REVISED JUNE 06 2003
WARNING!!! Citrus Content Ahead!!! WARNING!!!
Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic
Rurouni Kenshin & Samurai X Original Japanese Version © N.Watsuki/Shueisha * Fuji-TV * SME Visual Works Inc. * Sony Pictures Entertainment
All Fanfics created by Chiruken (me) were written for the sole purpose of shared entertainment and not intended for publication or sale.
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--Battousai Returns—
by Chiruken
Chapter 1
He shook his head sharply when his vision blurred. Maybe he hadn't been completely honest with Tanaka. He wasn't all right. He grabbed his hakama and staggered towards the bathhouse. Maybe a cold furo would help.
He stripped, grimacing when his shoulder protested the movement. He knelt slowly and felt his world tilt alarmingly as a wave of dizziness threatened to overcome him. He drew in a shallow breath and reached for a cloth. What was wrong with him?
He washed the blood from his shoulder and scowled. It was only a shallow wound. The dart hadn't penetrated deep enough to do much damage. So why did feel as if he was about to faint?
He felt an alarming shift and froze, the cloth posed to finish cleaning the blood from his arm. "Not...good…" He fell forward, catching himself before he hit the floor. He trembled as he felt the shift again and his perceptions began to change. He clenched his teeth and fought for control, though he knew it was a losing battle. He sat back and tried to draw in a calming breath. He was only prolonging the inevitable.
Suddenly he clutched his head and bent forward, a low moan escaping him. The shift came again, stronger this time, agonizing in its force. His body clenched painfully and he gritted his teeth to keep from crying out. He would not give in. This wasn't who he was anymore!
***
She hummed softly as she finished her inspection of the doujou. She had the place to herself. Yahiko was in Kyoto with Sanosuke, Megumi was in Hakodate on a much-needed vacation and Kenshin was at work. She grinned and turned for the bathhouse. It was time for a long soak in a scented furo. She felt she deserved a little luxury.
She halted abruptly and scowled. "Who's there?" She stepped forward cautiously, and then blinked in surprise. "Kenshin? You're home early. Did something happen?" She frowned when he didn't answer. "Kenshin?" He didn't even acknowledge her. She bit her lip anxiously and hurried forward. "What's wrong?"
She halted abruptly and covered her mouth to hold in a startled scream when he turned to face her. Not Kenshin. She thought numbly. It isn't Kenshin. He smiled tightly and offered her an abbreviated bow. "Kaoru." He greeted her softly, amber eyes intent.
"K-Kenshin…are you all right?" Kami-sama…what happened to bring Battousai out again?
"Never better. I always did enjoy being shot with a dart and drugged. Quite exhilarating, actually." His sarcasm was palatable.
"S-shot? D-drugged?" She pushed her fear aside and hurried forward. "Where? Should I get Genzai-sensei? Should you be standing?"
"I took care of it already. Thank you for your concern." She looked up and found his eyes on her, watchful and alert. He didn't look drugged to her. Quite the opposite actually.
"Um…y-you're welcome." She was beginning to feel uneasy under his scrutiny.
***
He reached up and touched her hair. "You took your bow out." She stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. He let his hand fall to his side. "I'm sorry." He took a half step back and paused, fighting down a wave of nausea.
"What happened? Does…does Saito know?"
He shook his head slowly. "No…and I'd like to keep it that way." He shrugged, ignoring the twinge of discomfort his movement caused. "Maybe in the morning everything will be back to normal."
"Come inside, Kenshin. Would you like some tea?" He nodded and allowed himself to be led across the yard. Kaoru seemed to stead the shifting. If he focused on her, he felt almost stable.
"Kaoru…" She looked over her shoulder, eyes anxious. "I think something's wrong with me…" She spun to face him and reached out. He stepped back quickly. "Tell me the truth. When you look at me…who do you see?"
"Battousai." Her voice was a low whisper. She didn't pretend to not understand the question. He was relieved.
"That's what I was afraid of. I'm not there yet…not completely at least. But I don't know how long that'll last." He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "I think the drug is skewing my perceptions…"
"Do you know how to counter it?"
He shook his head. "Kaoru…I don't think you should be anywhere near me."
***
She shook her head sharply. "No, Kenshin. I'm not leaving you alone when you're like this." She took his hand and tugged gently, pulling him towards the engawa. "Come on…I'll make you some tea."
"You don't understand. It might not be safe." His eyes reflected his growing anxiety.
She sighed in exasperation. "Honestly, Kenshin. I'm safer with you than with anyone else you might name. Stop being silly."
"I'm not being silly, Kaoru. I'm telling you it might not be safe for you to be around me."
He seemed adamant. She frowned at him, puzzled by his insistence that he may be a danger to her. "Why, Kenshin? Why do you say it isn't safe? I know you'd never hurt me."
