I don't own anything in connection to Smallville, Alan Rickman, Mandy Moor,
Kelly Osborn, or Lord Byron. I also mean no ill will towards John Ashcroft,
Brittany Spears, or Christina Agulaira. Everything else is my own weird
imagination. Holio Blackheart, however, is all mine!!! Mwahahahaha!
************************************************************************
Jonathan Kent raised his shotgun and took aim at Lex Luther.
Lex backed up. "Please don't shoot me Mr. Kent! I swear when I hit on Martha, I didn't know that she was married!"
Jonathan growled. "You're a Bad Bad Man. And if I weren't under your wife's spell of seduction, I would want to know more about you hitting on my wife."
Lex putts up his hands. "So your saying that you are going to shoot me because my wife has an unexplained power over most men and that it's probably related to the meteor rocks?"
Jonathan shrugs. "Something like that."
Lex sighs in relief and drops his hands. "Ok. Then I don't have to worry, Clark will be hear any minuet to save my ass. You know, I was actually worried."
Desire' putts her hands on her hips and scowls. "Shut up you annoying play thing. I am serious about having people kill you. Just, whine or cower or something."
Lex immediately looks terrified and begins to back away from the pair. "Mr. Kent. Don't shoot me. I'm Bald and Sexy."
Clark suddenly bursts in. "Dad! Don't shoot Lex! Your being brain washed by the pheromone producing meteor rock freak of the week! She's the evil one not Lex!!!
Lex smiles. "I told you Clark would come to save me."
Desire' growls. "Shut up play thing!"
"Yes Mistress."
Desire' begins to act like a criminal mastermind. "You may have escaped from prison, but you will never stop your father from shooting my Lexy Poo, thus making me rich. Mawhahahahahahahahahaha!"
Clark raises an eyebrow. "Riiiight."
Desire' smiles sweetly. "Ok. Pookie. Shoot Lexy Poo."
Jonathan smirks. "With pleasure Love Muffin."
Clark raises a hand as Lex begins to duck. "Dad! Don't!"
Jonathan fires the gun. Lex ducks for cover. The bullet starts its slow motion journey to its target. Clark squints at it to try and melt it with his newly, and conveniently, developed Eye Rays. Suddenly the bullet freezes in mid air. Lex falls to the ground and Clark can't seem to get his Eye Rays working. The confused occupants of the room stare at the unmoving bullet.
Jonathan looks confused at Clark. "Son, did you develop a new ability and not tell us?"
Clark shakes his head. "It wasn't me."
Jonathan turns to Lex. "What about you Lex?"
"I was ducking for my life. Unless I'm now Harry Potter, or a Jedi master, it wasn't me."
"Desire'?"
Desire' shrugs. "I can only seduce men with my body. Cool gifts were not in my contract."
The group gathers around the bullet, careful to avoid the front of the bullet. Lex cautiously pokes at the bullet. His finger goes right through it. The bullet flickers and disappears.
Lex raises an eyebrow. "Maybe I am a Jedi master."
Desire' pouts. "That's not fair."
Jonathan puts his arm around Desire'. "Don't cry Love Muffin. It was probably a defective bullet that was made with meteor rocks."
Clark makes a face. "Dad? Why are you calling her Love Muffin?"
Jonathan kisses Desire' on the fore head. "Because she has me under her pheromone seduction spell, and I call her what ever the Pretty Little Lady wants."
Desire' smiles triumphantly. "That's right. I'm the Prettiest."
Clark shakes his head. "Your wrong there! I'm the Prettiest!"
Desire' bursts out laughing. Lex and Jonathan look at each other questioningly.
Lex rubs his neck uneasily. "Clark, I know that you're hot, and many women across the world think you're yummy, but you are not the prettiest. Desire' is."
Jonathan nods sadly. "Although I hate Lex with an undying passion, I have to agree with him there. Desire' is the prettiest."
Clark makes a face that makes him look like a puppy who has just gotten kicked. "But I'm the prettiest! I'm tall dark and handsome, and can shoot fire out of my eyes. All I'm missing is the blue tights!"
Jonathan motions to Desire'. "Son, she is a sweat drenched, pheromone producing, adulterating, Sex Kitten. Unless you have seduced Lana, Chloe, and Victoria with your abilities and coerced them into doing things they usually wouldn't do, well son I don't think you can compete with Desire'. She's way past your level of capability's."
Lex nods. "Plus she has fake boob's and collagen enhanced lips. The incredibly short dresses help too."
Desire' glares accusingly. "You should be talking. I bet you have had some "advancement's" yourself. You are a play boy billionaire."
Lex razes his hands in defense. "Hey, I'm all natural Sexy Lexy." Desire' sticks out her lower lip in a pout. "But your still the Prettiest Sugar Plumb, even if you are mostly fake."
Clark's mouth drops open. "Lex! You're my best friend. Your suppose to be supportive!"
Les shrugs. "Sorry Clark. Wife comes before buddies. When you get captured, I mean married, you will know what I mean."
Desire' gently pats Clark on the head. "Face it Clark Bar. I not only took your best friend away from you, I also managed to make your father an adulterer. So when I'm done, your dad will have killed Lex. And as a bonus, your mom will kill your dad for cheating on her. Mawhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh and by the way, I'm the prettiest."
Clark collapses to his knees, and raises his head to the heavens in agony. "NOOOOOOOO!"
Suddenly a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke appear. Jonathan, Lex, Desire', and Clark shield there eyes. When the smoke fades, and they unshielded there eyes they see a tall dark haired man in a sweeping cloak, a man in leather and on a motor cycle, Mandy Moor and Kelly Osborn.
The man in the Cloak stepped forward and swept the Cloak back over his shoulder. "Have no fear Clark Kent other wise known as The Prettiest. I, Alan Rickman, The Sex God, and Lord Byron aka Mad Bad And Dangerous To Know, and The Goddesses of Cruelty in training, Mandy More and Kelly Osborn are hear to rescue you!"
Clark scratches his head. "Um, I don't want to offend any of you and incur the wrath of any Gods, but besides Mandy More and Kelly Osborn, I haven't heard of any of you."
Alan Rickman knits his eyebrows. "What the Bloody Hell are you talking about. You just met me two episodes ago and Lord Byron just last episode. You can't be that much of a jarhead to not know who we are. Are you really a blond masquerading as a brunette?"
Clark shrugs his shoulders. "Sorry?"
