Virtually Yours
Author's Note: Set sometime between "I Shrink, Therefore I Am" and "Unrealized Realities"
Ever since Moya had gone into Tormented Space, Pilot had been busy trying to monitor her straining systems. He knew rationally that hiding here in Tormented Space was the best way of keeping both the Scarrans and Peacekeepers from finding Crichton and the others. However, his first duty was to the Leviathan that he was bound to. And Moya was not, as Crichton would say, a "happy camper." As they orbited above a Commerce Planet, Pilot was grateful for time to give Moya some much-needed rest while the others went shopping. All of them were gone except for Crichton, who stayed behind to guard Scorpius. Unfortunately, Pilot's peace and quiet were short-lived. He received a signal from a returning transport pod, and deployed the docking web.
It was not long after the pod's crew disembarked. Chiana bounded into Pilot's den, followed closely by Rygel and Aeryn, who was carrying an object in her hands. "Hey, Pilot!" Chiana greeted him with an exuberant grin. "We bought something for you!"
He tilted his head and looked at the Nebari and her companions quizzically. "I am... honored, but why would you do that? I require nothing. I have no need to accumulate objects the way that you do."
"I told you that he wouldn't understand," Rygel grumbled.
"Let her finish, Rygel," Aeryn corrected him. "Go on, Chiana."
"We know that you don't need anything. But you and Moya have been having such a hard time in Tormented Space that we knew that we had to get this for you. Go ahead, Aeryn, give it to him!"
Aeryn handed the object to Pilot, who took it in one of his trebin-side claws. It was a ovoid-shaped device about half of the size of Rygel's thronesled, with several large buttons and dials on the bottom. On the side were very large versions of Peacekeeper oculars, that were connected to the box by a wireless transmitter. The oculars were hooked onto the box. Another, normal-sized set of oculars was also connected to the other side. Pilot examined it carefully. "I do not understand. What is this, and what do I do with it?"
"It's a virtual reality device," Aeryn explained as Crichton quietly slipped into the Den behind the others. "It's made especially for Pilots. Peacekeepers will sometime use these devices to train Pilots of Leviathans who are going on deep-space missions without support from other vessels."
"Chiana, didn't you learn anything from the last time you picked up a VR device?" John quipped. The Nebari turned and grinned sheepishly at him.
Pilot's eyes widened as he examined the device. "I have never heard of anything like this," he said with surprise. "Of course, before we broke free, Moya was simply part of a convoy of Leviathans under Crais' command." He felt disappointed, but not surprised, that he and Moya had not been chosen for such a duty.
Aeryn smiled regretfully as she stepped forward. "I know," she sympathized. "Although, knowing what we know now about Moya being a part of the Leviathan hybrid breeding program, I don't think that she would have even been considered for a deep-space journey."
"That's why we had to get it for you when Aeryn spotted it in the spare-parts market," Chiana explained. "We all chipped in to buy it. Even Rygel helped."
"I helped to bargain the vendor down to a reasonable price," Rygel sniffed imperiously.
Pilot felt a tear welling up in his eyes. "I am... overwhelmed by your generosity," he stammered in an awe-struck tone. "You did not have to do this for me, and yet you did."
"It's because we love you," Chiana jumped onto his console and kissed his hard carapace. "We want you to be happy."
"I... I thank you all for this gift," Pilot's voice shook. "And your affection."
"Chiana," Aeryn said as she stepped forward. "Help me put this on and adjust it." As Aeryn climbed onto the console, Pilot caught a glimpse of Crichton's face. His expression was hard and unfeeling, very much unlike how he usually treated her. He filed that information away in a portion of his immense brain, and would try to broach the subject with her later. For now, he concentrated on Aeryn fitting the oculars to his eyes, and Chiana preparing the machine for him.
"Come on, Sparky," Crichton said to Rygel, "let's give Pilot some space."
"It's precisely because he's in space that we gave him this item," Rygel shot back.
The Hynerian winced as the Human grabbed his earbrow. "I meant, let's scram." He practically dragged Rygel out of the Den by his earbrow, with the Dominar complaining loudly all of the way across the bridge.
"There," Chiana said as she aimed two ocular beams at Pilot's eyes. "How's that feel?"
