Chapter 35: Sydney 101
"Mr. King, it is very important that you don't over load her with information." Dr. Hawthorne instructed Sark. "She seems to be remembering bits and pieces but is unable to process the information because there is just too much of it. She's in a delicate stage and she needs an emotional support. What she needs most is a confidant, a person she can talk to, and more importantly a person she trusts to tell her which of her memories are real or dreams and fantasies. I know that it's difficult to see her like this but you must be gentle with her and not push her too hard."
"I'll try to do what I can but I need you to remove all cameras and listening devices from her room." Sark demanded.
The doctor was smart enough not to deny the equipment's existence. "I'll see what I can do but it's there for Ms. Radcliff's protection."
"She may protect her but it doesn't make her feel safe. I don't know how but she senses them, she always could." Sark explained giving Dr. Hawthorne a viable reason to remove the monitoring equipment.
"It will be done." Dr. Hawthorne promised. He decided that Sark would know soon enough that Sydney had already located and disabled all equipment from the room. It was a matter of not reinstalling them. Dr. Hawthorne left Sark's room satisfied; he'd made it clear to Sark what needed to be done.
Once he was alone, Sark opened the connecting door separating Sydney's and his room and immediately noticed the empty bed. But he sensed her presence in the room so he closed the door behind him and did a quick search of the room. He found her huddled in a dark corner of the room on other side of the bed with monitoring equipment of various sizes in a pile in front of her. She was unsuccessfully trying to wipe away the evidence of tears from her face.
"Who am I Sark? What am I?" Sydney asked staring vacantly at Sark's shoes.
Sark crouched down and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes. "You're Sydney, an American citizen who loves her country very much. And the Sydney I know would never be caught dead hiding in a corner crying." Sark stood up and pulled her up with him. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.
His words weren't quite what Sydney wanted to hear but it wasn't the sugar coated information she'd received from everyone else. "Thanks." Sydney mumbled taking the handkerchief and using it to dry her tear stained face. She then held it to her nose and blew into it. After which she tried handing it back to Sark who raised one eyebrow slightly but made no motion to take if from her.
"Keep it" Sark said dryly.
Sydney half hiccupped and half laughed at Sark's lack of expression that spoke volumes. "I'm glad you came back." She told him softly.
"Why would I not?" Sark asked knowing full well why she had that impression.
"I don't know maybe it was the 'don't trust anyone, not even me'." Sydney said mimicking Sark's accent to the tee.
"Blame it on the lack of sleep." Sark said shrugging.
"No, you meant every word." Sydney contradicted him. "You told me not to trust you or anyone but I have to trust someone. I can't do it by myself."
"You should have more faith in yourself." Sark said so low that Sydney almost didn't hear him.
"It's not a matter of faith; it's a matter of what to believe. I remember things but then I remember other things and they contradict each other so I don't know what to believe. It's all so confusing. For instance, I remember being a blond nightclub singer but then I remember working at a bank and my hair changes to dozens of different colors. The memories, they just don't make sense." Sydney paused slightly as if afraid to continue. "Sark, I know how to do things."
"Things?" Sark repeated questioningly keeping his face expressionless.
Sydney nudged the electronic equipment at her feet with her right foot. "How did I know how to disable those? How did I even know that they were there? Why is it every time someone comes into the room the first thing I think of is how to escape? Everyone looks at me as if they're afraid of me, everyone but you. I feel like they all want something from me but I don't know what it is. Sark, I thief?" Sydney asked. The last question came as a non sequitur throwing Sark.
"A thief?" Sark spit out incredulous. "You think that you're a thief?"
Sydney eyes lit up with hope when she saw his reaction. "I'm not a thief?"
"Not the way you are thinking. You have taken things; in fact you have taken things from me but.." He stopped when he noticed that she was more confused then before. "You are many things Sydney, but you are not a thief."
Sydney sighed relieved. "What things am I then?"
"You are loyal and honest." Sark said the first adjectives that came to mind.
"You make me sound like a dog!" Sydney said scrunching up her face comically.
"Only if I had added obedient but obedience or following orders are not part of the Sydney package." Sark retorted.
"What else am I?" Sydney said smiling beguilingly.
"Fishing for compliments?" Sark smirked
"Are you going to bite?" Sydney teased.
"I have been known to bite." Sark replied stressing the word bite, giving it another meaning.
"Then yes, I'm throwing out a lure." Sydney said playing off the double entendre.
"You are quite attractive." Sark acquiesced.
"Just attractive?" Sydney said pouting her vanity peaked.
"People gravitate toward you. It could be the smile." Sark clarified.
"You mean this smile?" Sydney said smiling.
"You are smart, not just the book learned kind but the think fast on your feet kind of smart." Sark continued.
"The first compliment was better, unless you like brainiacs." Sydney prompted expecting more.
