"Lily, I'm sorry, but I've got to break up with you. It's not you, it's me…" James stopped realising the truth in the sentence he had just muttered. "No, that's used too much. Lily, I'm really sorry, but we can't be together anymore. It's not fair on Freddie and…" James stopped again and breathed in. "Lily, we'd be better off as friends, I know we would. I do love you, but…" But indeed, James thought to himself. "Lily, I've got to break up with you because of a stupid prophecy that Voldemort found out about. If he finds out we're secretly seeing each other, he'll kill you? Sorry, I hope you understand."
James kicked the side of his bed angrily. He knew there would be no easy way to do what he was about to do. But he also knew that he had to do it. He glanced at his watch. It was 8:59pm. He was meeting Lily in the common room at 9pm. Everyone else would probably be in bed, James knew. Perfect.
James wondered down the stairs and into the common room. Lily was sitting in front of the fire smiling to herself. She started to laugh.
James frowned and wondered over. "What's so funny?" he asked grinning down on her from behind, making her jump.
"James!" Lily exclaimed. She breathed in and out, and then smiled. "Hi baby," she went to wrap her arms around him, but James moved away.
"What were you laughing about?" he asked, trying his hardest to sound normal.
"Oh, nothing…" Lily said unconvincingly. "I was just thinking about stuff."
James nodded and let it drop. "So," Lily continued. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
James sat down on a wooden chair and Lily perched herself at the edge of the table, looking more stunning and beautiful than ever before. James gulped. "Um…" he looked away and closed his eyes. He'd never be able to do it looking at her.
"I…I'm…I mean…we've got to stop seeing each other," he said finally.
Although he wasn't looking at Lily, he could still hear the surprise in her gasp, and could just imagine the shock on her face. "What? Why? If it's to do with Freddie…"
"It's not Freddie." James opened his eyes and stared hard at the floor. "We've just got to stop seeing each other. That's all. Ok?"
"No, it's not ok." James' heart ached as he could hear the sadness and desperation in Lily's voice. "James, I…I love you…"
James shook his head. "I'm sorry, I just don't love you." James felt like crying just as he was saying the words. "I don't love you," he repeated quietly. Lily seemed to be stunned into silence. He could see her standing up out of the corner of his eye.
"James, look at me." Lily grabbed James by his hands and dragged him to his feet. He stood up reluctantly, but refused to meet her loving eyes. "Look at me," Lily repeated. "Look at me and tell me that you don't love me. That you don't want us to be together."
James slowly brought his eyes up to meet Lily's. Usually they were a deep green, but now they seemed so pale and…frightened. James gulped and closed his eyes. Then he opened them, and tried to imagine Kelly standing there instead of Lily. "I don't love you," James said again. Lily dropped his hands and took a step back, tears swelling up to her eyes. "I'm sorry…"
"Sorry? What the hell has this past month been about if you have no feelings for me?" Lily asked angrily, her voice loud enough for people up in the dormitories to hear.
James looked up there anxiously. Freddie was up in the dormitories, under close guard from Sirius, Remus and Peter. He wondered how long they'd be able to keep him up there.
"Lily, listen to me…"
"No, you listen. I love you…" Lily faltered, broke down, and began to cry. She sunk to the ground onto her knees and put her head in her hands. No one James had ever dumped had been this upset before. But James knew exactly how she felt. He turned and looked away. He didn't wanna see Lily like this. He couldn't; it was too painful.
"I went behind my boyfriend's back for you," Lily added in between sobs.
"Yeah, but you wouldn't dump him for me, would you?"
Lily stood up suddenly. "You wouldn't have cared even if I had dumped him!" James heard a noise at the door of a dormitory. He squeezed him fists together tightly, hoping that Sirius could keep Freddie up there. "I love you more than you know James Potter." Lily breathed in heavily. "I would die for you…" she whispered.
James blinked. Huh? said his mind. He hadn't before thought about the possibility that maybe Lily Evans loved him as much as he loved her. His brain couldn't process this. "…What?" he asked quietly.
Lily took in a deep breath, but said nothing. James blinked again. This changed everything…
No! No, it doesn't change anything. James – you're doing this for her sake. If you don't dump her she could die.
James closed his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said again. "It's not fair on you, it's not fair on Freddie…"
"What's not fair on me?" James eyes whipped open and he turned to see a very suspicious Freddie standing at the bottom of the stairs, with very sorry-looking marauders behind him.
He looked at Lily, and saw she was turned away from Freddie, desperately trying to wipe her eyes before he saw her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Did you tell him?"
Dumbledore nodded wearily. "He had the right to know."
Arabella paced around Dumbledore's office. "Albus, I know the boy's strong, but are you really sure that this was the right thing to do?"
"I'm sure of it, Arabella." Dumbledore sat down at his chair. "If James didn't know, and he and Lily both died, I would never forgive myself."
Arabella sat down in front of Dumbledore's desk. "Yes, but what if he does something stupid? Like, end it with Lily or something?"
"It doesn't matter if he 'ends it with her' as you call it, they will still have a child together. I told you before; in the prophecy, it says that the only thing that might go wrong is if Voldemort himself interferes."
Arabella drummed her fingers on the wooden desk. "Does James know it's Lily? Better yet, does Lily know it's Lily?"
Dumbledore shook his head gently. "Of the latter, I do not know. That is up to James himself. And no, James does not know it's Lily. All he knows is that it could be, and the boy loves her too much to take the risk of Voldemort hurting her. I could see it in his eyes. He will surely finish with her."