Pilot felt as if he was falling through one of Crichton's wormholes. He had the sensation of falling down a long, dark tunnel, but there was no corresponding impact when he stopped. He merely stopped, and felt disoriented. He blinked a few times and shook his head. "Everything is dark," he said nervously. He felt Moya's near-panic through their link. "Will I still be able to monitor Moya while in virtual reality?" he asked.
"Of course you will!" Chiana frowned and adjusted something. "Try it now," she said.
Pilot saw a field of what looked like the electronic internals of the system. "Better, I think," he replied. "But how do I work it?"
"You have to have someone else guide you at first," Aeryn told him.
"Would you care to guide me, Officer Sun?"
Aeryn sniffled. "I would be honored, Pilot. Chiana, can you leave us alone, please?"
"Right," the Nebari replied. "Have fun, Pilot." Her light footsteps tapped faintly on the bridge across the neural cluster as she left his chamber. Pilot didn't really know what Chiana meant by that last remark, but he was certain that she was up to no good. It was her way.
A bright red flash dazzled his eyes. Aeryn appeared within the light. For a microt, she was surrounded with the light, like a crimson corona. Then, she came into focus. She was waving her hand in front of his eyes. "Can you see me?" she asked.
"Yes," he replied. He held up one of his arms, and saw the movement reflected in VR.
"Good. One of the features that the merchant told us about was that you can take on an avatar - another form besides your own. So, if you wanted to look like Rygel..."
"Why would anyone want to do that?"
"Frelled if I know," she laughed. "But you could, if you wanted to."
"All right," he said skeptically. "I suppose that changing my form to better interact with those on board is the point of this exercise. Close your eyes." Her virtual eyelids closed. Pilot imagined a two-legged, two-armed body like all of the others aboard Moya. He held up his arm again, and it had not claws, but four fingers and an opposable thumb. "You may open your eyes, Aeryn." She did so, and a look of surprise came over her face.
"Pilot, I'm surprised that you chose that form," she said as she looked him over. He had chosen the form of a male Sebacean, a Peacekeeper. She summoned a full-length mirror, and he looked at his avatar. He was young, perhaps twenty cycles old. The face that looked back at him was earnest, clean-shaven, and had dark brown hair and blue eyes. His body, which was clothed in a black tee shirt and leather pants, was slender and well-muscled. As he looked down at himself, he was briefly disconcerted at the sight of having two legs, but only two arms. In a way, the reflection he saw in the virtual mirror reminded him of Lieutenant Velorek, only with some aspects of John Crichton's physical form.
"Is that how you view yourself?" Aeryn asked.
"No," he confessed. "I do not think of myself in any terms but what I am - Moya's Pilot. My life, even my name before I became bonded is no longer relevant to my existence."
Aeryn cocked her head and looked at him in confusion. Even in virtual reality, she kept the same mannerisms that he'd come to know so well. She started to say something, then thought better of it. Pilot was relieved. He didn't know why he'd chosen this form. It was the first thing that came to mind. "So," Aeryn changed the subject, "what would you like to see first?"
Pilot thought for a microt, and consulted with Moya. "In all of our travels, Moya and I have seen only one surface of a planet from your perspective. And that was when she was in pain and under water. Show us some of the planets that you have seen."
Aeryn's eyebrows knitted as she thought. "All right," she replied, and extended her hammond side hand to him. "Walk with me."
Pilot extended one leg forward. He put his weight on it, and collapsed! She reached out and caught him in her arms. He looked up into her steel-gray eyes, and their eyes met. Pilot quickly broke his gaze. "I am unaccustomed to looking up at someone," he explained. "I am also unaccustomed to having two legs, but only two arms."
She seemed to understand, and put his arm over her shoulders. "Then lean on me," she told him. He shifted his center of gravity - a strange movement in itself - until he was able to stand at his full height. His avatar was slightly taller than Aeryn, which helped to balance him. She frowned as he attempted to take another step. "How do members of your race get around? Before you are bonded to a Leviathan, that is," she asked.
"Our world is mostly water," he replied. "We are amphibious, similar to Hynerians. But that is the only similarity. Mostly, we swim. However, we are able to use our arms to propel ourselves when on land."
"I see. I could put you in a thronesled, like Rygel..." she offered.
"If you do, I will be forced to pass virtual gas," he replied, then smiled innocently.
