Author's Notes: The only person I own is DE! DE is me! Got it? Oh, and thank you for reminding me about Cowboy Bebop, Yu-Yu-Hakusho, and Inu-Yasha. I completely forgot. On with the madness! And thankee, Sun Elf, for helping me with this story.

"And remind me again how long she's been glued to the screen?" Jarlaxle leaned over Dark Elf's shoulder, watching as she frantically worked the controls, letting out a snarl of anger as Cloud Strife was killed for the umpteenth time. Artemis Entreri looked up, dark circles under his eyes.

"Three days," he groaned. "Three solid days."

"All right, that's torn it!" the female drow snapped, tossing the controls at aforesaid screen. "I give UP!" She stood up (her muscles somehow having managed to avoid atrophying during her stay fused to the PlayStation 2) and stretched, then glanced over her shoulder at well, everyone else. She laughed under her breath- Yusuke was snoring from his position on the couch. Typical.

Clinking sounds alerted her to a certain situation in the kitchen, and she let out a bloodcurdling scream as she went to investigate.

Cue music from Psycho here.

"What?" Spike looked up from where he had his head in the fridge. "A guy's gotta eat, doesn't he?"

"Eat gone everything" DE's fingers twitched- one could almost hear her brain go snap'. She filled her lungs with air, and let out a piercing yell of "SESSHOMARU-SAMA!"

"Oh dear," Pegasus said, having jerked awake at the scream.

"Now you've done it," Entreri added in an undertone.

"Run for cover!" Most of the bishounen found convenient other things to do. Some of them simply hid.

"What?" Sesshomaru stuck his head in through the door, rubbing his ears and wincing. "I could hear you screaming all the way out on the porch."

Dark Elf pointed at Spike. "He ate all my sushi!" she hissed, her tone boding ill for anyone that dared touch her collection of raw-fish treats.

"We've got bigger problems right now," Miroku called down from the loft, where he was rummaging through DE's sister's (pilfered) collection of Seventeen magazines.

"WHAT could POSSIBLY be more important than my sushi?" Dark Elf demanded indignantly. Miroku's eyes narrowed slightly, and he whispered the one word that every bishounen dreads to hear.

"Fangirls."

The ensuing chaos owing to panicking bishies nearly brought the house down on top of them. Entreri, cursing himself for a sift touch, grabbed DE around the waist and sought higher ground, which was achieved by perching on the ceiling fan. Only Spike and a few others, whose nature ran against panic, remained calm.

"OK, EVERYONE!" The bellow shook dust from the rafters. "Back into the closet NOW! Move, move, move!" The newcomer was a tall, dark-haired elf, the complete polar opposite of his female, fellow sidhe. And he had a rather cool trenchcoat.

"Sun Elf?" Dark Elf stared down at him. "You're crushing my ribs, you know," she added, looking up at Entreri, who tried to ignore her.

"You looked like you needed some help," he winked. "You!" He grabbed Legato by the shoulder, turned him around, and gave him a little push. "See if you can't help me get everybody back in the closet. You!" He pointed at Hiei and Kurama. "Pry Legolas off the wall." He handed the short, dark-haired demon a crowbar. "Try using this."

He turned his attention back to DE, who was being slowly lowered back down to the floor via a long rope (the epitome of cliché, but what the hell). "What the frell is he doing here?" he asked, pointing at Entreri.

"He's my muse," the drow replied with an impish grin. Sun Elf simply looked at the ceiling and conveniently failed to mention that his own muse was Trinity.

All the bishounen safely packed into the closet, Sun Elf placed a metal bar across the door and picked up the Fangirl Hose. It was something like a firefighter's hose, but far more useful. "DE?" The drow snapped down her visor, having gotten into her SWAT team uniform, complete with shield and shock prod. "Open the door."

The pounding and excited squeals had long since been audible, and indeed, the wood had begun to splinter. The line went on for as far as the eye could see, made up of nearly every squealing, innocent (or not so innocent) Mary-Sue fangirl within a ten-mile radius. Ranged behind DE and SE were bishoujo, all outfitted with special Anti-Fangirl contamination gear.

"Ready, girls?" Sun Elf asked, looking over his shoulder. He only got growls and death-glares from the Anime-and-non-Anime women.

"Open the door already!" Nastasha commanded, pointing her riding crop at the elf's slightly-overlarge nose.

"Ready," DE cried, turning the handle. "One... Two THREE!" She yanked open the door and Faye turned the faucet handle, letting in the special Anti-Fan water.

"Shoot," she commented, "I broke a nail." She reached for her guns, gritting her teeth. "They will pay for this"

The stream of fangirls burst forth, slamming through the doorway with excited squeals of glee.

Only to be met with a torrent of water, and tazers.

But fangirls are not easily deterred, nor discouraged

WILL the Fangirls be driven off? WHO exactly is the mysterious Sun Elf? WHAT will happen to all those poor bishounen locked in the closet? And HAVE I left the oven on? Tune in next time for all the answers and more! *Fire alarm goes off*