"You don't understand." He sighed and stepped away from her. "There's something you don't know, Kaoru."
She scowled in annoyance. "Kenshin, I know you, so stop it, all right? I know you'd never do anything to cause me harm."
"Wrong. You only know me as the rurouni. You don't know me like this." She blinked in surprise. He was right. She really didn't know this side of him. "The truth is that my control is weakened by whatever drug they used. Which means I'm really not myself…not as you know me." He paused and drew in a shuddering breath. "Kaoru…I might not be able to help myself. I might not be able to stop myself from hurting you."
***
"Kenshin…I think you're worrying for nothing." She was wrong…very wrong. He was already feeling the changes within him. He tried to fight it…but this side of him was incredibly strong…stronger than he remembered. "Now, why don't you sit on the engawa and I'll make the tea, all right?" He nodded in agreement…anything to get her away from him. "Promise me you'll stay here, Kenshin…please?" With a resigned sigh he nodded and watched as she disappeared inside.
He sat slowly and leaned forward, resting his head in his hands, waging an internal battle. Kami-sama but Battousai was strong. The hitokiri inside of him was fighting to be free…and he knew why. It wasn't for the thrill of killing…not that he'd ever actually enjoyed that…and it wasn't for the promise of revenge on the low-life's who'd drugged him in the first place. No, it was mush more basic…and terrifying. Battousai wanted Kaoru. It was that simple.
From the moment he met her he'd been fighting this battle. So far he'd been successful, but now…now his defenses were weakened and that side of him was taking full advantage.
He sighed and straightened to stare at the full moon. He could acknowledge that he had similar feelings for Kaoru, just not quite as…violent. No…that wasn't right. Intense, all consuming…bordering on obsessive…but not violent. He smiled grimly. It was about to become a moot point. He was losing the internal struggle…fast.
***
She was worried…not because she thought there really was a danger of Kenshin hurting her. No, quite the opposite. She was worried because he thought he would. She bit her lip and measured the tealeaves into the pot. She knew Kenshin would never harm her. She believed in him. But Battousai? She didn't know.
Kenshin was reverting back into Battousai, presumably because he'd been drugged. She pursed her lips thoughtfully and checked the water to see if it was hot yet. The two other times she'd seen Battousai he'd been intent on protecting her, not hurting her. Why would this time be any different?
She lifted the steaming kettle to pour the water over the leaves. She looked up and screamed, dropping the kettle, hot water sloshing over her hand. She turned to run and slammed into something solid. Panicked, she did the only thing she could. She called out in desperation. "Kenshin!"
Strong arms came around her, holding her still. "Kaoru…what happened?"
"There's someone out there, looking in the window." She was released abruptly. She gasped and looked around cautiously, but Kenshin was gone…or was it Kenshin? She grabbed the broom, ignoring the stinging in her scalded hand, and hurried outside. Whether it was Kenshin or Battousai, she wasn't about to let him face the intruder alone.
***
He grasped the hilt of his sakabatou and scowled at the ground. Footprints, but no intruder. He looked up and surveyed the shadowed yard. He was fast, whoever he was. He suspected the unknown peeping demon might be an associate of the man who shot him with the drugged dart. Which meant Kaoru may be in serious danger.
"Kenshin?" He turned slowly at the soft whisper. "Did you find him?"
He shook his head sharply. "No. He's fast." He studied the broom she was holding with a raised eyebrow. "Do you intend to force him to clean the doujou, Kaoru?"
She scowled and lowered her makeshift weapon. "Of course not. I didn't have time to retrieve my bokken." She was holding the broom oddly. He frowned and stepped forward. She backed away, expression wary. "What are you doing?"
He moved fast, catching her by surprise, and held her easily while he lifted her hand. "You're hurt." He frowned and lowered his head to inspect more closely. She'd been scalded. He raised her hand and pressed his lips to the injury.
An instant later he released her abruptly and fell to one knee as pain exploded in his head. "Stop that!"
He shook his head sharply and looked up at her accusingly. "You hit me…with a broom." If it didn't hurt he'd be amused. He rubbed the bump with a grimace. "I can't believe you hit me, Kaoru."
"Oh you better start believing it. You can keep your hands to yourself, Battousai. I'm not in the mood to deal with you nicely."
***
She held her ground and glared down at him. There was no doubt in her mind that this wasn't her shy rurouni. No, she was now facing the hitokiri, which meant she should probably start running. She pressed her lips together tightly and gripped the broom until her knuckles turned white. She hit him. Oh kami-sama…she hit Hitokiri Battousai with a broom. She lifted her chin. When in doubt…brazen it out. "I was only trying to help."
"Sure. Right. Whatever." She backed away quickly when he stood and lifted the broom defensively. "Don't come any closer."
"Put the broom down, Kaoru." He sounded irritated. "I'm not trying to molest you. I just want to treat your hand."
