Hey. Well, one review. I don't mind, I'm going to add more, just to spite
you! I don't own anything you recognise, ya da ya da ya da... *.* is
italics, I have nothing against Harry Potter...I'm also crazy...
Hey Look, Chapter 2
"What the bloody hell was that?" asked Alanna.
"Are you *sure* you killed Rodger? He's usually the one who-"
"I'm bloody sure I bloody killed bloody Rodger, alright?" snapped bloody Alanna.
"Alright already! Chill! Settle petal! Be *cool*!" said George. Everyone gave him an
I-think-you're-really-weird-but-I-don't-want-to-say-anything look. As they looked the
ceiling started to crumble. Delia screamed, covering her eyes. George looked at the
roof worriedly.
"Looks like there's going to be a fair big earthquake!" said Daine brightly.
"Looks like we're all going to die!" said Alanna.
"Right. Better make this quick. Delia, do you know anythin' about savin' the King
from a series of Deadly and un-diagnosed spasms of the brain, left kidney, right
eyeball, mandible, femur, sternum, tibia or third toe from the right?" George asked
hurriedly.
"What?" asked Delia.
"Obviously not," said Thom snootily.
"THEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE BLOODY WAITING FOR?"
yelled Alanna, "RUN!"
And they ran, but not before Gary had carefully locked the door to Delia's cell behind
them. Her plaintive cries echoed through the halls.
"*Please* don't leave me! I'll be good! I can change!" she hammered on the door.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
The company of companions eventually made it back to the hall of crowns, where Jonathan lay, moaning in his bonds. The ground heaved beneath them, and Alanna
cursed mightily.
"What bloody use is a bloody dominion jewel when the only bloody person who can
use it is lying prone on the floor?" she asked herself.
"The people are clamouring at the palace gates! They are deeply disturbed by the
earth tremors!" cried Thayet.
"You're the Queen. You deal with them," said Thom. Thayet sniffed, and flounced of
to soothe the seething crowds.
"We must put our minds to work," said Myles, "We must put all other thoughts aside,
we must-"
"Oh shut up, you old codger," snapped Thom, "While you've all been nattering away,
*I've* been hard at work raising Rodger. I couldn't get it perfect with all the noise, so
he's a bit worse for wear, but he'll do." Rodger emerged from behind Thom, a twisted
skeleton compared to his former glory. His robes were tattered and torn; his beautiful
blue, puppy-dog eyes were washed out and shrunken. Every one stared at him, not
making a sound. A full minute passed.
"What?" snapped Thom irritably, "I've been under a lot of pressure lately, alright?"
Alanna snorted, and Thom and Rodger glared at her.
"I really don't see how this will help us, Thom," said Myles with barely concealed
displeasure.
"Hear, hear! Rodger's much more trouble then he's worth, I always say!" yelled Buri,
whose sudden appearance had caused Raoul's heart to flutter.
"I'm going to take over the world, and no-one can stop me!" laughed Rodger, passing
into a fit of insane giggles.
"Uh, Thom? Did you revive quite *all* of his brain when you brought him back?"
asked Raoul. Thom chose not to dignify this with an answer. Without warning, knife
in hand, Rodger made a lunge at the King's trembling body. Fortunately, Harry Potter
chose that moment to fall through the roof, landing on his feet on Rodgers tomb-weak
shoulders. The psycho-sorcerer, of course, stood no chance. With a resounding crack,
his shoulder snapped.
"Sorry to *drop* in!" yelled The Potter. The young man's already much-to-be- desired
appearance was not improved by the fact that he was wearing his loin-cloth on the
outside of his breeches. His scarlet cape parted to reveal a large picture of a harry-
potter-scar, ripped down the middle on an extremely un-muscled chest. His baby-blue balaclava clashed awkwardly with his thick black lenses.
With a moan, Rodger staggered to his feet, and with his last ounce of strength created
a blinding flash, in which he (of course) disappeared. Alanna put her head in her
hands, and sat glaring at the floor.
"This whole bloody fiasco was bloody caused by *you*," she jumped up and pointed
at Harry the Hero.
"Didn't mean it," he whined.
"Are you the same lad who went to fetch someone before?" asked George peaceably.
"No! I-I mean Yes! I mean-"
"Spit it out lad!"
"I found someone! Gandalf the Grey! He'll be here soon! Please don't hurt me."
"Who the bloody hell is Gandalf the Grey?" asked Alanna viciously, glaring daggers
at him.
