Disclaimer-

to those who think that I actually own this stuff-y'all be trippin! (Special Thanks for this quote go to Sawyer the idiot in my Latin Class)

To those who think that I don't own this stuff-*sniff* unfortunately, you guys are right….

Chapter Eighteen: Of Stuff and Nonsense

Sirius guffawed loudly, and Lily quickly pushed herself away, blushing a deep crimson that one usually only sees on autumn leaves. James also felt the color rising in his cheeks, but fought it down by biting his lower lip until it bled. Remus was fighting down an odd mixture between a laugh and a grimace, while Peyton and Taryn were watching with bemused smiles.

The rest of the day passed in awkward silence, with Sirius interrupting every so often with snide remarks. Professor Flitwick granted him a weeks worth of detentions (you're nothing but a wrinkled prune with robes and a wand!), while McGonagall just exploded. Apparently the search for the missing students had left her more edgy than most of the teachers.

"Mister Black, if you have the time to make witty remarks about your professors, then I'm sure you will have time to join me for a little chat after class?"

"Lady, I got better things to do with my time than hang around here with your sorry arse."

"MISTER BLACK!" The anger and power in her voice sent a shock wave over the class. Even James's beetle stopped scuttling across the desk (though that might have been because Lily had misfired a freezing charm).

"IF YOU DARE TO SPEAK TO ME IN THAT INSOLENT TONE AGAIN YOU SHALL FIND YOUR 'SORRY ARSE' EXPELLED FROM THIS SCHOOL BEFORE YOU CAN SAY 'FLIBBERTYGIBBIT' IF YOUR INEXPLICABLY SMALL MIND CAN PROCESS THAT INFORMATION." There was a stunned silence, in which neither student nor teacher moved a muscle, though Lily was saying a little prayer under her breath. She opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius saw, and quickly spoke.

"I'm very sorry Professor, and it won't happen again." The whole time he was staring straight into Lily's eyes, mentally telling her to back off.

"Erm-professor?" squeaked a voice.

"WHAT IS IT NOW PETTIGREW? HAVE YOU MANAGED TO COMPLETE THE TASK? BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE, THEN I WILL BE GREATLY SURPRISED."

"N-no ma'am," he quivered. "I was just wondering if I could use the restroom, if you don't mind."

"Fine, Pettigrew. Just go."

At the end of the lesson, Lily hung around to wait for Sirius after his lovely little chat with Professor McGonagall. When he exited the classroom looking ashen, Lily went over to him and asked for an explanation.

"Why're you taking all the blame? It's my bloody fault, Siri. Just tell them what I did and be done with it."

"Lils!" Sirius sounded hurt. "D'you really think I would do something like that? I can take whatever they throw at me!"

Lily sighed apprehensively. "But Siri, so far today you have lost 50 points from Gryffindor, attained a month and a half's worth of detentions…,"

"Not to mention told off all the professors, burned off Malfoy's eyebrows, and come closer to reaching my goal of most detentions ever," Sirius finished for her.

"Yes, but all that over a bloody bezoar power prank. Seriously- no, don't even think of it- I'll tell them all what I did." Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by someone jumping out of a statue of a large badger right into their path.

"So," sneered a voice, "the little mudblood put bezoar powder in the idiot's breakfast? Well, well. Wouldn't want any teachers to find out about that now would we?"

"Oh bugger off, Malfoy," spat Sirius.

"I do believe I will." And with that, the little git began sprinting down the corridor, a malicious smile playing across his face.

"STUPEFY!"

Malfoy fell face forward onto the floor. Sirius and Lily sprinted up to him. They hovered over him for a bit.

"Roll 'im over."

"Me? I'm not touching that thing!" Lily sighed again and bent down over Malfoy's limp body, rolling him over onto his back. Suddenly, Professor Metus came tottering down the hall. She appeared to be dragging something behind her, but the children couldn't see what. She stopped short at the sight of them, but quickly regained her composure and walked up to them.

"Well, what seems to be the problem laddies?" Sirius opened his mouth, but Lily got there first.

"We were playing a game of tag, and he was running down the hall, but he tripped over that suit of armor over there and hit his head on the floor. He might be a little dizzy after that spill he took, and he'll probably spout quite a bit of nonsense for several days. That was a pretty hard fall he had."

A slow smile spread across Metus's round face. "Well, I'd better take 'im to the Hospital Wing, then," she offered. Sirius and Lily glanced at each other.

"No, that's okay. You probably need to get down to dinner. We'll take him," Lily insisted.

"LET ME TAKE HIM!" said Metus forcefully. Lily took a step back at the note of animosity in her usually soft voice.

"That's alright. WE will take him. We've already eaten. Besides, I thought I overheard Dumbledore saying that he wants a word with you," interjected Sirius, already performing the 'Wingardium Leviosa' spell on Malfoy. Lily could detect a glimmer of fear in Metus's eyes, and she wondered why.