Alan turns to Lex. "What about you Sex Demigod? You must remember us from the last two episodes, you're the smart one, and your bald."
Lex shakes his head. "I've never seen you before in my life. On second thought your Cloak strikes me as being familiar. Were you in The Lord Of The Rings?"
Alan sighs and puts his hand in his head. "No. I am Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies." Realization strikes the occupants of the room. Alan throws his hands up in the air in frustration. "Bloody! Hell! Do I have to go through this every single time I appear?! I'm a legendary British actor who has an extraordinary range of acting ability, and all people remember me from is HARRY POTTER? It was bad enough with Ian . . . "
Clark raises his hand. "Who's Ian?"
Alan stops himself from ranting and stares puzzled at Clark and then looks questioningly at his companions. "What the Bloody Hell is going on?"
Lord Byron shrugs. Kelly lifts her hands. "Hey man. It's our first appearance. We're goddesses in training and were only hear to kick plastic tits ass for seducing our bald Sexy Lexy."
Alan rolls his eyes. "Riiiiiiiight."
Suddenly Desire' is beside Alan. She smiles seductively into his eyes and her hands disappear beneath his Cloak. She breathes heavily into his mouth, the same way she seduced every other man. "You have a very seductive voice. So tell me, Alan, are you rich? Because if you are, I'm soo hot for you."
Alan glares down at her in disgust. "Miss, I have two words for you, breath mints. Also get your slimy hands off of me." Desire' sticks her lower lip out in a pout. "Don't you try that poutiness on me, I'm a God."
Lex crosses his arms. "Um. No offence Mr. God, but wouldn't I be The Sex God? I am bald you know."
Alan stares without blinking at Lex for several moments. "What the Bloody Hell is going on here?"
A loud booming voice answers from above. "You are in the wrong episode."
Every one in the room freezes. Clark looks awestricken. "Is that you God?"
A man enters through the doors, his voice still booms through the walls. "No I am Holio Blackheart Lord of Darkness."
Everyone in the room looks puzzled. "What?"
Holio continues. "I am more commonly known as the Script Supervisor."
Desire' twists a lock of hair between her fingers. "A scripty whata?"
Holio sighs. "I am in charge of continuity. You know, making sure all the lines are said at the right place and that every thing on set stays in place throughout the shooting of the episode."
Lord Byron crosses his arms and looks smug. "If you're the Script supervisor, then why is your name spelled wrong? It should be Julio not Holio."
Holio's voice suddenly loses the booming amplification. "Yes, but I'm a geeky white man from an American suburb. Therefore, I spell it like in sounds in English."
Lex smirks. "You can't be the Lord of Darkness. My father already has that title."
Holio rolls his eyes. "NO! Your father is the PRINCE of Darkness aka Satin, Lucifer, The Devil. I am the LORD of Darkness which means I pull demons out of my chest and throw them at Actors who forget their lines, LEX!!!"
Mandy and Kelly giggle evilly. Mandy nudges Kelly in the ribs. "Looks like Howard Stern spiked someone's Red Bull!"
Kelly cackles evilly. "Red Bull!! It gives you demonic wings!"
Lex ignores the girls making wise cracks. "Are you saying I forget my lines? I'm Lex F'ing Luthor, I do not forget anything, HOLIO!"
Holio puffs up his chest. "I'm the F'ing Script Supervisor. I notice everything. In Jitters, you had a line that summed up your relation ship with your father. You forgot it every time. Plus your head sometimes has a five 'o clock shadow!!"
"Jitters was Last. Year. The line I was suppose to say was 'Gee Dad, I've learned a valuable lesson. So when YOU are taken hostage by some meteor rock freak of the week who ransoms your life for something as simple as Antidepressants, I will remember that the Luthors don't negotiate with 'terrorists'." Lex raises his hands and makes quote marks in the air. "Then I will leave your unloving, cheap hairy ass to be killed by said meteor rock freak of the week. You know, you are the reason I turn evil and try on numerous occasions to kill my best friend! I hate you!" It didn't go with my character and it was cut out of the script. As for my head having a five o' clock shadow, I'M BALD!! I can't have a five o' clock shadow."
Clark clears his thought. "As interesting as this may be, I'm really freaked out. This goes beyond Smallville weird. Lex is married, my dad's cheating on my mom, the bullet I was suppose to melt into nothing stops in mid air for no reason and then disappears, Alan Rickman, Lord Byron, Mandy Moor and Kelly Osborn show up and claim to know Lex and me, and then a man who can rip demons out of his chest and throw them at people shows up claiming to be a Script Supervisor. I want some explanations and I want them now."
Lex starts. "I'm under the pheromone spell of the meteor rock freak of the week."
Jonathan chimes in. "Ditto."
Desire' smiles innocently. "I'm said meteor rock freak of the week. Also the Big Bad Girl of the week too."
Clark turns to the Gods. "What about you?"
Alan rolls his eyes disdainfully. "Shouldn't a demon throwing Script Supervisor go before Gods?"
Clark shrugs and turns to Holio. "So how about you?"
Holio puffs up his chest. "I am here because the continuity of the show is at stake."
Lex groans. "What the F--- is that suppose to mean?"
Holio glares at Lex. "It means that they," pointing to the Gods. "Are not supposed to show up yet. There appearance is later in the year. And stop cussing. This is a family show."
"Why don't you F'ing make me HOLIO!" Holio plunges his hand into his chest and rips out a demon. He then throws it at Lex. Lex ducks as the demon fly's past him and out the window. Everyone is stunned. "Did he just throw a Demon. At. My. Head?"
Clark nods numbly. "I think so."
Holio takes on a superior air. "Now as I was saying before the Bald Idiot interrupted me, this episode is a rerun. In normal space, where you gods come from, it is a week after your last intervention. However, in Smallville space it is only the second episode. Hence, this is a rerun. In fact there will not be another new episode until January."
Kelly shakes her head. "I F'ing hate reruns. They F'ing bite."
Alan shakes his head. "Holio, the deities are not happy. They do not approve of reruns and are most upset."
Holio shrugs. "Hey I'm not the one who invented them. Besides, the network didn't order enough episodes to fill the entire season."
Lord Byron grumbles. "So what are we suppose to do?"
Holio scratches his chin. "Well, you could take a month's vacation or you could create a vortex where no matter what episode you are in the characters conform to your space and know who you are."
