Dear Diary,
Life is so unbalanced and unorthodox. Everything seems to happen without
reason or cause. I feel I must run away but life keeps moving me in this
direction. Someday I want to live my own life and not feel responsible for
someone else's. I wish to the dragon goddess for wings every night before
I go to sleep. I feel suffocated and un-impressed by life. Everything
seems to be in pattern, no changes. I feel I must escape, to find a way
out of the gigantic hole that is trying to swallow me hole. I wish life
would stop, just for one second, so I could gather my thoughts and think
about what is really important to me.
I wish for once just to know that I am being myself not someone other
people want me to be. I want to remember things on time and not get yelled
at. I want to be respected and have more responsibilities, I know I could
handle it. Yet here I am stuck here in a big willow tree waiting and
watching for something to happen. I feel so desperate and alone, yet I've
never had more friends than I do right now. Sometime I just wish once that
my mother could understand me like she does my elder sister. Today I am
full of wishes and wants for the future. Now as I read over what I've
written I understand that I will have to make the change with what I have.
The change has to be within, from the heart using the tools of love and
light. I understand I need a change but what it will be, I may never find
out. Follow your heart and your intuition to lead you on the path of
righteous ness. I don't really believe most of that saying but it sounds
fairly good in my case. Another good saying is the Serenity Prayer listen
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Sometimes I wish life were that easy. Well goodbye and thanks for being
such a great listener diary. Love Always Nadeshda
