How Do You Heal A Broken Heart?
The Talk Part 2
Rating: PG-13
Not mine ~ they're just using my head for a playground!
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Woody. . .
Oh, she's good. Lull me into this false sense of security by talking about Owens and her time in L.A. and then take me straight to hell. But I guess I don't have a lot of room for negotiation or complaint.
Here we are. Well, maybe Max will have taken the night off.
"Hey Dad!"
"Hey sweetheart! How are. . .?" No such luck. I didn't know that Max could move that fast. Before I knew it he was right with us. "Jordan, what the hell is she doing here?"
"Dad, it's ok. He came to have the talk we should have had a few weeks ago."
"Damn right you should have talked with her. . ."
"Dad? We're going to go to the back corner table. Can we have a couple of beers?" Jordan was trying to be reassuring, but even I could tell it was a front.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah. Well, not really. But it's something I need to do." Now I understood why she brought me here. Yeah, it was partly because Max was here and she had emotional back-up. But it was also a public place where Jordan could stay somewhat under control of her emotions. At her place or somewhere private, she might not have been as strong.
"Alright baby. I'll get those beers for you. Let me know if you need anything else."
"Thanks Dad."
Jordan led me to the table in the back ~ the one I'd seen her and Max at on so many previous occasions. It was within sight of the bar, but far enough removed from the pool table and the rest of the action that it provided a measure of privacy.
"Hey, I was on my way to do something when you appeared in the hall back at the morgue. Excuse me for a second?"
"Sure Jordan. I'll be right here." I hope. My eyes followed her as she headed towards the bathroom. What the hell had I been thinking running out on her like I did? The sound of two beer bottles being put down on the table. I braced myself for what I knew was coming as I heard the chair scrape across the floor as Max pulled it out.
"You've got some nerve, Woodrow."
"Max, I. . ."
"I thought I told you to leave her alone."
"Max, I made a huge mistake. . ."
"Damn right!"
"And I just. . .I owe it to Jordan to talk with her about things."
"What good is it going to do now?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're all settled into that fancy new job and. . . Wait a minute. How'd you get vacation already?"
"I think they're calling it 'mental health time' or something like that. I guess I hadn't been much good lately."
"Really?"
"Yeah. I did a crash course in the basics I'd need to know until they could get me into the inter-state transfer training. But I couldn't really be out in the field ~ no carrying until I was certified for California."
"Oh. So you thought you'd come crawling back here?"
"No! Max, it's not like that. I did get to go out on a case, but it was too hard."
"So you're running?"
"No! It was too hard emotionally. Did Jordan tell you about the first time we went out to California?"
"In late November/early December? Yeah."
"So she told you. . .?"
"That that's where she kissed you for the first time? Yep. She told me that too. Then you left her in the desert and things just got weirder from there."
"Yeah. That they did. But if we'd been there a week later. . ."
"What?"
"The case I went out on was out there. High school homecoming queen was raped and murdered and her body was dumped about 25 yards from where we'd been."
"I see. But I fail to see what this has to do with. . ." Shouldn't Jordan be getting back from the bathroom soon?
"I got distracted. Extremely distracted. All I could think of was Jordan and our time out there and our time here and how stupid I'd been, and. . . And then they sent me back here to get things figured out."
"Alright. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But only because Jordan actually brought you here instead of kicking your ass like I figured she would if you ever showed up."
"Well, the night is young."
"You think that's funny?"
"No sir."
"I'm going to keep an eye on things back here and if I sense the slightest bit of trouble. . . You've heard of how mother bears protect their cubs?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, this papa bear is worse than any mother bear when it comes to protecting his child." And he stood up to move back to the bar. "Remember. I'll be watching."
I looked down just in time to see Jordan and Max cross paths. Max gave her a quick squeeze and motioned his head towards me. I hardly had to stretch my mind to figure out what he was telling her. She said something to him and gave him a reassuring hug, then turned and walked towards me. She got to the table and pulled out the chair to sit down.
"So, Woody. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Did you have this planned?"
"What?"
"Bringing me here so that your father. . .?"
"What, he rip you a new one?"
"Almost."
"Good. You deserve it." There really wasn't anything to say in response. She was right. I did. "Why did you leave me Woody? Without talking to me?"
"Jordan, I just. . . I just. . . I'm a big chicken-shit idiot."
"No argument there."
"I know how much it took for you to trust me enough with your feelings ~ your heart ~ and I wasn't sure I could face it after I told you I wasn't going to leave you."
"So you lied. You left me anyway."
"Yeah, I guess I did. I mean, yes. You're right. I did. And I hate myself for it."
"Good." In spite of all her façade of being tough, I could see this was hard for Jordan ~ she was fighting to keep the tears in eyes that threatened to overflow at any minute. "At least one of us does."
"What?"
"At least one of us hates you. No matter how hard, I can't. I know it's totally stupid given the shit you've put me through. But I guess as long as it took for my heart to open up to you, it doesn't want to close."
"I'm not sure I. . ."
"I don't understand either. I just need to know why."
"Why I left? Or why I didn't talk with you more about it?"
"Yes."
"I left for the job. I couldn't turn down what they were offering me. And after I didn't get that promotion I just went with a first impulse, knee-jerk reaction. That's one thing we seem to have in common ~ running from the people who care about us."
"What?"
"I need to tell you about something that happened before I came here ~ one of the reasons I came here. I. . .I had to get out of Kewaunee. I couldn't face her again." And I spilled out the story about Annie, the sheriff's daughter I'd been seeing in Kewaunee. Things were fine until we started talking about the future and I went to ask her father for his permission and blessing. But he said no daughter of his was going to marry a cop.
"So you just left?"
"I hadn't officially asked her, but about as close as you could get. All I could say was that I'd gotten this job offer in Boston and I couldn't pass it up. I knew her life was in Kewaunee and I would never ask her to leave that to follow me on what could be a wild goose chase. So yeah, I left."
"I see. Well, at least she knew you were leaving."
"Yeah. And you remember that $1200 I told you I had when I got to Boston?"
"You returned the ring?"
"Yeah."
"I remember her eyes when I left. I. . .I couldn't face yours that way. I. . .Jordan, I love you so much. I'm so sorry." I moved her still full beer bottle to the side and reached across the table to take her hands in mine, but she pulled back.
"Woody, I love you too. But I can't just jump back into a relationship. My heart doesn't shift gears that easily."
"I understand. I can't expect you to forget what I've done. I was a chicken-shit bastard and I don't deserve anything from you."
"I wouldn't go that far. Where are you staying?"
"The Hampton Inn out by Logan."
"Shit Woody, do you know how much that's going to cost you in cab fare?"
"Yeah, I hadn't planned on that. . ."
"Why don't I take you out there? We can talk on the way, and then I'll call you sometime tomorrow. You will still be here tomorrow?"
"Yeah. I've got orders to stay until I've worked things out."
"Ok. Come on farm boy. Let's get you home." We got up and I headed towards the door as Jordan went down to the bar to talk with Max for a minute. I saw him look my way and then heard his voice above the crowd asking if she was sure she knew what she was doing. She sort of shook her head and gave him a hug. Cautiously he watched her move towards me at the door.
As we walked out, I couldn't resist asking her the same question. "Jordan, are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"No. I'm not. But I know that if I go with only what I know I might miss something."
"Ok."
We drove back to my hotel mainly in silence. As she pulled under the portico and stopped to let me out, she turned to me and said, "Get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."
I told her good-bye and got out of the car. As I watched her pull away, I realized that we were both swimming out of our depth. But at least we seemed to be together. For now. . .
. . .to be continued. . .