"He'll be here soon! I promise! He's *really* wise!" Harry pleaded.
"Wise, *eh?* Good wizard, *eh?* And only *your* word for it, eh?" Said Gary
disparagingly.
Before Harry and Gary could get into a more deep and meaningful argument, there was a loud rap on the door. Harry answered it. Outside he found none other than Gandalf the Grey, HIMSELF.
"*You're* late," Harry whined.
"A Wizard is never late!" shouted Gandalf.
"I'm a wizard, I'm not late, and I'm here already and-"
"YOU FOOL!" gasped Gandalf, and shuddered, closing his eyes momentarily,
regaining his composure.
"You're bloody right," remarked Alanna, "Although I could think of worse than
'fool'-"
"SHUTUP ALANNA!" yelled everyone except Harry and Gandalf. Gandalf and
Alanna smiled conspiratorially at each other, and Harry whimpered. There was a
moderately long silence in which all members of the company mulled over the
situation. The only sound to be heard was an occasional twitch from the king.
Gandalf, leaning decrepitly on his staff, finally spoke.
"So, what may I do for you? I must admit, I have only been in the fair country you
call Tortall for as little as three hours. I was banished from my own world, through the
fires of hell, no less, because of that unfortunate episode with the Dark Lord that I
would rather not talk about. How can I possibly help you?" he spoke so majestically,
and so nobly that at first they were lost for words. George spoke first.
"Well, you see, sir, our king here is taken quite poorly, and we need a great wizard
such as yourself to fix him," they all stared at him, "Er, that wasn't meant to come out
like that. He's sick, see."
Gandalf laughed nervously, "Oh, I see. Well, I left all my healing plants back in
Middle Earth, so I'm afraid I won't be of much service." He quivered suddenly, and
gave a long, racking cough. He blushed.
"Comes from smoking too much weed," he explained.
"You're on bloody drugs?" asked Alanna.
"Well, not exactly-"
"Don't bloody worry about it! I'm on bloody worse!" she said, winking. They all
stared at her, edging away slowly. There was a long silence.
"Well, then," Said George Jovially, "What are we going to do now, eh?"
"Whensh shin doubtsh, ask Myshes," said Duke Gareth, staggering in to the room, a
bottle of rum in his hand. "Here, I brought plenty for everyonesh," he laughed, tossing
them each a bottle, which he produced miraculously from his coat-pocket. Suddenly
the tension in the room was eased, the king forgotten. Soon the whole company were laughing and singing uproariously.
"What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor, Early in the morning?"
They bellowed in rounds. More food and wine was brought by mysterious servants
that no one could remember hiring, and it turned into a regular party. Duke Baird the
healer came in his 'Death' costume, fully equipped with grim reaper black- robe and
skull-face, his home-made hatchet slung over one shoulder. This started a trend.
Alanna showed everyone her bloody fairy costume, and Myles did a boogie in his big-
bird suit. They played wrap-the-mummy with King Jonathan's body and some
bandages, followed by murder in the dark and spin the bottle. Alanna had a conniption
about being forced to kiss Harry, who quickly curled up in a ball with his hands over
his ears, rocked back and forth, and muttered about crazy people in pink.
At this point, the shady looking character in the floor-length brown over coat turned
up. His eyes moved shiftily from side to side as he approached George. He opened
one side of his coat to reveal rows of trinkets and baubles.
"Wanna buy a watch?" he asked in a lowered voice. George sized him, and opened
his own coat.
"I think we may be able to do business," he whispered greasily. Suddenly the shady
looking character's eyes widened and he whispered hurriedly,
"Gotta go!"
"Why?"
"You'll see!" he snuck off, and George turned around. Duke Gareth was staring
formidably down at him (George was kneeling suspiciously over something on the
ground).
"Weresh yoush doing somethinksh illegal?" he asked, trying to look dignified and
failing tragically.
"Er, no, hehe, of course not!" said George brightly.
"Thatsh all right thensh!" giggled His Grace, and wandered off to woo Buri.
Amidst all the fun and games, there was an ear-shattering crack. The air warped, and
all were instantly sobered. Rodger's emaciated, corpse like body appeared with
another blinding flash, and he crowed with unholy glee. His plastered shoulder only
took a little away from the over-all effect. The previously drunken group edged
towards the wall, staring at him with a mixture of shock and horror written all over
their faces. Rodger staggered (not strode!) over to Jonathan's bandaged body and
gestured. Both men disappeared with one last insane cackle from the Duke.
Alanna sighed.
