The match between Gryffindor and Slytherin was a great game. It lasted 70 minutes, which was the longest game either side had ever played. James had played well; with Porkey and Johnson they had together scored 180 points for Gryffindor. That's 18 goals. Slytherin were quite astounded with the level of talent shown in that game by the Gryffindor team, and in their surprise, they had scored only 4 goals. 40 points. Who caught the snitch? Lola did, of course. Gryffindor won 230 – 40. They are now leading the Quidditch table and have the most house points. You would have thought that James Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch captain and Hogwarts Head Boy would have been estatic, wouldn't you?
Think again.
What did James Potter do when the game had finished? He fainted. Right there in the middle of the air. Best friend and Gryffindor beater Sirius Black says that as soon as the whistle had blown, Potter's smile and energy seemed to vanish, and he clutched his heart, saying, and I quote, "It hurts. I can't…", before falling from his broom and crashing through the 50 feet of air to the hard ground, landing with what sounded like a lot of bones breaking into a million pieces. Close friend Remus Lupin is quoted with saying, "You think that was his bones breaking? More like his heart."
James Potter's parents recently died; cause of death He Who Must Not Be Named. News of this came out after the Quidditch match. Most of Hogwarts school already knew this distressing fact, but they only knew half the story. News that You-Know-Who killed James Potter's parents is out.
The Dark Lord has already killed many, and is getting more and more followers. People including myself have begun to fear the very name so as not able to speak it. If he is not defeated soon, there are talks that he will take over the wizarding world. And we as witches and wizards can only begin to imagine how terrible that will be…
Our only hope is that the Ministry can stay strong throughout this dark time, because when there is no hope at all, it is better to be able to see the despair than to be blind.
James was allowed out of the hospital wing three days after the nurse had healed and mended his broken bones. He didn't feel healed though. It still felt as though he were broken up inside. Which wasn't exactly untrue.
James walked around school as though nothing had happened. Now that everyone knew about his parents, the atmosphere around him had become slightly more tensed. Every time some second years he knew from his own house saw him, they ran off in the other direction. James didn't really mind the fact that people were avoiding him. It gave him the peace he needed to think about things. To sort things out.
Sirius and Remus were practically the only people who weren't avoiding him. They talked about everything and anything unlinked to Lily, parents or Dark Lords. James was glad they were his friends. But something strange was going on with Peter. He wasn't quite sure what, but his friend had barely spoken to him since his parents had died. James assumed he just needed to be alone for a bit, and didn't question it.
He did wish that a certain red-headed seventh year was still speaking to him though. Lily hadn't known before that Voldemort had killed James' parents, and now she was avoiding him with everyone else. James needn't have bothered over this, though. Unknowingly, two friends were scheming something in hope that James and Lily would never be apart again…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
James and Remus walked into Charms. Seeing Sirius was sitting next to Lily, James frowned, but walked over anyway, as he knew there would be nowhere else to sit. Remus rushed ahead of James and sat the left of Sirius, leaving James with no choice but sit next to Lily.
Lily looked up briefly with a quiet, "Hi," before shyly looking down to her books. James sat down without saying a word. Much to his annoyance, Professor Flitwick was late, and Sirius and Remus were deep in quiet conversation, so there was nothing to do except talk to Lily. James turned and smiled broadly at her. "How are ya?" he asked.
"I'm fine thanks. How are you?" Lily's eyes widened as she asked this. "Not, not that you wouldn't be fine or anything, because, um, you know, but…" Lily stopped as James started laughing. She went red in the face. "What?" she asked hotly.
James wiped tears from his eyes which had sprung from laughing so much. "Oh, nothing, nothing…"
"No, tell me why you were laughing at me!"
Lily pouted and James sighed, grinning. "Sorry love," he said, startling her slightly, "but it's just…everyone's been so…weird, around me lately."
"Can you blame them?"
"Just because my parents are gone, it doesn't mean I'm going to start crying whenever anyone speaks to me," James said, smiling bravely. Lily took note of the fact that James had said gone instead of dead. "I'll choose when to have my breakdowns myself, thanks!"
Lily smiled. She felt so proud of James. He was being so brave. But that's what he always did. He always denied and blocked out anything he didn't like from his life. It was what made him such a great and happy person. But Lily knew that it wasn't a particularly good habit to have. Denying that his parents were truly dead and gone forever wasn't healthy. But if it's what James wanted to do, Lily couldn't stop him.
"So, what have you been up to lately?" asked Lily.
