James blinked. Then he blinked again. After getting over the shock of Dumbledore's choice of words, he realised what he had just said. That is, his brain did, but his mind didn't.
"…What?" James said.
Dumbledore sighed and looked deeply into James' eyes. "…What?" James repeated again. He couldn't believe it.
"The Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort, Tom Riddle…wants you dead." Dumbledore rose to his feet and walked across the room to the window, and stared out of it.
James just continued staring at where Dumbledore had been sitting. …Voldemort…wants me dead? But why? How… What? James was still slightly confused. For starters, how did Voldemort even know who he was?
After a few minutes, when Dumbledore thought that maybe James had managed to understand, he came back to his desk and sat down. James slunk down in his chair, and didn't meet Dumbledore's eyes, just stared numbly at his desk, while saying, "But…why?"
Dumbledore took a deep breath and put his hands together seriously. "First of all, James, I want you to know that you are in no immediate danger, but, of course, we will have to take precautions…"
"Why?" James pulled his eyes up and stared straight at Dumbledore.
Dumbledore sighed again and said nothing for a few minutes. Finally, he spoke. "James, did you know that Voldemort's wife was very strong in divination?" James said nothing. "Wife. Yes. Voldemort had a wife. Before he killed her." James' eyes shot up in alarm. Voldemort had killed his own wife? Dumbledore nodded and continued. "Yes. One day, so I've heard, she prophesised a child. A very young boy, who would be the certain death of her own husband. Voldemort started panicking and screamed at her to tell him whose child. Whose was it going to be?" Dumbledore looked at James over his half-moon spectacles. "Yours."
"But, I don't have a child," James said thickly.
Dumbledore smiled wryly. "Yes, but you will have. As soon as Voldemort's wife had mumbled your name, he killed her, out of panic and fury. It is true, James; it was written in the stars." James realised his mouth was hanging open, and quickly shut it.
Then a thought struck him. Through the whole "Voldemort wants to kill me" thing, James still managed to think of one person. "Do the stars happen to say who the mother will be?" James asked, choosing his words carefully.
"No, no they don't as a matter of fact." Dumbledore got serious again. "Voldemort knows you are the sperm, but doesn't yet know who is the egg." James blushed slightly. Why was Dumbledore talking so bluntly about this? He assumed it was because Dumbledore wanted it to fully sink in what was happening.
"So…if I die…this, this kid…he won't be able to live and kill Voldemort and…and stuff?" Dumbledore smiled and nodded. James frowned. "Ok."
They sat in silence for a moment, and James, who had been getting right to the edge of his seat, sunk back again. "Do you think it will be Lily?" he asked quietly.
Dumbledore smiled. "I was wondering whether you'd get to that or not, James. Well, it's a definite possibility, yes."
Something came to James. "Is this what you and McGonagall were arguing about."
Something flashed in Dumbledore's eyes, and James suddenly wished he hadn't asked. Dumbledore hesitated then said, "Yes. Yes it was. She didn't think I should tell you; I thought you had the right to know, and, for you own safety, you need to know."
James wasn't quite sure whether he was telling the whole truth or not. "So, now I know." He paused. "Say the mum is going to be Lily…what if Voldemort finds out?"
"Then he will almost definitely want to kill her."
"So…"
Dumbledore quickly interrupted him. "For now, do whatever you think is best, James. But whatever you do, think of the safety of yourself and Miss Evans. And you must remember that you and someone, more than likely to be Miss Evans, will have a child together; unless Voldemort can intervene somehow… So whatever you do, be careful." James stood up to go. Dumbledore stood up also. "Tell only who you must. Remember, there are many spies of Voldemort." Dumbledore rested a hand James' shoulder. James nodded and took the hand in his own. It was a strange gesture, but both James and Dumbledore understood by it.
James walked out of the room and a flood of emotions almost drowned him: terror, confusion…and love…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Lily…" James walked over to her. Lily smiled happily and ran over.
"The others are getting back today. We must use these precious last few moments carefully…" Lily grinned at James suggestively, and it was all James could do to grin back…
James and Lily were cuddled up on a chair by the fire. Lily had fallen asleep, and James brushed her hair away from his eyes. He had been thinking about what Dumbledore had said for the past hour or so. And he was certain on what he had to do. He had to break up with Lily. For her own safety. If Voldemort found out and killed her…James would never forgive himself.
But one thing he had wondered about…what if the break up caused more havoc than them being involved did?
