"Jamesy boy?"

"Go away."

"No. Get up you lazy sod."

James opened his eyes, and found they hurt like mad. He rubbed them but they hurt even more. He then remembered the floods of secret tears that he had shed the previous night. James blinked and put his glasses on. He looked up at the person standing over him. Lily?…

Sirius, Peter and Remus were standing around his bed. "Sod off…" James said and slammed his head back down on the pillow. He rubbed his eyes again, and, again, winced in pain. "What time is it?"

"It's 11am," Peter answered him.

"Shit! I missed muggle studies!" James cried sitting up.

"Chill," Remus said, pushing him back down. "I looked in on you four hours ago and you looked like shit so we thought we'd leave you sleeping."

"Don't worry," Sirius added. "I talked to the professor and told him you were ill. He said it was fine."

James relaxed back down again. It was quite lucky really, seeing as he'd never finished his homework after he'd walked out on Lily in the library.

Oh god. I'm so pathetic.

"Anyone seen Lily this morning?"

The marauders exchanged glances. "What?" James asked.

Remus and Peter looked at Sirius. "Yeah, kinda," Sirius said.

"What the hell does kinda mean?" James asked.

"She was in a pretty bad way. She said you two had an argument last night, and you were angry and stuff, then she talked to Freddie and…" He paused. "They broke up."

"What?" James sat up again.

"I really think you should have some rest, man," said Peter.

"I'm fine," James insisted, getting out of bed quickly. "I've got to find Lily." He grabbed his jeans and put them on.

"Why?" Sirius asked suspiciously. "Look man, I'm sorry for even asking you this, but I've got to… Nothing's going on between you and Lily is it?"

"No! 'Course not! I'm with Kelly and she's with Freddie and that's that. At least, she was with Freddie…"

Sirius took James by the shoulder and looked at him. James sighed. "Look, if there was something secretly going on between me and Lily, it wouldn't exactly be a secret knowing you guys would it?" James grinned.

Sirius laughed and let him go. "Whatever."

"But they can't break up because of…look, I'll catch up with you guys in potions, ok? Tell the professor I'm still not feeling too good if I'm late, ok?" And with that James ran out of the dormitory to find Lily.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Lily?" It hadn't taken James long to find her. Crouched in the corner of the library hiding from accusing stares and mutterings about her cheating on Freddie. James plucked up his courage and walked over to Lily.

"Hey Lil'." James sat down opposite Lily and she looked up, her hair falling down her back.

"James!" she looked surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard about you and Freddie."

"Yeah, well, in that case, don't you think we should stay away from each other for a bit?"

"But I don't want to," James said quickly. Lily frowned, and James coughed. "I mean, I'm sorry for going off at you like that last night. I didn't mean it."

"No, no, you were right. I'm a bitch, James! You don't wanna be friends with me…"

"Yes I do, Lily!" James laughed to cover up his deep sincerity. "Who else is gonna help me with muggle studies?"

Lily smiled. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." James held out his hand. "Friends?"

Lily ignored the hand and leant across the table to hug him. James clutched her tightly, and for a while didn't let go. Then he remembered where they were and stood up. "Now. What are you going to do about Freddie?" he asked.

Lily looked pained as they walked side by side out of the library, ignoring the whispers. "Oh, I don't know! I didn't really mean to break up with him. I do love him…"

James looked down on her and Lily looked at him. "But I'm not gonna go out with him again."

"Why not?"

"I neglected all of my friends when I went out with him."

James knew that this was going to be hard. Helping the one he loved would mean more horrible pain for him. "No you didn't, Lil'. And anyway, this is love! Much more important."

Lily thought about it. "I don't know…Ok, I'm only going to go back out with him if you want me to. It's all down to you. If you're sure I won't be neglecting you and everyone else, then I might."

James laughed. "Of course I don't mind! You've got…Freddie, and I…I've got Kelly." James found that last part very hard to say. He still couldn't believe he and Lily weren't together, when he knew they should be.

"But are you sure it'll be alright?"

James hesitated. Part of him was screaming, No! Don't go back to him. You should be with me! But then he saw the look on Lily's face. He knew what she desperately wanted him to say.

"Go get him, Lils."

Lily reached up and kissed James on the cheek. "Thanks James. You're a good friend." She ran off to find Freddie.

"Friend? Great," muttered James. He was about to walk after her; he wanted to spy on her to see how it went with Freddie, when he heard his name being called.