It did hurt. She lowered the broom slowly. "Just keep your hands to yourself." She didn't like the way she'd tingled when his lips caressed her hand. She only wanted to feel that way with Kenshin…not with Battousai.
"I can't help if I don't touch you, Kaoru." Now he sounded amused. Wonderful. He was supposed to be properly chastised…not amused.
"Well…I don't need your help." She turned and marched back to the kitchen, back stiff with indignant anger. She wanted Kenshin back. He at least tried to be nice. Actually, he was nice…always. And safe. He never did anything to alarm her…not the way Battousai was doing. He didn't tease her or touch her in anyway that could be disrespectful…unlike his hitokiri self.
***
Stubborn. That was the best way to describe Kaoru. He shook his head with a rueful smile as he followed her back to the kitchen. He paused before entering and turned to stare at the moon. She'd called him Battousai. It was interesting that she could recognize the difference. He smiled, genuinely amused. Of course, the differences between the rurouni and his current mindset were blatantly obvious. He wasn't content to hide behind ridiculous formality. He knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to take it.
He turned slowly and looked towards the kitchen. He wanted Kaoru…but he couldn't just take her…it would be wrong. He wanted her to want him…not just his rurouni self, but this part of him as well. Somehow he doubted he'd get what he wanted. Though she tried to hide it, Kaoru was afraid of him.
He shrugged and winced when his shoulder pulled painfully. He was used to rejection. That didn't mean he liked it, but he did know when to expect it. Kaoru didn't want him so he'd leave it at that. In the morning everything would probably be back to the way it was before. He'd be locked away again, under tight control, and Kaoru wouldn't be afraid anymore. He really didn't mind the arrangement. His time was long past. This new era had no use for a hitokiri. He smiled as he stepped onto the engawa. That suited him just fine. He was tired of the blood and violence that shaped him into what he was. He much preferred being the rurouni…even if that meant he was too afraid to admit how he really felt about Kaoru.
***
Her hand was beginning to throb. It really hurt. She reached into the cupboard and pulled out first the bandages, then the medicated cream. It was difficult doing this with one hand. In fact…impossible. There was no way she could open the jar with only one hand. Tears of frustration filled her eyes. She needed his help after all.
"Let me help." She turned at his gentle offer. He reached out and took the jar of cream from her. "Sometimes things can't be done alone." She watched with wide eyes as he dipped his fingers into the cream. "Give me your hand, Kaoru." She did so silently and winced when the medicine stung. He bent forward and gently blew on her hand, easing the burning sensation. "It stings…yes?" She nodded slowly, not trusting her voice. It felt…odd…being attended to so tenderly by a man known to be a cold and ruthless killer.
Silently he finished wrapping the bandage around her injury. His hands were so…gentle. She peeked at him through the fall of her hair. Kenshin never touched her, so she had no way of comparing his touch to Battousai's. Somehow, she knew it would be the same. If not for the casual way he spoke and his amber eyes, she could easily mistake Battousai for Kenshin. "Thank you." She whispered softly when he finished wrapping the bandage. He didn't answer…and he didn't release her. She bit her lip, feeling her uneasiness return. What was he doing?
***
He studied how her hand fit so naturally in his. Why had he never noticed this before? He smiled at the irony of his question. The answer was simple. He never touched her…that's why he hadn't noticed. "Is it too tight?"
"N-no…it's fine." She moved her fingers to demonstrate, then pulled away from him.
She was still afraid of him. "Go sit down. I'll make the tea." The distance, even if it was only temporary, should help to renew her usual spirit. He didn't like seeing her so quiet, her eyes dulled by fear…fear of him.
He sighed and bent to retrieve the kettle she'd dropped earlier. His shoulder felt stiff. He frowned and set the kettle on the counter so he could inspect the injury. I didn't appear to be worse than he'd first thought. Had the dart penetrated deeper than he'd suspected? No…the ache seemed to be inside…closer to the bone. His eyes narrowed in understanding. The drug was doing this. Whatever it was that had been used, it was also acting as a type of poison. Nothing life threatening, but it could slow him down.
He quickly filled the kettle and set it over the fire. Maybe the medicated cream would help to neutralize the effects of the poison. He dipped his fingers into the jar and gingerly spread the pungent cream over the injury. The effects were instantaneous. He gritted his teeth and clenched his hand into a fist as the dull ache became a piercing agony. "Chikushou!" The curse emerged on a pained hiss. He lifted the jar and scowled at its contents. "What's in this stuff anyway?" Nothing he'd ever made had had this kind of effect. He'd have to ask Kaoru what it was.
***
She sat slowly and lit the lamp awkwardly. She should just go to her room. It would be safer for her there. Battousai's proximity was doing odd things to her…like making her think that Kenshin and Battousai weren't all that different, that maybe they were the same person, not separate individuals as everyone assumed. She looked towards the kitchen and bit her lip. She loved Kenshin…had since she first met him…but she was afraid of Battousai. If they really were the same person…wasn't she being unfair?
