Hello there! Fancy meeting you here! Hee hee I just had frosting and
graham crackers.NUMMY!
Kouga- three full chapters now.I can get through this. She'll get a new one-and-only-love-of-her-life-for-ever-and-ever-blahblahblah next week. I will survive.
Hyperchica- OOH! GREAT IDEA! KARAOKEE!!!! **singing** at first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. And then I spent so many nights just thinkin' how you did me wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along! And now you're back! From outer space! I just walked in to find you here wit that sad look upon your face! I should've changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, if I'd have thought for just one second, you'd be back to bother me. Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now! Cuz you're not welcome anymore! Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with good-bye, did I crumble? Did ya think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I! I will SURVIVE! OH AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW I"LL STAY ALIVE! Well I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give and I'll survive. I will survive. HEY HEY!
Kouga- I just had to say the s-word in the same sentence as "I will" didn't I? I'm feeling very stupid right now.
Hyperchica- **pouty face** fine! I'll just continue with the fic then. :(
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Chapter Five
Cómo Cortejar a Una Mujer (How to Woo a Woman)
EIGHT YEARS LATER
Shippo sat lazily on a felled tree trunk opposite Miroku and Inuyasha. He had a mixed look of indifference and interest on his face, as only a teenage kitsune could. Kagome had gone back to the future, dragging Sango along with her.
"I wonder what that "checking out guys at the mall" thing is, and why Kagome was so anxious to show Sango?" said Miroku.
"Keh. Like I care," said Inuyasha.
"Stupid Inuyasha and Miroku. You guys have had eight years to ask the girls out, and yet you still haven't done it yet. Are your brains broken or something?" said Shippo, disgusted at his companions' lack of backbone.
"What do you mean?" inquired Miroku. "We do that by choice."
"We do?" asked Inuyasha. Miroku jabbed hid in the side with his elbow. "Uh, I mean, yeah, we do! Duh!"
"Of course, we have not yet asked the girls to become our mates because." Miroku's brain was working in overtime, trying to figure out a suitable answer. A light bulb went on in his head.
"Because we need to teach you how to woo a woman, Shippo! And how could we do that without visual aides? And we couldn't give you visual aides with a clear conscience if we had mates."
Shippo looked as though he highly doubted that was the reason. "And so you waited until I was 17 to start to teach me "wooing" skills," Shippo said.
"Um, of course!" said Inuyasha, not being able to come up with a better excuse himself.
"Great, I'm going to be taught the fine art of wooing by a lecherous monk and a commitment-scared half dog demon. I'll be a real pro with the ladies," said Shippo sarcastically.
"Yes. There are no better teachers than monks. I should know- I learned from them," said Miroku.
Miroku started to talk in his most teacher-ly voice. "Now, lesson Number One- Always be polite so-"
Inuyasha interrupted. "So that the slap that they give you when you say or do something perverted isn't so hard."
"Inuyasha! I'm surprised at you!" exclaimed Miroku in mock horror, smirking malevolently.
Shippo looked back and forth between the two "male influences" in his life and shook his head. "How did I ever get stuck with you guys?" he said.
"Just lucky, I guess," said Inuyasha, thoroughly enjoying the look of utter disgust on Shippo's face.
"Boys, Boys. I haven't even said lesson number two yet! Have patience," said Miroku, also enjoying messing with Shippo's juvenile mind.
"If you must." Shippo sighed, resigning himself to listening to the perverted ranting of his monk-for-an-uncle. (a/n heehee I made a funny! Sry)
Miroku continued his lecture. "Lesson number two--Never, ever, no matter what happens, NEVER--"
"Listen to the perverted monk," said, Inuyasha, adding his own ending to Miroku's sentence.
"Well, if you won't let me tell him the rules, I'll have to show him," said Miroku. "Ok, Inuyasha, you be the girl--"
"HECK NO! I'm NOT going to let you feel me up!" Inuyasha shouted, mortified. He jumped up to the highest tree limb, glaring at Shippo, who was now clutching his sides, doubling up with laughter.
"I wasn't going to feel you up! I may be lecherous, but I only am attracted to females!" stutter Miroku, completely shocked at Inuyasha's implied accusation.