"It wasn't meant to be a compliment, just fact." Sark stated enjoying himself. He had never seen Sydney's vain side.
"You can compliment me you know." Sydney said playing on the word compliment.
"I don't think we are a good fit." Sark said rising to the bait.
"So it comes down to the issue of size?" She said naughtily allowing her eyes to fall down below his belt.
Sark's eyes flashed responding along with other parts of him. This was the Sydney he knew, always trying to get the upper hand. He knew it was time to really show Sydney what she was made of.
He sent a roundhouse kick to her head.
Sydney leaped back quickly, self preservation kicking in. She looked at him in shock. "I meant it as good thing!" She gasped.
He tried to punch her but she deflected, rolling away from the punch. He followed with a serious of kicks and punches slowly at first and then faster. Right kick, left kick, back kick, right elbow, right punch, right upper, left punch. Sydney let her instincts take over. She deflected each kick and punch until she felt safe enough to go on the offensive. Block, right kick, block kick. She smiled at the adrenaline rush. She felt so alive that she started laughing, exhilarated.
It was a dance, a dangerous one, but still beautiful. Sark wasn't laughing but Sydney knew he was enjoying this encounter as much as she was.
"This isn't a game Sydney. Don't hold back." Sark instructed seriously.
"Yeah, as if you are really going to hit me." Sydney scoffed.
Sark responded with a well aimed kick to her stomach which knocked her onto the bed.
Sydney barely had time to roll to the side before Sark punched down missing her face by inches. She hit him with a pillow followed by a punch that connected to his face. She was horrified, her enjoyment faded the realization that he was really trying to hit her. The fear began to grow in her stomach giving her the edge she needed and anger became her fuel.
She hated him. She hating him for making her feel like this. He wanted her to hit him did he, she'll show him. Sydney thought angrily. She gave him everything she had.
When she felt herself growing tired, she held a hand up to her head feigning dizziness. It worked and Sark stopped his assault. She used that time to hit him with a chair which shattered sending Sark sprawling onto the ground.
Instead of being angry Sark turned over and wiped the blood from the side of his mouth and laughed. "Now that is the Sydney I know and want." He said.
Sydney looked horrified and shell shocked. She looked at her hands as if they had blood on them. All her anger melted away until self loathing and fear was all that was left. "I'm not her, I don't want to be her." She said shaking her head almost childishly.
"You don't have a choice, it's a part of who you are, and it has saved your life more then you can count." Sark said getting up from the floor.
"Then I'd rather die!" She said vehemently crossing her arms in front of herself in a defensive gesture.
"Then you are a stupid fool." Sark said with more emotion then he liked.
"Rather a stupid fool then a killer!" Sydney retorted stubbornly.
"There are worst things out there then killers Sydney, the sooner you realize that the safer we all will be." Sark said cryptically.
"Get out!" Sydney ordered.
"Look Sydney." Sark said gently realizing that maybe he had pushed her a little too hard.
"My name is Sarah, your Sydney doesn't exist anymore! Now get out!" She ordered again this time her voice rose an octave higher perilously close to breaking.
Instead of leaving, Sark walked closer to Sydney. She backed away from him shaking her head. Tears began flowing from her eyes.
"Why? Why is it so important that I be her? I don't want to remember anymore. I'm safe now.I'm safe, Dr. Hawkins promised. And as long as I don't remember, I'm safe." She began to sob.
"Stop it Sydney." Sark commanded wanting to tell her that the full brutal truth. She was a vital part of the world outside and it was a matter of time before reality found her whether she stayed here at the mansion or not. Why did she have to cry?
"I can't. please don't make me." She said not only referring to the crying but her acceptance of who she was or used to be.
Every instinct Sark possessed, told him to leave the room. But he was drawn in by the need in Sydney's eyes. He couldn't leave her alone, not like this. She looked so defeated; he had felt defeated like that once and understood it. Damn her for making him remember, making him feel.human. He did the only thing he could do; he grabbed her and kissed her roughly. He couldn't see her eyes anymore and he could convince himself that what all he was feeling was lust alone.
Sydney welcomed the kiss and kissed back just as hard as he was kissing her. She pushed against him trying to get closer.
Just as abruptly as he'd begun kissing her, he pushed her away. "No! I can't do this." He said leaving the room but not before she saw the look in his eyes. Fear.
Why would Sark be afraid of her? Sydney wondered. Was he afraid like the others were afraid? What kind of monster was she that she invoked fear in everyone? She didn't want to think about it anymore. She closed her eyes trying to block everything out.
My name is Sarah, I am a good person and I don't do bad things. My name is Sarah, I am a good person and I don't do bad things. Sydney repeated silently in her head. But it wasn't enough to block out the images of fighting, guns, and explosions that flooded her conscience.
