Okay, this is the start of Fic Numero Dos. If you haven't read my other
one, "The Corpse"...
[Gets down on knees] Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese read it!!
Okay, enough begging from me. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
My name is Ryan, and I am the most fiendish super-villain the world has ever known! Muhahahahahaha!
Okay, technically I'm just a friendly kid counting the days until school ends, but not today. Today a massive plan will come to fruition. Today I will pull off the biggest prank in school history.
That airhead cheerleader won't know what hit her!
Perhaps I should explain. See, last week, a prissy, "I'm better than you" type girl named Kaitlyn decided to play a dirty trick on someone, an acquaintance of mine named Cassie.
No, in case you're wondering, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a really friendly girl, and it's a shame how Kaitlyn embarrassed her like that.
I won't go into the exact details, but Kaitlyn's actions were really, really mean. Someone needs to show her what's what.
The ancient Greeks had a theory on how one's downfall will take place. It comes in four stages. First is a word you probably have never heard of: "arête". It means a state of perfection. Kaitlyn is good looking, has plenty of "friends" (AKA hangers-on), Things were going great for her.
But arête leads to a word you probably have heard of: "hubris". Hubris is a state of pride. A belief that since you're having a great life so far, you're better than everybody else.
Hubris leads to "atè". Atè is rash action, something you wouldn't do if you were humble. Embarrassing Cassie was an example of Kaitlyn's atè.
Finally, as a result of atè, you will receive a visit from Nemesis, the goddess of vengeance and retribution. She'll straighten you up.
Today, the role of Nemesis will be played by me. Hold your applause.
Although I masterminded this operation, I have an accomplice. Here he comes.
"Is everything in place for today, Marco?"
"Yup. Everything's all ship-shape and seaworthy. This is going to be classic. I wish I thought this up."
Marco's another acquaintance of mine. Since we naturally share a fiendish sense of humor, we hit it off when we first met earlier this year.
"All right, Marco, I'm sure you'll hear of what transpires. See ya later."
"I'm sure I will. Bye, X."
Often, other people call me "X". It's a little weird how I got that nickname. A layperson would simply think it's because my middle name is Xavier. It's a little more complicated than that.
Before I was born, the plan was to name me Ryan, and for me to have no middle name. Well, from day one I had these markings on my body in the shape of an ornate "X". There's one on each of the backs of my hands, and also a larger one across my back. Since these odd "birth marks" were so prominent, my mother decided to name my middle name in honor of these markings, with "Xavier" being the only name she could think of.
When I was young, I asked my mother why I had these tattoo-like markings. Her answer still bewilders me to this day:
"Ryan, they are ancient runes of protection, to safeguard you through your journey."
My mom's a little weird. But that's okay, at least they look cool.
* * *
Here's how this plan was inspired. The night Kaitlyn played that joke on Cassie, I was at home typing up an English paper. Turns out my printer was out of ink. Since my mom would also need to print something that night, she gave me some money and I headed over to the electronics store for a new print cartridge. When I got there, I noticed a "do it yourself" cartridge refill kit. Thinking that money saved is money earned, I bought it. The way it works it you first poke a hole in the cartridge, use a syringe to fill it with ink, then tape the hole up. It came with two "doses" of refills. I used the first to refill the cartridge, then I put the kit away and printed up my paper.
The next day, we learned that we would be doing the classic "frog dissection" in biology class. Since I happen to be a member of the Biology club, I would prepare the frogs the day before.
Later, in another class, we discussed the aftermath of a tobacco lawsuit.
Okay. We got an ink-syringe, dead frogs, and cigarettes. How does one come up with a world class prank out of this?
Have you ever heard of a "load"? It's a small sliver of wood inserted into a cigarette. When the cigarette is smoked down to the load, the load will catch fire. This results in a tremendously funny explosion in the smoker's face.
In short: I put a load in Kaitlyn's frog.
It's a little complicated, but here's how it works. Before I went to school on the day the frogs were to be prepared, I prepared the load. Using the ink syringe and a Tylenol gelcap, I created the fiendish device. I poked a hole in the gelcap, poured the medicine out, filled the gelcap with ink as much as I could, then I sealed it. Later, while we were preparing the frogs after school, I took a frog, cut it open from the back, and stuffed the gelcap inside. I put it right near the skin of the belly, where the first cut of the experiment was to be made. I put my "trick frog" back into place, and made sure that it was the one I'd get to operate on today.
Did I mention that I'd convinced the teacher to assign Kaitlyn as my lab partner?
Just to make it better, I enlisted Marco. I had him whip up a phony love letter to Kaitlyn from a "secret admirer", telling her to wear her best and most expensive clothes. The "secret admirer" would meet her at lunch, which is right after the biology class. She'd be looking great during that class.
Super-Villainy. Sometimes I scare myself.
Biology class is about to start. Time to make history.
