FLAMES!!! People give me flames!!
{Ok}
~Not you~
{Why not?}
~I don't mean flame blast…~
{Oh}
~I mean constructive criticism~
BTW {Takeshi} ~me~
I like reviews, but I kind of need flames. Most of you say, "it's good" or "its ok" but I don't know what would make it better. Yes, I'm an overachiever according to some people, but I also see something missing in my story. I'm getting spacey so I have no idea what it is!! I think the humor comes from me being spaced out while writing. Heh. ^^U
Ok so to respond to the reviews…(which were somewhat hard to find, I asked for reviews on my last chapter and some of you reviewed for it, but on a different chapter. I delete them from my emails)
Tikiru: How, nice, you have nothing to say…. Updates, You're so demanding… Why don't you publish a story huh? Hahaha jk jk! But yes, I want to read your work.
Kyo-kun: cute name? Oki doki! First flame of the story (it had to be in chapter 8…) my vocabulary is very off, but my computer doesn't catch it. HAHAHA! I have nothing to do with my spacing, printed it looks fine! But not on ff.net…. I don't know it's very weird.
k0nceptz: hmm, big love plot? Manly yet fluffy…. interesting. Fighting scenes will come. But they're kind of hard for me. I'm not a very good action writer, but I love watching it! Teehee! I haven't really read much action though. Maybe it'll come when I start reading more fictions…. ^^U
Yuko-chan: you draw my characters…. Hrm…Naijou seems hot? Well, I guess he sorta is, but Takeshi is hotter! {Thank you} ~your welcome! ~ Yes cheese writer comes from weird thoughts!! Jamie was very cheesy. I should change that. O well, sucks for Jamie; He'll just be more normal in this chapter.
Lilkirara: Thank you for the criticism. For some reason I used to like fantasy stories when I was younger. Sometimes I find them annoying but I started writing this a while back and I want to actually finish this one, unlike the other one I started. I'll write a non-fantasy story next; maybe I'll be more successful with it. Spacing will improve on FF.net if I spend time to convert to html, but since I don't want to then you'll all just have to bear with me. (The printed version will look much better off of Word)
Dragon Princess Yuki: Uh oh… I'm scared now… You're going to kill my character at the end of my story. Does it really have to be tragic? Killing my characters is so cruel… What if Kina doesn't kill a demon?
Chapter Nine:
I'm working on it.
'The look on her face, she was terrified. My girlfriend, the strongest girl I know, was scared of a bunch of bullies from the underworld. I have to get her back! But how? Kina, wait for me. I'll come for you, I'll save you somehow.' Jamie stood in anger with his fists clenched, tears of rage streamed down his face.
Rini and Eric looked on with worry for their friend who was shaking with rage. "Common man, let's go home. There's nothing we can do now. We don't have magic or powers." Rini nodded to agree and also began to weep for her friend. The three friends walked slowly through the park toward the Sakura Housing Development.
A ring sat on the ground where Kina was kidnapped. The small metal band glistened in the moonlight.
.+:'+':+.
You remember the promise ring that Kina got from Jamie at the beginning of the story right? Well, it's back. It's got some symbolism. WOW I can write symbolism!! Ha Ha Ha! Yeah, think about it for a while, you may figure out what's going to happen.
':+.+.+:'
~Naijou's Layer~Kina sat glaring at the two demons who had captured her away from her beloved Jamie. Her hands and ankles were tied with dark energy bands and she was placed by a wall, far from any sharp objects. Kina looked around the room and saw that there were no doorways or windows, only a dark pool, a throne, a large bed and a few objects she couldn't recognize.
Naijou and Takeshi stood about ten feet away from the girl, backs facing her. "Ok, Nai. You've got the girl, I presume you know what to do next, right?" Takeshi said this accusingly to his half-brother.
Naijou fought back grimly, "I took you in and let you stay here in your own room. You still have less faith in me than you had in our mother when Tsekoshi was alive. Of course I know what to do, you ingrate."
"I didn't ask you to give me shelter and don't bring up Tsekoshi! You know the situation, I was confined to staying with a family mate because of my nature."
"Yes, yes. I know. I'm making sure you remember. Someone so immature as you may have trouble keeping in mind things like that."
"I am not immature! Just get on with the Pitch would you!"
Kina heard them yelling and began to worry again. 'The Pitch? What is the Pitch? Oh no… I gotta get out of here! Jamie, I don't know how, but please, save me!'
~Kina's Room~
Jamie looked around the room for the little fire fairy who always seemed to help Kina with her problems. He walked over to her desk and opened the drawer. The fairy looked up at the boy and fluttered up to look him eye to eye. "Saya, Kinas in danger. I don't know where she is, but two demons took her and disappeared."
Saya nodded and plopped herself on Jamie's shoulder. "Take me to where it happened. I know she was taken, my connection with her is lost." Jamie walked out of the house and jumped onto a bike that was waiting for him. He signaled for Eric, who was also waiting, to follow back to the park.
