A/N: As promised, this chapter contains Draco smut. ^_^ Sorry, but not with Ron yet. The theme song is "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne.
Disclaimer: I only own Vile Malfoy, Vile's familiar Fenrer, and the plot. Rowling owns everything else.
Complicated, by Avril LavigneUh Huh
Life's like this
Uh Huh
Uh Huh
That's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh Huh
Uh Huh
That's the way it is
Chill out
What you yellin' for?
Lay back
It's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talkin' to me one-on-one
But you become
Somebody else
'Round everyone else
Watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Getting me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get
And you turnin' into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at you see
You're makin' me
Laugh out loud
When you strike a pose
Take off
All your preppy clothes
You know
You're not foolin' anyone
When you become
Somebody else
'Round everyone else
Watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Getting me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get
And you turnin' into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
(no no no)
No no
(no no no)
No no
(no no no)
No no
Chill out
What you yellin' for?
Lay back
It's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
Somebody else
'Round everyone else
Watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Getting me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get
And you turnin' into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no
Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?
(yeah yeah)
I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else
Getting me frustrated
Life's like this you
You fall and you crawl and you break and you take what you get
And you turnin' into
Honestly, you promised me
I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no
Chapter 3: The First Vile-ation
On Saturday morning, at the breakfast table, Vile looked over at Draco.
"Dre-Dre, I've been noticing that you dress and act like a snob here. What happened to the "Drake" that used to visit me every summer?" she asked.
"'Drake' does not exist at Hogwarts. Father would kill me if I didn't act the way he says a Malfoy should act," Draco replied.
"Oh really? So, what does he have to say about the formerly American branch of the family?" she inquired.
Draco looked down to hide the guilt in his eyes and replied, "He says that Uncle Lucifer and Aunt Persephone are an embarrassment to the Malfoy name. He also says that he can't believe Uncle Lucifer is actually his identical twin brother, and that he has corrupted you."
Vile laughed and said, "Interesting. Very interesting. Well guess what, Draco?"
Draco looked over at his cousin and asked, "What?"
"Well, Draconis Lucius Malfoy, you will be turning eighteen years old soon, and at that time you will no longer be obligated to follow your father's rule. So, I have arranged for the "Drake" I kknow to make an appearance at Hogwarts. Hope your schedule is clear because we're taking a Portkey into The Woodlands," Vile replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco looked at the building in front of him. A mall? Vile expected to bring Drake back in a mall?
Vile looked over at her cousin and noted his doubt.
"First, we're going to Tangles. It's a hair salon in the mall. You'll be seeing Diego. He's gay… a complete flamer. They usually do the best on hair. Then we're going to Hot Topic for your wardrobe," she said.
"We're going to Hot Topic?!?" Draco asked, looking over at Vile excitedly. "YES!"
Vile burst into giggles.
"Dude… you are so deprived."
And so, the duo walked into the mall and made their way over to Tangles, which was on the first floor.
"Hey Diego," Vile said as they walked into the shop. "Draco here has an appointment for 10:00. He'll want a trim. And he wants his hair spiked, and the tips blue and green. He wants the colors to alternate."
Draco looked over at Vile, cocked his head, raised an eyebrow, and asked, "I do?"
Vile nodded her head and replied, "You do."
Draco shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay."
"Well printheth(1), let'th(2) get you looking yummy! Get up in thith(3) chair, you beefcake you!" Diego said, in a very feminine voice, while dancing around and isolating his hand in the air.
//Hmmm…// Draco thought. //Vile wasn't lying when she said this guy was a complete flamer…//
Diego draped a plastic cape around Draco's front and shoulders and then sprayed his hair with water.
He then began trimming the ends of Draco's hair while dancing, wiggling his interestingly tight butt, and singing, "I'm thuper(4), thankth(5) for athking(6)! Back dat ath(7) up! Back dat ath up! Uh huh!"
Draco interrupted Diego's colorful song to as, "Let me guess. You're a bottom?"
Diego threw his hands up and said, "Ugh! How dare you prethume(8) thuth(9) a thing! I'm a theme(10), not a uke!"
Vile ran up to Diego and screamed, "Drop the acceeeent! You're giving me a headache!"