She sighed and inspected her bandaged hand. It still stung…actually, it seemed to be getting worse. She frowned and lifted her hand to sniff experimentally. Her eyes widened in shock. This wasn't the medicated cream that Megumi had given her! She jumped to her feet and ran to the kitchen. "Kenshin…" She skidded to a halt and blinked. The kitchen was empty. She gritted her teeth and turned for the shouji. She had to get this stuff off her hand. It was really starting to hurt.
She stepped outside and stopped to stare. Kenshin…or rather Battousai…was already at the well. She frowned as she moved towards him. He seemed to be talking to himself. "Chikushou…I'm such an idiot! Medicated cream, my ketsu." He knelt and dumped the bucket over himself. She blinked and stared in wide-eyed surprise. What was he doing? He turned and gestured for her to move closer. "Kaoru, come here. We have to get that stuff off your hand."
***
When she didn't move, he did. He caught her easily and carried her to the well. "What are you doing? Let me go!" He ignored her indignant shouts and evaded her kicks. "I'm warning you…put me down!"
He dropped her and knelt, holding her wrist securely as he quickly unwound the bandages wrapped around her hand. "Hold still, Kaoru. I have to get this off before it does any damage."
"Huh? What are you talking about?"
"It isn't medicated cream." He poured the water over her hand and held tightly as she tried to pull away. "I don't know what it is, but I do know it isn't medicine."
"I know! I was coming to wash it off!" She was squirming to free herself. "Stop manhandling me, you jerk!"
Now he was a jerk. He sighed and shook his head. At least she wasn't cowering in a corner, too terrified of him to move. "Stop squirming, hanabi-jou." She stopped moving instantly. "Much better."
"H-hanabi-jou?" She sounded shocked.
He smiled and nodded as he immersed her hand in the bucket of cold water. "Definitely. It suits your personality perfectly."
"Arrogant jerk." He looked down at her irritated mutter to find her glaring at him furiously.
***
He was laughing at her. It was in his amused amber gaze and the careful way that he wasn't smiling. She found herself released abruptly. "Go inside, hanabi-jou. Rest, relax, or kick something…preferable not me."
"Stop calling me that!" She turned on her heel and walked away before he could see how confused she was. Why was she so angry? It wasn't as if he'd actually insulted her. Even his tone hadn't implied an insult. Quite the opposite, actually. She'd detected admiration in his soft voice.
She shook her head sharply. What was she thinking? Battousai was not a nice person. To the best of her knowledge he only admired the skill with which his opponents fought. He wasn't gentle and kind. He was cold, cruel, and ruthless…not caring. She paused on the engawa and turned to watch him as he knelt in the garden. But still…he had treated her with concern and a certain amount of tenderness…even if he did tease her at the same time.
She sighed and slid the shouji open. The truth was, she didn't know what to think anymore. This was a side of the hitokiri she'd never seen before…or heard about. This Battousai was playful…almost like one of those big cats she'd read about. Playful…and extremely dangerous. She had a feeling she was in for a rough night. She had to remain alert and on guard at all times. If she didn't…she shivered and slid the shouji closed…if she didn't, Kenshin's earlier warnings just might prove to be well-founded.
***
He carried his herbal selections back to the kitchen with a thoughtful frown. Kaoru obviously believed that jar to contain medicated cream and to the best of his knowledge it was supposed to. Now that he thought about it, the jar resembled the one Megumi had left several weeks before. Megumi, he knew, would never purposely exchange real medicine for fake. Which meant someone else did…but whom? And why? And what was that stuff anyway?
He set the plants on the counter and quickly set about making his own cream. It wouldn't be as refined as Megumi's usual work, but he was about fourteen years out of practice. He shrugged with a wry grin. It wouldn't be pretty, but it would be effective.
His smile faded as he caught sight of the jar. After he'd finished preparing the cream, he'd investigate the contents of that jar. He wanted to know what it contained. Its scent was familiar.
He didn't have the proper instruments to do this professionally. He'd have to estimate the proportions. Of course, burn balm was fairly basic. It wasn't actual medicine that needed careful measuring and precise preparations.
He sniffed experimentally and nodded in satisfaction. It wouldn't do a thing for his injury, but it should soothe Kaoru's scalded hand. He dipped his finger into the bowl to test the consistency. It couldn't be too thick or too thin. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, and then smiled. It would do.
***
She felt a little more comfortable now that she'd exchanged her kimono for a yukata. The only problem was that she couldn't tie the obi with her hand like this. She scowled irritably. She felt like such an invalid. Yet one more humiliation for the evening. She'd have to ask Battousai to do it for her.
