Dear Diary, Life is so unbalanced and unorthodox. Everything seems to happen without reason or cause. I feel I must run away but life keeps moving me in this direction. Someday I want to live my own life and not feel responsible for someone else's. I wish to the dragon goddess for wings every night before I go to sleep. I feel suffocated and un-impressed by life. Everything seems to be in pattern, no changes. I feel I must escape, to find a way out of the gigantic hole that is trying to swallow me hole. I wish life would stop, just for one second, so I could gather my thoughts and think about what is really important to me. I wish for once just to know that I am being myself not someone other people want me to be. I want to remember things on time and not get yelled at. I want to be respected and have more responsibilities, I know I could handle it. Yet here I am stuck here in a big willow tree waiting and watching for something to happen. I feel so desperate and alone, yet I've never had more friends than I do right now. Sometime I just wish once that my mother could understand me like she does my elder sister. Today I am full of wishes and wants for the future. Now as I read over what I've written I understand that I will have to make the change with what I have. The change has to be within, from the heart using the tools of love and light. I understand I need a change but what it will be, I may never find out. Follow your heart and your intuition to lead you on the path of righteous ness. I don't really believe most of that saying but it sounds fairly good in my case. Another good saying is the Serenity Prayer listen God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes I wish life were that easy. Well goodbye and thanks for being such a great listener diary. Love Always Nadeshda