"Well, if you are 'only attracted to women,' why haven't you made a move on Sango yet?" Inuyasha smirked.
Miroku blushed, but then countered Inuyasha's remark. "I should be asking you the same question about you and Kagome."
"THAT'S DIFFERENT!!" Inuyasha screamed, jumping down from the limb so that he could yell it in Miroku's face.
"Oh come on! If you're going to waste my time, at least waste it on a semi- important topic!" Shippo said exasperatedly.
"Fine. Since Inuyasha's being such a spoilt-sport," With this Miroku glared at the half-demon, "I will have to show you how to woo a woman using an actual female."
"Imagine that," scoffed Inuyasha.
Miroku ignored Inuyasha's sarcasm and continued.
"Just a little bit of a walk from here, I happened upon a hot spring. Women from the nearby village come and bathe- I mean get water from it. Yes, they get water," said Miroku. "I am sure we will find a suitable female there."
Shippo raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You just 'happened upon' this?"
"Yes. What else would you expect a monk such as myself to have done?" Miroku said, asking more of a rhetorical question than an actual one.
Miroku headed off into the forest. Inuyasha and Shippo followed.
"Here we are."
Miroku turned around in front of some very thick bushes and addressed the two demons.
"Go up into the trees or something. You can observe my suavity from above."
Their curiosity winning over their better judgment, they hopped up into a limb overhanging the small steaming pool of water.
"Now we wait," said Miroku, in a voice just loud enough so that only the demons' superb sense of hearing could pick it up.
The lecherous monk sat on a rock on the shore of the pond and began to chant a made-up mantra. Shippo wondered why he would do such a thing.
About two minutes had passed, and the kitsune was getting anxious. Just then, a maiden of about 21 years of age emerged into the area where the hot spring was located, wearing a short robe. Upon seeing Miroku, she appeared perplexed and slightly embarrassed.
Miroku "noticed" her walking into the clearing, and immediately stood up.
"Oh, my dear lady," he said bowing his head, "I was not aware of your presence. I just felt an evil cloud hanging over this spot and I decided to cleanse the area."
"Monk," she said, likewise bowing her head back at him, "if that is the case, I would be obliged if you would stay here and protect this area. I would rather not bathe in an area full of demons."
At her last words Inuyasha and Shippo struggled to keep from laughing out loud. Shippo leaned over to Inuyasha and whispered in his ear, "If only she knew," to which the two started out in fits of silent giggles again. Their bodies quaked with suppressed laugher, and their movements caused the tree to begin shaking.
When the girl saw the tree "mysteriously" moving, she became very scared. She launched herself behind Miroku, whimpering in fright.
"Don't let them get me." she pleaded.
'This is going better than I expected,' thought Miroku.
"Do not worry," Miroku said consolingly as he placed his arm around her waist. "I will protect you. YOU. WILL. NOT. HEAR. FROM. THESE. DEMONS. AGAIN."
The last part he said menacingly, glancing quickly up to where Inuyasha and Shippo were, his eyes commanding them to stop shaking the tree.
Inuyasha and Shippo stilled themselves while Miroku did another chant to "ward off the demonic presence."
"Oh! You saved me! Thank you!" cried the young woman as she flung her arms around Miroku's neck and gave him a peck on the cheek. Miroku blushed
'Why can't I be this lucky with women normally?' thought Miroku.
"It is nothing, fair maiden. I am just doing my duty," he said as he bowed he head again.
"Well, I am still grateful. If there's anything at all I can do for you, just ask. Anything at all," she said suggestively, winking at him out of the corner of her eye.
Miroku knew his line. He had said it hundreds of times before, and he always got the same reaction. He braced himself for the coming blow.
"Will you bear my child?"
The maiden looked very flustered, and fell down from shock. Miroku stooped down to help her.
"I'm terribly sorry, my lady--"
The woman grabbed Miroku around his neck and pulled him down closer to her.
"Of course."
It was now Miroku's turn to be shocked.
'I wasn't expecting that. No one has actually ever said yes before. SCORE! But . . .wait. . . what about Sango?"