Kelly smiles evilly. "That means we can F'ing go back to last season and F'ing kick Victoria's F'ing British ass."
Mandy nods in agreement. "That's right. No one hurt's our Sexy Lexy and gets away with it."
Alan sighs heavily. "I think a vortex will work out just fine. Is there anything else we should know Holio?"
"Nothing that I can think of."
Desire' slinks up to Holio and is pouting. "What about the bullet that was suppose to kill my Lexy Poo? And my pink pheromone breathe?"
Clark chimes in. "And my newly, and conveniently, developed eye rays?"
Holio groans as if he were annoyed. "This is a rerun, the special effects sometimes don't work properly."
Desire' frowns and begins pout. "Oh."
Lex smiles thoughtfully. "Dose that mean we aren't under her spell anymore?"
Holio acts as if he is talking to a stupid child. "Yes. It. Means. That. Desire'. Cannot. Seduce. Any. Men. With. Her. Pheromone. Mutation."
Jonathan sighs heavily. "Well that's a relief. Maybe Martha won't run me over with the tractor."
Lex smiles smugly at Holio. "Is that everything you needed to tell us?"
"Yes. Lex. It. Is."
"Good." Lex turns to Jonathan. "Mr. Kent, may I borrow your shot gun?"
Jonathan eyes him suspiciously. "Are you going to try and shoot me or my Love muff.. I mean Desire'?
"No."
Jonathan considers it for a moment, and then shrugs. "Ok."
Jonathan tosses his rifle to Lex. In one smooth motion Lex catches the rifle with one hand, takes aim using his other hand to steady the rifle, and shoots Holio. Holio grabs his chest and dramatically falls to the floor dead. Lex then tosses the rifle back to Jonathan. "Thanks."
The occupants stare at the dead Script Supervisor. Clark glances at Lex uncertainly. "Lex, you shot him."
Lex shrugs. "It was self defense."
Jonathan snorts. "Like how you shot Nixon in self defense?"
"He was going to kill you. If you died, Clark and Martha would have to sell the farm and move away, leaving me with only my blind hateful father to keep me company. It was self defense, even if it was only my sanity I was defending."
Alan nudges Holio with his foot. "And Him?"
"He. Through. A. Demon. At. My. Head."
After a second of consideration, everyone accepts Lexes answer. Mandy smiles seductively at Lex and licks her lips. "I love a man who knows how to handle his gun."
Kelly groans. "Mandy, we're F'ing Goddesses Of Cruelty In Training, not F'ing Sex Sirens. And besides, hearing something like that from YOU is F'ing disturbing."
Mandy frowns. "I can be a sex symbol."
Kelly try's to contain laughter. "Right, and F'ing Cristina I'm-A-Slut is a F'ing good role model for young girls."
"You have a point there."
Alan turns to the goddesses in training. "Girls can we not use so many cuss words? We are on a family show."
Kelly scoffs at Alan. "My F'ing Family has an F'ing family show and we F'ing cuss all the F'ing time."
Holio suddenly sits up and answers. "Yes but this is network television not cable, the censors would be on us faster than a slut on Lex."
Lex growls angrily. "Why aren't you dead?"
Holio smiles evilly. "Because the rifle is full of blanks you bald moron."
Lex is about to start another round of arguing but Clark clears his voice loudly. "Guys, we are way off track. We need to subdue the Big Bad Girl, and restore my title as The Prettiest."
Desire' smirks. "Too late. Without the special effects you can't do any thing to me."
Alan sweeps the room with his hands. "The scene is all wrong. Jonathan is suppose to be knocked out, Lex should be a big bald ball of fire, and Desire' should have forth degree burns on her right hand."
Clark shrugs. "Well, then let's do it."
Lex shakes his head. "But without special effects, how are we going to do that?"
Holio smirks triumphantly. "I can play narrator and special effects." Lex makes a face that makes him look like he's thinking 'What the F---?' The others in the room, however, agree that it's a good idea. Holio crakes his fingers and lifts his arms as if he were a conductor getting ready to conduct a symphony. "Every one to their places!" Clark goes back to the door way, the gods to the corner and out of the way, Desire' and Jonathan to there places. Lex, however, stays put and glares at Holio. Holio glares back. "Lex get in your place."
Lex eyes Holio distrustfully. "What makes me think that with you at the helm of the plot line you wont just kill us all off?"
Holio sighs. "Because its not in your contract to die, and in a few episodes you will get kidnapped and I am the one who gets to rip the duck tape, which the Big Bad Person of the week uses to restrain you and she uses it generously, off of you thus causing you much pain."
Lex gulps audibly and then nods. "All right."
When Lex gets into position Holio begins to talk overdramatically. The people in the room follow along to what he is saying. "So! Desire' has seduced Jonathan into killing Lex for her. Jonathan takes aim at the young bald idiot," Lex groans. "Just then, Clark busts into the room. But alas! He is too late. Or is he? As Jonathan shoots his rifle, and Lex tries to duck, attempting to preserve his life like the pansy ass he his, Clark uses his newly, and conveniently, developed eye rays to melt the bullet in the air." Holio goes to the area where the bullet had been and makes noises imitating a bullet melting. "Lex falls to the ground hard. Jonathan comes over to get a better shot at the whining pussy of a man." Lex glares daggers at Holio. "But alas! Clark is there and moves to stop his Holy Rage filled father. As they struggle for the gun, resulting in the brave Jonathan getting knocked out, Lex stuns the audience by growing a pair." Another hate filled glare. "He stalks over to Desire' to become the newest member of Wife Beaters Anonymous, but at the last minuet he chickens out as his goddess like wife smashes a bottle of alcohol over his back and then sets him on fire!"
Lex suddenly turns around to face Holio. "Now! Wait! One! Minuet!!!" His protest is cut off by Desire' smashing the bottle into him and setting him on fire.
Holio smiles evilly. "Mwahahahahahahah!!! The Goddess Of Seduction, Desire' quickly makes her way to the door and her freedom as Lex cry's like a baby and runs around like a chicken with his head cut off." If Lex weren't too busy trying to put the fire on his back out, he would have glared hatefully and flicked Holio The Bird. Clark, however, glares for him, but dose not flick The Bird. Holio sighs heavily at Clarks glare. "Fine. Clark quickly accesses the situation and heats up the door handle with his eye rays so that when the Lovely Desire' touches it, she will burn her hand." Holio tries to hold back tears. "Then Clark saves the day and rushes over to his Gay Lover . . ." Clark glares and clears his through. "Fine. Fine. His Completely Nonsexual Related Best Friend and putts out the fire on the spineless chickens back. Just then, Poor Desire' tries to escape but burns her hand on the doorknob. Every thing seems to be back to normal . . . But Wait! A flash of lightning and a puff of smoke appear!! It is The Goddess Of Sticky Sweetness and Goddess Of Sam's Club Size Cans Of Whoop Asses Gun Men, and Gun Women in training."