She laughed and shook her head. Aeryn raised her hands in front of her and spread her fingers out. A holographic representation of the Uncharted Territories appeared. It looked very much like the Peacekeeper navigational displays that were frequently connected to Moya's navigational system. Without taking her eyes off of the display, she asked, "what planet would you like to see? I've been on hundreds of them. It's your choice."
Pilot thought for a moment. "Show me... show me the most beautiful place that you've ever been," he asked.
Aeryn reached toward a glowing blue-white star towards the far hammond-side edge of the panel. She hesitated, pulled the star into her hand, and it expanded to about the size of her head with several planets and moons orbiting it. She expanded one of the planets, a sparkling blue world. She took his hand. "Hold on to me, Pilot," she warned him. "This can be somewhat disconcerting at first." Then, she pointed at the planet, placing her fingertip on it.
Pilot didn't really comprehend what happened next. It was as if the space they were in folded outward. It was similar to one of Moya's starbursts, but without the violent gravitational shifts. It was more like a flimsy being unfolded. Pilot's ability to rapidly process information was the only thing that allowed him to comprehend the experience at all. In less than a microt, they were standing in the middle of a lush, green ornamental garden. Pathways crisscrossed the garden, and stepping stones stood in the middle of a pool. "Where are we?" he asked with awe.
"Do you remember the Royal Planet of the breakaway Sebacean colonies?" Aeryn asked.
"Yes," he replied. "Although Zhaan and I had our own adventure during the time you were on that particular world."
She studied him intently. "This was their palace garden. I chose it because you said that your world was mostly water. It was a beautiful place, but a very difficult time." A wistful expression crossed her face, then she turned her head back to him and smiled broadly. "Would you like to look around?"
"Yes, I would," he replied. Aeryn and Pilot walked through the garden, where she pointed out various types of flora to him. As he continued to walk, Pilot slowly gained confidence in his legs. Whenever he would have difficulty with maintaining his center of gravity, as in going up or down a hill, he would lean on Aeryn to steady himself. "You are being very patient," he confessed after one particularly close call.
"I've had a lot of practice in being patient with Sebacean-looking beings," she smiled in spite of herself. Then, her expression changed to something more guarded. "Would you like to see another planet?" she asked. "Perhaps a commerce planet?"
"I'd like that," he agreed.
They stopped walking. "Watch what I do," she told him. "This is how you get out of the program." She held up her hammond-side hand, palm outward. She moved it from trebin to hammond side, then closed her palm and pulled back towards her body. Immediately, the scene that they were standing in folded into her palm, like coming out of starburst. Before Pilot could even think about it, they were back in the control area, with the galaxy of multi-colored lights in front of them. Aeryn chose another star, a yellow one on the trebin side, and expanded it. The scene unfolded again, and they were in the middle of a square teeming with beings of all shapes and sizes. "This is the commerce planet that I was just on," she explained.
Pilot looked around him. They were in the middle of a marketplace. Several booths, with tents or awnings covering them, lined the sides of the crowded streets. To Pilot, looking at the market from Aeryn's point of view, the booths selling weapons or mechanical parts stood out more prominently than those with food, clothing, or other merchandise. Pilot gasped at the sensory overload caused by the sights, smells, and sounds of the marketplace.
Aeryn looked over at him. "Pilot," she asked, her face full of concern. He could barely hear her above the din. "What's wrong? You look ill."
"Too... many... people..." he stammered. It seemed like everything was crushing in on him. He was finding it hard to breathe. "So... many... voices... at... once..."
She frowned with concern. "I understand," she said, then moved her hand from trebin to hammond side again. The scene folded back up - and the cacophony disappeared with it.
"Thank you," he sighed heavily with relief. "I do not know how you can function with so much sensory input at once."
"We learn to ignore it," she replied, then frowned sadly. A painful look crossed her face. "When NamTar injected me with your DNA, I felt something similar. I felt like everything was closing in around me. I really should have thought of that before showing you a virtual commerce planet. I'm sorry, Pilot." She reached out and cupped his chin with her hand. It was an odd sensation, softer and more delicate than when someone would touch his real face. It was a more intimate gesture. He closed his eyes and put his hand up to his face to cover hers.