Miroku never had time to finish his interior monologue. Inuyasha had swooped down and knocked the poor promiscuous girl out.
"What did you do that for?" yelled Miroku, upset at Inuyasha for ruining his chance to continue his line.
"Well, you know you could never do that to Sango as well as I do. And plus," Inuyasha paused here and scoffed at the monk's antics, "any woman who would actually say yes to that has to be either a demon in disguise or possessed."
"That's not true!" shouted Miroku, somewhat hurt by what Inuyasha said.
Shippo jumped down from his perch in the treetops and cut in. " Remember that one time when Sango was exterminating that demon and you saw that one girl and you thought she was what is the word Kagome uses oh yes you thought she was "sexy" and decided to follow her and you were gone all day and she asked you to father her child and you said yes and she turned out to be a praying mantis demon and tried to eat you?" Shippo said quickly all in one breath.
Miroku stood there for a second, his brain trying to process the extremely long run-on sentence Shippo had told him. When he finally figured it out, he had to admit that Inuyasha and Shippo did have a point.
"But this one wasn't possessed or a demon!" protested Miroku.
"Keh," said Inuyasha, turning away.
"Anyways, that, little Shippo, is how to woo a woman," Miroku beamed, proud of himself for his very successful demonstration.
"Now you try," commanded Miroku.
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Ok, I know that one was short, but it's because I was feeling guilty for not posting up something for you guys. This chapter was originally part of a much larger chapter, and it actually had something to do with the plot. Or at least you could tell it had something to do with the plot. But oh well. I most likely will post the rest of the chapter within he next few days. Maybe even tonight! THE NIGHT OF WEDNESDAY THE TWENTY-SIXTH!!! YEAH!! Ok I'm calm. Oh, Koga ran away. So now I am SINGLE and LOOKING (for a cartoon character). Post your ideas for next weeks one-and-only-love- of-my-life-for-ever-and-ever-at-least-for-a-week in a review! HEEHEE FUN!! OK, well cu in a bit! Actually I shall probably post it at the same time as this one. Why are they separate chapters then? CUZ I AM HYPERCHICA!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Kouga- three full chapters now.I can get through this. She'll get a new one-and-only-love-of-her-life-for-ever-and-ever-blahblahblah next week. I will survive.
Hyperchica- OOH! GREAT IDEA! KARAOKEE!!!! **singing** at first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. And then I spent so many nights just thinkin' how you did me wrong, and I grew strong, and I learned how to get along! And now you're back! From outer space! I just walked in to find you here wit that sad look upon your face! I should've changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, if I'd have thought for just one second, you'd be back to bother me. Go on now go! Walk out the door! Just turn around now! Cuz you're not welcome anymore! Weren't you the one that tried to hurt me with good-bye, did I crumble? Did ya think I'd lay down and die? Oh no, not I! I will SURVIVE! OH AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW I"LL STAY ALIVE! Well I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give and I'll survive. I will survive. HEY HEY!
Kouga- I just had to say the s-word in the same sentence as "I will" didn't I? I'm feeling very stupid right now.
Hyperchica- **pouty face** fine! I'll just continue with the fic then. :(
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Chapter Five
Cómo Cortejar a Una Mujer (How to Woo a Woman)
EIGHT YEARS LATER
Shippo sat lazily on a felled tree trunk opposite Miroku and Inuyasha. He had a mixed look of indifference and interest on his face, as only a teenage kitsune could. Kagome had gone back to the future, dragging Sango along with her.
"I wonder what that "checking out guys at the mall" thing is, and why Kagome was so anxious to show Sango?" said Miroku.
"Keh. Like I care," said Inuyasha.
"Stupid Inuyasha and Miroku. You guys have had eight years to ask the girls out, and yet you still haven't done it yet. Are your brains broken or something?" said Shippo, disgusted at his companions' lack of backbone.
"What do you mean?" inquired Miroku. "We do that by choice."
"We do?" asked Inuyasha. Miroku jabbed hid in the side with his elbow. "Uh, I mean, yeah, we do! Duh!"
"Of course, we have not yet asked the girls to become our mates because." Miroku's brain was working in overtime, trying to figure out a suitable answer. A light bulb went on in his head.