"Jamsey boy?" Dayjarvoo, thought James. As he turned he caught sight of, to his dismay, Kelly; his sixth year Ravenclaw girlfriend. The jealously of the entire female population of the school anchored towards her. Kelly had beautiful blonde hair that curved round to her neck and stopped. Her contrasting blue eyes struck out from her perfect symmetrical face, and James' heart began to pound. For God's sake, James. You can't be in love with two girls at the same time! It's Lily you want. You've got to end it with Kelly.

But even as James thought this, he knew he never would. He couldn't. Kelly was beautiful in a way Lily could never be.

James faked a grin. "Hiya babe," he said, kissing her lightly and quickly on the lips as she drew up to him, but she held it on longer. James pulled back. "What's on you mind?" he asked, wanting to get the hell away from her.

"Just wondering where you've been the past couple of weeks." Oh dear, thought James. Kelly made a pouting six-year-old face. "I haven't seen much of you." She touched the buttons on James' shirt, then looked up at him seductively. "It's like you've been avoiding me."

…No duh.

"Oh, 'course I haven't been avoiding you sweetie, but I really can't talk about this now. I have to find someone."

James broke away and began to walk off. "Who, Lily?" Kelly called after him.

James stopped and turned round. He didn't say anything, just waited for Kelly to explain. She had her arms folded and had lost the sweet and innocent look on her face. Now, James thought weakly, she just looked downright sexy. "People talk, James. People have been saying that Lily and Freddie broke up because of you. Wanna explain?"

"Not really," James muttered to himself. He walked up to Kelly and touched her face. "You know you're the only one I love," James said soothingly to her. And before he could stop himself, he found his lips pushing into hers. Yeah, he remembered why he was going out with her. Because whenever he was with Kelly, the deep painful hurt he felt for Lily disappeared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

James' spying on Lily had been forgotten, as well as going to lessons. He lay back onto the tree and sighed happily. He hadn't even been thinking of Lily. And Kelly was sleeping soundly on his chest. He looked down at her. She was so beautiful. He was a lucky guy; they were the perfect match. …At least, that's what everyone said. James was the hottest guy in school and Kelly was the prettiest gir. Even James saw in his friends' eyes the jealousy as they saw him with Kelly. Yeah, if they broke up, it wouldn't take her long to find someone else.

It would for James though. Kelly didn't really care who she was with, as long as she was popular. But James was a bit pickier. James frowned as he thought about this. If they did break up, then Kelly would probably be hanging on Sirius' arm in days. Or someone else's. Anyone else's really. But James would be on his own. He only wanted Kelly. Or Lily…

James looked down on Kelly again. Her head was tilted upwards, so he had a clear focus on her face. He realised; Kelly was seductive and sexy; she could lure any man to her; but she wasn't pretty. She wasn't beautiful like Lily was… How could he even have compared her to Lily!

James woke Kelly up softly. "Wha…what?" Kelly said adorably, as she woke up, and rubbed her eyes. "Ooh," she said as she spotted James' head above her. She smiled. "I fell asleep! Sorry, I'm just so tired."

Yeah, she's sweet. But she just wants to be popular. That's the only reason why she's here, James reminded himself, as he prepared for what he was about to do.

"I'm sorry Kelly," he said. "But, we're breaking up." James stood up.

So did Kelly. "What? Why?" Kelly looked confused. She'd probably never been dumped before. James understood why.

"I'm sorry," James said again. He started walking away, but Kelly was very persistant.

"You can't just dump me after one amazing afternoon with no reason for it!" Kelly wailed. She started crying.

She looks so cute when she cries… No. James shook his head. Don't let her do this. Finish it.

"I just don't love you." Kelly let out another wail. "Don't worry, you'll find someone else. I'm sorry." James kissed Kelly on the forehead, then walked away quickly, before he could change his mind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Once again that day, James was looking for Lily. He had to find her. He had to stop her getting back with Freddie. He had to. Or he didn't think he'd be able to cope. Now, where would Freddie go that Lily might follow him to?

Then James had it. The trophy room. There was a little cupboard in there that Lily and Freddie had told him about. Their kissy-kissy cupboard, as James and the marauders called it when they were teasing them. I wish I was with her in her kissy-kissy cupboard, James thought stupidly, then laughed at himself.

"Lily?" James walked into the trophy room. "Freddie?" He looked around, and turned the light on, not bothering to close the door behind him. He heard noises coming from the cupboard. Crap. He was too late.

James knew this even before he opened the cupboard door…to Freddie and his love, too busy with each other to even notice him. Lily loved Freddie. And there was nothing James could ever do to change that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

a/n: wow, long chapter! R&R!!