She sighed and closed the shouji to her room. If she were smart she'd just hide in her room until Kenshin was back to normal. She shook her head in disgust. Smart…but cowardly. She couldn't hide forever and she was no coward.
She stepped into the family room and froze, her eyes widening in shock. She opened her mouth to scream, but didn't get the chance. The intruder was back and covering her mouth as he roughly pulled her against him. "Not a sound, jou-chan, if you want to live."
She trembled in sudden fear, and then her eyes narrowed. What was she doing? She wasn't a helpless child! She was Kamiya Kaoru, the assistant master of the Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu. This man thought she was so easily subdued? Not likely! She bit down hard on the hand covering her mouth and kicked out in an abbreviated move from the Kamiya Kasshin jujutsu techniques. Once again she attempted to call for help, and then gasped breathlessly as the air was knocked out of her. He'd punched her, the slime!
"Enough of that, abazure!" He shook her roughly and raised his hand to hit her again.
Kenshin wasn't here to help. There was only one person she could call out to…and she did. "Battousai!" The man's fist connected solidly and she crumpled to the floor, dazed.
***
He gripped the hilt of his sakabatou and cautiously approached the family room. Something felt…wrong. He'd sensed a disturbance from the kitchen. The feeling intensified the closer he got to the room. "Battousai!" Kaoru's terrified cry was abruptly cut off. With a hissed oath he sprang forward.
Dimly he was aware that she'd called out to him…not just Kenshin. He entered the room at a run, ready to draw the sakabatou in an instant. The room was…empty? He surveyed the situation with narrowed eyes. The shouji was open, the night air flowing in. In the corner, Kaoru lay dazed or unconscious. At least she was alive. He approached her cautiously, senses alert for any possible danger. He knelt, taking care to keep his back to the wall, and touched Kaoru's shoulder. "Kaoru? What happened?"
She moaned softly and blinked up at him. "He's…gone…" She tried to sit and gasped. "The jerk…punched me…cheap shot…"
He placed his arm around her and helped her up. "He hit you?" He kept his tone mild, not wanting to alarm her any more than she already was. His eyes moved over her assessing the possible damage and stopped, widening slightly in surprise before he jerked his gaze away from the enticing view revealed by her open yukata. "Are you all right?"
She nodded slowly with a blush. "You know, you didn't have to stare like that." If looks could kill, he'd be in flames about now. "Kenshin you pervert!" She pushed hard against his chest. He sat down hard and stared at her in surprise.
***
She gasped and pressed a shaking hand to her head. It hurt! She glared at Battousai accusingly. She was being ungrateful and she knew it. She sighed and pulled the yukata closed tightly. She called out and he came…amazingly fast. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I should be thanking you, not insulting you."
He smiled and shook his head. "I'm not insulted, Kaoru. It takes more than that to insult me, you know." His tone was light, but she knew his words weren't true. It was in the way he was moving away from her and carefully not touching her.
"I shouldn't have called you that. It was wrong and unfair." She sighed and stood slowly. "It was the same man I saw in the window." She frowned and stared at him. He wasn't wearing a gi…only his hakama. She blushed in acute embarrassment. She'd accused him of staring? Talk about the kettle calling the pot black. Her eyes widened and she gasped. "You're hurt!" She reached out and blinked in surprise when his fingers circled her wrist.
"It's nothing. Come with me to the kitchen." He turned and tugged, giving her no choice but to follow. Kami-sama…Kenshin hid a lot from her. She never would've guessed that, under his gi and uniform, he had such an impressive physique. She should've guessed.
"Thank you for coming so quickly." She bit her lip nervously. It was embarrassing to admit, but he'd probably been without a gi this whole time and she never noticed. And even worse was how her pulse was racing and it had nothing to do with fear.
***
He'd been called many things, but pervert was a first. The worst part was that, in this case, she was probably right. He certainly wasn't thinking pure thoughts at the moment. He shook his head sharply and released her wrist. "Let me see your injured hand." She held it up wordlessly and he led it lightly as he dipped his fingers into the bowl he'd left on the counter. "This should help ease the stinging." With infinite care he spread the balm over the scalded area.
"What is it? It smells nice." She leaned closer and sniffed. "Hmm…it's familiar, but I can't place it."
"It's burn balm. It's probably the mint that you recognize." He released her hand and wiped his fingers on a cloth before reaching for the remaining bandages.
"It feels cool." She looked at him curiously as he rewrapped her hand. "Did you make this?" He nodded as he tied off the ends of the material. "I didn't know you knew how to make remedies."
"I was an apothecary. Can you move your fingers?" When she didn't respond he raised his head to find her gaze on him, assessing. "Kaoru? Are the bandages too tight?"
She shook her head with a thoughtful frown. "I didn't know that." She sighed and stepped away from him. "I guess there's a lot I don't know, huh?" He didn't know how to answer so he remained silent. She offered him a shy smile, cheeks turning a rather intriguing shade of pink. "Um…could you tie my obi please?"
