Alexandra Howard used her key to open the house. In the summer, it was unlocked, because Grace and Nick were usually out on the porch, anyway. But in the winter it wasn't. Alex's cheeks were red as apples and her eyes were watering. She sniffled, turned the knob, and popped into the Calloway's warm kitchen.

"Alex? Is that you?" Grace's voice, that of a curious but serene and friendly personality, drifted to Alex's ears. When Grace walked through the kitchen archway without hearing Alex reply, she smiled. "See, I knew it. Only you and Nick come in without knocking."

"We're the only ones with keys to your house." Alex said, and sat down at the kitchen, dropping her backpack with a thud.

"Oh, no you're not. Ian has a key, if he thought to ask Nick, and your mom does too, and she could have given it to your dad."

"I don't think my parents would find any reason to come over to my best friend's house." Alex said. "They barely find reason to come into my room."

Grace looked up from wiping down the counter. "Now, don't be silly. You know they care about you."

Alex met Grace's eye. "Not my mother. All we ever do is fight."

Grace nodded, knowing this from experience. Alexandra and Mrs. Howard never agreed on anything.

"And your dad?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't want to talk to him. The only person I feel like talking to is you. Nick is like my big brother."

Grace smiled and showed a charming dimple on her left cheek. She had a little heart-shaped face and soft black curls, with big brown eyes like a fawn's. She walked over to the kitchen table and sat down next to Alex.

"You need a bit more than a big brother, though." Alex studied Grace's face suspiciously.

"I know that look in your eye. That evil glint. You think you've found another prospect for me. Admit it."

"All right, guilty as charged." Grace said, holding up her hands. "I surrender. But you'll like this one, I promise."

"I didn't like any of the others."

"Yes, well. This one is intelligent, and witty--"

"And probably has a ego the size of Jupiter."

"No, he's well-mannered, too. He's cute and very charming. It'd just be a little date. Dinner. That's all. A nice evening."

"I just don't like dating, Grace." Alex said. "It doesn't feel right."

Grace sighed and rested her head on her fist. "I wish you wouldn't feel that way."

"You wish you could change the world, Gracie. You're happy, so you want everyone around you to be happy. And I love you for it, I swear. But I just don't want to date people. You'll need to get a little more creative, or just let me frown."

"No, no, no, you do quite enough of that." She said sternly.

"Anyway, this is an old argument." Alex said. "I don't want to fight today."

"Then let me win and we'll stop re-hashing it." Grace said, again with that incorrigible dimple.

Alex chuckled in spite of herself. "You're impossible. But the answer is still no." Grace imitated a heart-melting pout. Alex stuck out her tongue.

Behind them, the kitchen door cracked open and the howling wind could be heard. "Nick!" Grace squealed, and ran over to hug him.

"Wow, easy, easy." Nick said, as he closed the door. He then picked up Grace and swung her in a circle. "Hi there." He said to Alex. He turned back to kiss Grace on the nose, and then on the lips, shortly and sweetly. Grace's face lit up with an inner radiance, and she looked like a content little girl.

"I missed you." She said, and the simple words made it all the more meaningful.

"I missed you, too." Nick said. And the light shining in his mahogany brown eyes showed that they both meant every word of it.

Alex looked at them both from the kitchen table. She was smiling, but deep inside was an ache, somewhere between a pulling and a twisting. She wanted to huddle in a ball, to hug her teddy bear, to cry. Where's someone like that for me? She cried internally, wistfully. I know he's out there. Where is he? At the same time, she was hit with a murderous rage, rushing straight toward Grace's black curls. She wanted to rip them out one by one, wanted to throw her against the wall and break her nose. It just wasn't fair. Grace was happy. Why couldn't she, Alex, be happy? What was wrong with her?

She had been waiting for so long.

Somewhere in this monologue she had moved silently off the chair, unnoticed by the happy couple, and sat quietly on the cool kitchen floor, closing her eyes. She lay down, felt the chill of the tile on the back of her neck.

"Alex? Hey, Nick, something's wrong with Alex."

Of course she would ask Nick. She had Nick to ask. She had someone there, someone who would care whether she lived or died. She'd grown up with him, to make it all the more painful: they were perfection embodied, the sort of childhood sweethearts that everyone had known would get married, from the day they were born. They were Grace-and-Nick, a single person, an indivisible unit. Their first kiss had been when they were five years old.

"Alex?" Came Nick's voice, from above. For an excruciating half a second, Alex wanted desperately to grab him and kiss him, just to see what Grace would do. It wouldn't be a horrible thing--Nick was cute, after all, with those dark, mysterious eyes and the wavy hair that flopped over his forehead like that. There was a strength in his chin, to make you think he was just dying to protect you, and a twinkle in his eye that said he would take risks to do it. And then, the ultimate temptation--Nick brushed Alex's hair back from her forehead and tucked it over her ears, a tender gesture. Alex nearly burst into tears on the spot, but had the sense of decorum to keep breathing faintly, and to flutter her eyelashes.

"Is she okay?" Came Grace's voice, worried and in a darker pitch, not clear and bright like normal. The sweet voice touched by concern invaded her barrage of self-pity.

"I think she's fainted or something." Nick said. His hands behind her neck, lifting her head. Alex fluttered her lashes once more, and then blinked a few times, slowly, and moved her head a little, as if dizzy.

"I'm okay--now." Alexandra said, and let Nick help her sit up.

"What happened?" Grace asked. If you had sense enough to actually know, you wouldn't let me back in this house to faint on your kitchen floor and have your boyfriend pick me up, Alex thought.

"I...fell." She improvised. "Everything just kind of...stretched out. So I thought if I sat...but then it all kind of went dark, and..."

"You poor dear," Grace sympathized. "You just came in from outside. Maybe it was too warm in here for you right away."

"Maybe I'll faint," Nick mused, with that wicked twinkle in his eye. "And then you could take care of me."

"Oh, stop it." Grace said, swatting him. "You're so vulgar. He's so vulgar." She said to him and then to Alex. Alex chuckled. What had she been thinking before? Petty jealously, that was all. They were happy together, and they deserved to be happy together, Nick and Grace. She loved Nick, just like a doting big brother, and she loved Grace. It was good they loved each other. It was good for them to be happy together. The only bad thing in the equation was her, Alex Howard. She couldn't get the idea through her thick skull that Nick and Grace were meant to be together. She couldn't just go out and get a boyfriend of her own. Well, that was her problem, and she would have to solve it herself. She took the pain and pushed it a little further down into her soul, to deal with later.

"She's right, Nick. You're disgusting." Alex said, and Grace smiled smugly. Nick wore a look of fake horror and disapproval.

"Only disgusting? And I was going for outright despicable." He grinned, and the expression of horror faded. "Oh well. I can always try again later. See, I'm determined, too."

Alex laughed lightly, and Grace joined in. This was where she belonged. She was with her friends, her real family.