Alan raises his hands, makes Spirit Fingers and dully speaks. "Poof."
Holio stands back proudly and crosses his arms. "And thus my work hear is done."
Lex snarls from under the blanket Clark covered him with. "I'm. Going. To. Kill. You. Very. Slowly."
"You and what army?"
Alan is still speaking dully, as if he is really bored. "Thank you Holio for you narration and sound effects."
Holio bows graciously and dramatically. "Your welcome Sex God. And the next time you see The Goddess Of Sticky Sweetness, will you please remind her she has my Wall Flowers CD and that I would like to have it back."
Alan winces. "Good lord man No! You ask her yourself. She can turn into the Bitch Goddess on you instead of me! I'm not that eager to die!"
"Well neither am I." Holio turns to leave, but an evil grin spreads across his face. He quickly rips a demon out of his chest, turns, and throws it at Lex. Instead of hitting Lex, however, it hits Clark and he is thrown back into the wall. "Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!" Holio then runs out of the room cackling evilly.
Clark disentangles himself from the demon and throws it throw the window. He then takes a classic hero stance and lifts his chin. "That was not funny."
Mandy and Kelly, however, obviously thought it was, because they are now holding their stomachs, and rolling on the floor with evil cackles.
Lord Byron yawns with boredom. "Can we do what we came here to do and leave? I buzz is starting to where off."
Alan nods in agreement. "Ah yes. Testing the Goddesses Of Cruelty In Training and restoring Clark's tile." He turns to Mandy and Kelly. "Lady's, do your worst."
Mandy and Kelly smile evilly. They then attack Desire'. She cries out for help but gets none as a dust cloud envelops the three women. Screaming and cackling can be herd for several minuets.
Lex slowly rises to his feet, with the help of Clark, and stares at the ball of dust in horror. "What are they doing to her?"
Alan smiles knowingly. "You'll see."
Suddenly the cloud of dust disappears and the three women reappear. Lex recoils as he sees Desire'. "Good Lord Almighty! What the Hell is that discussing thing?"
Kelly smiles triumphantly. "That is your wife Desire'"
Lex recoils and hides his head under the blanket that is still wrapped around him. Mandy giggles. "We turned her into her worst nightmare. John Ashcroft." Mandy then hands Desire' a hand mirror that appeared from nowhere. Desire' screams and falls to the floor sobbing.
Lex cautiously takes another look, and relaxes visibly. "Oh, now he . . . she . . . it looks familiar." He thinks for a moment. "Could you do that to Victoria?"
Mandy and Kelly nod and respond in unison. "Hell yeah!"
Lex smiles evilly. "Cool."
Alan surveys the work done by the two girls and smiles proudly. "Well done girls, at this rate you'll be full fledged Goddesses of Cruelty in no time."
Mandy smiles widely. "Oh! Can we do Spear Brittany and Cristina I'm-A-Slut next?"
Kelly shakes her head. "F--- no! Were going after my F'ing brother next."
Alan lifts his hands for silence and the girls immediately stop talking. "We will get to all of your enemies, in time. But we still have work to do." Alan turns too Lex. "Lex do you now think that Desire' is The Prettiest?"
Lex looks distastefully at the crying mass writhing on the floor. "No. That is definitely not The Prettiest."
Alan smiles ant turns to Jonathan who is still knocked out. Alan snaps his fingers and Jonathan immediately wakes up. "And you Jonathan. Do you think Desire' is still the prettiest?"
Desire' looks at Jonathan hopefully. She smiles and begins to breath heavily in his direction. Jonathan however recoils and draws himself into the fetal position. "NO! Get it away! Get it AWAY!!!"
Mandy and Kelly Burst into evil snickers and high five each other and Desire' collapses into crying fits.
Alan then turns to Clark and smiles. "Your title of The Prettiest is restored."
Clark smiles. "Hooray! I'm The Prettiest!"
Alan nods. "Yes you are." Alan then bows to Clark and Lex. " Fare well Clark aka The Prettiest. Fare well Lex The Sex Demigod."
Lord Byron sighs in a growl. "Thank GOD! I'm starving, and I need a drink. Maybe a good bar fight too!"
Lex suddenly has a puzzled look on his face. "Alan. If I'm the Sex Demigod, and I annul the marriage to Desire', dose that mean I can have groupies?"
Alan furrows his brow for a second then nods. "I suppose you can have groupies. You are bald after all."
Lex smiles, lifts both of this hands and snaps. Several scantily clad women appear and drape themselves over Lex. "It's good to be the Demigod."
Alan rolls his eyes. Suddenly a flash of light appears and the Gods are gone. Clark turns to Lex. "Looks like another near death experience for you Lex. My father tries to shoot you and then your wife sets you on fire."
Lex shakes his head. "Not going there Clark." There is silence for a moment. "Clark, when did you develop eye rays? X-ray vision is one thing but eye rays? If you squint any more you might have serious eye problems. Plus women don't want to date men who squint at them. It makes them nervous."
Clark's eyes go wide and he slowly backs away from Lex. "I haven't developed eye rays or x-ray vision. I don't know what you're talking about."
Lex stares blankly at Clark. "Clark, have I ever told you, you are a horrible liar? "
Clark adverts his eyes from Lexes. "I'm not lying."
Lex is still staring blankly at Clark. "Sure."
Jonathan breaks the silence. "So! How about we take Desire' down to the station and then meet at the watering hole for some grub?" Clark and Lex stare blankly at Jonathan for a moment until Jonathan realizes what he just said. "Sorry. Dukes of Hazard moment."
Clark smiles unbelievingly. "Right dad."
Jonathan wraps his arm around Lex in a seemingly friendly gesture. "So Lex, what were you saying about hitting on my wife?" Lexes face fills with terror.
And thus tranquility, or what passes for it, is restored to Smallville. Clark is once again The Prettiest. Lex recovers from his traumatic love experience and is careful about who he let's into his heart . . . which probably is just another reason why the poor man goes evil. He needs a hug . . . anyway, everything is back to the status quo. The end.