"Because we need to teach you how to woo a woman, Shippo! And how could we do that without visual aides? And we couldn't give you visual aides with a clear conscience if we had mates."
Shippo looked as though he highly doubted that was the reason. "And so you waited until I was 17 to start to teach me "wooing" skills," Shippo said.
"Um, of course!" said Inuyasha, not being able to come up with a better excuse himself.
"Great, I'm going to be taught the fine art of wooing by a lecherous monk and a commitment-scared half dog demon. I'll be a real pro with the ladies," said Shippo sarcastically.
"Yes. There are no better teachers than monks. I should know- I learned from them," said Miroku.
Miroku started to talk in his most teacher-ly voice. "Now, lesson Number One- Always be polite so-"
Inuyasha interrupted. "So that the slap that they give you when you say or do something perverted isn't so hard."
"Inuyasha! I'm surprised at you!" exclaimed Miroku in mock horror, smirking malevolently.
Shippo looked back and forth between the two "male influences" in his life and shook his head. "How did I ever get stuck with you guys?" he said.
"Just lucky, I guess," said Inuyasha, thoroughly enjoying the look of utter disgust on Shippo's face.
"Boys, Boys. I haven't even said lesson number two yet! Have patience," said Miroku, also enjoying messing with Shippo's juvenile mind.
"If you must." Shippo sighed, resigning himself to listening to the perverted ranting of his monk-for-an-uncle. (a/n heehee I made a funny! Sry)
Miroku continued his lecture. "Lesson number two--Never, ever, no matter what happens, NEVER--"
"Listen to the perverted monk," said, Inuyasha, adding his own ending to Miroku's sentence.
"Well, if you won't let me tell him the rules, I'll have to show him," said Miroku. "Ok, Inuyasha, you be the girl--"
"HECK NO! I'm NOT going to let you feel me up!" Inuyasha shouted, mortified. He jumped up to the highest tree limb, glaring at Shippo, who was now clutching his sides, doubling up with laughter.
"I wasn't going to feel you up! I may be lecherous, but I only am attracted to females!" stutter Miroku, completely shocked at Inuyasha's implied accusation.
"Well, if you are 'only attracted to women,' why haven't you made a move on Sango yet?" Inuyasha smirked.
Miroku blushed, but then countered Inuyasha's remark. "I should be asking you the same question about you and Kagome."
"THAT'S DIFFERENT!!" Inuyasha screamed, jumping down from the limb so that he could yell it in Miroku's face.
"Oh come on! If you're going to waste my time, at least waste it on a semi- important topic!" Shippo said exasperatedly.
"Fine. Since Inuyasha's being such a spoilt-sport," With this Miroku glared at the half-demon, "I will have to show you how to woo a woman using an actual female."
"Imagine that," scoffed Inuyasha.
Miroku ignored Inuyasha's sarcasm and continued.
"Just a little bit of a walk from here, I happened upon a hot spring. Women from the nearby village come and bathe- I mean get water from it. Yes, they get water," said Miroku. "I am sure we will find a suitable female there."
Shippo raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You just 'happened upon' this?"
"Yes. What else would you expect a monk such as myself to have done?" Miroku said, asking more of a rhetorical question than an actual one.
Miroku headed off into the forest. Inuyasha and Shippo followed.
"Here we are."
Miroku turned around in front of some very thick bushes and addressed the two demons.
"Go up into the trees or something. You can observe my suavity from above."
Their curiosity winning over their better judgment, they hopped up into a limb overhanging the small steaming pool of water.
"Now we wait," said Miroku, in a voice just loud enough so that only the demons' superb sense of hearing could pick it up.
The lecherous monk sat on a rock on the shore of the pond and began to chant a made-up mantra. Shippo wondered why he would do such a thing.
About two minutes had passed, and the kitsune was getting anxious. Just then, a maiden of about 21 years of age emerged into the area where the hot spring was located, wearing a short robe. Upon seeing Miroku, she appeared perplexed and slightly embarrassed.
Miroku "noticed" her walking into the clearing, and immediately stood up.
"Oh, my dear lady," he said bowing his head, "I was not aware of your presence. I just felt an evil cloud hanging over this spot and I decided to cleanse the area."