"What can we do?" Arabella asked. "There must be something we can do?"
"We cannot interfere between James and Lily. All we can do is ensure James' safety."
Arabella nodded and stood up. "You want me to look after him for a while?"
"Yes. Please. But in secrecy. James is a good wizard, one of the best; but I don't think he'd be very happy if he knew a cat was acting as his bodyguard."
Arabella simply smiled, transformed into her wild-cat animagus, and walked out of the already open door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Uh…is there something going on here that I should know about?" Freddie looked between James and Lily.
"'Course not," Sirius said, taking a step forward. "They were just talking. Look, are we gonna go back upstairs and finish the game or are you giving up and letting me win?"
James almost smiled at Sirius' clever tactics, but his joy faded as soon as Freddie spoke. "No, you win," Freddie said slowly, moving over to Lily.
Lily turned to face her boyfriend, eyes now fully ok. Well, not fully, but they'd do. Freddie knew that Lily had a slight cold. "Hey you," she said seductively, wrapping her arms around Freddie. James gulped. She had done that to him earlier. And he'd loved being so close to her. He was about to move forward instinctively, to pull Freddie away from her, but a calm hand placed itself on James shoulder. He turned to see Remus giving him a severe warning look.
Lily kissed Freddie hard, and James turned away. He knew it was mostly for his benefit. And he hated what Lily was doing to him. He turned away. "Right, I'm tired," he announced. "I think I'm gonna just go to bed."
"Right, night James," said Peter, helping to try get his buddy out of there. Earlier on, Sirius and Remus had filled him in with the situation.
James turned to the stairs, but was stopped. Freddie broke away from Lily and shouted to him. "Wait a minute Potter, we're not done here."
James turned and raised an eyebrow. "Uh…why not?" he asked, trying to hide any fear in his face.
Freddie walked right up to James, frowning. They were roughly the same height; James was a tiny bit bigger, but not enough so that it would give him the advantage if it came to a fight. Freddie looked right into James' eyes, looking for any signs of hesitation or fear. "I dunno. You tell me."
"Freddie, don't be stupid," Lily called from across the room. James' eyes flickered towards her, but Freddie's didn't. "You kissed Lily didn't you?"
James said nothing. Say nothing, give nothing away, he figured.
"I know that something's been going on here, James. Just tell me the truth, and we can walk away from here. We'll never speak of it again." As hard as James tried, he couldn't help flicker his eyes towards Lily somehow. Freddie noticed it, and gripped James by the collar. "Oi! I saw that…"
James did have one advantage in this fight; he was stronger than Freddie. He pushed him off easily. "I haven't done anything!" he protested.
"I don't believe one word," Freddie said, getting louder. He looked over at Lily. She was almost shivering. "Lily, tell me the truth."
Lily bit her lip. It was enough for Freddie to guess the answer. His face went a deathly white. He turned to face James but said nothing. "Freddie, listen mate…"
Freddie drew his fist back in a flash and punched James right in his face.
James staggered back and fell against the wall. He touched his face and felt a small trickle of blood coming from his nose. He looked up and Freddie and said nothing. He wasn't going to fight back. He deserved it.
Lily had almost fainted, and Sirius rushed over to help her, while Remus and Peter hurried off to find Dumbledore. They knew if worse happened, there'd be nothing they themselves could do to stop it.
"Aren't you going to fight back?" Freddie asked angrily.
James shook his head and stood up. "No. I'm not going to fight you. This is dumb."
Freddie drew his fist back for a second time, and only hesitated slightly to hear Lily scream, "Don't!" But it was enough time. James grabbed Freddie's fist and pushed it backwards, causing Freddie to fall to the floor.
"Don't do this, Freddie. Walk away." James turned and walked up to his dormitory. Freddie didn't follow him. Instead he got his wand out. "Incantico!" James feet came off the ground, causing him to fall down the stairs, hitting the floor hard. A few 6th and 5th years had come down from the staircases to see what was happening. They all gasped in shock at the sight of James Potter (Head Boy) lying on the floor with blood trickling from his forehead.
James stood up shakily. He wouldn't fight back. Couldn't. He laughed wryly at the thought of Freddie's face if he told him there and then that Voldemort was after him. Freddie would probably back off. Be all sympathetic. James smiled. Yeah, but he couldn't tell him. And anyway, James thought that he deserved to die anyway, so he thought he'd let Freddie continue.
"What's so funny, Potter?" Freddie said frowning. "D'ya think this is a laugh?" Compared to what Voldemort's gonna do to me when he finds me, yes, it's complete and utter bullshit! thought James.
James walked up to Freddie so their faces weren't even an inch apart. "Go on then, kill me," he said seriously.
Freddie seemed slightly surprised at these words, and frowned.
"Yes, I did kiss Lily," James went on. "I deserve to die. So kill me." James would've told Freddie that he'd slept with Lily, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see her weeping on the floor, clutching to Sirius.
Freddie took a step back. James did as well. "So. You can't kill me. Fair enough. I wouldn't be able to kill you. So let's walk away, shall we?"
James backed off still facing Freddie, then turned and walked calmly up the stairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
a/n: since I took so long getting this up, I have now written two chapters (next one's pretty crappy, my apologies), so read on, dear friends.
~rowan
xxxxxxx