[Gets down on knees] Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese read it!!
Okay, enough begging from me. Enjoy!
Chapter 1
My name is Ryan, and I am the most fiendish super-villain the world has ever known! Muhahahahahaha!
Okay, technically I'm just a friendly kid counting the days until school ends, but not today. Today a massive plan will come to fruition. Today I will pull off the biggest prank in school history.
That airhead cheerleader won't know what hit her!
Perhaps I should explain. See, last week, a prissy, "I'm better than you" type girl named Kaitlyn decided to play a dirty trick on someone, an acquaintance of mine named Cassie.
No, in case you're wondering, she's not my girlfriend. She's just a really friendly girl, and it's a shame how Kaitlyn embarrassed her like that.
I won't go into the exact details, but Kaitlyn's actions were really, really mean. Someone needs to show her what's what.
The ancient Greeks had a theory on how one's downfall will take place. It comes in four stages. First is a word you probably have never heard of: "arête". It means a state of perfection. Kaitlyn is good looking, has plenty of "friends" (AKA hangers-on), Things were going great for her.
But arête leads to a word you probably have heard of: "hubris". Hubris is a state of pride. A belief that since you're having a great life so far, you're better than everybody else.
Hubris leads to "atè". Atè is rash action, something you wouldn't do if you were humble. Embarrassing Cassie was an example of Kaitlyn's atè.
Finally, as a result of atè, you will receive a visit from Nemesis, the goddess of vengeance and retribution. She'll straighten you up.
Today, the role of Nemesis will be played by me. Hold your applause.
Although I masterminded this operation, I have an accomplice. Here he comes.
"Is everything in place for today, Marco?"
"Yup. Everything's all ship-shape and seaworthy. This is going to be classic. I wish I thought this up."
Marco's another acquaintance of mine. Since we naturally share a fiendish sense of humor, we hit it off when we first met earlier this year.
"All right, Marco, I'm sure you'll hear of what transpires. See ya later."
"I'm sure I will. Bye, X."
Often, other people call me "X". It's a little weird how I got that nickname. A layperson would simply think it's because my middle name is Xavier. It's a little more complicated than that.
Before I was born, the plan was to name me Ryan, and for me to have no middle name. Well, from day one I had these markings on my body in the shape of an ornate "X". There's one on each of the backs of my hands, and also a larger one across my back. Since these odd "birth marks" were so prominent, my mother decided to name my middle name in honor of these markings, with "Xavier" being the only name she could think of.
When I was young, I asked my mother why I had these tattoo-like markings. Her answer still bewilders me to this day:
"Ryan, they are ancient runes of protection, to safeguard you through your journey."
My mom's a little weird. But that's okay, at least they look cool.
* * *
Here's how this plan was inspired. The night Kaitlyn played that joke on Cassie, I was at home typing up an English paper. Turns out my printer was out of ink. Since my mom would also need to print something that night, she gave me some money and I headed over to the electronics store for a new print cartridge. When I got there, I noticed a "do it yourself" cartridge refill kit. Thinking that money saved is money earned, I bought it. The way it works it you first poke a hole in the cartridge, use a syringe to fill it with ink, then tape the hole up. It came with two "doses" of refills. I used the first to refill the cartridge, then I put the kit away and printed up my paper.
The next day, we learned that we would be doing the classic "frog dissection" in biology class. Since I happen to be a member of the Biology club, I would prepare the frogs the day before.
Later, in another class, we discussed the aftermath of a tobacco lawsuit.
Okay. We got an ink-syringe, dead frogs, and cigarettes. How does one come up with a world class prank out of this?
Have you ever heard of a "load"? It's a small sliver of wood inserted into a cigarette. When the cigarette is smoked down to the load, the load will catch fire. This results in a tremendously funny explosion in the smoker's face.
In short: I put a load in Kaitlyn's frog.
It's a little complicated, but here's how it works. Before I went to school on the day the frogs were to be prepared, I prepared the load. Using the ink syringe and a Tylenol gelcap, I created the fiendish device. I poked a hole in the gelcap, poured the medicine out, filled the gelcap with ink as much as I could, then I sealed it. Later, while we were preparing the frogs after school, I took a frog, cut it open from the back, and stuffed the gelcap inside. I put it right near the skin of the belly, where the first cut of the experiment was to be made. I put my "trick frog" back into place, and made sure that it was the one I'd get to operate on today.
Did I mention that I'd convinced the teacher to assign Kaitlyn as my lab partner?
Just to make it better, I enlisted Marco. I had him whip up a phony love letter to Kaitlyn from a "secret admirer", telling her to wear her best and most expensive clothes. The "secret admirer" would meet her at lunch, which is right after the biology class. She'd be looking great during that class.
Super-Villainy. Sometimes I scare myself.
Biology class is about to start. Time to make history.