James shrugged. "Bog all," he said huffily. Lily laughed. "I'm so bored. Everyone seems to think like I need rest or something, so I haven't done anything or gone anywhere for two weeks now."
"Well, you wanna go to Hogsmede with me this weekend?" suggested Lily. Seeing James' doubtful face, she added quickly, "Just as friends of course. We haven't hung out for ages."
James smiled. "Sure. Sounds great." At that point Flitwick came in, and everyone hushed up, eager to hear what magic they would be doing in that lesson.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In the common room that night James and Remus were playing Wizards Chess, eagerly watched by about ten or so Gryffindors surrounding them tensely. Everyone knew that Remus was the best Chess player in the school by far, but James had been on such a winning streak with Quidditch and lessons that no one was sure of what the result would be.
James looked intensely at the board, eyes not flickering to Remus' calm, grinning face. Slowly, James moved his hand and picked up his knight. He moved it forward…everyone leaned in to watch…James moved it back and let go and everyone sighed. Then, he reached out and moved his castle three spaces forward. He leaned back gracefully and put his hands behind his head, as he watched Remus' face slowly crumple. A few people around gasped and Sirius did a mock-faint, falling into Freddie and knocking him to the ground.
Lily rolled her eyes. Honestly, she couldn't see what was so exciting about a game of chess. But she couldn't blame everyone for being so absorbed in it. After all, there was nothing much else to do. She looked outside at the grounds. It was pouring down with rain and the sky was a deep blue, shadows of clouds hiding the twinkling stars. It was dark. Lily's eyes fell towards the New Forest and she narrowed them to see what had caught her eye. A small light had just entered the New Forest.
Lily frowned. Who would be going into the forest at this time of night? She knew it couldn't be Hagrid, the GamesKeeper; he was so large she was sure she would know if it was him. Lily was intrigued, and nearly left the common room to go see, when her mind remembered itself; she had no business with whatever was going on. It could be a teacher, doing some research, or it could be Dumbledore doing whatever which was his own business. Anyway, Lily had been into the Forbidden Forest before, and she had seen first hand that there were reasons it was forbidden.
Lily prized herself away from the window and walked over to the crowd, watching the game that had been going onfor quite a long time. It was obviously Remus' go, because he was standing up, walking around, looking at the game from different angles. picking up his players, muttering, putting them back down again, scratching his head... James, however, looked cool and confident. He kept yawning sarcastically with massively-exaggerated arm-stretches. Finally, Remus slowly moved his Queen two spaces to the left and sat back down again, twiddling his thumbs. "Check." James stood up wildly, looking at his pieces.
"How the hell did that happen?" Everyone cheered and slapped Remus on the back. Another victory for the wonderous Lupin. James sat down and pouted, childishly, in his chair. Lily walked up to him, laughing.
"You can't win every time, James," she said.
"Yeah, so, I've never won against him." James folded his arms huffily.
Lily laughed at him as Remus came over with Sirius close behind. "I won," he said with a smile.
"Yeah, congratulations," James mumbled.
Sirius grinned. "Have you forgotton a little bet we had going here?"
James' eyes lit up and his arms unfolded. He stood up, grinning. "Oh yeah. Guess I lost, didn't I?"
"Yep." Remus and Sirius laughed.
Lily folded her arms and put on her McGonagall face. "Whatever are you talking about?" The boys burst out laughing even more. James just stood there smiling.
"Just a little bet Remus and James made," said Sirius.
Lily raised an eyebrow. "And?" she asked. "What was it?"
Sirius grinned and nodded his head in the direction of James. Lily turned round and gasped as everyone else did at the new sight of their seventh year friend in nothing but a G-String. Lily blushed but didn't look away. Where was she supposed to look? She turned to Sirius briefly, astonishment in her face. "Yes? And now what does he do?"
Sirius laughed aloud and Lily turned back again. A pole had appeared in the middle of the common room, and James had started dancing around it. Lyndsay grabbed Lily's arm. "What is he doing?" she asked.
Lily laughed. "He's pole dancing. It's this dance where half-naked girls dance sexily around poles for disgusting old men who put money in their...underwear!" Lyndsay, Lily, Remus and Sirius and everyone in the common room burst out into uncontrolled hysterical laughter as James strutted his stuff around the pole. After only a few minutes however, it all seemed to be too much for James, who collapsed to the floor, face splitting, complaining that he couldn't breathe. Lily had never been in a more ridiculous scene. A pole, 15 people, rolling all over the floor, one of the 15 people in nothing but a G-String that was much too small for him.