They held that pose for twenty microts - Pilot's sense of time was as well-developed as the rest of his senses, even in virtual reality. Then, he heard Moya's "voice" asking a question in the part of his brain that remained attuned to her. He released Aeryn's hand and opened his eyes. She was looking at him earnestly. "Moya has a request," he told his guide. "She wishes to see what Talyn looked like from your point of view."
Aeryn reacted as if she'd been slapped. She pulled back from him and her eyes got wide with a mixture of regret and fear. "I... I don't know if I can go back there," she confessed. "Not even for Moya."
He felt, rather than heard, Moya's feelings on the subject. She had a special way that she vibrated when she thought about Talyn. Maternal love tinged with regret, he supposed. "Moya regrets that she caused you distress, Aeryn," Pilot explained, "but we are very eager to see all of Talyn, not just his exterior or what he relayed to Moya. We wants to see Talyn as you saw him."
As he watched, Aeryn squared her shoulders and became "Officer Sun", the Peacekeeper commando. She hid her emotional vulnerability behind the mask of duty. It was a look that she got only when Moya and her crew was in danger. She reached out and took his hand. "I will do it. For you and Moya," she said with resignation. With a final squaring of her spine, Aeryn pressed a red light on the lower hammond side of the holographic galaxy.
Space unfolded again. This time, Pilot and Aeryn arrived in a circular room with red lighting, and a stylized diamond-shaped pattern on the side walls. Overhead was a circular light, which flashed when he and Aeryn arrived. Several consoles lined the room, and a smaller viewport than Moya's showed them the expanse of space. At one of those consoles stood a familiar black-ponytailed, stocky man dressed in black leather, with a shiny device affixed to the back of his neck. Captain Crais turned from the console and smiled when they entered Talyn's command deck. "Officer Sun. Pilot," he greeted them cordially. "Talyn wishes me to welcome you as well."
"You know who I am?" Pilot asked Crais.
Aeryn interrupted before Crais could speak. "This program is taken from my memories of Talyn, Pilot. In my mind, Crais belongs on Talyn's command deck, just like the people on the commerce planet belonged there. So the program inserted him."
"I see," Pilot mused. "A Pilot needs to interact with a wide variety of races, but only one being can use the device at a time..."
"So the program inserts non-player characters to compensate," Crais finished the sentence. "Officer Sun, Talyn wishes you to give Pilot a tour, so that Moya can see every dench of him."
Aeryn smiled. "Sometimes the virtual characters get a little too real." She led him out the door, and they walked through every section of Talyn's internal passenger compartments. Pilot marveled at the intricate designs on the walls, the larger DRDs, and Talyn's massive weapons systems. He took perverse pleasure in sitting in the vestigial pilot's den that Stark had discovered.
When they got to the crew quarters, Aeryn showed him into Crais' quarters, then the room that Stark and Rygel had shared. He noticed a third room, that she looked at hesitantly, then turned away. "What is in that room?" he asked.
She got very pale. "It's the quarters that John and I shared," she admitted quietly. "The John that died."
"Oh," Pilot replied, and put an arm around her shoulders. "I would very much like to see it. But, if you do not want to face those memories..."
She steeled herself, then waved her hand over the control to open the door. It opened, and Pilot looked inside. The room housed a large bed, more than big enough for two beings. One side was occupied.
A head full of rumpled, sandy brown hair poked out from underneath the blanket. John Crichton rubbed his eyes, then smiled broadly. "Hey, babe," he said to Aeryn. "Hey, Pilot. Pardon me, but someone kept me up late after my shift," he grinned as his blue eyes twinkled as he gazed in Aeryn's direction. Her face drained of what little color it had, until she was almost as white as Chiana. Then, she turned and ran from the room. "Was it something I said?" John asked.
"No," Pilot replied, then went after her as fast as his unsteady legs would carry him. The door closed behind him. His acute hearing located her by the sound of muted crying. It was coming from a nook that held one of Talyn's external windows. He looked into the nook and found her curled up in a ball, forehead to her knees. "Aeryn?" he asked gently. No response from the sobbing woman. He reached out tentatively, then pulled his hand back, then clamped his hand down on her shoulder and leaned in further. "Officer Sun?"
She jumped at the sudden contact, then looked up at him with red-rimmed, tear-streaked eyes. "I loved him so much, Pilot! And he had to go be a hero and die!"
