How Do You Heal a Broken Heart? part 2 Rating: PG

June 1987

Max. . . I came in from work, and unusually Jordan hadn't come by the precinct or plopped herself at the kitchen table, eager to hear all about what had happened that day. Granted, she'd just graduated from high school, but still, her being incommunicado wasn't "normal," if there was such a thing with her. Still, no sign of her around wasn't a good thing, and there was no note indicating that she'd gone anywhere. Something else that wasn't normal ~ ever since Emily's death, she's been so good about letting me know where she is. Even when all her friends were clamoring for more freedom, she never resisted telling me where she was going.

"Jordan? Sweetheart? Are you home?"

No answer. Oh God, if anything. . . Wait, I think I heard something upstairs. I'd better check and see. . . She's there, on her bed.

"Jordan? You ok, sweetheart?"

"Go away, Dad." Her voice was muffled by the pillows.

"Jordan?"

"Dad? Just. . ."

"Ok, ok. I'll be downstairs if you want to talk."

"Fine."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I don't care. I'm not hungry. Go away and leave me alone!" And one of the pillows came flying at my head. I decided to leave her alone for a while anyway, and maybe by dinner she'd be ready to talk.

I decided to make her favorite meal thinking maybe it would help whatever was wrong. I got the feeling that this was going to be one of those times I really wished Emily was here to help her, but she wasn't and I had to do it on my own. Finally I called her for dinner and she actually appeared at the top of the stairs. I could tell she was trying to hide it, but her face betrayed her pain. Slowly she came downstairs, went into the kitchen, and sat down at the table. She tried to eat something, but with the first bite, she choked on it and began crying.

"Jordan, honey, what's the matter?" Only sobs answered me, hard, gut- wrenching sobs I'm completely unaccustomed to. "Jordan, is it all the stuff around graduation and Emily not being there like all your friends' mothers?"

"No," her tear-strained voice finally sounded. "I wish that was it, but it's not."

"Ok. Well, sweetheart, I want to help if I can, but. . ."

"Nobody can make this better, Daddy! Nobody!" And she was off and up to her room. Feeling like we might be getting somewhere, I ran up the stairs after her. Amazingly she hadn't slammed her door, and I reached the doorway in time to see her throw herself down on the bed, huge sobs wracking her body. I didn't know what else to do but just sit there with her, rubbing her back, letting her know by touch that I was there.

Finally she calmed a little. I decided to risk it. . . "Jordan? You want to talk about it?"

"No. . ." But there was more to that answer, so I waited. Sure enough, within about 10 seconds, she rolled over and threw herself into my arms, the sobs returning full-force. "I hate him! I wish I'd never even gone out with him!"

So this was about Michael, the guy she'd been seeing all year. It wasn't like Jordan to stay with someone for so long ~ she was always afraid of getting too involved, of losing herself. "Sweetheart, what happened?"

"He left."

"Left? You mean to go to college already?"

"No. He. . . He. . . He ran off with Christine, this girl he met at camp last summer. He said it was nothing. Then she showed up in town, he broke our date last night, and then this morning I found this on the door." A trembling hand held out a crumpled, tear-stained piece of paper. I took it from her hands and read it silently as she continued to sob in my arms.

"Jordan. Thanks for everything. You've been amazing. But it'll never work. Christine is the girl for me. We're leaving Boston today. Bye. Mike."

Every fatherly fiber of my being wanted to go and find the boy and. . . And what Max? Beat some sense into him? You can't make him love Jordan if he doesn't. Of all people, you should understand that one person can't make another love them.

"Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."

"I really screwed up this time, Daddy."

"What do you mean, Jordan? From this 'note' he's the one who left."

"He did. I was just stupid enough to fall in love with him. I really thought that we had something special."

"Jordan, I don't ever want to hear you say that falling in love with someone is stupid."