James sighed and rubbed his face wearily. He stared at Lily for ages. He still couldn't get over how he had ever thought that Kelly was prettier than Lily. He loved her so much his heart ached. James picked up Lily easily, amazed at how light she was, and carried her up the stairs to her dormitory. He kicked her door open and carried her over to a bed; he couldn't remember which one was hers. He stroked Lily's hair and looked into her eyes, then kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the room, in pain.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
James smiled and looked over as the boys walked in to Griffindor common room. He was glad they were back.
Sirius first, then Freddie (James gulped), then Remus, then, last as always, Peter, struggling with an even larger case than he had left with.
Peter saw James looking and blushed. "It was my mum. She insisted I needed extra jumpers."
James just laughed and patted him on the back. "Good to have you back," was all he said.
Sirius and Remus grinned. "How was your Christmas, Prongs?" asked Remus.
Before James had a chance to answer, Freddie cut in. "Where's Lily?" he asked.
James closed his eyes painfully, but quickly opened them again. "Lily? Oh, she's up in her dormitory. She's sleeping."
Freddie grinned. "I'll go and surprise her then." He walked over to the stairs, but James held out his arm in front of Freddie.
"I told you," James said more forcefully than he had meant to. "She's sleeping."
The whole room's eyes stared at him curiously. "She's had a rough day," he added quickly, reeling back his arm. "Said she didn't sleep well last night."
Freddie looked suspicious, but simply shrugged. "Ok, I'll see her when she wakes then." He walked off to his own dormitory with Peter, carrying their bags between them.
James watched them go, just to check, then turned back to Remus and Sirius. He smiled…his smile faded.
The boys were eyeing him. "What?" James asked defensively.
"Nothing. How was your Christmas?"
James let it drop. He was too tired to care. "It was great. Oh, the cloak was great! How did you pay for it?"
Remus and Sirius grinned at each other. "We have our ways," answered Remus.
"Yeah, well your ways are usually my ways!" laughed James. He forgot about humility and suddenly didn't care. He walked straight over to Remus and Sirius, grinning, and patted Sirius on the back. "I missed you guys."
"We missed you too," said Sirius. His grin faded. "You going to tell us what's going on, Prongs?"
James sighed and sat down on a chair wearily.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Remus was staring into the fire, with no expression and all, and Sirius was frowning at something interesting in his hand. James leaned back worriedly. He'd just finished telling them everything. Everything with Lily, Dumbledore…and Voldemort.
Sirius leaned forwards and put his hands together. "Are you going to tell her?"
James sighed. He didn't need to ask who. "I don't know. I don't wanna worry her. I don't want her to start panicking or anything…"
"You don't tell her and everything else that comes out of your mouth will be a lie," Remus said seriously.
"I know! But I've got to break it up with her…if I just tell her, she might try to persuade me not to. She wouldn't understand the danger."
They sat in silence a moment. "When you gonna do it?" Sirius leaned back again.
"I don't know. Soon. It has to be soon."
"Prongs, look mate, are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Remus said.
"Do you think I haven't thought about this?" asked James angrily.
"No. I don't think you have." James was slightly taken back by this. "Prongs, you were only just told this morning that Voldemort was after your blood…of course you're going to immediately think, 'Mustn't tell Lily. Got to dump her. However hard it is.' James, you think you're so good at hiding it, but your not. We saw the pain you went through every day when you weren't with that girl."
James frowned. "You knew."
"We guessed!" said Remus.
"Moony's right," said Sirius agreeing. "This is a very bad situation right now. You don't have to be a hero James. Tell her. Let her share the fear…"
"I can't!" James stood up angrily. "Don't you see? If she knows, she'll be scared. As bloody scared as I am right now, and maybe even more so. Fear leads to pain. If Lily's in pain because of me…it'll only be even more pain for me. I can't do that…I can't…"
Sirius stood up. "James, if you dump her for no reason, she'll be hurt anyway."
James looked from Sirius to Remus, then back again. "No. She won't be as hurt. I love Lily so much. I love her so much it hurts." He paused. "But I don't think she feels the same." Silence. Sirius could see the pain in his friend's eye. …But there was nothing he could do about it.
Sirius and Remus gave in. Maybe their pal Prongs was right. "If you're gonna do it, it better be tonight," Remus said, standing. "Otherwise you won't be able to make yourself."
James took a deep breath. "Ok. You'll have to keep Freddie busy. It's his first night back. He's bound to want to spend it with Lily."
Sirius nodded. "We'll find a way. Go lie down. Sleep, write in you diary," James smiled, "stare at the ceiling, whatever. Just go rest." James nodded and walked away wearily.