"Well, if the headmaster wants to see me," began Metus. "You two had better take that boy directly to the Hospital Wing. He's got a nasty bruise forming already."

"Yes ma'am," they chorused, exhausted with relief.

They spent the next half hour pushing Malfoy up to the Hospital Wing (they had to stop a few times and hex him again) and explaining to Madam Pompfrey exactly why he was unconscious. By the time they got back to the Common Room, they were tired, hungry, and sweaty. Not a good combination.

Instead of going to her dorm, Lily simply followed Sirius back up to his. The guys were all in their boxers, and therefore got a huge shock when Lily walked in. She was too grumpy to be amused. Ignoring Peter, James, and Remus's outcries of horror (not to mention Sirius's sniggering), she grabbed a pillow off the nearest bed (it was James's) and propped herself up against the window.

"What d'you think Metus was doing, Siri? I didn't think she was that weird…"

"Yeah, I guess she was just having an off day or something, I mean why the hell would she want to take Malfoy to the Hospital Wing anyways?" Sirius flopped down on his bed, brushing the hair out of his eyes.

"Hey," interjected Remus after pulling on some pants. "Did you guys hear? Another student went missing. Some second year Hufflepuff girl, Jamie something-or-other…Dumbledore told us at lunch."

Lily gasped quietly, and muttered, "Oh my God."

"What is it Lily?" asked Peter.

"Oh, nothing. Well, I've got to go. 'Night." She hurriedly rushed out of the room, but didn't go to the girls' dorm. Instead, she crept down to the Common Room, and waited in front of the fire.

She spent the time waiting for the Common Room to empty going over everything she knew about Metus in her mind.

1. She was a Herbology witch who graduated from Hogwarts several years ago, but just got the teaching job last year

2. She had been distant in all of her classes lately

3. What was she trying to do with Malfoy…

4………………………………

"Lils?" Lily could've sworn she heard someone calling her name. "Lily? Hello?" Yup, someone was definitely calling her name. Wearily lifting one eyelid, James's face came into focus.

"Whassit?" she muttered incoherently, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Realizing that she wasn't in her bed, Lily sat up immediately, only to discover she had a horrible crick in her neck. Apparently she had fallen asleep in the chair last night.

"Lily, what're you doing down here?" James sat down in the seat opposite her. Obviously he had come down to wait for Jessie, but she wasn't there yet.

"Oh, um…I can't really remember." James raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Well, I think I came down here last night, but I fell asleep or something…"

James obviously not buying it, just waved her words off. "Yeah, whatever Evans. Shouldn' you get to bed then? It nearly six o'clock." Nodding sleepily, Lily meandered up the staircase, stopping when James called her name.

"What is it then, Potter?"

"Well, I was…erm, well, was Jessie down here earlier?" Lily grinned toothily.

"Ah yes, she left a message with me. Said that she was eloping to France with a Ravenclaw and wanted me to tell you good-bye." Lucky for Lily she still had enough energy to dodge up the stairs (hooting with laughter), evading James's hex.

Fortunately, the next day was a Saturday, giving Lily a chance to regain her lost sleep. Most Unfortunately, however, she woke up with purple skin. Growling angrily, she stalked out of the room, only after trying various different types of potions, none of which seemed to work. She stormed directly into the boys dormitory, giving Peter the fright of his life, and Sirius a bad case of the giggles. In no mood for tormentation (owing, no doubt, to lack of rest), she proceeded to give Sirius the wedgie of his life, after which he swore (in a slightly higher voice than usual) to help her get her skin back to normal.

James, in a move of great intelligence, stayed away from the Girls' dormitories for the rest of the day, but every time he caught a glimpse of red, he jumped a bit. Then later, when he collided with a little first year named Bill Weasley, he almost had a heart attack at the sight of his shaggy red hair.

After apologizing profusely to poor little Bill, James deemed it safer to just stay in his room the rest of the day, which he did. That was a pity though, because it turned out that it just happened to be Halloween.

"Damn it!" he said after Sirius explained to him what he missed.

"Sorry man. Oh yeah, and Lily wanted me to give you a message…" Sirius fumbled around in his pocket and produced a crimson envelope. James took it dubiously, and then dropped it immediately as though he had been burned.

"Ah," said Peter wisely. "It's a howler."

"Well that's obvious isn't it?" snapped James. He tentatively opened the envelope (knowing full well what would happen if he didn't) and they all plugged their ears.

"JAMES YOU BLOODY IDIOT! I MANAGED TO GET THE PURPLE OUT EVENTUALLY, THOUGH IT MIGHT PLEASE YOU TO KNOW THAT I NOW HAVE PURPLE FRECKLES. IT MIGHT NOT PLEASE YOU TO KNOW, HOWEVER, THAT I FULLY INTEND TO GET REVENGE. AND IF YOU THINK WHAT I DID TO SIRIUS WAS BAD, YOU HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING." Lily's shriek, intensified by magic was still echoing around the dorm when James collapsed onto his bed.