"Well. If that isn't just bloody fantastic."
Yay? Nay. Oh well.
Hey Look, Chapter 2
"What the bloody hell was that?" asked Alanna.
"Are you *sure* you killed Rodger? He's usually the one who-"
"I'm bloody sure I bloody killed bloody Rodger, alright?" snapped bloody Alanna.
"Alright already! Chill! Settle petal! Be *cool*!" said George. Everyone gave him an
I-think-you're-really-weird-but-I-don't-want-to-say-anything look. As they looked the
ceiling started to crumble. Delia screamed, covering her eyes. George looked at the
roof worriedly.
"Looks like there's going to be a fair big earthquake!" said Daine brightly.
"Looks like we're all going to die!" said Alanna.
"Right. Better make this quick. Delia, do you know anythin' about savin' the King
from a series of Deadly and un-diagnosed spasms of the brain, left kidney, right
eyeball, mandible, femur, sternum, tibia or third toe from the right?" George asked
hurriedly.
"What?" asked Delia.
"Obviously not," said Thom snootily.
"THEN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE WE BLOODY WAITING FOR?"
yelled Alanna, "RUN!"
And they ran, but not before Gary had carefully locked the door to Delia's cell behind
them. Her plaintive cries echoed through the halls.
"*Please* don't leave me! I'll be good! I can change!" she hammered on the door.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
The company of companions eventually made it back to the hall of crowns, where Jonathan lay, moaning in his bonds. The ground heaved beneath them, and Alanna
cursed mightily.
"What bloody use is a bloody dominion jewel when the only bloody person who can
use it is lying prone on the floor?" she asked herself.
"The people are clamouring at the palace gates! They are deeply disturbed by the
earth tremors!" cried Thayet.
"You're the Queen. You deal with them," said Thom. Thayet sniffed, and flounced of
to soothe the seething crowds.
"We must put our minds to work," said Myles, "We must put all other thoughts aside,
we must-"
"Oh shut up, you old codger," snapped Thom, "While you've all been nattering away,
*I've* been hard at work raising Rodger. I couldn't get it perfect with all the noise, so
he's a bit worse for wear, but he'll do." Rodger emerged from behind Thom, a twisted
skeleton compared to his former glory. His robes were tattered and torn; his beautiful
blue, puppy-dog eyes were washed out and shrunken. Every one stared at him, not
making a sound. A full minute passed.
"What?" snapped Thom irritably, "I've been under a lot of pressure lately, alright?"
Alanna snorted, and Thom and Rodger glared at her.
"I really don't see how this will help us, Thom," said Myles with barely concealed
displeasure.
"Hear, hear! Rodger's much more trouble then he's worth, I always say!" yelled Buri,
whose sudden appearance had caused Raoul's heart to flutter.
"I'm going to take over the world, and no-one can stop me!" laughed Rodger, passing
into a fit of insane giggles.
"Uh, Thom? Did you revive quite *all* of his brain when you brought him back?"
asked Raoul. Thom chose not to dignify this with an answer. Without warning, knife
in hand, Rodger made a lunge at the King's trembling body. Fortunately, Harry Potter
chose that moment to fall through the roof, landing on his feet on Rodgers tomb-weak
shoulders. The psycho-sorcerer, of course, stood no chance. With a resounding crack,
his shoulder snapped.
"Sorry to *drop* in!" yelled The Potter. The young man's already much-to-be- desired
appearance was not improved by the fact that he was wearing his loin-cloth on the
outside of his breeches. His scarlet cape parted to reveal a large picture of a harry-
potter-scar, ripped down the middle on an extremely un-muscled chest. His baby-blue balaclava clashed awkwardly with his thick black lenses.
With a moan, Rodger staggered to his feet, and with his last ounce of strength created
a blinding flash, in which he (of course) disappeared. Alanna put her head in her
hands, and sat glaring at the floor.
"This whole bloody fiasco was bloody caused by *you*," she jumped up and pointed
at Harry the Hero.
"Didn't mean it," he whined.
"Are you the same lad who went to fetch someone before?" asked George peaceably.
"No! I-I mean Yes! I mean-"
"Spit it out lad!"
"I found someone! Gandalf the Grey! He'll be here soon! Please don't hurt me."
"Who the bloody hell is Gandalf the Grey?" asked Alanna viciously, glaring daggers
at him.
"He'll be here soon! I promise! He's *really* wise!" Harry pleaded.
"Wise, *eh?* Good wizard, *eh?* And only *your* word for it, eh?" Said Gary
disparagingly.
