The show is not mine, Yada Yada Yada. Holio, Cynthia, Cherry, And Mir (Pronounced Maurrr.) are mine however.

Author's note: My profound apologies to those of you who read this Fic regularly. My family had a nuclear melt down so I have been un able to write for several weeks. Have no fears, the crisis is over and I should start my regular installments again.

Happiness is Lex Luthor in purple silk boxers and Clark Kent in Flannel. Mmmmmmm.....

**************************************************************************** ********************************** THE NEW EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!

The entire town is celebrating behind the Talon except for Clark and Lana. People are dancing, drinking, and generally having fun. Alan Rickman, Lord Byron, Mandy Moore, Kelly Osborne, Cynthia Walters, Cherry Winters, Mir Jenkinson, And Holio Blackheart are also there having fun.

Lex extracts himself from a mass of groupies long enough to shout for joy. "The reruns are over! Seven new episodes!!!"

Pete wraps his arm around Lex's shoulder. "Can I get an Amen?!"

The entire town calls back. "AMEN!!!!!!"

A very drunk Holio comes up on Lex's other side and also wraps his arm around Lex's shoulder. "I love you man."

Lex raises an eyebrow. "You're not getting my Bud Light Holio." Holio looks momentarily crest fallen. Lex takes in the sight of the two men who hate him and who currently have him trapped in between them. "You know, if this weren't the first new episode in almost seven weeks, I would be really scared right now."

Holio pats Lex on the head. "Don't worry idiot bald man. By the end of next episode we will go back to hating each other."

Pete agrees. "Your just safe from one of us shooting you for now because we are so overjoyed that this is a new episode. As a result, we have momentarily forgotten our hatred for you and your father in favor for partying."

Lex takes this in and nods. "Cool beans."

The Gods, Goddesses in training and crewmembers start up a chorus line of "Celebrate Good Times." The three men join in with the rest of the town. The merry making goes on until Clark is tossed out of the Talon. Soon after, Clark walks out after Clark. The entire town does a double take. "Two Clark Kent's!" They scuffle a little and then circle each other.

Clark #2 growls at Clark #1. "I'm going to kick your ass Kent!" Martha gasps in horror.

Clark #1 acts cocky. "Bring it!"

All the women of dating age, save Martha, shiver. "Ooooooooooooo!" Several women can be heard making commentaries like, "Oh, he can bring it over hear any time." And "That is one fine piece of man flesh." And "I love a man who is sensitive yet knows how to take control." And "Oh, did anyone find any red meteor rock? Cause that man is red hot!" And "Screw men in uniform, I like my man in flannel."

This gets the two Clark's attention. Clark #1 blushes furiously while Clark #2 acts annoyed. Clark #2 crosses his arms. "Hello? We are trying to have a climatic fight here. Does anyone want to get out of our way?"

Lionel smiles wolfishly. "We were actually going to bet on which Clark will win. I get a percentage for a fee of course, but only sixty present."

Clark #2 furrows his eyebrows. "Which Clark are you going to be rooting for?"

Lex rolls his eyes. "Well Duh! Which ever one of you is the real Clark of course."

Clark #1 pats his chest with his hand. "I'm the real Clark!"

Clark #2 imitates Clark #1. "No he's not! I'm the real Clark!"

The town's people look from one Clark to the other in confusion. Pete shakes his head. "They are so alike, we can't tell the difference."

Martha looks horror stricken. "I'm his mother and I can't tell." She buries her face into Jonathan's shoulder who pats her head sympathetically.

Cherry comes forward with a look of disgust on her face. "Hello? Isn't it obvious?" The town's people all shake their heads. Cherry slaps her forehead in anger. "We have one Clark in Clark garments and one Clark in Jonathan garments." The town's people are not following. "The Real Clark is usually dressed in his signature colors, red and/or blue, thus foreshadowing his Superman costume. The bitchy fake Clark is in Jonathan's usual colors, earth tones."

The town's folk are still not getting it. Alan grumbles and steps up next to Cherry. "This can all be answered in a simple question. Boys, or boy and girl trying to be boy, who is The Prettiest?"

Clark #2 scoffs at the question. "Lana, of course."

Clark #1 gets really defensive and almost 'Hurt Puppy' like. "I'm The Prettiest!!!"

Alan lifts his arms and turns to the town folk. "And thus, Clark is The Prettiest. Now we know who to root for. Carry on with your fight."

