Chapter 5 - Padfoot's Guilt

A/N Ok guys sorry this has taken so long. I've been really busy with college and exams, but they're all out the way now. so here's the next instalment.

A large black shaggy dog, cowered in the corner of the cave where he lay. He looked up at the wall behind him, covered in small scratches exactly 3652 of them in 10 neat little rows.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and where the dog had been sat just a moment before was a man, he placed a hand against the scratches before muttering to himself.

"ten years. ten whole years I've lived in this cave, everyone thinks I'm dead. or run away.some are even saying that I turned to Voldemort, that I killed Harry.

But what am I saying I might as well have killed Harry, I didn't stop him. I was his god father for goodness sake it was my responsibility. James expected me to look after him, he trusted me.

I'm a wreak, who'd ever want to befriend, a poor flea-bitten old dog, or a shadow of a former man. I can't even pretend that I'm worthwhile any more. Not even moony cares. although he had enough problems of his own last time I saw him.. I wonder if that went in his favour. A ministry investigation because he got one of his pupils present."

The man let out a small chuckle at the memory.

"Now that's worth a laugh. Who'd have thought Moony. if prongs were here now he'd be in hysterics too, I mean. him, me or even peter. but not Remus, too quiet. But hey, he did. awwwwwwww I remember the first time they kissed. I ripped him for weeks about that. Ya know what I think Harry actually planned it that way. Do you think he knew that they'd follow it through and she'd end up pregnant?

What do you think they're up to now? Should I go see them?

Don't be stupid Padfoot; you can't go anywhere. imagine what they'd say. It's all my fault that Harry's dead. He was my responsibility, I should have stopped him, talked sense into him, done anything but just sit back and let him run to his fate.

I should have known that he wasn't ready to face you-know-who. I really should have been able to tell that if I didn't stop him he'd never make it back alive.

Then that scream, poor Hermione, I knew what that meant, that she'd found him, he had to be dead, those sort of screams are reserved for times like that. I wanted to run to her comfort her, but she'd not want to be comforted by an evil old man like me, when it was my fault. I could have at least gone with him, as protection, a sacrifice. together we might have done it. he could have come out alive.

Yeah Padfoot tell yourself these little stories, you just shouldn't have let him go its as simple as that, you knew what was going to happen and you didn't do anything about it. The whole country was distraught, the boy who lived, dead. Fair enough it seemed that Voldemort had actually gone as well. But everyone remembered last time. he didn't go for ever. And if he came back now what were they going to do. there's no Harry Potter to save them anymore. no one to stand up for them.

It kind of meant that everyone would just be crushed by Voldemort if ever he did come back.

Poor Harry, how'd you die, did it hurt. I'm so sorry, and you James too, you trusted me and I gave up, I didn't live up to what was expected of me. I'm so sorry."

The man stood up and moved to the mouth of the cave, in the light the tears running down his face were evident. he peered out over the Hogsmede village, through the pouring rain and storm clouds and onto the stark castle standing proudly above the surrounding hills, he smiled quietly as he thought about his school days their. but then frowned as his eyes fell upon the burnt patch of ground where the shrieking shack once stood. He sighed heavily even after 10 years the burning hadn't faded, sure enough the rubble had been cleared away, and a memorial plaque had been erected that described the events that took place there on that night may the 16th 10 years ago today. There was a small crowd of people standing around the memorial all in black, and wet from the rain, he instantly recognised Dumbledore, who seemed to be talking to the people gathered, and as his eyes searched the small crowd, he spotted other Hogwarts teachers and with a snort his eyes fell on Snape, then softening slightly he saw the distinctive outline of Moony, his old pal, standing tall with his arm around a young woman.

Padfoot allowed himself a smile as he recognised the girl as Hermione,

"Well I never, you old fool, Harry was right. that did last."

He faulted for a moment, contemplating joining the group on the hill top, but grunted and returned to the back of the cave. He sat down alone and cold, in a flash the man was no more and in his place the large shaggy black dog sat and snuffled, before standing up and moving out the cave to join the mourners on the hill top.

With one noticeable advantage.. Dogs can't cry.

A/N

Ok that chapter really didn't go the way it planned, but I kinda just let my mind run away with it. it's kinda sad but not really, anyway please remember this is 10 years after harry's death, people will not be as affected as they used to be.

So let me know what ya think an I'll update soon.