Kari-chan's Fairytale Collection: Jack and the Beanstalk
By: Kari
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is a rightful property of Yoko Matsushita- sensei and all related terms. Jack and the Beanstalk belongs to its rightful owners, I don't own anything, so please don't sue. Also I got the version of this story from Collier's Junior Classics, 'Once Upon A Time' but of course there weren't deranged maids, and there wasn't a sexy hot thief, and no cute burdens^^
Author's Notes: Just a reminder to everyone, this is NOT YAOI. Think whatever you want, this isn't YAOI. Warning: OOC-ness. A little bit insane but you can still read and understand it^^ Oh, and yeah the Jack and the Beanstalk arc might be little longer than the Rapunzel arc, this may last for about four or five or more chapters. Did you know I was listening to Hayashibara Megumi when I was doing this? Yup I sometimes listen to J-pop. Well, not that Northern Light can be called J-pop, but I think it is? Or isn't? LAME CHAPTER UP AHEAD~!!
Kari: Hello wonderful people~~! I want Milky-chocolate to thank the readers~~! ^^
Tatsumi: You mean Tohda...
Kari: ^^ Exactly~~! Go on Tohda-chan don't be shy~! I'm sure the readers are anxious to here you speak~~!
Tohda: -_-U MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!
Everyone (except Tohda): OO;;
Kari: O~okay maybe 003-chan can do it.
Watari: But I already roasted Zero-chan and ate him half cooked.
Everyone (except Watari): OO;;
Kari: Oh, yeah... Maybe I should do it myself... Thanks goes to ***Gigi Natsuko-san for being the first one to review the sixth chapter~~!
Oriya: ^__________^ Yes, thank you may hair is so glossy, and beautiful now~~! It's better than asking Muraki to comb it~~! He actually uses a fork when he combs his hair and rotten eggs for conditioner~~! Maybe that's why his hair are dead~~!! They turned white, BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA~!!
Muraki: I thought you'd never say that to anyone~~! That's our secret~!! I HATE YOU~~! TT__________TT *runs off crying* NOW THE WHOLE WORLD WILL NOW WHY MY IS HAIR ADORABLY IRRESISTABLE~~!
Tatsumi: *clears throat* they're drunk.
Tsuzuki: *gobbling the pocky, apple pies, and chocolate cakes and finishes everything in a matter of seconds* ARIGATOU ***GIGI NATSUKO-SAN~!!! Yes, I'LL DO IT~~!! DEFINITELY~!!
Hisoka: *dies again*
Watari and Muraki: *giggling like mad*
Kari: OO;; I see, okay next to ***Koyuki-san, yes very interesting question... Hnn, since I'm the authoress can I say because I want to...? Thank you for the review, and let's ask Tsuzuki-chan. Tsuzuki-chan want to be Koyuki-san's burden?
Tsuzuki: *turns into a chibi inu, and nods* Mew~!! ^_____^
Muraki: ***Koyuki-san NO one could possibly sell me~~! I'm too sexy~~! ^_____^
Tatsumi: He's drunk ladies and gentlemen.
Kari: ^^;; I guess that would be a yes. Anyways to ***Vulpick-san thank you very much for the support~~! Heh, heh sorry for the rather pointless chapter, hope this will make up for it...
Hisoka: I want to die, this is MUCH worse than hell. Compared to this hell is a sanctuary~~! NNNOOOOO~~! Not another dress~!!
Kari: To ***Literary Eagle-san yes another compliment for dear Tsuzuki- chan.
Tsuzuki: *chibi starry-eyed* Everyone LURVES my costumes~! *Blissfully sighs* Thank you ***Literary Eagle-san~~!
Kari: Than to ***xiamei-san, yes what an interesting question... Maybe I should ask my readers, anyways thank you VERY much for the review, GREATLY appreciated^^ also to ***EmpressXu-san we're very glad that you like it^^ Thank you VERY much please enjoy the chapter.
Tsuzuki: HISOKA~~! I FINISHED The DRESS~~!! *Chibi inu with hearts everywhere* ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
Hisoka: *promptly dies* XO
Kari: Maybe I've been killing Hisoka TOO often, ne? And to ***Cerridwen Aerin Ellorin-san, thank you very much~!! ^-^ Okay minna on to the insanity~!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Tsuzuki: *opens the box to reveal a green halter type dress which ends about below the knees that perfectly matches Hisoka-chan's eyes, and another dress which is pink that is off-shoulder and has fluffy sleeves, and lots of frills* Hisoka-chan I made a dress for you (heart)~~! Please wear (heart) it. I just know you'll love it (heart)~~!
(A/N: About the '(heart)' thing-y sorry I just thought it would look cute. I've been reading some manga translations from theria.net lately...)