"I'm so dead," he mumbled. Sirius patted him on the head comfortingly.

"Hey dude, if she kills you, can I have your broomstick?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily hadn't forgotten about Professor Metus. That night, she made plans to go 'maraudering' about the castle, getting Taryn to cover for her. Thankfully, the Common Room emptied early so Lily managed to slip off by eleven o'clock. She spent the next few hours trying to find Metus' office. Assuming that it would be near the Hufflepuffs' dormitory she carefully made her way to the Great Hall and walked off in a direction she had never been before, but had seen the Hufflepuffs going into nearly every morning. Unfortunately, everything looks different in the dark, and Lily hit dead ends several times. When she was just about to give up, she heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like someone stubbing their toes. Lily immediately dodged into the nearest doorway easing it shut just as a shadow rounded the corner.

Gasping with relief at the fact that it was a real door she had slipped into Lily listen at the keyhole until she was sure the footsteps were gone. Breathing heavily, Lily turned the knob and pushed out. Nothing happened. Rattling the doorknob angrily, she lunged at the door, but to no avail. Quickly searching her dressing robe, Lily realized that her wand was still sitting up on her bed side table.

Groaning angrily, she slammed her forehead against the door and slumped down with her back to it, whamming her head against it, not caring who heard.

Ten painful minutes later, she heard the footsteps again, but continued slamming her head backwards, praying that it wouldn't be Filch or Centia. The footfalls slowed down and stopped in front of the door. Something knocked timidly at it.

"Erm-hello?" Lily thought for a second. Hadn't she heard that voice before? "Hallo, is anyone there?" This time she was certain. Springing to her feet, Lily pressed her mouth to the keyhole and whispered through it.

"Potter? Potter, is that you?" On the other side of the door, James jumped about a foot in the air.

"Evans?" he cried incredulously. "Jeez Lily, what're you doing there?"

"Oh, I'm having a party," Lily snapped sarcastically. "What do you think I'm doing, idiot, I'm stuck here."

"Oh. Right then." James backed up a bit, and raised his wand. "Alohomora!" Nothing seemed to happen. Lily jiggled the doorknob again helplessly.

"Damn it," she muttered. "Try again Potter." James stepped closer to the door and muttered several words that Lily couldn't hear. Suddenly, the door sprang open and Lily tumbled out, knocking into James. Without thinking, she hugged him fiercely around the neck. After she let go, she looked at James' face for a moment. He was staring down at Lily, startled.

That's really odd, he thought. Maybe I should rescue her more often.

Now why the hell would you want to do that, the other half of his brain wondered.

Lily saw him shake his head, and wondered if there was something wrong. She shrugged the thought off and they walked back to the Common Room in silence.

"Lamarama," James muttered tiredly to the Fat Lady.

"Precisely," she countered sleepily. They both gave a nervous laugh at her expense as they climbed the staircase, but Lily stopped James at the parting of the steps.

"So James, I was planning revenge for this morning, and I was wondering," Lily said briskly, with the air of someone inquiring about one's health, "which would you prefer: Orange hair, or red ears, hands, and feet." James was about to respond when she interrupted him. "Actually those aren't the choices. They are now public humiliation, or me showing either your bunny pajamas with the footies to Jessie, or showing that picture of you picking your nose that Sirius so kindly let me copy to Jessie. I'll give you the night to sleep on it."

And with that Lily flounced into her room, leaving a terrified, aghast James staring after her.

A/N HALLO TO ALL! I AM IN A CAPITOL LETTERS MOOD. NOW I WILL PROCEED TO THE REVIEWS— Elfmoon87- Lily's not like inLOVE with Jamsie(yet!). That'll take awhile. For now, just call it (a little too)friendly concern. Oh, BTW, you just happened to be my 100th reviewer! So if u want a cameo thingy, just answer these: Which House do you wanna be in? What year? Quidditch or no? Hair color? Eye color? Who's your favorite marauder? Okay then. Review soon! Katie Bell- thanks! Please keep reading! Braney- okay, FYI, most poodles ARE made out of hair. Unless they are the scary kind with everything shaved except the pompoms on their tail and stuff. Okay. About all of the countdown reviews and stuff- do you want an honorary cameo for being so kind (not to mention my bestest reviewer?)? Think about it and let me know. If you do, then answer all the questions I asked Elfmoon87, k? Thanks a bunch! shamock-  I'll keep writing if you keep reviewing! Between u and me, I'm already working on Chappie numero 20, but I can never find the time to update…*sigh*. Oh well. Fluffy the Teddy Bear Slayer- okay. I am now going to show you the alphabet. Please read it and next time, communicate you review by arranging these letters into comprehensible words, okay? Here we go: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.  starborn- Glad to help you in pissing off your friends. Me and my friends motto is "Pissing people off since the Second Age" or "Corrupting Young Minds since the Second Age." Take your pick.