THE ERSATZ ELEVATOR
( THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS )
( THEN THE SCREEN GOES BLACK. A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM APPEARS IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR. THEN HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY STARTS. )
NARRARATOR - Everywhere the Baudelaires went , misfortune followed.
( A FLASH OF COUNT OLAFS APPEARS, THE UNCLE MONTY 'S, THEN AUNT JOSEPHINE'S THEN LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL AND PRUFROCK PREP. )
NARRARATOR - Now they're going back to the city where they and their parents lived.
( A FLASH OF A BUSY CITY WITH YELLOW CABS AND LOADS OF TALL BUILDINGS APPEAR . )
NARRARATOR -And I'm pretty sure you think things will get better here...
( A FLASH OF A LARGE, LONG WINDING STAIRCASE APPEARS. )
NARRARATOR - But don't give your hopes up.
( A FLASH OF A NEVER ENDING DEEP BLACK EMPTY ELEVATOR SHAFT APPEARS . )
NARRARATOR - This chapter in the Baudelaire lives has the most twisted, mysterious complicated plot than ever before.
MR.POE - Your new guardians are Mr an Mrs. Squalor, who live in the penthouse apartment of this building you see here.
( A FLASH OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING THAT SAYS 667 DARK AVENUE IN BLACK PRINT ABOVE THE DOOR APPEARS. )
NARRARATOR - They have friends in a dire situation , three mysterious initials and ...
( A FLASH OF A MAN WITH A PINSTRIPE SUIT AND A SMALL MONOCLE APPEARS . )
NARRARATOR - And a liar with an evil scheme.
( A DOORMAN WITH AN OVERSIZED COAT APPEARS COVERING HIS HANDS, SOMEHOW STILL HOLDING A STARFISH. )
DOORMAN - Ocean decorating is in .
VIOLET - Er... in? in what?
DOORMAN - " In " means somethings stylish or appealing.
VIOLET - Oh, but -
DOORMAN - You three look tired.
VIOLET - Well, yes. But we hae sort of a problem.
NARRARATOR - I'm sure I don't have to tell you who had found them again.
DOORMAN - Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find that solution - even if its right in front of your nose. ( HE SAYS THIS AS HE GLUES THE STARFISH TO AN ELEVATOR DOOR. )
( KLAUS STARES AT THE DOORMAN THEN TO THE ELEVATOR DOOR. )
( CUT TO SCENE WITH THE BAUDELAIRE CLIMBING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT, AND SEE THE CAGE WITH THE QUAGMIRES IN IT. ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES GASP. )
DUNCAN - Count Olaf's going to smuggle us out of town in one of the items from the In Auction.
KLAUS - We won't let that happen.
SUNNY - Right !
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS MAKING WELDING TORCHES. )
( A FLASH OF THE EMPTY " QUAGMIRE " CAGE APPEARS )
NARRARATOR - But they were too late.
( CUT TO SCENE IN THE IN AUCTION. )
GUNTHER (C.O) - OK, Lot # 50, which is V.F.D please. Who bid?
( THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER. TEN A SMALL VOICE CRIES 1000! )
( THE CROWD LOOKS AROUND. THE CAMERA GOES ON SUNNY SHRIEKING 1000 .)
NARRARATOR - Things are getting worse as the Baudelaires struggle to solve the complicated mystery that cast a shadow over theitr lives.
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRES FALLING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT . )
( A FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS CLIMBING OUT OF THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY AND FIND THEMSELVES IN AN EMPTY VACANT LOT WITH ASHES ALL OVER THE GROUND, THEN FINALLY NOTICING THE MAILMAN NEXT TO THEM WHO LOOKS AWFULLY PALE. )
VIOLET - Excuse me, we need to get to Veblen Hall. Can you tell us where to find it?
MAILMAN - J-just two bl- blocks away. Please don't hurt me.
KLAUS - We're not going to hurt you.
MAILMAN - Ghosts always say that. But, they always hurt you anyways.
VIOLET - But we're not ghosts.
MAILMAN - Don't tell me you're not ghosts. I saw you rise out of the ashes myself. People have always said it's haunted here on the empty lot where the Baudelaire mansion burned down and now I know its true.
( THE BAUDELAIRES LOOK AROUND AND GASP. )
( SHOW THE ASHY REMAINS OF THE BAUDELAIRE MANSION. )
( MUSIC ENDS WITH A BLAST. THEN THE WORDS THE MYSTERY CONTINUES SPRING 2006 APPEAR IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR . )
Like it? Well please R&R. Keep auditioning !
( THE DREAMWORKS LOGO APPEARS )
( THEN THE SCREEN GOES BLACK. A BARRY SONNEFIELD FILM APPEARS IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR. THEN HEDWIGS THEME SLOWLY STARTS. )
NARRARATOR - Everywhere the Baudelaires went , misfortune followed.