NEXT TIME ON SMALLVILLE . . .
Jonathan Kent raised his shotgun and took aim at Lex Luther.
Lex backed up. "Please don't shoot me Mr. Kent! I swear when I hit on Martha, I didn't know that she was married!"
Jonathan growled. "You're a Bad Bad Man. And if I weren't under your wife's spell of seduction, I would want to know more about you hitting on my wife."
Lex putts up his hands. "So your saying that you are going to shoot me because my wife has an unexplained power over most men and that it's probably related to the meteor rocks?"
Jonathan shrugs. "Something like that."
Lex sighs in relief and drops his hands. "Ok. Then I don't have to worry, Clark will be hear any minuet to save my ass. You know, I was actually worried."
Desire' putts her hands on her hips and scowls. "Shut up you annoying play thing. I am serious about having people kill you. Just, whine or cower or something."
Lex immediately looks terrified and begins to back away from the pair. "Mr. Kent. Don't shoot me. I'm Bald and Sexy."
Clark suddenly bursts in. "Dad! Don't shoot Lex! Your being brain washed by the pheromone producing meteor rock freak of the week! She's the evil one not Lex!!!
Lex smiles. "I told you Clark would come to save me."
Desire' growls. "Shut up play thing!"
"Yes Mistress."
Desire' begins to act like a criminal mastermind. "You may have escaped from prison, but you will never stop your father from shooting my Lexy Poo, thus making me rich. Mawhahahahahahahahahaha!"
Clark raises an eyebrow. "Riiiight."
Desire' smiles sweetly. "Ok. Pookie. Shoot Lexy Poo."
Jonathan smirks. "With pleasure Love Muffin."
Clark raises a hand as Lex begins to duck. "Dad! Don't!"
Jonathan fires the gun. Lex ducks for cover. The bullet starts its slow motion journey to its target. Clark squints at it to try and melt it with his newly, and conveniently, developed Eye Rays. Suddenly the bullet freezes in mid air. Lex falls to the ground and Clark can't seem to get his Eye Rays working. The confused occupants of the room stare at the unmoving bullet.
Jonathan looks confused at Clark. "Son, did you develop a new ability and not tell us?"
Clark shakes his head. "It wasn't me."
Jonathan turns to Lex. "What about you Lex?"
"I was ducking for my life. Unless I'm now Harry Potter, or a Jedi master, it wasn't me."
"Desire'?"
Desire' shrugs. "I can only seduce men with my body. Cool gifts were not in my contract."
The group gathers around the bullet, careful to avoid the front of the bullet. Lex cautiously pokes at the bullet. His finger goes right through it. The bullet flickers and disappears.
Lex raises an eyebrow. "Maybe I am a Jedi master."
Desire' pouts. "That's not fair."
Jonathan puts his arm around Desire'. "Don't cry Love Muffin. It was probably a defective bullet that was made with meteor rocks."
Clark makes a face. "Dad? Why are you calling her Love Muffin?"
Jonathan kisses Desire' on the fore head. "Because she has me under her pheromone seduction spell, and I call her what ever the Pretty Little Lady wants."
Desire' smiles triumphantly. "That's right. I'm the Prettiest."
Clark shakes his head. "Your wrong there! I'm the Prettiest!"
Desire' bursts out laughing. Lex and Jonathan look at each other questioningly.
Lex rubs his neck uneasily. "Clark, I know that you're hot, and many women across the world think you're yummy, but you are not the prettiest. Desire' is."
Jonathan nods sadly. "Although I hate Lex with an undying passion, I have to agree with him there. Desire' is the prettiest."
Clark makes a face that makes him look like a puppy who has just gotten kicked. "But I'm the prettiest! I'm tall dark and handsome, and can shoot fire out of my eyes. All I'm missing is the blue tights!"
Jonathan motions to Desire'. "Son, she is a sweat drenched, pheromone producing, adulterating, Sex Kitten. Unless you have seduced Lana, Chloe, and Victoria with your abilities and coerced them into doing things they usually wouldn't do, well son I don't think you can compete with Desire'. She's way past your level of capability's."
Lex nods. "Plus she has fake boob's and collagen enhanced lips. The incredibly short dresses help too."
Desire' glares accusingly. "You should be talking. I bet you have had some "advancement's" yourself. You are a play boy billionaire."
Lex razes his hands in defense. "Hey, I'm all natural Sexy Lexy." Desire' sticks out her lower lip in a pout. "But your still the Prettiest Sugar Plumb, even if you are mostly fake."
Clark's mouth drops open. "Lex! You're my best friend. Your suppose to be supportive!"
Les shrugs. "Sorry Clark. Wife comes before buddies. When you get captured, I mean married, you will know what I mean."
Desire' gently pats Clark on the head. "Face it Clark Bar. I not only took your best friend away from you, I also managed to make your father an adulterer. So when I'm done, your dad will have killed Lex. And as a bonus, your mom will kill your dad for cheating on her. Mawhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh and by the way, I'm the prettiest."
Clark collapses to his knees, and raises his head to the heavens in agony. "NOOOOOOOO!"
Suddenly a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke appear. Jonathan, Lex, Desire', and Clark shield there eyes. When the smoke fades, and they unshielded there eyes they see a tall dark haired man in a sweeping cloak, a man in leather and on a motor cycle, Mandy Moor and Kelly Osborn.
The man in the Cloak stepped forward and swept the Cloak back over his shoulder. "Have no fear Clark Kent other wise known as The Prettiest. I, Alan Rickman, The Sex God, and Lord Byron aka Mad Bad And Dangerous To Know, and The Goddesses of Cruelty in training, Mandy More and Kelly Osborn are hear to rescue you!"
Clark scratches his head. "Um, I don't want to offend any of you and incur the wrath of any Gods, but besides Mandy More and Kelly Osborn, I haven't heard of any of you."
Alan Rickman knits his eyebrows. "What the Bloody Hell are you talking about. You just met me two episodes ago and Lord Byron just last episode. You can't be that much of a jarhead to not know who we are. Are you really a blond masquerading as a brunette?"
Clark shrugs his shoulders. "Sorry?"
Alan turns to Lex. "What about you Sex Demigod? You must remember us from the last two episodes, you're the smart one, and your bald."