***
The balm was soothing. The burning sensation was already fading from her scalded hand. He'd been an apothecary, all right…and probably a skilled one, too. "The intruder didn't do this, did he?" She blinked and looked up in surprise. There was that tone again. Just like when she told him that she'd been punched. His tone was mild, deceptively soft, yet the expression in his amber eyes was enough to strike terror into the hearts of any mortal. She smiled and shook her head. But she wasn't afraid. Far from it. She felt…cherished.
Her eyes widened and she ducked her head quickly to hide her blush. What was wrong with her? She should be appalled at these thoughts. She loved Kenshin…he was the only man she wanted…so why was she drawn to Battousai? Kenshin was sweet and gentle, soft spoken and polite. Battousai was… Her thoughts ground to a halt. Well…he was sweet, too, in his own way…and surprisingly gentle considering his reputation. He was also soft spoken…yet in a different way than Kenshin. He just wasn't as polite. Or was he? He hadn't said one thing to her that could be considered rude. All he'd done was tease her…but even at that he hadn't crossed the line into obscene. Was there really that much of a difference between Kenshin and Battousai? Was it really such a surprise that she was attracted to both of them? After all, technically they were the same man except for a few differences in their personalities.
She jumped when he snapped his fingers. "Kaoru? Are you all right?" She nodded quickly and forced a smile. Except for being very confused she was just dandy. "Are you sure? Does your head hurt? Do you feel tired?" She shook her head and he frowned.
"I'm fine…really." His frown didn't lesson at her assurances. If anything it deepened. "What is it?"
"Well…it's just that you didn't answer me." She looked at him blankly. "I asked if your obi was too tight, Kaoru…three times."
***
Kaoru was behaving oddly. Maybe it was because he made her nervous, but she seemed awfully jumpy. He didn't dare leave her alone, not with that peeping demon turned assailant running around…but he was starting to feel a little on the chilled side. "Kaoru, will you be all right alone for a few minutes?"
"Where are you going?" She flushed and averted her gaze. "Never mind. That's none of my business."
He felt a nearly unstoppable urge to laugh. "I'm going to my room for my gi, hanabi-jou. I'm cold." He stood slowly and tucked his sakabatou through his obi by habit.
"Then I'm coming with you. I'm not taking any chances of getting caught unaware again."
"Would you feel better if you had your bokken?" It was interesting that she didn't scold him for the teasing nickname.
Surprisingly she shook her head. She usually carried her bokken everywhere…including into the furo. "I wouldn't be able to hold it…not like this." She held up her bandaged hand.
He held his hand out to her, expecting a scathing comment about keeping his hands to himself. He blinked in surprise when she placed her hand in his. What was going on? Did she receive some kind of internal injury when she'd been struck? He closed his fingers over hers and tugged, pulling her to her feet. He didn't release her immediately and she surprised him…yet again…by not pulling away.
***
She smiled up at him shyly and curved her fingers around his. She stepped closer and rested her bandaged hand against his chest. "I think I'm safer with you than if I stayed here and tried to defend myself."
He bent closer towards her and tugged her closer. "You could be right. But if you keep looking at me like that you won't be very safe at all."
Her heart skipped a beat and she licked her suddenly dry lips. "Um…I don't understand. How am I looking at you?"
"Ah…Kaoru…you are temptation itself." His lips curved into a slow and incredibly sexy smile. "But…I'll behave." He stepped back and turned away. He tugged her hand gently and she followed. "I won't leave you alone tonight…unless it can't be avoided. Come on."
Something just happened. Something of great importance. She followed him in silence, her lips pursed thoughtfully. It suddenly occurred to her that Kenshin had been wrong. She was just as safe with Battousai as she would be with Kenshin. Her lips curved into a soft smile. Could it be possible that even Kenshin didn't fully understand this side of himself? She'd been wrong…so maybe he was, too.
There was only one way to find out the truth about this man. She had to get to know him. After all, he was a part of Kenshin…a side he tried to hide from everyone. Battousai might be able to give her some insight into her shy rurouni's reluctance to let her get close to him.
***
He was confused…and he didn't particularly care for the feeling. Why was Kaoru flirting with him? It wasn't that he was complaining…he much preferred this to her being terrified of him…it was just that he didn't understand the abrupt change in her attitude.
He shrugged into his gi and paused. He couldn't tuck it properly with her watching. It severely compromised his modesty. He grinned and shook his head at the irony of the situation. He should be more worried about her modesty that his own. "Kaoru…" He began only to be interrupted.
"Can I ask you something?" He nodded slowly, curiosity piqued by the odd little catch in her voice. "Will Kenshin remember any of this tomorrow?" He nodded with a slight frown. "Oh. I see. Thank you."