"Monk," she said, likewise bowing her head back at him, "if that is the case, I would be obliged if you would stay here and protect this area. I would rather not bathe in an area full of demons."
At her last words Inuyasha and Shippo struggled to keep from laughing out loud. Shippo leaned over to Inuyasha and whispered in his ear, "If only she knew," to which the two started out in fits of silent giggles again. Their bodies quaked with suppressed laugher, and their movements caused the tree to begin shaking.
When the girl saw the tree "mysteriously" moving, she became very scared. She launched herself behind Miroku, whimpering in fright.
"Don't let them get me." she pleaded.
'This is going better than I expected,' thought Miroku.
"Do not worry," Miroku said consolingly as he placed his arm around her waist. "I will protect you. YOU. WILL. NOT. HEAR. FROM. THESE. DEMONS. AGAIN."
The last part he said menacingly, glancing quickly up to where Inuyasha and Shippo were, his eyes commanding them to stop shaking the tree.
Inuyasha and Shippo stilled themselves while Miroku did another chant to "ward off the demonic presence."
"Oh! You saved me! Thank you!" cried the young woman as she flung her arms around Miroku's neck and gave him a peck on the cheek. Miroku blushed
'Why can't I be this lucky with women normally?' thought Miroku.
"It is nothing, fair maiden. I am just doing my duty," he said as he bowed he head again.
"Well, I am still grateful. If there's anything at all I can do for you, just ask. Anything at all," she said suggestively, winking at him out of the corner of her eye.
Miroku knew his line. He had said it hundreds of times before, and he always got the same reaction. He braced himself for the coming blow.
"Will you bear my child?"
The maiden looked very flustered, and fell down from shock. Miroku stooped down to help her.
"I'm terribly sorry, my lady--"
The woman grabbed Miroku around his neck and pulled him down closer to her.
"Of course."
It was now Miroku's turn to be shocked.
'I wasn't expecting that. No one has actually ever said yes before. SCORE! But . . .wait. . . what about Sango?"
Miroku never had time to finish his interior monologue. Inuyasha had swooped down and knocked the poor promiscuous girl out.
"What did you do that for?" yelled Miroku, upset at Inuyasha for ruining his chance to continue his line.
"Well, you know you could never do that to Sango as well as I do. And plus," Inuyasha paused here and scoffed at the monk's antics, "any woman who would actually say yes to that has to be either a demon in disguise or possessed."
"That's not true!" shouted Miroku, somewhat hurt by what Inuyasha said.
Shippo jumped down from his perch in the treetops and cut in. " Remember that one time when Sango was exterminating that demon and you saw that one girl and you thought she was what is the word Kagome uses oh yes you thought she was "sexy" and decided to follow her and you were gone all day and she asked you to father her child and you said yes and she turned out to be a praying mantis demon and tried to eat you?" Shippo said quickly all in one breath.
Miroku stood there for a second, his brain trying to process the extremely long run-on sentence Shippo had told him. When he finally figured it out, he had to admit that Inuyasha and Shippo did have a point.
"But this one wasn't possessed or a demon!" protested Miroku.
"Keh," said Inuyasha, turning away.
"Anyways, that, little Shippo, is how to woo a woman," Miroku beamed, proud of himself for his very successful demonstration.
"Now you try," commanded Miroku.
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Ok, I know that one was short, but it's because I was feeling guilty for not posting up something for you guys. This chapter was originally part of a much larger chapter, and it actually had something to do with the plot. Or at least you could tell it had something to do with the plot. But oh well. I most likely will post the rest of the chapter within he next few days. Maybe even tonight! THE NIGHT OF WEDNESDAY THE TWENTY-SIXTH!!! YEAH!! Ok I'm calm. Oh, Koga ran away. So now I am SINGLE and LOOKING (for a cartoon character). Post your ideas for next weeks one-and-only-love- of-my-life-for-ever-and-ever-at-least-for-a-week in a review! HEEHEE FUN!! OK, well cu in a bit! Actually I shall probably post it at the same time as this one. Why are they separate chapters then? CUZ I AM HYPERCHICA!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