Lex shakes his head. "I've never seen you before in my life. On second thought your Cloak strikes me as being familiar. Were you in The Lord Of The Rings?"
Alan sighs and puts his hand in his head. "No. I am Professor Snape in the Harry Potter movies." Realization strikes the occupants of the room. Alan throws his hands up in the air in frustration. "Bloody! Hell! Do I have to go through this every single time I appear?! I'm a legendary British actor who has an extraordinary range of acting ability, and all people remember me from is HARRY POTTER? It was bad enough with Ian . . . "
Clark raises his hand. "Who's Ian?"
Alan stops himself from ranting and stares puzzled at Clark and then looks questioningly at his companions. "What the Bloody Hell is going on?"
Lord Byron shrugs. Kelly lifts her hands. "Hey man. It's our first appearance. We're goddesses in training and were only hear to kick plastic tits ass for seducing our bald Sexy Lexy."
Alan rolls his eyes. "Riiiiiiiight."
Suddenly Desire' is beside Alan. She smiles seductively into his eyes and her hands disappear beneath his Cloak. She breathes heavily into his mouth, the same way she seduced every other man. "You have a very seductive voice. So tell me, Alan, are you rich? Because if you are, I'm soo hot for you."
Alan glares down at her in disgust. "Miss, I have two words for you, breath mints. Also get your slimy hands off of me." Desire' sticks her lower lip out in a pout. "Don't you try that poutiness on me, I'm a God."
Lex crosses his arms. "Um. No offence Mr. God, but wouldn't I be The Sex God? I am bald you know."
Alan stares without blinking at Lex for several moments. "What the Bloody Hell is going on here?"
A loud booming voice answers from above. "You are in the wrong episode."
Every one in the room freezes. Clark looks awestricken. "Is that you God?"
A man enters through the doors, his voice still booms through the walls. "No I am Holio Blackheart Lord of Darkness."
Everyone in the room looks puzzled. "What?"
Holio continues. "I am more commonly known as the Script Supervisor."
Desire' twists a lock of hair between her fingers. "A scripty whata?"
Holio sighs. "I am in charge of continuity. You know, making sure all the lines are said at the right place and that every thing on set stays in place throughout the shooting of the episode."
Lord Byron crosses his arms and looks smug. "If you're the Script supervisor, then why is your name spelled wrong? It should be Julio not Holio."
Holio's voice suddenly loses the booming amplification. "Yes, but I'm a geeky white man from an American suburb. Therefore, I spell it like in sounds in English."
Lex smirks. "You can't be the Lord of Darkness. My father already has that title."
Holio rolls his eyes. "NO! Your father is the PRINCE of Darkness aka Satin, Lucifer, The Devil. I am the LORD of Darkness which means I pull demons out of my chest and throw them at Actors who forget their lines, LEX!!!"
Mandy and Kelly giggle evilly. Mandy nudges Kelly in the ribs. "Looks like Howard Stern spiked someone's Red Bull!"
Kelly cackles evilly. "Red Bull!! It gives you demonic wings!"
Lex ignores the girls making wise cracks. "Are you saying I forget my lines? I'm Lex F'ing Luthor, I do not forget anything, HOLIO!"
Holio puffs up his chest. "I'm the F'ing Script Supervisor. I notice everything. In Jitters, you had a line that summed up your relation ship with your father. You forgot it every time. Plus your head sometimes has a five 'o clock shadow!!"
"Jitters was Last. Year. The line I was suppose to say was 'Gee Dad, I've learned a valuable lesson. So when YOU are taken hostage by some meteor rock freak of the week who ransoms your life for something as simple as Antidepressants, I will remember that the Luthors don't negotiate with 'terrorists'." Lex raises his hands and makes quote marks in the air. "Then I will leave your unloving, cheap hairy ass to be killed by said meteor rock freak of the week. You know, you are the reason I turn evil and try on numerous occasions to kill my best friend! I hate you!" It didn't go with my character and it was cut out of the script. As for my head having a five o' clock shadow, I'M BALD!! I can't have a five o' clock shadow."
Clark clears his thought. "As interesting as this may be, I'm really freaked out. This goes beyond Smallville weird. Lex is married, my dad's cheating on my mom, the bullet I was suppose to melt into nothing stops in mid air for no reason and then disappears, Alan Rickman, Lord Byron, Mandy Moor and Kelly Osborn show up and claim to know Lex and me, and then a man who can rip demons out of his chest and throw them at people shows up claiming to be a Script Supervisor. I want some explanations and I want them now."
Lex starts. "I'm under the pheromone spell of the meteor rock freak of the week."
Jonathan chimes in. "Ditto."
Desire' smiles innocently. "I'm said meteor rock freak of the week. Also the Big Bad Girl of the week too."
Clark turns to the Gods. "What about you?"
Alan rolls his eyes disdainfully. "Shouldn't a demon throwing Script Supervisor go before Gods?"
Clark shrugs and turns to Holio. "So how about you?"
Holio puffs up his chest. "I am here because the continuity of the show is at stake."
Lex groans. "What the F--- is that suppose to mean?"
Holio glares at Lex. "It means that they," pointing to the Gods. "Are not supposed to show up yet. There appearance is later in the year. And stop cussing. This is a family show."
"Why don't you F'ing make me HOLIO!" Holio plunges his hand into his chest and rips out a demon. He then throws it at Lex. Lex ducks as the demon fly's past him and out the window. Everyone is stunned. "Did he just throw a Demon. At. My. Head?"
Clark nods numbly. "I think so."
Holio takes on a superior air. "Now as I was saying before the Bald Idiot interrupted me, this episode is a rerun. In normal space, where you gods come from, it is a week after your last intervention. However, in Smallville space it is only the second episode. Hence, this is a rerun. In fact there will not be another new episode until January."
Kelly shakes her head. "I F'ing hate reruns. They F'ing bite."
Alan shakes his head. "Holio, the deities are not happy. They do not approve of reruns and are most upset."
Holio shrugs. "Hey I'm not the one who invented them. Besides, the network didn't order enough episodes to fill the entire season."
Lord Byron grumbles. "So what are we suppose to do?"
Holio scratches his chin. "Well, you could take a month's vacation or you could create a vortex where no matter what episode you are in the characters conform to your space and know who you are."
Kelly smiles evilly. "That means we can F'ing go back to last season and F'ing kick Victoria's F'ing British ass."
Mandy nods in agreement. "That's right. No one hurt's our Sexy Lexy and gets away with it."