The two boys sped toward the park on their bikes back to the spot where it happened. Saya fluttered down to the ground to search for anything they missed before. The fairy saw the silver ring and thrust her hands out to raise it up to Jamie. The fire fairy rose toward the height of the two boys and dragged along the ring with her powers.
Jamie saw the ring he had given to Kina and held out his hand for Saya to drop it. "Kina… Our promise… I hope you remember. The ring is only a symbol, but still, I don't know what they're doing to you." He gripped the small ring and glared up at the sky. 'You demons better not hurt my girlfriend in any way!'
Three pairs of eyes looked at this scene from a distance in the shadows. Two demons and one possessed girl glowed with dark energy. The girl held out her hand and cast a spell then gripped the air in front of her. Jamie felt a jolt of pain in his heart. The boy quickly spun around to see a teen-aged girl who looked like Kina, dressed in a revealingly tight dress. Her eyes shown red, her nails long as black like her lips.
Jamie walked toward her and wondered if it were Kina he saw or someone else. 'Who is she? Why do I feel a connection with her? Could she really be the girl I love?' The girl laughed evilly and replied to his thoughts, "No I am not Kina, you beloved girlfriend. It may seem as though, for I am in her body! Ha ha ha!"
"NO! It can't be! What have you done?" Jamie's soul was strong with rage.
The girl clicked her tongue and shook her head seemingly sympathetically. She sighed and placed her hand gently on Jamie's cheek. "Such a beautiful face… I wouldn't want to ruin it. It's so delicate."
Jamie looked down toward his cheek then back at the girl. She whispered, "I sorry."
"What?"
*SLAP* The girl's hand came back across Jamie's face with force and left a scratch from her nails. Jamie took back and clenched the ring tighter. His breathing pattern was stuttering. "Ugh…Kina…"
"Don't call me Kina! I am Karikoshu, Princess of the Demons and lover to Naijou!" Naijou appeared behind her and grinned evilly at Jamie. Karikoshu, the possessed Kina, turned her head and guided Naijou's face to meet up and kiss.
"Your evil! How could you create such evil from someone so beautiful and pure as Kina? And this ring…" Jamie lifted the ring for Naijou to see. "I gave it to her as a promise that we would always be together! Curse you, you demon!"
Nai smiled at this grabbed Karikoshu by the waist. The evil couple took two steps back and Takeshi walked forward. The younger demon cocked his head muttered a few words in Japanese and thrust his flared hand out toward the human boy. Jamie went flying back to Eric and Saya. Then the demons and Karikoshu disappeared.
Jamie was again, left crying in rage for Kina. This time he grasped the promise ring that was a gift of love and commitment.
Hey guys, sorry to cut the story short, but I just hit a really big writer's block. I tried to bring myself to write more, but I couldn't get it out… I'll try to continue soon, but I don't know how I'll do it. I'll probably end this story really fast….Sorry to those of you who like this story…My mom kind of killed my passion for this story. *sniff* She read it!
Here's Yuko for you…
Yuko-San:
Yuko: **grabs Seto Kaiba by the ear** Come here Seto, I have something for you…
Seto: ARGH!! LET GO OF ME YOU OLD HAG!
Yuko: **Slams Seto into a chair** OK, now stand up straight. **Walks over to near-by closet and pulls out long elegant yellow dress** Yes, I was right! This would look absolutely lovely on you!!!
Seto: **SHOCK** You…. Bought….a….uhhh…for….uuhhnnnnn….
Yuko: OK now stand still and put your arms up!
Seto: **stands in anger**
Yuko: **Shoves dress over Seto's head while standing on a table** hmm…
**Silence**
Seto: **steam and glare**
Yuko: SEE IT FITS YOU JUST PREFECT!!!
Seto: Uh.. don't you mean perfect?
Yuko: Yes, you agree, it fits just perfectly!!
**Katsuya walks in** (Katsuya from YGO)
Katsuya: **shock** KAIBA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!
Seto: ugh! What are you doing here mutt?
Katsuya: You should be talking. Who's wearing the dress?
**Hideki walks in**
Hideki: **SHOCK**pause**drools** WAIT! WHADDAMI DOING!!! THAT'S A GUY!!!!
**Chi walks in**
Chi: OoOoOo!! Pretty dress! Pretty boy!! **smile**
Seto: aarrrr…. WHAT ARE ALL OF YOU DOING!!!!! AND WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU OLD HAG!!!!
Yuko: HEY, HAVE RESPECT FOR YOU OLDERS YOUNG MAN!!
Katsuya: uh, don't you mean elders?
Yuko: what-ever….
Seto: urrr…. GET ME OUTTA THIS THING!!! **Pulls on dress**
**dress stretches*
Yuko: yes, the dress is made with special fabric. You can't tear it…
Seto: **steam**
THE END!!
Seto: HEY WAITTA SECOND!!! I'M STILL IN A DRESS!!
Emiki: EXCUSE YOU!! I SSAAAIIIDDD, "THE END"!!