Hisoka: *immediately wakes up and kisses his mother on the cheek* Goodbye mother I will climb the jellybeanstalk and NEVER come back unless this burden is gone~~! JA NE~~!! *rushes out the door*
Tsuzuki: TT_____TT *whimpers* doesn't he like it~~~!? UUUUWWWWAAAAA~~!!
Muraki: *turns into an SD sparkly eyed and gets the green dress* UWA~!! Such a kawaii dress, burden-san can I have this dress instead, don't mind Hisoka-dono she just doesn't have a fashion sense.
Hisoka: *appears through the window of the room* I AM A _HE_ I'M A MALE DAMNIT~~~!
Muraki: Oh, I always thought you were a girl~~! Gomen nasai Hisoka-dono...
Tsuzuki: *sparkly-eyed* YOU CAME BACK HISOKA-DONO~~! *grabs the pink dress* you want to wear this on your journey?
Hisoka: *is gone and now seen climbing the jellybeanstalk*
Tsuzuki: TT____TT HISOKA-DONO HATES MY DRESSES~~~!
Watari: *comforts Tsuzuki* don't worry burden-san I love your dresses~~!!!
Tsuzuki: Honto ne?
Watari: Hai~!! ^-^
Tsuzuki: *Chibi sparkly eyed*
Kari: Anyways back to Hisoka he climbed the beanstalk, and climbed, and climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed and he climbed (you get the idea...) till he reached the sky.
Hisoka: Why is it so up high?
Kari: Patience Hisoka... And when he got there he found a long broad road going straight as a dart. So he walked along until he came to a great big tall house and there was a man.
Hisoka: Ohayou gozaimasu, mister, could you be as so kind as to give me some breakfast?
Man (SohRyu or is it Seiryuu? Or is it some other spelling?): Is it breakfast that you want? *Glares darkly at Hisoka* you'll become breakfast if you don't move off from here~!! Hakushaku-sama likes to harass boys your age now go~!!
Hisoka: *stares at the man* don't you mean 'eat'?
SohRyu/Seiryuu: *twitch* NO I mean 'harass'
Hisoka: Oh... Please mister give me something to eat~!! I have nothing to eat since yesterday~!! *Mumbles* the stupid burden ate everything.
Kari: Well the Hakushaku's wife-
SohRyu/Seiryuu: I AM NOT HIS FRIGGIN' WIFE~!! I AM HIS GUARD~!!
Hisoka: *pats SohRyu in the shoulder reassuringly* don't worry when you see Tatsumi you can bit him up to a bloody pulp...
Kari: heh, heh gomen ... The Hakushaku's guard let Hisoka into the kitchen, and gave him some bread cheese and milk (Hisoka: Thank goodness it isn't pocky) But Hisoka hadn't half finished when there was a girlish scream.
Boy (Imagine a six-year-old Tatsumi *sigh*): I DO NOT SCREAM IN A GIRLISH MANNER~~!!
Kari: ^-^ Tatsumi-chan you're so cute~!!
Chibi Tatsumi: You boy *points to Hisoka* what are you doing here? Do you want to be harassed by ojiji?
(A/N: Mwahaha have I mentioned this is an AU-ish fairytale fic)
Hisoka: This is weird... Err, no I was just running away from the stupid burden that that stupid thief left me...
Chibi Tatsumi: You mean Oriya?
Hisoka: Yeah that one... Is he some sort of cross dresser or something?
Chibi Tatsumi: Err he punishes those who make fun of his costume...
Hisoka: Who's the chibi king?
Chibi Tatsumi: That would be me~!! ^-^
Hisoka: XO
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Kari: Back to Watari-san, Tsuzuki-san (a. k. a. the burden) and Muraki-san (a. k. a. the deranged housemaid)... All too familiar sparkly, flowery, hearts, glittery effect, surrounds everyone... ^^;;
Watari: *giggling like crazy wearing the pink dress with lots of frills and laces, and have I mentioned it ends in mid thigh? *
Tsuzuki: Why don't we follow Hisoka-dono~?! I miss him already~!!
Muraki: *whines* But all that climbing will ruin my dress~!!
Tsuzuki: Will use the elevator~!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Author's Notes: SohRyu made his debut~!! And a Chibi Tatsumi who actually smiled~!! MWAHAHAHAHA~!! What else will the deranged author plan to do~?!
Everyone: OO;;
Conclusion: Listening to J-pop does things to your mind... Northern Lights give you strange, whimsical ideas... Never open the refrigerator, EVER again (weird things live in there)... Tatsumi is so cute when he was a child (mental image, but it would make you drool)... Anyone knows where to get Over Soul (mankin) and Heart of Sword (RK) mp3s? My sister hates them, so I'm going to annoy her to death~!! Have I mentioned I'm a sadist?