"You sound disappointed, Kaoru." She turned away and stared out the shouji. He took advantage and quickly finished dressing.
"Not really. It's just that I wanted to ask you a few questions…but I don't think I should now."
"You've managed to arouse my curiosity. You can't just leave it at that. Trust me, there's nothing you could ask that would insult my rurouni counterpart." It was a frustrating fact. His frown deepened to a scowl of annoyance. "For that matter I highly doubt you could be imaginative enough to insult me either. So…ask away Kaoru…I'll answer if I can."
***
She drew in a deep breath for courage and turned to face him again. "All right. Why won't Kenshin let me get close to him?"
"That's easy enough to figure out, Kaoru. I'm surprised you have to ask. It's called…shy." He smiled with a shrug.
"Shy." She repeated with a frown. "Obviously you don't suffer that particular affliction."
"You'd be surprised. Next question."
"You don't honestly expect me to believe that you're shy, do you?" The idea was ludicrous. His only answer was a shrug. "You're very good at hiding it." She sighed and pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Why is he always so formal?"
"That's a little more difficult to answer. You've probably noticed that I'm not as formal, right?"
"Boy have I ever." She muttered under her breath.
"I heard that." She blinked in surprise, certain that she hadn't spoken that loud. "It's a habit that was formed over the ten years following the revolution."
"Habit. I don't understand how that could be. I mean, have you ever heard him?" She shook her head, momentarily forgetting to whom she was speaking. "It's horrible the way he always places himself in the role of supplicant…almost as a slave speaking to his master." When he didn't answer immediately, only stared at her in shocked silence, she realized just what it was she'd said and to whom. "Oh kami-sama…" She covered her mouth, horrified at her lack of discretion. "I shouldn't have said that."
***
"Yes…well…" He cleared his throat before continuing. "That's because he was a slave, Kaoru." She paled and swayed alarmingly. He placed his arm around her to steady her. "It was a long time ago, hanabi-jou. Long before the revolution…before Hiko, even." He placed two fingers under her chin and gently tilted her face up. "But that isn't why he speaks that way. The truth is, it's because of me. The rurouni is the opposite of the hitokiri…remember that."
"I'm sorry. I should think before speaking."
"Kaoru…remember what I said? There's nothing you could possibly say that would cause insult." His words seemed to have the opposite effect than they were intended for.
Her eyes filled with tears. "I-I'm so sorry…"
"You're not listening to me." He pulled her closer, holding her tightly. She rested her head on his shoulder and sniffled, obviously battling tears. "No insult intended, none taken. If either of us were that sensitive, we'd be insulted all the time." She insisted on referring to them as separate people, so he wouldn't confuse the issue. Maybe she'd eventually realize the truth. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the top of her head. It felt good to hold her.
For a moment…just a moment…he'd pretend she did want him as he wanted her. His lips curved into a sad smile. He'd pretend that she could love him as he loved her. But just for a moment…
***
She blinked back her tears. He was right. She was being silly. She frowned, realizing that she was still in his arms. It began as an offer of comfort, but now she wasn't so sure what was happening. It felt different. She closed her eyes with a soft sigh. It felt…good. Yes, good. She felt safe, protected…loved.
Her eyes snapped open. Loved? Could it be possible? She bit her lip uncertainly. Could Battousai even feel love? Kami-sama…if he loved her…how must he feel knowing she loved Kenshin and not him? She frowned, suddenly doubtful. She did feel something for Battousai…but she didn't know if it could be called love.
She became aware of the way he was holding her. This was not a man who was given to casual embraces…she knew that. There was something about the way he held her that set her pulse to racing and made it difficult to breathe. It was as if he were telling her how he felt without words. It was blatantly clear that he was telling her that she was cherished above all else and that he would always protect her, no matter what the cost. She didn't know how she knew that…she just did.
Slowly, she placed her arms around him. She didn't know how she felt about him, only that it felt right to be in his arms…to be held by him and in return hold him as well. Could it be that she'd been wrong about him? Could it be that the cold and ruthless killer was actually a warm and loving man? She closed her eyes and snuggled closer with a small, contented smile. She was very close to the truth…very close indeed. She had a feeling that before the night was through she'd have all her answers.
***
It was time to let go. He knew it had gone on far too long already. Slowly, reluctantly, he stepped away, allowing his arms to fall by his sides. He kept his head bowed, not willing to allow her to see how very vulnerable he was at the moment. Kami-sama…she hadn't pushed him away…she'd even returned the embrace. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he couldn't be the man she loved. But she didn't push him away.
"Thank you." Her soft voice was like a caress…and a blade. It soothed and it cut.
He smiled and raised his head to meet her gaze. "You're welcome. Would you like some tea?"