Diego looked at her, shrugged his shoulders, and said in a deep, sexy, masculine voice, "Okay, whatev Vile."
Draco popped his head around to look at the brunette gay obviously surfer, and asked, "You were faking that voice the whole time?"
Diego smiled and replied, "Yeah. So?"
Draco smiled a very suggestive grin and said, "Well, I'm a uke," and winked.
Vile just walked back to her seat and put her head in her hands.
"Mmmm… sexy British bitch… exactly my type," Diego purred and disappeared into a small room to mix the dye for Draco's hair.
Draco looked over at Vile and smiled.
"Exactly *when* do we have to be back at Hogwarts?" he asked.
Vile rolled her eyes and replied, "In that case, I'm gonna go find my boyfriend. Meet me at Hot Topic in three hours. That's more than enough time for you and Diego to get more… *familiar* with one another."
Diego came back in, noticed the girl's absence, and asked, "Where did Vile go?"
Draco grinned and replied, "She went to find Johnny. I have to meet her at Hot Topic in three hours."
Diego began applying color to Draco's hair and said, "Well, I guess I better hurry up with this dye then."
Twenty minutes later, Draco's hair was spiked with blue and green tips.
Diego swept up the extra hair, ripped Draco's cape off, and then released the closing gate to the salon, and the blinds.
Draco subtly pulled out his wand and muttered a Silencing charm under his breath. He doubted that this tall dark and handsome hairdresser was a wizard.
//Draco, you are such a slut.// he thought to himself in anticipation.
Diego sauntered over to the spot where Draco was standing, pushed him against the wall, cradled the blonde's head with his hands, and crushed his mouth with a searing kiss.
Draco parted his mouth slightly to allow Diego's tongue entry, and let out a low moan as the other man nibbled and sucked lightly on his lower lip.
//Dear gods…// thought Draco as Diego pulled the "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" t-shirt, that he had borrowed from Vile, over his head. //I feel like I'm in one of those steamy Muggle porn movies. I think I'll call it "House of Cock." I wonder if this place has security cameras…//
Draco had learned from a number of Vile's friends that videotaping was always fun.
Diego pushed Draco down into one of the chairs, said, "Let me show you a good time," and spun the chair around to face the other side of the room.
He then put a CD in his stereo, and pushed "Play."
I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…
The music rang through the shop as Diego removed his tight black t-shirt, revealing nicely toned muscles, a beautiful eight-pack, and a perfectly-hued tan. The song continued until Diego was devoid of all clothing, except for a black silk thong.
Diego grinned malevolently, walked over to the chair Draco was sitting in, bent down, and kissed him.
Draco arched his back, trying to reach the older man better, and latched his arms around Diego's neck.
The hairdresser pulled Draco to his feet and, as he explored Draco's mouth with his tongue, he pulled the blonde's jeans down. Diego then pushed Draco back down in the chair and completely removed his pants, along with his socks and shoes.
Draco stood back up and began frantically kissing Diego again. Diego reached around and cupped Draco's buttocks in his hand, raising the younger man to his height.
Draco broke the kiss and commenced to leaving a light trail of pecks along Diego's neckline, lingering at the collarbone, and continuing the trail until he had reached the other man's rock hard nipples. Draco encircled each disk with the tip of his tongue and just barely nipped at them with his teeth.
He continued the journey down, pausing to taste Diego's navel, until he was on his knees. He then, ever-so-slowly, eased Diego's thong off, causing Diego to growl with anticipation.
Draco then leaned his head over to one side and ran his tongue up and down Diego's shaft. Diego tensed at this and threw his head back, eager for more.
Draco smiled and slightly inserted his tongue into the tiny opening at the tip of Diego's cock, licking away the precum that was developing. He then licked around the foreskin, continuing to tease the other man.
Diego groaned and gripped Draco's head by his hair, but Draco stood up and grinned evilly.
"Nuh uh," he said, wagging his finger seductively. "You're not getting off that easily… pun not intended."
Diego ripped Draco's boxers off, not caring about the torn fabric. The boy could go without underwear until he got home.
He then grabbed the jar of hair defrizzer off the counter behind him and walked around to stand behind Draco.