"Mr. King, it is very important that you don't over load her with information." Dr. Hawthorne instructed Sark. "She seems to be remembering bits and pieces but is unable to process the information because there is just too much of it. She's in a delicate stage and she needs an emotional support. What she needs most is a confidant, a person she can talk to, and more importantly a person she trusts to tell her which of her memories are real or dreams and fantasies. I know that it's difficult to see her like this but you must be gentle with her and not push her too hard."
"I'll try to do what I can but I need you to remove all cameras and listening devices from her room." Sark demanded.
The doctor was smart enough not to deny the equipment's existence. "I'll see what I can do but it's there for Ms. Radcliff's protection."
"She may protect her but it doesn't make her feel safe. I don't know how but she senses them, she always could." Sark explained giving Dr. Hawthorne a viable reason to remove the monitoring equipment.
"It will be done." Dr. Hawthorne promised. He decided that Sark would know soon enough that Sydney had already located and disabled all equipment from the room. It was a matter of not reinstalling them. Dr. Hawthorne left Sark's room satisfied; he'd made it clear to Sark what needed to be done.
Once he was alone, Sark opened the connecting door separating Sydney's and his room and immediately noticed the empty bed. But he sensed her presence in the room so he closed the door behind him and did a quick search of the room. He found her huddled in a dark corner of the room on other side of the bed with monitoring equipment of various sizes in a pile in front of her. She was unsuccessfully trying to wipe away the evidence of tears from her face.
"Who am I Sark? What am I?" Sydney asked staring vacantly at Sark's shoes.
Sark crouched down and lifted her chin so that she was forced to look into his eyes. "You're Sydney, an American citizen who loves her country very much. And the Sydney I know would never be caught dead hiding in a corner crying." Sark stood up and pulled her up with him. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her.
His words weren't quite what Sydney wanted to hear but it wasn't the sugar coated information she'd received from everyone else. "Thanks." Sydney mumbled taking the handkerchief and using it to dry her tear stained face. She then held it to her nose and blew into it. After which she tried handing it back to Sark who raised one eyebrow slightly but made no motion to take if from her.
"Keep it" Sark said dryly.
Sydney half hiccupped and half laughed at Sark's lack of expression that spoke volumes. "I'm glad you came back." She told him softly.
"Why would I not?" Sark asked knowing full well why she had that impression.
"I don't know maybe it was the 'don't trust anyone, not even me'." Sydney said mimicking Sark's accent to the tee.
"Blame it on the lack of sleep." Sark said shrugging.
"No, you meant every word." Sydney contradicted him. "You told me not to trust you or anyone but I have to trust someone. I can't do it by myself."
"You should have more faith in yourself." Sark said so low that Sydney almost didn't hear him.
"It's not a matter of faith; it's a matter of what to believe. I remember things but then I remember other things and they contradict each other so I don't know what to believe. It's all so confusing. For instance, I remember being a blond nightclub singer but then I remember working at a bank and my hair changes to dozens of different colors. The memories, they just don't make sense." Sydney paused slightly as if afraid to continue. "Sark, I know how to do things."
"Things?" Sark repeated questioningly keeping his face expressionless.
Sydney nudged the electronic equipment at her feet with her right foot. "How did I know how to disable those? How did I even know that they were there? Why is it every time someone comes into the room the first thing I think of is how to escape? Everyone looks at me as if they're afraid of me, everyone but you. I feel like they all want something from me but I don't know what it is. Sark, I thief?" Sydney asked. The last question came as a non sequitur throwing Sark.
"A thief?" Sark spit out incredulous. "You think that you're a thief?"
Sydney eyes lit up with hope when she saw his reaction. "I'm not a thief?"
"Not the way you are thinking. You have taken things; in fact you have taken things from me but.." He stopped when he noticed that she was more confused then before. "You are many things Sydney, but you are not a thief."
Sydney sighed relieved. "What things am I then?"
"You are loyal and honest." Sark said the first adjectives that came to mind.
"You make me sound like a dog!" Sydney said scrunching up her face comically.
"Only if I had added obedient but obedience or following orders are not part of the Sydney package." Sark retorted.
"What else am I?" Sydney said smiling beguilingly.
"Fishing for compliments?" Sark smirked
"Are you going to bite?" Sydney teased.
"I have been known to bite." Sark replied stressing the word bite, giving it another meaning.
"Then yes, I'm throwing out a lure." Sydney said playing off the double entendre.
"You are quite attractive." Sark acquiesced.
"Just attractive?" Sydney said pouting her vanity peaked.
"People gravitate toward you. It could be the smile." Sark clarified.
"You mean this smile?" Sydney said smiling.
"You are smart, not just the book learned kind but the think fast on your feet kind of smart." Sark continued.
"The first compliment was better, unless you like brainiacs." Sydney prompted expecting more.
