Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 5/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.

Chapter 5: Finding My Place

After the captain ordered Ensign Mayweather to take us to the Expanse, I stood rooted to the bridge in shock. Despite my confidence that I needed to stay on Enterprise, I knew parts of my argument had been illogical, and I had not been certain he would approve my request.

Snapping out of my daze, I realized I still had to send in my resignation. "Captain, would you permit me to got to my quarters so I may prepare a transmission to Vulcan?" I requested. Seeing his nod of assent, I stepped into the turbolift.

A few decks before my own, the lift stopped and Dr. Phlox joined me. "Good morning Sub-commander," he greeted me cheerfully. "Are you taking an early lunch as well?"

I glanced over at him and then redirected my gaze forward. "No Doctor," I replied, clasping my hands behind my back.

"Then what takes you away from the bridge in the middle of your shift?" he asked congenially.

I pursed my lips in frustration when I realized he wasn't going to give up until he got an answer. The doctor's tenacity is admirable, but I did not wish to discuss my decision with him. However, it appeared that I had no choice. Suppressing a sigh, I said, "It was necessary for me to return to my quarters to prepare a message for transmission."

I saw his smile brighten from the corner of my eye. "Wonderful! You decided to stay aboard Enterprise!" he enthused. "What changed your mind?"

I paused to look at him a minute before answering. "I merely came to the conclusion that it was simply a matter of loyalty," I finally answered, quoting his own words back at him.

If possible, his smile stretched even wider at that. "I'm glad to hear it Sub-commander. We all would have been sad to see you go."

Luckily the doors opened to my deck before I was forced to say anything else. Being sure of my decision did not automatically mean I wanted to discuss it. "Thank you Doctor," I said politely as I stepped onto the deck. "Now if you'll excuse me."

"Of course. Have a nice afternoon!" he called after me as I retreated down the corridor.

A moment later I was keying in my code and entering my cabin. Taking a deep breath, I picked up a data padd and began composing my letter of resignation.

After an hour of writing, I stood for a moment, stretching the kinks out of my neck. Holding the padd in my right hand, I read the letter out loud while pacing the deck. "Greetings Minister Saran," it began. "I regret to inform you that I will be unable to return to Vulcan at this time. Despite the orders I have received, I believe my continued presence on Enterprise will be vital to its success in this mission, and I cannot in good conscience abandon them to face the Delphic Expanse without a science officer.

Be assured that I fully comprehend the repercussions of my actions and that I take full responsibility for them. In light of the situation, I hereby tender the resignation of my commission, effective immediately. Live long and prosper, Minister."

I nodded slowly, satisfied with what I had written. Now all that remained was to ask Ensign Sato to transmit it for me. I opened the door, intending to return to the bridge, but when I stepped into the corridor I came face to face with Commander Tucker, who was wearing an indecipherable expression. "Commander Tucker," I acknowledged, attempting to walk past him.

"You're doin that eyebrow thing again Sub-commander. I guess you weren't expecting to see me," he remarked almost too casually, falling into step with me.

"Should I have?" I asked drily.

In response, he shrugged his shoulders in that laconic manner he has. "I s'pose not. Listen, I wanted to talk to you. Why don't I ride up to the bridge with you?"

"Do I have a choice?" I muttered.

"What was that?" he asked as the turbolift door shut behind us.

"Nothing Commander. What was it you wished to speak with me about?"

He looked directly into my eyes for an instant, all traces of humor wiped from his face. "I heard you'll be joining us in the Expanse after all," he started.

"That is correct."

"Yeah well I just wanted to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. This isn't some innocuous mission of exploration. When we find the Xindi, we won't be sitting down with them for tea, we will be fighting to save our planet. Now I know that's not the way you Vulcans like to do things, but I need to know you're on board with this."

I had to fight to keep my jaw from hitting the floor as I stared at him. I looked for any sign that he was joking, but he was, to use his own vernacularism, as serious as a heart attack. It took me a moment, but I soon figured out what he was trying to say and why. "Commander, I assure you I will not stop the captain from doing his duty," I replied as we were reaching the bridge.

He nodded, almost smiling while we stepped out of the lift together. "Well as long as we understand each other then," he said.

I vaguely noticed that the captain turned to stare at us when he heard that, but I was too focused on giving the message to Ensign Sato to really notice. However, after she promised me she would transmit it immediately, I turned to go to my station, I noticed him watching me. Returning his gaze, I raised my brows in question, silently asking him if there was something he wished to talk about. He turned his head away from me and I returned to my station, a little confused.

A few minutes later he looked up at me again. This time he finally said something: "T'Pol, could you join me in my ready room?" he requested.

I looked at him quizzically after the door had shut behind us. "Is something wrong Captain?" I inquired.

"Yes. no. maybe."

"That is not a logical answer," I replied calmly.

"Well it's not a logical question T'Pol!" he exclaimed.

I blinked once, trying to comprehend what was going on. "I'm sorry Captain. It seemed logical to ask if there was something wrong when you called me into your ready room only a few hours after our last conversation.

He shook his head, clearly growing impatient with the situation. "Not that question!"

This encounter was getting more bizarre by the minute. I had to squelch a sudden urge to ask him if he'd been feeling well lately. "I was unaware there was another."

"I have a question for you T'Pol," he finally clarified, exasperated.

"I see. And this question is not logical?" I was trying to understand, but past experiences with the captain in this state led me to believe that might be a hopeless venture. All I could hope was that eventually it would make sense.

He cast me a baleful glare and then faced his back toward me as he gazed out at the stars. I waited, knowing that it wouldn't be long before he spoke. He couldn't remain silent for long when he was in this emotional state, but I never would have anticipated what he said when he did speak. "What did Trip mean when he said he was glad you understood each other?"

For a minute a felt an absurd and completely abnormal desire to laugh, but the serious and somewhat concerned look on his face stopped me even if my Vulcan heritage would not have. "He merely wanted to be certain I understood the gravity of the mission, Captain," I replied, choosing my words carefully. While Commander Tucker's actions made perfect sense given the situation, it is usually frowned upon for an officer to tell his superior officer that he expects her to do her duty and I had no desire to get him in trouble.

Apparently I chose the right words, for some of the tension drained from his face. "Good. I was afraid he'd. well, there were some things he was talking about earlier and I just wanted to be sure he wasn't making you feel unwelcome."

Now I understood where this was coming from and I was once again surprised by the intuitiveness of my captain-surprised and grateful. Understanding the question went a long way towards knowing what answer to give. "I believe he was simply trying to ask me why I chose to stay aboard Enterprise instead of going back to Vulcan," I told him.

He looked at me inquisitively. "I've been wondering that myself. I don't suppose you have an answer you'd care to share."

I thought for a moment, weighing my possible responses. "I don't belong on Vulcan anymore," I said finally. "Now if that was all you wished to speak with me about, may I return to my station?" I asked, effectively cutting off his next question. I did not mind him knowing that Vulcan was no longer my home, but he didn't need to know that Enterprise had filled that spot in my life. That would have started a whole chain of questions that I didn't know the answers to myself. All I knew is that I had finally found a place where I belong.