You One And All!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

For those of you who review my story-I think the first year is going kinda slow, and I was wondering if I could speed it up a little (like fit the rest of the year into the next chappie) because I have this awesome idea for their 2nd year and I NEED TO WRITE IT DOWN! Well, let me know—luv yas!

Yours Truly.

PS. If any of y'all are looking for a good story, check out Everglades, by my good friend Avebury!