"It wasn't meant to be a compliment, just fact." Sark stated enjoying himself. He had never seen Sydney's vain side.
"You can compliment me you know." Sydney said playing on the word compliment.
"I don't think we are a good fit." Sark said rising to the bait.
"So it comes down to the issue of size?" She said naughtily allowing her eyes to fall down below his belt.
Sark's eyes flashed responding along with other parts of him. This was the Sydney he knew, always trying to get the upper hand. He knew it was time to really show Sydney what she was made of.
He sent a roundhouse kick to her head.
Sydney leaped back quickly, self preservation kicking in. She looked at him in shock. "I meant it as good thing!" She gasped.
He tried to punch her but she deflected, rolling away from the punch. He followed with a serious of kicks and punches slowly at first and then faster. Right kick, left kick, back kick, right elbow, right punch, right upper, left punch. Sydney let her instincts take over. She deflected each kick and punch until she felt safe enough to go on the offensive. Block, right kick, block kick. She smiled at the adrenaline rush. She felt so alive that she started laughing, exhilarated.
It was a dance, a dangerous one, but still beautiful. Sark wasn't laughing but Sydney knew he was enjoying this encounter as much as she was.
"This isn't a game Sydney. Don't hold back." Sark instructed seriously.
"Yeah, as if you are really going to hit me." Sydney scoffed.
Sark responded with a well aimed kick to her stomach which knocked her onto the bed.
Sydney barely had time to roll to the side before Sark punched down missing her face by inches. She hit him with a pillow followed by a punch that connected to his face. She was horrified, her enjoyment faded the realization that he was really trying to hit her. The fear began to grow in her stomach giving her the edge she needed and anger became her fuel.
She hated him. She hating him for making her feel like this. He wanted her to hit him did he, she'll show him. Sydney thought angrily. She gave him everything she had.
When she felt herself growing tired, she held a hand up to her head feigning dizziness. It worked and Sark stopped his assault. She used that time to hit him with a chair which shattered sending Sark sprawling onto the ground.
Instead of being angry Sark turned over and wiped the blood from the side of his mouth and laughed. "Now that is the Sydney I know and want." He said.
Sydney looked horrified and shell shocked. She looked at her hands as if they had blood on them. All her anger melted away until self loathing and fear was all that was left. "I'm not her, I don't want to be her." She said shaking her head almost childishly.
"You don't have a choice, it's a part of who you are, and it has saved your life more then you can count." Sark said getting up from the floor.
"Then I'd rather die!" She said vehemently crossing her arms in front of herself in a defensive gesture.
"Then you are a stupid fool." Sark said with more emotion then he liked.
"Rather a stupid fool then a killer!" Sydney retorted stubbornly.
"There are worst things out there then killers Sydney, the sooner you realize that the safer we all will be." Sark said cryptically.
"Get out!" Sydney ordered.
"Look Sydney." Sark said gently realizing that maybe he had pushed her a little too hard.
"My name is Sarah, your Sydney doesn't exist anymore! Now get out!" She ordered again this time her voice rose an octave higher perilously close to breaking.
Instead of leaving, Sark walked closer to Sydney. She backed away from him shaking her head. Tears began flowing from her eyes.
"Why? Why is it so important that I be her? I don't want to remember anymore. I'm safe now.I'm safe, Dr. Hawkins promised. And as long as I don't remember, I'm safe." She began to sob.
"Stop it Sydney." Sark commanded wanting to tell her that the full brutal truth. She was a vital part of the world outside and it was a matter of time before reality found her whether she stayed here at the mansion or not. Why did she have to cry?
"I can't. please don't make me." She said not only referring to the crying but her acceptance of who she was or used to be.
Every instinct Sark possessed, told him to leave the room. But he was drawn in by the need in Sydney's eyes. He couldn't leave her alone, not like this. She looked so defeated; he had felt defeated like that once and understood it. Damn her for making him remember, making him feel.human. He did the only thing he could do; he grabbed her and kissed her roughly. He couldn't see her eyes anymore and he could convince himself that what all he was feeling was lust alone.
Sydney welcomed the kiss and kissed back just as hard as he was kissing her. She pushed against him trying to get closer.
Just as abruptly as he'd begun kissing her, he pushed her away. "No! I can't do this." He said leaving the room but not before she saw the look in his eyes. Fear.
Why would Sark be afraid of her? Sydney wondered. Was he afraid like the others were afraid? What kind of monster was she that she invoked fear in everyone? She didn't want to think about it anymore. She closed her eyes trying to block everything out.
My name is Sarah, I am a good person and I don't do bad things. My name is Sarah, I am a good person and I don't do bad things. Sydney repeated silently in her head. But it wasn't enough to block out the images of fighting, guns, and explosions that flooded her conscience.