By: Kari
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is a rightful property of Yoko Matsushita- sensei and all related terms. Jack and the Beanstalk belongs to its rightful owners, I don't own anything, so please don't sue. Also I got the version of this story from Collier's Junior Classics, 'Once Upon A Time' but of course there weren't deranged maids, and there wasn't a sexy hot thief, and no cute burdens^^
Author's Notes: Just a reminder to everyone, this is NOT YAOI. Think whatever you want, this isn't YAOI. Warning: OOC-ness. A little bit insane but you can still read and understand it^^ Oh, and yeah the Jack and the Beanstalk arc might be little longer than the Rapunzel arc, this may last for about four or five or more chapters. Did you know I was listening to Hayashibara Megumi when I was doing this? Yup I sometimes listen to J-pop. Well, not that Northern Light can be called J-pop, but I think it is? Or isn't? LAME CHAPTER UP AHEAD~!!
Kari: Hello wonderful people~~! I want Milky-chocolate to thank the readers~~! ^^
Tatsumi: You mean Tohda...
Kari: ^^ Exactly~~! Go on Tohda-chan don't be shy~! I'm sure the readers are anxious to here you speak~~!
Tohda: -_-U MMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!
Everyone (except Tohda): OO;;
Kari: O~okay maybe 003-chan can do it.
Watari: But I already roasted Zero-chan and ate him half cooked.
Everyone (except Watari): OO;;
Kari: Oh, yeah... Maybe I should do it myself... Thanks goes to ***Gigi Natsuko-san for being the first one to review the sixth chapter~~!
Oriya: ^__________^ Yes, thank you may hair is so glossy, and beautiful now~~! It's better than asking Muraki to comb it~~! He actually uses a fork when he combs his hair and rotten eggs for conditioner~~! Maybe that's why his hair are dead~~!! They turned white, BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA~!!
Muraki: I thought you'd never say that to anyone~~! That's our secret~!! I HATE YOU~~! TT__________TT *runs off crying* NOW THE WHOLE WORLD WILL NOW WHY MY IS HAIR ADORABLY IRRESISTABLE~~!
Tatsumi: *clears throat* they're drunk.
Tsuzuki: *gobbling the pocky, apple pies, and chocolate cakes and finishes everything in a matter of seconds* ARIGATOU ***GIGI NATSUKO-SAN~!!! Yes, I'LL DO IT~~!! DEFINITELY~!!
Hisoka: *dies again*
Watari and Muraki: *giggling like mad*
Kari: OO;; I see, okay next to ***Koyuki-san, yes very interesting question... Hnn, since I'm the authoress can I say because I want to...? Thank you for the review, and let's ask Tsuzuki-chan. Tsuzuki-chan want to be Koyuki-san's burden?
Tsuzuki: *turns into a chibi inu, and nods* Mew~!! ^_____^
Muraki: ***Koyuki-san NO one could possibly sell me~~! I'm too sexy~~! ^_____^
Tatsumi: He's drunk ladies and gentlemen.
Kari: ^^;; I guess that would be a yes. Anyways to ***Vulpick-san thank you very much for the support~~! Heh, heh sorry for the rather pointless chapter, hope this will make up for it...
Hisoka: I want to die, this is MUCH worse than hell. Compared to this hell is a sanctuary~~! NNNOOOOO~~! Not another dress~!!
Kari: To ***Literary Eagle-san yes another compliment for dear Tsuzuki- chan.
Tsuzuki: *chibi starry-eyed* Everyone LURVES my costumes~! *Blissfully sighs* Thank you ***Literary Eagle-san~~!
Kari: Than to ***xiamei-san, yes what an interesting question... Maybe I should ask my readers, anyways thank you VERY much for the review, GREATLY appreciated^^ also to ***EmpressXu-san we're very glad that you like it^^ Thank you VERY much please enjoy the chapter.
Tsuzuki: HISOKA~~! I FINISHED The DRESS~~!! *Chibi inu with hearts everywhere* ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?
Hisoka: *promptly dies* XO
Kari: Maybe I've been killing Hisoka TOO often, ne? And to ***Cerridwen Aerin Ellorin-san, thank you very much~!! ^-^ Okay minna on to the insanity~!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Tsuzuki: *opens the box to reveal a green halter type dress which ends about below the knees that perfectly matches Hisoka-chan's eyes, and another dress which is pink that is off-shoulder and has fluffy sleeves, and lots of frills* Hisoka-chan I made a dress for you (heart)~~! Please wear (heart) it. I just know you'll love it (heart)~~!
(A/N: About the '(heart)' thing-y sorry I just thought it would look cute. I've been reading some manga translations from theria.net lately...)