He placed one hand on Draco's waist to steady him and dipped two fingers from his other hand into the hair goo. He slipped those two fingers into Draco's entrance, moving them in and out, as Draco moaned with pleasure.
He slipped his fingers out, turned Draco around to face him, and brought him to his knees.
Draco coated Diego's staff with hair goo (which, luckily, was creamy instead of sticky) and lay down, bringing the other man with him.
Diego spread Draco's legs and slowly entered him. He kept his thrusts slow and gentle at first, but couldn't help picking up the pace a little.
Draco couldn't complain about the speed or the harshness of Diego slamming against his cheeks. There was one spot that Diego would hit with every thrust, and every time it was hit, it felt like another lighting bolt was being added to the ball of electricity building beneath his skin.
Diego's thrusts were getting deeper and harder, and Draco had to reach for something to hang on to, something to clench as if he were holding on for dear life. Because that was what it felt like… it felt as if his life depended on this ending in a spontaneous combustion. Unfortunately, yelling and moaning weren't enough to hurry the explosion along.
Finally, it was as if the ball of electricity had gotten so large, that his body could no longer contain it, and released all the pent-up energy with a cry, just as Diego sank into his arms.
Diego struggled to raise his head and said, through labored breaths, "Hair cut and coloring are on the house."
Draco smiled and replied, "Thanks," before falling asleep.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Draco woke up two hours later and looked at his watch.
"Oh shit!" he yelled. "I'm supposed to be at Hot Topic in five minutes!"
He looked over at Diego, who opened one and sleepily said, "Huh?"
Draco rolled his eyes and replied, "I have to meet Vile at Hot Topic in five minutes," while grabbing his clothes and running to the bathroom.
"You can get dressed out here, you know. I've already seen it all," Diego said with a smirk.
"Yeah, uh… but I need to pee. And I figured I could go ahead and get dressed while I'm in the bathroom, and you can open the gate and the blinds, if you will. Uh… yeah…" Draco replied and threw Diego a towel to clean up with.
Draco needed privacy because he *really* wanted to perform a cleaning spell on himself, as his ass was covered in hair goop… and other stuff. Plus, his boxers needed a mending spell.
Once the spells were performed, Draco flushed the toilet for effect, got dressed, and walked out.
Diego had already cleaned everything up and reopened the salon.
//I really hope no one else had appointments today…// Draco thought to himself.
He stopped to place a quick peck on Diego's cheek before running out of the store. He had to make it up to the second level in one and a half minutes.
Luckily, he got to Hot Topic just as Vile walked up with her boyfriend.
"Hey Johnny, hey Vile," he said with a smile.
Vile looked her cousin up and down. He was red-faced out of breath, and it looked as if he had gotten dressed in a hurry.
"So, did you have fun" she asked, already knowing the answer.
"One-afternoon stands are *so* underrated. Besides… I got a free haircut and free blue and green tips out of the deal," Draco replied with that shit-eating grin of his.
Johnny and Vile laughed and they walked into the store, their home away from home.
They spent thirty minutes looking around, and finally walked out with a handful of bags, each. (For both hands, of course.)
Draco had gotten a pair of baggy black denim "skater pants", two pairs of regular blue denim "skater pants", and a pair of baggy black leather pants. He also got a pair of black combat boots and Jack Skellington shoelaces, his own "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac" t-shirt, and various other shirts that Vile deemed worthy.
Vile bought a bit of Invader Zim and Care Bears merchandise, and a frozen can of Vamp Cola. (It's better frozen!)
Johnny got two of everything.
It was now two o'clock in the afternoon and the time was nearing for them to take the Portkey back to Hogwarts.
So she said goodbye to Johnny and she and Draco went to the janitor's closet, where they transported back to the edge of Hogsmeade.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
That Monday, in the Great Hall during breakfast, Vile was sitting at the Gryffindor table, talking to her new friend, Harry Potter.
Hermione looked at Vile and asked, "So, what's up with Draco? Since Saturday he has a new hairdo… and he's being semi-nice, and he has a new wardrobe. Is he hexed or something?"
Vile laughed and replied, "No, he's not hexed. First of all, my hairdresser laid him. Second of all, he had to act the way he did before because of his father. So I brought the "Drake" I know to life."