Alan sighs heavily. "I think a vortex will work out just fine. Is there anything else we should know Holio?"
"Nothing that I can think of."
Desire' slinks up to Holio and is pouting. "What about the bullet that was suppose to kill my Lexy Poo? And my pink pheromone breathe?"
Clark chimes in. "And my newly, and conveniently, developed eye rays?"
Holio groans as if he were annoyed. "This is a rerun, the special effects sometimes don't work properly."
Desire' frowns and begins pout. "Oh."
Lex smiles thoughtfully. "Dose that mean we aren't under her spell anymore?"
Holio acts as if he is talking to a stupid child. "Yes. It. Means. That. Desire'. Cannot. Seduce. Any. Men. With. Her. Pheromone. Mutation."
Jonathan sighs heavily. "Well that's a relief. Maybe Martha won't run me over with the tractor."
Lex smiles smugly at Holio. "Is that everything you needed to tell us?"
"Yes. Lex. It. Is."
"Good." Lex turns to Jonathan. "Mr. Kent, may I borrow your shot gun?"
Jonathan eyes him suspiciously. "Are you going to try and shoot me or my Love muff.. I mean Desire'?
"No."
Jonathan considers it for a moment, and then shrugs. "Ok."
Jonathan tosses his rifle to Lex. In one smooth motion Lex catches the rifle with one hand, takes aim using his other hand to steady the rifle, and shoots Holio. Holio grabs his chest and dramatically falls to the floor dead. Lex then tosses the rifle back to Jonathan. "Thanks."
The occupants stare at the dead Script Supervisor. Clark glances at Lex uncertainly. "Lex, you shot him."
Lex shrugs. "It was self defense."
Jonathan snorts. "Like how you shot Nixon in self defense?"
"He was going to kill you. If you died, Clark and Martha would have to sell the farm and move away, leaving me with only my blind hateful father to keep me company. It was self defense, even if it was only my sanity I was defending."
Alan nudges Holio with his foot. "And Him?"
"He. Through. A. Demon. At. My. Head."
After a second of consideration, everyone accepts Lexes answer. Mandy smiles seductively at Lex and licks her lips. "I love a man who knows how to handle his gun."
Kelly groans. "Mandy, we're F'ing Goddesses Of Cruelty In Training, not F'ing Sex Sirens. And besides, hearing something like that from YOU is F'ing disturbing."
Mandy frowns. "I can be a sex symbol."
Kelly try's to contain laughter. "Right, and F'ing Cristina I'm-A-Slut is a F'ing good role model for young girls."
"You have a point there."
Alan turns to the goddesses in training. "Girls can we not use so many cuss words? We are on a family show."
Kelly scoffs at Alan. "My F'ing Family has an F'ing family show and we F'ing cuss all the F'ing time."
Holio suddenly sits up and answers. "Yes but this is network television not cable, the censors would be on us faster than a slut on Lex."
Lex growls angrily. "Why aren't you dead?"
Holio smiles evilly. "Because the rifle is full of blanks you bald moron."
Lex is about to start another round of arguing but Clark clears his voice loudly. "Guys, we are way off track. We need to subdue the Big Bad Girl, and restore my title as The Prettiest."
Desire' smirks. "Too late. Without the special effects you can't do any thing to me."
Alan sweeps the room with his hands. "The scene is all wrong. Jonathan is suppose to be knocked out, Lex should be a big bald ball of fire, and Desire' should have forth degree burns on her right hand."
Clark shrugs. "Well, then let's do it."
Lex shakes his head. "But without special effects, how are we going to do that?"
Holio smirks triumphantly. "I can play narrator and special effects." Lex makes a face that makes him look like he's thinking 'What the F---?' The others in the room, however, agree that it's a good idea. Holio crakes his fingers and lifts his arms as if he were a conductor getting ready to conduct a symphony. "Every one to their places!" Clark goes back to the door way, the gods to the corner and out of the way, Desire' and Jonathan to there places. Lex, however, stays put and glares at Holio. Holio glares back. "Lex get in your place."
Lex eyes Holio distrustfully. "What makes me think that with you at the helm of the plot line you wont just kill us all off?"
Holio sighs. "Because its not in your contract to die, and in a few episodes you will get kidnapped and I am the one who gets to rip the duck tape, which the Big Bad Person of the week uses to restrain you and she uses it generously, off of you thus causing you much pain."
Lex gulps audibly and then nods. "All right."
When Lex gets into position Holio begins to talk overdramatically. The people in the room follow along to what he is saying. "So! Desire' has seduced Jonathan into killing Lex for her. Jonathan takes aim at the young bald idiot," Lex groans. "Just then, Clark busts into the room. But alas! He is too late. Or is he? As Jonathan shoots his rifle, and Lex tries to duck, attempting to preserve his life like the pansy ass he his, Clark uses his newly, and conveniently, developed eye rays to melt the bullet in the air." Holio goes to the area where the bullet had been and makes noises imitating a bullet melting. "Lex falls to the ground hard. Jonathan comes over to get a better shot at the whining pussy of a man." Lex glares daggers at Holio. "But alas! Clark is there and moves to stop his Holy Rage filled father. As they struggle for the gun, resulting in the brave Jonathan getting knocked out, Lex stuns the audience by growing a pair." Another hate filled glare. "He stalks over to Desire' to become the newest member of Wife Beaters Anonymous, but at the last minuet he chickens out as his goddess like wife smashes a bottle of alcohol over his back and then sets him on fire!"
Lex suddenly turns around to face Holio. "Now! Wait! One! Minuet!!!" His protest is cut off by Desire' smashing the bottle into him and setting him on fire.
Holio smiles evilly. "Mwahahahahahahah!!! The Goddess Of Seduction, Desire' quickly makes her way to the door and her freedom as Lex cry's like a baby and runs around like a chicken with his head cut off." If Lex weren't too busy trying to put the fire on his back out, he would have glared hatefully and flicked Holio The Bird. Clark, however, glares for him, but dose not flick The Bird. Holio sighs heavily at Clarks glare. "Fine. Clark quickly accesses the situation and heats up the door handle with his eye rays so that when the Lovely Desire' touches it, she will burn her hand." Holio tries to hold back tears. "Then Clark saves the day and rushes over to his Gay Lover . . ." Clark glares and clears his through. "Fine. Fine. His Completely Nonsexual Related Best Friend and putts out the fire on the spineless chickens back. Just then, Poor Desire' tries to escape but burns her hand on the doorknob. Every thing seems to be back to normal . . . But Wait! A flash of lightning and a puff of smoke appear!! It is The Goddess Of Sticky Sweetness and Goddess Of Sam's Club Size Cans Of Whoop Asses Gun Men, and Gun Women in training."