Hisoka: *immediately wakes up and kisses his mother on the cheek* Goodbye mother I will climb the jellybeanstalk and NEVER come back unless this burden is gone~~! JA NE~~!! *rushes out the door*
Tsuzuki: TT_____TT *whimpers* doesn't he like it~~~!? UUUUWWWWAAAAA~~!!
Muraki: *turns into an SD sparkly eyed and gets the green dress* UWA~!! Such a kawaii dress, burden-san can I have this dress instead, don't mind Hisoka-dono she just doesn't have a fashion sense.
Hisoka: *appears through the window of the room* I AM A _HE_ I'M A MALE DAMNIT~~~!
Muraki: Oh, I always thought you were a girl~~! Gomen nasai Hisoka-dono...
Tsuzuki: *sparkly-eyed* YOU CAME BACK HISOKA-DONO~~! *grabs the pink dress* you want to wear this on your journey?
Hisoka: *is gone and now seen climbing the jellybeanstalk*
Tsuzuki: TT____TT HISOKA-DONO HATES MY DRESSES~~~!
Watari: *comforts Tsuzuki* don't worry burden-san I love your dresses~~!!!
Tsuzuki: Honto ne?
Watari: Hai~!! ^-^
Tsuzuki: *Chibi sparkly eyed*
Kari: Anyways back to Hisoka he climbed the beanstalk, and climbed, and climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed and he climbed (you get the idea...) till he reached the sky.
Hisoka: Why is it so up high?
Kari: Patience Hisoka... And when he got there he found a long broad road going straight as a dart. So he walked along until he came to a great big tall house and there was a man.
Hisoka: Ohayou gozaimasu, mister, could you be as so kind as to give me some breakfast?
Man (SohRyu or is it Seiryuu? Or is it some other spelling?): Is it breakfast that you want? *Glares darkly at Hisoka* you'll become breakfast if you don't move off from here~!! Hakushaku-sama likes to harass boys your age now go~!!
Hisoka: *stares at the man* don't you mean 'eat'?
SohRyu/Seiryuu: *twitch* NO I mean 'harass'
Hisoka: Oh... Please mister give me something to eat~!! I have nothing to eat since yesterday~!! *Mumbles* the stupid burden ate everything.
Kari: Well the Hakushaku's wife-
SohRyu/Seiryuu: I AM NOT HIS FRIGGIN' WIFE~!! I AM HIS GUARD~!!
Hisoka: *pats SohRyu in the shoulder reassuringly* don't worry when you see Tatsumi you can bit him up to a bloody pulp...
Kari: heh, heh gomen ... The Hakushaku's guard let Hisoka into the kitchen, and gave him some bread cheese and milk (Hisoka: Thank goodness it isn't pocky) But Hisoka hadn't half finished when there was a girlish scream.
Boy (Imagine a six-year-old Tatsumi *sigh*): I DO NOT SCREAM IN A GIRLISH MANNER~~!!
Kari: ^-^ Tatsumi-chan you're so cute~!!
Chibi Tatsumi: You boy *points to Hisoka* what are you doing here? Do you want to be harassed by ojiji?
(A/N: Mwahaha have I mentioned this is an AU-ish fairytale fic)
Hisoka: This is weird... Err, no I was just running away from the stupid burden that that stupid thief left me...
Chibi Tatsumi: You mean Oriya?
Hisoka: Yeah that one... Is he some sort of cross dresser or something?
Chibi Tatsumi: Err he punishes those who make fun of his costume...
Hisoka: Who's the chibi king?
Chibi Tatsumi: That would be me~!! ^-^
Hisoka: XO
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Kari: Back to Watari-san, Tsuzuki-san (a. k. a. the burden) and Muraki-san (a. k. a. the deranged housemaid)... All too familiar sparkly, flowery, hearts, glittery effect, surrounds everyone... ^^;;
Watari: *giggling like crazy wearing the pink dress with lots of frills and laces, and have I mentioned it ends in mid thigh? *
Tsuzuki: Why don't we follow Hisoka-dono~?! I miss him already~!!
Muraki: *whines* But all that climbing will ruin my dress~!!
Tsuzuki: Will use the elevator~!!
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Author's Notes: SohRyu made his debut~!! And a Chibi Tatsumi who actually smiled~!! MWAHAHAHAHA~!! What else will the deranged author plan to do~?!
Everyone: OO;;
Conclusion: Listening to J-pop does things to your mind... Northern Lights give you strange, whimsical ideas... Never open the refrigerator, EVER again (weird things live in there)... Tatsumi is so cute when he was a child (mental image, but it would make you drool)... Anyone knows where to get Over Soul (mankin) and Heart of Sword (RK) mp3s? My sister hates them, so I'm going to annoy her to death~!! Have I mentioned I'm a sadist?