"Why would Lucius make Draco act the way he did for… so long?" Harry inquired, genuinely interested.
"Because he a biiiitch, yo!" Vile said, as she clutched her stomach while bursting into hysterical laughter. "He a beeee-yotch!"
Draco walked by, saw Vile in wild convulsions, and asked, "What's so funny?"
Vile popped her head up just long enough to yell, "He a biiiiitch!!!"
Draco looked confused, as asked, "Who is a bitch?"
Vile fell off the bench, laughing, and hollered, "Yo' daddy!"
They then yelled, at the same time, "He a beeeee-yotch!" and doubled over with laughter.
Hermione looked disgusted at this display of blatant immaturity, and said, "Ummmm… what?"
"Just say it with us…" Vile replied.
So, Harry, Hermione, and Ron joined Vile and Draco in yelling, "He a beeeeeeeee-yotch!" and rolling around the floor with laughter.
Soon the entire Great Hall joined in, including Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape.
After everyone had recovered from the "beee-yotch" incident and were on their way to their first classes of the day, Vile turned to Draco and said, "So, Dre-Dre's back."
Draco screamed, "It's DRAKE, not DRE-DRE!!!"
Vile just waved her hand and said, "Next order of business: getting you and Ron together."
Draco opened his mouth and let loose a shrill scream.
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Vile clamped her hand over Draco's mouth and asked, "What's wrong with Ron?"
She took her hand off of his mouth, but Draco just screamed again, even louder, and an octave higher.
So Vile covered his mouth with her hand again, and said, "Tell me what's wrong with Weasley."
But as soon as she removed her hand, Draco screamed again, at yet an even higher and louder tone.
"Okay," Vile said, shutting her cousin up again. "We're going to try this again. What the hell is wrong with Ron Weasley?"
This time Draco screamed just like a girl.
By this time, Vile was getting extremely pissed off. She pushed Draco against the wall, both hands on his mouth, and said, "Now, when I move my hands and let you go, you're going to tell me what is wrong with Ron, *without* screaming. If you don't, I will kick your ass. Do you understand?"
Draco nodded meekly and Vile released him.
"He's taller than me," Draco then whined.
Vile laughed, and replied, "Um Draco, you have a Shortening spell on you, remember?"
Lucius Malfoy didn't want anyone to be taller than him, and Draco had surpassed him long ago.
"Awwww yeah…" Draco said, remembering.
Vile removed the spell, and Draco shot up until he was 6'3", hair included. Luckily, the clothes grew with him.
"So now, we can get you and Ron together," Vile said with a smile.
"Got a plan?" Draco asked.
"DUH!" Vile yelled. "Am I a Slytherin, or not?"
"Yeah… ok… so how do we conquer a fox demon?" Draco asked.
"Well, first of all, you're going to give him a lap dance in the Great Hall tomorrow at breakfast, while singing Big Gay Al's version of 'Back Dat Ass Up'."
"HELL NO!" yelled Draco. There was no way that he was gonna suffer that kind of humiliation.
"I dare ya," Vile replied maliciously.
Draco looked defeated, and shook his fist while saying, "Daaaamn you, evil creature!"
Vile just laughed as they walked into the Charms classroom.
A/N: Oh… my… god… that took *forever* to type. Okay, first order of business: Translations!
1-Princess
2-Let's
3-This
4-Super
5-Thanks
6-Asking
7-Ass
8-Presume
9-Such
10- Seme (pronounced Sim-AY. It basically means the guy is a top. Uke, pronounce yuke, is a bottom.)
Okay, and Johnny, Vile's boyfriend, is Jonathan Davis' son. (I don't know if he *really* has a 17-year-old son… probably not, but oh well.) Jack Skellington is Jack from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Johnny the Homicidal Maniac is a comic book created by Jhonen Vasquez, wonderful, gorgeous, co-writer of Invader Zim, the best cartoon ever.
And now for reviewer cookies!
Zaira-Draco: I'm glad you like it! And thank you for the well wishes. As you can tell, my Muses are back in full force! This is the longest chapter I've ever written! Keep the Muses happy with more reviews, please. ^_^
LilPurplFlwr: Thank you, and of course I will keep writing, as long as I keep getting reviews. ^_^