"But it is, Daddy. All it does is make you hurt. Look at you when Mom. . . I'm sorry Daddy. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, it's ok. I know what you were trying to say. Yeah, love does mean pain, but it's pain that reminds us we're alive."

"I hate it."

"I know. It's not easy, and I wish there was something I could do to make things better."

"I know. Thanks Daddy."

"Hey, dinner's probably cold and ruined by now, but I can call out for some pizza if you like. Pepperoni and green peppers?"

"With extra cheese?" At least she was looking a little less despondent now.

"Sure. This seems like an extra cheese occasion to me."

So the pizza came and the rest of the night went ok. I hadn't realized just how much Jordan had cared for the guy. She'd had a few boyfriends off and on, but never seemed affected when those ended. Now I understand ~ she was keeping herself at arms' length or longer to keep from getting hurt. Only this time she let her emotions go and actually let herself feel. She went up to bed a little early, but I felt sure that she was going to come through this with time. As I climbed the stairs to my room I heard her muffled sobs from behind her closed door. Better to have her cry herself to sleep than keep things in, but just to keep an ear on things, I cracked her door a bit and left my bedroom door open. One of the most sleepless nights I'd spent in a long while.

The next morning, though her eyes were puffy and red-rimmed, Jordan seemed ok, at least for the moment. Kim called and invited her to go to the beach with her family for the day, and amazingly Jordan seemed eager to go. I was ok with that ~ I knew Kim's family and I knew that they'd keep an eye on Jordan. They had ever since Emily. Besides, some time with a friend might be exactly what Jordan needed. They pulled up in their van, and I left for work. As I walked in and was heading to my office, one of my friends cornered me.

"Morning Max. Looks like you must have had a rough night."

"Oh, hi Sam. Yeah. There's some stuff with Jordan. . ."

"Oh. She's not. . .?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. The guy she'd been dating left her, to run off and marry some camp sweetheart, and. . ."

"I understand. You want to kill him because he broke your little girl's heart."

"I'm actually more worried about Jordan. She's never let herself get close enough to anyone to let break-ups bother her. This is all pretty new. But yeah, I have to admit that inflicting physical harm on the boy did cross my mind."

"I understand. I've been there myself."

"Yeah. How did you handle things with Leslie when something like this happened?"

"Well, part of it was her mother."

"Oh."

"But there was something. . . And funny enough I was going to mention this to you today anyway. Not in this context, but. . ."

"What?"

"Remember that hike I was telling you about? The one we're going on next week?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Leslie and Jeff called last night. They just found out they're expecting a baby, and they don't want to risk the hike, so I've got a couple of spots open if you and Jordan would like to go."

"Hey, you're gonna be a grandpa! That's great, Sam! Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

"A hike, huh? Sounds like it's got possibilities. You think it would help?"

"Remember the drama with Jason?"

"The guy before Jeff that Leslie just knew was 'the one?'"

"That's him. We'd had the hike already planned before that happened. Obviously he dropped out, and then Mary hurt her knee and couldn't go so it ended up being Leslie and myself. Turned out to be some of the best father- daughter time we'd had. And it seemed to help her heart heal a little."

"It sounds interesting."

"It's beautiful. And everyone hikes it at their own pace, so you'd have plenty of time to talk if she wanted to."

"She went to the beach with Kim and her family today, but I'll ask her about it at dinner. I'm sure I can get the time off, and she hasn't figured out what she's doing this summer yet. Let me check with her at dinner and I'll give you a call."

"Great. It'll be so much fun." And then he was called away to go into the field for a case.

As it turned out, we didn't have to wait until the evening to make a decision. There was a thunderstorm, and Kim's family brought Jordan by the precinct at her own request. I asked her about it, and though she wasn't overly excited by the prospect of some time outdoors with her dad, she did agree to go. I got the time off of work, we got some equipment, and a week later we loaded up into Sam's van and he and Mary and the two of us took off for the mountains.

. . .to be continued. . .