"But Commander Crichton isn't dead," he said, not understanding. "His double is here on Moya. And he loves you as much as the other Crichton did."
"I used to think that," she sniffled. "But I made two terrible mistakes with him. I left because I had to be by myself, to try to sort out who I was other than John Crichton's lover. And then, when I got back, I didn't tell him that I was pregnant. Now, he refuses to even talk to me."
Pilot stroked her hair and sighed. "I understand the need to mate," he observed. "However, I still find the concepts of love and relationships to be quite perplexing."
She cocked her head. At least it got her thinking about something else besides the dead Crichton. "How does your species reproduce?" she asked.
"Our females lay an egg, and it is fertilized by a male outside of the body. Males and females sometimes become mating pairs, but more often one of them is joined with a Leviathan while the other raises the young. I did not experience this mating process before I was joined to Moya. There is another thing that I do not understand about most species - sex."
Aeryn smiled, and some red color came back into her face. "Well, you'll have to ask Chiana about sex. She's the expert in that area."
"Chiana is not here. You are."
She shrugged her shoulders and urged him up in to the nook with her. With her help, Pilot managed to pull himself closer towards her. "Well, it depends. Sex can be simply recreation. I'm sure you know the physiological aspects from Moya's knowledge base - and watching Chiana and D'Argo. Sexual activity leads to direct, hardwired stimulation of the pleasure centers of the brain. It releases your tension, and fills the empty, boring spaces of your life for a while. It's just recreation, just frelling. Some partners are better at evoking that reaction than others - maybe they're stronger, more flexible, or have more stamina than average. Whatever their rank, these people are often highly prized. Unofficially, of course. But sex is often used as a tool by these people to get what they want out of life."
"Like Chiana," Pilot observed.
"Sort of," Aeryn replied. "But then there's something else - something that I don't think the Peacekeepers really understand. Or maybe they don't want to understand it. When two beings, generally of opposite genders, feel an attraction to each other, they wish to demonstrate those feelings to the object of their affections. It can be two beings of the same gender - it's quite common among Peacekeepers. But the desire to touch, and be touched by, the other person is often overwhelming. In many cases, it causes the person not to think clearly."
"Like Commander Crichton and you."
"Ummm, yes," she stammered.
"How do you let the other person know?"
She smiled regretfully. "I struggled with that myself. It's generally done by actions. And by telling them that you love them."
"Like this?" Pilot stroked her face, leaned forward, and touched his lips to hers. It was a strange sensation, like a brush moving across his lips. "I love you, Aeryn Sun."
Her eyes flew open wide with shock. "Y-Yes, Pilot, that's how we generally do it," she stammered, clearly thrown off-balance by his revelation.
"I was not merely doing that as an experiment. I care very much for all who have been a part of Moya's crew since we broke free from the Peacekeepers. But I have really only felt intense feelings toward two of you - Pa'u Zhaan, and yourself."
"Well," Aeryn bit her lip and hesitated, choosing her words carefully, "that's only natural. We have more of a history together than the others aboard Moya."
"You are referring to when Lieutenant Velorek brought me aboard to be Moya's replacement Pilot?"
"And the fact that I was injected with some of your DNA," she added. "So you probably feel that way because of those factors."
"But yet I have the feelings that you described," he touched her face gently. "They are very strong. I wish to touch you, and be touched by you."
She took his hand touching her face in hers, and removed it, but still kept holding it. "Pilot, there are many reasons why this cannot be acted upon. First and foremost, you and I are incompatible species. You said yourself that your race does not, um, recreate."
"But we could in this virtual world, if we chose to," he said hopefully.
"That would be not be enough for either of us. Besides, I love Crichton."
"Even though he does not love you, and resents you for not telling him about your pregnancy? He treats you worse than he does his pulse pistol. It seems hardly coincidental. He even named it - with a name for a female, if I am not mistaken."
She looked back towards the quarters where her memories of Crichton as her lover were, and sighed. "I know, my friend. But I hope that the John Crichton that I knew is there somewhere, and will come to his senses before it's too late."
"I could take on his form as an avatar in virtual reality," he offered.