After about an hour of general larking around, everyone managed to calm down enough to go to bed. Lily stayed down with the boys though. She didn't think she'd be able to sleep after all that farcical nonsense. She felt as if she had just drunken ten cups of coffee, she was so alive. The four collapsed onto the chairs and grinned at each other. "Well, Mr. Potter," said Sirius, "I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your performance tonight." James chuckled. "When is your next show? DO tell."
"Oh no, I'm never doing that again," said James with a smile. "Much like I never plan on playing chess with Remus. EVER AGAIN."
Remus kicked his trainers off and put his feet up on the table. He put his hands behind his head in a relaxed ooh-look-at-me style, and said, "Yep." Sirius, James and Lily laughed and Remus joined in.
It was then that it happened. The first of many. When I say first, I mean second or third, but this was really the first one that hit James so hard. Suddenly he stopped laughing, his smile vanished from his face. He removed his hands from behind his head and grasped the arms of his chair, looking fixedly at the floor. Eventually, Lily noticed this, but Sirius and Remus were muttering nonsense words at each other and laughing their heads off.
Lily walked over to James chair. "You alright?" she asked in a normal but wary voice. If he was alright, she knew how he got when people kept asking him that, and she didn't want to annoy him.
James closed his eyes and his face pales. He started gasping for breath and tears began slowly trickling out of his eyes. Lily assumed Sirius must have noticed because from behind her she heard him say, "You alright, man?"
James opened his eyes. They were red and he was fully crying now. Crying so hard he couldn't breathe. He clutched his hand to his heart and stared wide-eyed at the floor. He half-got up and knelt onto the floor, still clutching his heart. Remus knelt down beside him and held his back, rocking him just slightly back and forth. Sirius took Lily's arm and lead her to the other side of the bedroom. "What's wrong with him?" she asked.
Sirius sighed and glanced back at his friend. "It's called grief, Lily." Lily gasped. She had actually forgotten. How could she do that? "I remember," said Sirius in a quiet voice, "when my parents died, it was like this. I was fine for ages, then when I realised I was fine, I couldn't take it. Couldn't take knowing that I had forgotten about them being dead. Then the realisation hits, then..." Sirius stopped. He had a few tears in his own eyes.
"Sirius, I'm so sorry," said Lily. She had of course known his parents were dead. They had died sometimes before he came to Hogwarts, but she had found out through James, and had never once talked to Sirius about it. Lily hugged Sirius lightly then pulled back. Sirius nodded gratefully. "I think it's him that needs the hug, not me."
"Trust me Sirius, I don't really think he would wanna see me right now."
Sirius looked at Lily with an expression she couldn't read. "Sometimes he doesn't see what he needs," he said quietly. He nodded towards James and without further question Lily let her heart drag her across the room. She knelt down besdies James and immediately he collapsed into her outstretched hands and cried onto her shoulder. Lily closed her eyes and rested her chin on his shoulder. They stayed like that for what felt like lightyears. Lily had forgotten how warm she felt in his touch, but she couldn't think about that now. All she could think about was his pain, and how she desperately wished she could take it all herself, just so he would be happy. When James had finally stopped crying he lifted his head up, his face stained with tears. Lily looked around. Remus and Sirius had gone. "They're dead, Lils," James said quietly. Lily nodded, feeling the tears prickle at her own eyes. She just wanted to comfort him. So without thinking, Lily leant inwards and kissed Jmes softly on the lips. He didn't respond, James was too startled to move. "This doesn't mean anything," said Lily against James' lips, ready to move away if he pushed her off. "I'm not going to hold you to anything. Just kiss me, please. I just want to kiss the hurt away for you..." Before she could say anything James wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. First it was gentle, and then both pushed against each other urgently, desperate for what they had gone so long for without.
Then James started crying again, and Lily pulled back. She looked at his hurt face and gently kissed each of his closed eyelids. James leaned against her. "I'm sorry, Lils...you know I can't...it just makes it harder...I wish you knew...if only you understood..." Lily shushed him and made soothing noises. She embraced him comfortingly and eventually he fell asleep, safe and warm in her arms. Lily didn't sleep. She sat, leant against the chair, eyes wide open all night, one question repeating itself over and over in her mind... "Knew what?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
a/n: hope you liked the chapter. If you want me to email you when I update (because I know I take quite a while to!) then tell me in your reviews (hint hint) and leave your email address. Things are happening next chapter - ooh! ...or the chapter after that, haven't decided, lol. And if you were wondering, then no, I didn't forget about the light going into the forest. Lily forgot. So there :P ReviewReviewReview!! ~rowanx