Before Harry and Gary could get into a more deep and meaningful argument, there was a loud rap on the door. Harry answered it. Outside he found none other than Gandalf the Grey, HIMSELF.
"*You're* late," Harry whined.
"A Wizard is never late!" shouted Gandalf.
"I'm a wizard, I'm not late, and I'm here already and-"
"YOU FOOL!" gasped Gandalf, and shuddered, closing his eyes momentarily,
regaining his composure.
"You're bloody right," remarked Alanna, "Although I could think of worse than
'fool'-"
"SHUTUP ALANNA!" yelled everyone except Harry and Gandalf. Gandalf and
Alanna smiled conspiratorially at each other, and Harry whimpered. There was a
moderately long silence in which all members of the company mulled over the
situation. The only sound to be heard was an occasional twitch from the king.
Gandalf, leaning decrepitly on his staff, finally spoke.
"So, what may I do for you? I must admit, I have only been in the fair country you
call Tortall for as little as three hours. I was banished from my own world, through the
fires of hell, no less, because of that unfortunate episode with the Dark Lord that I
would rather not talk about. How can I possibly help you?" he spoke so majestically,
and so nobly that at first they were lost for words. George spoke first.
"Well, you see, sir, our king here is taken quite poorly, and we need a great wizard
such as yourself to fix him," they all stared at him, "Er, that wasn't meant to come out
like that. He's sick, see."
Gandalf laughed nervously, "Oh, I see. Well, I left all my healing plants back in
Middle Earth, so I'm afraid I won't be of much service." He quivered suddenly, and
gave a long, racking cough. He blushed.
"Comes from smoking too much weed," he explained.
"You're on bloody drugs?" asked Alanna.
"Well, not exactly-"
"Don't bloody worry about it! I'm on bloody worse!" she said, winking. They all
stared at her, edging away slowly. There was a long silence.
"Well, then," Said George Jovially, "What are we going to do now, eh?"
"Whensh shin doubtsh, ask Myshes," said Duke Gareth, staggering in to the room, a
bottle of rum in his hand. "Here, I brought plenty for everyonesh," he laughed, tossing
them each a bottle, which he produced miraculously from his coat-pocket. Suddenly
the tension in the room was eased, the king forgotten. Soon the whole company were laughing and singing uproariously.
"What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor? What do we do with a drunken sailor, Early in the morning?"
They bellowed in rounds. More food and wine was brought by mysterious servants
that no one could remember hiring, and it turned into a regular party. Duke Baird the
healer came in his 'Death' costume, fully equipped with grim reaper black- robe and
skull-face, his home-made hatchet slung over one shoulder. This started a trend.
Alanna showed everyone her bloody fairy costume, and Myles did a boogie in his big-
bird suit. They played wrap-the-mummy with King Jonathan's body and some
bandages, followed by murder in the dark and spin the bottle. Alanna had a conniption
about being forced to kiss Harry, who quickly curled up in a ball with his hands over
his ears, rocked back and forth, and muttered about crazy people in pink.
At this point, the shady looking character in the floor-length brown over coat turned
up. His eyes moved shiftily from side to side as he approached George. He opened
one side of his coat to reveal rows of trinkets and baubles.
"Wanna buy a watch?" he asked in a lowered voice. George sized him, and opened
his own coat.
"I think we may be able to do business," he whispered greasily. Suddenly the shady
looking character's eyes widened and he whispered hurriedly,
"Gotta go!"
"Why?"
"You'll see!" he snuck off, and George turned around. Duke Gareth was staring
formidably down at him (George was kneeling suspiciously over something on the
ground).
"Weresh yoush doing somethinksh illegal?" he asked, trying to look dignified and
failing tragically.
"Er, no, hehe, of course not!" said George brightly.
"Thatsh all right thensh!" giggled His Grace, and wandered off to woo Buri.
Amidst all the fun and games, there was an ear-shattering crack. The air warped, and
all were instantly sobered. Rodger's emaciated, corpse like body appeared with
another blinding flash, and he crowed with unholy glee. His plastered shoulder only
took a little away from the over-all effect. The previously drunken group edged
towards the wall, staring at him with a mixture of shock and horror written all over
their faces. Rodger staggered (not strode!) over to Jonathan's bandaged body and
gestured. Both men disappeared with one last insane cackle from the Duke.
Alanna sighed.
"Well. If that isn't just bloody fantastic."
Yay? Nay. Oh well.
