Elrond and the case of the cookies

Author: Immirtal Z Bomie

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, nor any of the characters mentioned in this fan fic. This is merely a work of fiction, and does not claim to be associated with J.R.R.Tolkien in any way shape or form. O; SO PLEASE DON'T SUE MEEEE!!

Warnings: um...no warnings? Oh, watch out for completely OOC!Elrond, like...everyone else...in my...fics... o_O;; and if the thought of Pimp!Elrond skeers you a BIT too much...go away. Now. Or...waaaait, nevermiind.. *evil grin* READ ON MY PRECIOUSES!

Lord Elrond of Imladris, a wise elf indeed. But after a while, an elf can only take so much respect. Now-a-days, poor Rondy is secluded in a tree house somewhere by himself. He often just wnaders around his house in his underware (frilly woman's lingerie of course) and his nice little tiara (headband thingy) but also wears a nice new dress on occassion. (dress=spiffeh red velvet robes he wore at the Council of Elrond in FotR.) He spends his time cooking, picking flowers and telling stories to his kitty. his favourite thing to bake is cookies. If no one's there to eat them, he'll just chunk 'em out the window. His kitty, of course, isn't of the feline kind. What ever random pretty boy from whatever television show or book he feels like. and everytime the crossover police come and take his kitty away. Most often the kitty is Draco Malfoy, from the Harry Potter series. all he does is eat the cookies, drink milk, and listen to stories while sitting in a bowl shaped chair that, when you sit in it, the sides of it go above your head. This chair has been dubbed "The Nest." A few sentences ago, I mentioned 'milk'. You must be wondering how he got this milk, and if not...then you're not. You see, there is a goat that roams around his place of dwelling. And at 3 o' clock in the morning, Elrond can be found waddling after the half-asleep goat. Running in a squatting position with his arms out he chases the poor goat 'till it just gives up and lets itself be milked.

Sometimes, on rare occassions, Elrond leaves his tree-housey confinement and goes to the city for a lil' look-see. Of course, he can't go to town in his nice dresses, he wouldn't get any action that way! So when he goes to happy rainbow cars he wears his "COOL" tight (very tight) leather pants and any shirt with a NICE frilly collar, and to finish his look - a pair of SUNGLASSES!(*coughagentelrondcough*) And when he feels in the mood, he'll don his large purple hat with the long feather sticking out and drag his man-whore of a son-in-law down to 7th street and...well, play 'pimp' for the night. He'd make a few bucks, then go home and bake cookies agian.

And there you have it. A once mighty lord of Rivendell turned into a cookie baking pimp. Sad, isn't it? Too bad. I'm not gonna go anything about it.