She studied him with a frown, but nodded. "That sounds wonderful." She turned and walked away. After a moment's hesitation he followed. She smelled like hyacinths. He smiled again. He'd been trying to figure it out since he met her and now he knew. Kaoru smelled like hyacinths. He sat across from her and poured the tea into their cups automatically. "Are you all right?"
He looked up in surprise. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're pouring cold tea." She leaned forward and peered at him closely. "Are you sure you're feeling all right? You look pale."
He smiled and shook his head slowly. "You think too much, hanabi-jou. I'm fine."
***
He wasn't fine and she knew it. He wasn't just pale…his eyes were dull with pain. She bit her lip anxiously and moved to his side. "You're not all right." She reached out to touch his face, intending to check for fever.
He caught her wrist in an almost painful hold. "Don't. I'm fine, Kaoru. Leave it at that."
Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What are you hiding, Battousai?"
He looked genuinely surprised. "Hiding? What do you mean?"
She leaned closer and met his amber gaze directly…and held it. "There's something you're trying to hide from me and I want to know what it is. It if has anything to do with that wounded shoulder that you wouldn't let me treat, I'm going to have to hurt you…a lot."
He grinned, the hurt fading from his eyes to be replaced with laughter. "When did you get so brave, hanagijou?"
Her breath caught and her pulse skipped. She leaned closer. When had he become so appealing? Kami-sama…his eyes alone made her want to melt…but his smile…there were times it nearly broke her heart to see it. She reached out and rested her bandaged hand over his heart. Without thinking, she replied in a husky whisper. "When did I fall in love with you?"
***
His smile faded and he stared at her in silence, not trusting his hearing. Did she really say she loved him? He shook his head sharply. No one loved him. What was he thinking? It was impossible for anyone to love someone they feared. He pressed his lips together tightly. Had he imagined it? Or was it some ploy on her part?
To his horror he felt tears fill his eyes. "Don't say it, Kaoru…don't say something you can't mean…" It…hurt…a lot. He leaned forward, the pain of hurt betrayal making it difficult to breathe. Why would she say such a thing to him?
He felt her arms come around him. "I do mean it." There was gentle concern in her voice. "Please…believe me…"
He shook his head. "Fear does not allow love…" He pulled away from her. "You don't love me, Kaoru…you love the rurouni…you love Kenshin…not…me…" He closed his hands into fists at his sides.
"But you are Kenshin!" She held onto his arm almost desperately. "Tell me you aren't and I'll drop it…I'll never bring it up again…"
Could it be possible that she truly did believe what she was saying? He drew in a shuddering breath. "Do you believe, Kaoru? Do you believe in me enough to honestly say that?"
***
"I believe in my heart that you are Kenshin and Kenshin is you. Rurouni and hitokiri…opposites, but two halves of a whole. I can't love one without loving the other." She closed her eyes and turned away. "I don't know of any other way to convince you that I truly mean what I say." She bowed her head and sighed. "I can't imagine how much hurt you carry in your heart that you can't accept someone's love."
She felt strong arms come around her. "No one loves a hitokiri…" Her shoulders slumped in defeat. She failed. She hadn't been able to prove to him that he truly was loved. "The last person who told me that she loved me also wanted me dead…" Her eyes snapped open. What was he talking about? "She plotted with others and told me she loved me and all the while she was leading me into a trap…" Her heart skipped a beat when she felt his fingers come around her throat, though he didn't exert any pressure. "She betrayed me, Kaoru…but also taught me that a woman could be the most convincing deceiver…" She trembled when his fingers tightened a little. "It was a hard lesson and nearly cost me my life, but I remember it well…No one loves a hitokiri…" She closed her eyes when she felt him tremble. Her lips parted on a soft gasp when she felt wetness against her neck. He's crying… She thought numbly. I made him cry.
"I do…" She whispered softly. Turning slowly, Kaoru placed her arms around him gently, holding him close as his hand fell away from her throat to trail lightly over the delicate line of her jaw. With a soft sigh, she rested her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes in quiet contentment. He seemed to be accepting her declaration of love as truth. She only hoped that he'd give her a chance to prove to him that she truly meant every word she'd said.
"Kaoru…" He whispered softly, reverently, as he pressed his fingers against her chin to raise her face to his own. Looking into her blue eyes solemnly for several long moments, he struggled to find the truth in her sapphire gaze that would unlock the chains binding his heart that had wound around him with his first wife's betrayal and subsequent death. Releasing a soft, inaudible sigh, he felt his soul rejoice at the deep love shining in her eyes, and he slowly claimed her lips in a tender, loving kiss, praying that his own feelings weren't clouding his judgment. He knew, deep in his heart, that another betrayal would utterly destroy him.
**To Be Continued…**
Author's Notes:
1.Thanks to Jason M. L. for the help with "hanabijou" vs "hanabi-jou". I really appreciate it, that I do!
Definitions:
Hanabi-jou: Fireworks Girl