"Oh, no," she smiled wanly and stroked his cheek. "That would be living a lie," she replied. "And I lived a lie for so many cycles that I could not do it again. Believe me, I tried after the John on Talyn died, and it didn't work."
"So, where does that leave our relationship?" Pilot asked.
Aeryn made the exiting motion, and they traveled up the tunnel from Talyn's interior to the multi-colored light panel once again. Then, she put her arms around him and held him tightly. "The same as before," she murmured into his ear. "Shipmates. More than friends, or even recreation partners, but less than lovers. Relatives, siblings, like Chiana feels for her brother, or Crais felt for his brother before he died. You deserve so much more than what I can give you, Pilot. And I sincerely hope that you find it someday."
He released her. "I doubt that very much, Aeryn. It is part of the price we pay for being bonded with a Leviathan. I knew this when I made my choice and went with Lieutenant Velorek, and I have only regretted my decision once. But, may I ask you for one kiss before we return to our own reality?"
Her smile, which was so rare lately, lit up her face. "Of course, my friend." She leaned her face in close to his. He leaned forward, too, and his nose bumped into hers. She chuckled low in her throat, rubbed her nose against his tenderly, then cupped his cheek in her hand. Pilot felt her lips touch his, and he tensed involuntarily. "Relax," she whispered, "I'm not going to bite you." Aeryn closed her eyes, and he followed her lead. She rubbed her lips against his again, then the tip of her tongue licked softly at the line between his upper and lower lips. He opened his lips a bit, and she increased her pressure on his lips, probing further into his mouth. Her tongue was smooth, similar to his. The feel of her tongue in his mouth felt very odd, but not entirely unpleasant. He made a snap decision, and tentatively probed her mouth with his tongue. Encouraged, she put her hand behind his head and pulled him even closer. Aeryn's teeth felt hard against his. They continued probing each other for approximately fifteen microts. Then he pulled back, and she released him.
Pilot cocked his head at her. "I am sorry, Aeryn," he said. "I understand that kissing is an essential part of most species mating behavior. However, I fail to see the purpose of it."
"You didn't feel anything? Any emotional stirrings?"
"I felt your lips, and your tongue. But I am attempting to analyze this, and I did not experience any other emotions."
"Oh," she said, looking very disappointed. "I guess there are some things that don't translate well into virtual reality."
"Possibly. However, I am feeling something. I feel Moya letting me know that she needs my full attention. It is time to leave this reality and return to our own."
"Who am I to refuse Moya?" Aeryn smiled. She positioned her hands toward her chest, then pushed them outward. Pilot and Aeryn traveled back up the brightly-lit tunnel.
He suddenly found himself back in the Den with Aeryn at his side. Moya's sensors were showing that the second transport pod, the one containing Noranti and D'Argo, was signaling him. He deployed the docking web automatically.
"So, what do you think of virtual reality?" Aeryn asked as he closed the bay doors and pressurized it.
"I think that I would like to explore it again," he admitted, "with the others."
"I'm sorry, Pilot," she started.
"Oh, no, Aeryn," he replied quickly. "I did not mean that your experiences were uninteresting. Quite the opposite." She sighed in relief. "However, the others have been to different worlds, and have had different experiences. I would like to see them all sometime. But I would also like to spend more time with you in the virtual world."
She stroked his cheek tenderly. "I would like that very much."
"I meant what I said. I do love you, Aeryn. Not in the way that would satisfy you, but my feelings are real. I would like to be your lover, if only in the virtual world."
Aeryn leaned over and kissed his cheek. "The physical differences are too great, even in the virtual world. I'm sorry, my friend. I really am. I do love you, but it would never work." She slid down from her perch on his console, then crossed the bridge to the entrance to the Den. "Take care, Pilot," she said, then walked out. The door closed behind her, leaving him alone except for a few DRDs.
Pilot made sure that all of the pods were back aboard Moya, and everyone was going about their business. They would not want to break orbit for another arn or more. The Den was wrapped in silence, accented only by the chirping of DRDs and the infinitesimal rumble of Moya's idling calorics. The silence felt empty. It was the same silence he'd heard for cycles, but now it was an empty sound. He looked down at the VR device on his console. He was still wearing the headset. He considered going back into VR - but then removed the headset and placed the unit beneath his console. There would be another time for this. Until then, he would be Aeryn's lover, if only virtually.