( A FLASH OF COUNT OLAFS APPEARS, THE UNCLE MONTY 'S, THEN AUNT JOSEPHINE'S THEN LUCKY SMELLS LUMBERMILL AND PRUFROCK PREP. )
NARRARATOR - Now they're going back to the city where they and their parents lived.
( A FLASH OF A BUSY CITY WITH YELLOW CABS AND LOADS OF TALL BUILDINGS APPEAR . )
NARRARATOR -And I'm pretty sure you think things will get better here...
( A FLASH OF A LARGE, LONG WINDING STAIRCASE APPEARS. )
NARRARATOR - But don't give your hopes up.
( A FLASH OF A NEVER ENDING DEEP BLACK EMPTY ELEVATOR SHAFT APPEARS . )
NARRARATOR - This chapter in the Baudelaire lives has the most twisted, mysterious complicated plot than ever before.
MR.POE - Your new guardians are Mr an Mrs. Squalor, who live in the penthouse apartment of this building you see here.
( A FLASH OF AN APARTMENT BUILDING THAT SAYS 667 DARK AVENUE IN BLACK PRINT ABOVE THE DOOR APPEARS. )
NARRARATOR - They have friends in a dire situation , three mysterious initials and ...
( A FLASH OF A MAN WITH A PINSTRIPE SUIT AND A SMALL MONOCLE APPEARS . )
NARRARATOR - And a liar with an evil scheme.
( A DOORMAN WITH AN OVERSIZED COAT APPEARS COVERING HIS HANDS, SOMEHOW STILL HOLDING A STARFISH. )
DOORMAN - Ocean decorating is in .
VIOLET - Er... in? in what?
DOORMAN - " In " means somethings stylish or appealing.
VIOLET - Oh, but -
DOORMAN - You three look tired.
VIOLET - Well, yes. But we hae sort of a problem.
NARRARATOR - I'm sure I don't have to tell you who had found them again.
DOORMAN - Every problem has a solution. Sometimes it just takes awhile to find that solution - even if its right in front of your nose. ( HE SAYS THIS AS HE GLUES THE STARFISH TO AN ELEVATOR DOOR. )
( KLAUS STARES AT THE DOORMAN THEN TO THE ELEVATOR DOOR. )
( CUT TO SCENE WITH THE BAUDELAIRE CLIMBING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT, AND SEE THE CAGE WITH THE QUAGMIRES IN IT. ALL 3 BAUDELAIRES GASP. )
DUNCAN - Count Olaf's going to smuggle us out of town in one of the items from the In Auction.
KLAUS - We won't let that happen.
SUNNY - Right !
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS MAKING WELDING TORCHES. )
( A FLASH OF THE EMPTY " QUAGMIRE " CAGE APPEARS )
NARRARATOR - But they were too late.
( CUT TO SCENE IN THE IN AUCTION. )
GUNTHER (C.O) - OK, Lot # 50, which is V.F.D please. Who bid?
( THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS LOOK AT ONE ANOTHER. TEN A SMALL VOICE CRIES 1000! )
( THE CROWD LOOKS AROUND. THE CAMERA GOES ON SUNNY SHRIEKING 1000 .)
NARRARATOR - Things are getting worse as the Baudelaires struggle to solve the complicated mystery that cast a shadow over theitr lives.
( SHOW THE BAUDELAIRES FALLING DOWN THE ELEVATOR SHAFT . )
( A FLASH OF THE BAUDELAIRE ORPHANS CLIMBING OUT OF THE SECRET PASSAGEWAY AND FIND THEMSELVES IN AN EMPTY VACANT LOT WITH ASHES ALL OVER THE GROUND, THEN FINALLY NOTICING THE MAILMAN NEXT TO THEM WHO LOOKS AWFULLY PALE. )
VIOLET - Excuse me, we need to get to Veblen Hall. Can you tell us where to find it?
MAILMAN - J-just two bl- blocks away. Please don't hurt me.
KLAUS - We're not going to hurt you.
MAILMAN - Ghosts always say that. But, they always hurt you anyways.
VIOLET - But we're not ghosts.
MAILMAN - Don't tell me you're not ghosts. I saw you rise out of the ashes myself. People have always said it's haunted here on the empty lot where the Baudelaire mansion burned down and now I know its true.
( THE BAUDELAIRES LOOK AROUND AND GASP. )
( SHOW THE ASHY REMAINS OF THE BAUDELAIRE MANSION. )
( MUSIC ENDS WITH A BLAST. THEN THE WORDS THE MYSTERY CONTINUES SPRING 2006 APPEAR IN TREASURE CHEST GOLD ON AN ELEVATOR DOOR . )
Like it? Well please R&R. Keep auditioning !