Clark #1 smiles brightly as Clark #2 walks up behind him and tosses him into the flower shop. "It doesn't matter who the real Clark is, I'll win and have Lana all to myself. Mwahahahahahah!!!"

Clark #1 comes from out of the flower shop and hits Clark #2 into a wall. Clark #2 then proceeds to pick up a generator. "Why! Wont! You! Die!!!!"

Clark Takes a 'Hero' pose. "Because I'm the main character and I'm The Prettiest."

Clark #2 growls and rushes Clark#1, who easily gets out of the way, and Clark #2 impales himself on a sharp thing. It is then revealed that Clark #2 is a meteor rock freak of the week from last season who tried to take over Lana's life. She says something mellow dramatic but it is lost in the great rejoicing the towns folk are doing.

Merriment continues until Lana comes screaming out of the Talon, with tears streaming down her eyes. "WHITNEY IS DEAD!!!!!!"

Clark immediately rushes to Lana and wraps his arms around her. "It's OK Lana. Don't cry. I still don't know what to do with crying people."

Lana manages to get out words around her sobbing. "I never should have sent that letter! I'm a Bad Bad Person!! Whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!"

Holio crosses his arms and shakes his head. "You are several scenes too early girly."

Lex shakes his head too. "She keeps doing that."

"I hate her."

"So do I." Lex regards Holio for a second. "Hey, do you think that our mutual hatred for Lana will bind us together and forge a unlikely friendship where we take over the world by the time we are thirty and foil Superman's do-gooder deeds thus making us rulers of the universe?"

Holio looks at Lex. "NO. I still hate you with an undying passion and will see you suffer every chance I get. I just hate Lana slightly more."

Lex rolls his eyes sarcastically. "Goody. I'm one step above The Fairy Princess. Go me."

Lana turns on both men. "Hey! I don't get enough airtime as it is. I'm just trying to up the Female representation on this man oriented show."

Lex shrugs. "Yeah, so?"

Lana opens he mouth to say something intelligent but stops. She then starts crying again. "Whitney is dead!!!! Boo Hooo!!"

Lex rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

Lionel scratches his beard thoughtfully. "Lex."

"Yes dad?"

"I'm disappointed in you."

Lex's mouth drops. "What did I do now?!"

Lionel shrugs. "Nothing. It's just my strange way of saying I love you . . . . . . . wait a minuet! I'm SATAN!! I have no capacity for love in my cold un-beating heart! So I guess that it is a straight forward way of saying 'I'm disappointed in you Lex'!"

Lex huffs in anger. "You are an evil man!! I never want to be like you!! That's why I did that thing to get me exiled here so I could take over the plant and rule my own destiny!! I hate you!"

"Well son, I hate you too."

Dr. Brice comes out of nowhere and drop kicks Lionel. The entire town cheers. She smoothes back a stray strand of hair and surveys her work. "Take that you fuzzy old blind man!"

Lex drops to his knees in front of Dr. Brice. "Helen, sweetie! Does this mean that you are not working for my father and that you really love me for me and not because I am rich?"

Dr. Brice makes an unpleasant face. "No fool! I just don't like that man. I drop kick him every chance I get. You still have to apologize and do all that touchy feely stuff about your heart being behind a wall and all that Sappy Crap."

Lex begins kissing her feet. "I'm sorry my love! Sex is never as good when your not there!"

Dr. Brice shrugs. "Good enough." Lex gets up and Dr. Brice takes his hand. "Come Lexy Poo. Let us skip into the sunset." And off they go.

The town watches them leave. Chloe looks after them. "Gee, they are kind of cute in a really creepy sort of way. You have hope that she will be able to break through the wall around his heart and make it all better but at the same time the fact that he looks like the Angel of Death does gives you doubt. A tragic story in deed."

Everyone tries to process what Chloe said but is unable to. Lana breaks the silence. "Whitney is DEAD!!! Boo Hooo!!!"

Holio pulls a demon out of his chest and throws it at Lana. It wraps it self around her and takes her to the ground with a squeak. Holio smiles proudly. "Let's party!!"

The town goes back to merrymaking. Clark tries to untangle Lana from the demon but gives up after a few minutes and joins the party.

The party lasts for an entire week.

NEXT TIME ON SMALLVILLE . . . . . . . .