Alan raises his hands, makes Spirit Fingers and dully speaks. "Poof."
Holio stands back proudly and crosses his arms. "And thus my work hear is done."
Lex snarls from under the blanket Clark covered him with. "I'm. Going. To. Kill. You. Very. Slowly."
"You and what army?"
Alan is still speaking dully, as if he is really bored. "Thank you Holio for you narration and sound effects."
Holio bows graciously and dramatically. "Your welcome Sex God. And the next time you see The Goddess Of Sticky Sweetness, will you please remind her she has my Wall Flowers CD and that I would like to have it back."
Alan winces. "Good lord man No! You ask her yourself. She can turn into the Bitch Goddess on you instead of me! I'm not that eager to die!"
"Well neither am I." Holio turns to leave, but an evil grin spreads across his face. He quickly rips a demon out of his chest, turns, and throws it at Lex. Instead of hitting Lex, however, it hits Clark and he is thrown back into the wall. "Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!" Holio then runs out of the room cackling evilly.
Clark disentangles himself from the demon and throws it throw the window. He then takes a classic hero stance and lifts his chin. "That was not funny."
Mandy and Kelly, however, obviously thought it was, because they are now holding their stomachs, and rolling on the floor with evil cackles.
Lord Byron yawns with boredom. "Can we do what we came here to do and leave? I buzz is starting to where off."
Alan nods in agreement. "Ah yes. Testing the Goddesses Of Cruelty In Training and restoring Clark's tile." He turns to Mandy and Kelly. "Lady's, do your worst."
Mandy and Kelly smile evilly. They then attack Desire'. She cries out for help but gets none as a dust cloud envelops the three women. Screaming and cackling can be herd for several minuets.
Lex slowly rises to his feet, with the help of Clark, and stares at the ball of dust in horror. "What are they doing to her?"
Alan smiles knowingly. "You'll see."
Suddenly the cloud of dust disappears and the three women reappear. Lex recoils as he sees Desire'. "Good Lord Almighty! What the Hell is that discussing thing?"
Kelly smiles triumphantly. "That is your wife Desire'"
Lex recoils and hides his head under the blanket that is still wrapped around him. Mandy giggles. "We turned her into her worst nightmare. John Ashcroft." Mandy then hands Desire' a hand mirror that appeared from nowhere. Desire' screams and falls to the floor sobbing.
Lex cautiously takes another look, and relaxes visibly. "Oh, now he . . . she . . . it looks familiar." He thinks for a moment. "Could you do that to Victoria?"
Mandy and Kelly nod and respond in unison. "Hell yeah!"
Lex smiles evilly. "Cool."
Alan surveys the work done by the two girls and smiles proudly. "Well done girls, at this rate you'll be full fledged Goddesses of Cruelty in no time."
Mandy smiles widely. "Oh! Can we do Spear Brittany and Cristina I'm-A-Slut next?"
Kelly shakes her head. "F--- no! Were going after my F'ing brother next."
Alan lifts his hands for silence and the girls immediately stop talking. "We will get to all of your enemies, in time. But we still have work to do." Alan turns too Lex. "Lex do you now think that Desire' is The Prettiest?"
Lex looks distastefully at the crying mass writhing on the floor. "No. That is definitely not The Prettiest."
Alan smiles ant turns to Jonathan who is still knocked out. Alan snaps his fingers and Jonathan immediately wakes up. "And you Jonathan. Do you think Desire' is still the prettiest?"
Desire' looks at Jonathan hopefully. She smiles and begins to breath heavily in his direction. Jonathan however recoils and draws himself into the fetal position. "NO! Get it away! Get it AWAY!!!"
Mandy and Kelly Burst into evil snickers and high five each other and Desire' collapses into crying fits.
Alan then turns to Clark and smiles. "Your title of The Prettiest is restored."
Clark smiles. "Hooray! I'm The Prettiest!"
Alan nods. "Yes you are." Alan then bows to Clark and Lex. " Fare well Clark aka The Prettiest. Fare well Lex The Sex Demigod."
Lord Byron sighs in a growl. "Thank GOD! I'm starving, and I need a drink. Maybe a good bar fight too!"
Lex suddenly has a puzzled look on his face. "Alan. If I'm the Sex Demigod, and I annul the marriage to Desire', dose that mean I can have groupies?"
Alan furrows his brow for a second then nods. "I suppose you can have groupies. You are bald after all."
Lex smiles, lifts both of this hands and snaps. Several scantily clad women appear and drape themselves over Lex. "It's good to be the Demigod."
Alan rolls his eyes. Suddenly a flash of light appears and the Gods are gone. Clark turns to Lex. "Looks like another near death experience for you Lex. My father tries to shoot you and then your wife sets you on fire."
Lex shakes his head. "Not going there Clark." There is silence for a moment. "Clark, when did you develop eye rays? X-ray vision is one thing but eye rays? If you squint any more you might have serious eye problems. Plus women don't want to date men who squint at them. It makes them nervous."
Clark's eyes go wide and he slowly backs away from Lex. "I haven't developed eye rays or x-ray vision. I don't know what you're talking about."
Lex stares blankly at Clark. "Clark, have I ever told you, you are a horrible liar? "
Clark adverts his eyes from Lexes. "I'm not lying."
Lex is still staring blankly at Clark. "Sure."
Jonathan breaks the silence. "So! How about we take Desire' down to the station and then meet at the watering hole for some grub?" Clark and Lex stare blankly at Jonathan for a moment until Jonathan realizes what he just said. "Sorry. Dukes of Hazard moment."
Clark smiles unbelievingly. "Right dad."
Jonathan wraps his arm around Lex in a seemingly friendly gesture. "So Lex, what were you saying about hitting on my wife?" Lexes face fills with terror.
And thus tranquility, or what passes for it, is restored to Smallville. Clark is once again The Prettiest. Lex recovers from his traumatic love experience and is careful about who he let's into his heart . . . which probably is just another reason why the poor man goes evil. He needs a hug . . . anyway, everything is back to the status quo. The end.
NEXT TIME ON SMALLVILLE . . .
