Chp 6: Miserable

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Disclaimer: I don't own KH or "Miserable" by LIT

A/N: Thank y'all for your wonderful reviews! I've been working SO hard to make the emotions come out JUST right but now I know I'm doing a pretty ok job! And Beta Genius you're song suggestion was kick-ass! I'm gonna use it in the next chapter!

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Riku stomped through the alleyways, stepping in the puddles and kicking anything in his way. He was furious right now..at life, at himself, everything. He wanted to scream. Just when he thought he was getting closer to closure with Kairi, and that his problems would be all over, and that tiny hole in his heart that still thrived on Kairi (that used to swallow him) was finally closing up, THAT had to happen. He was furious. He had never been so angry his entire life. The hole in his heart was growing, slowly but gradually. And it was all his fault. Faye tried to make Kairi a mere forbidden fruit but he was weak and couldn't resist. He had his game plan straightened out and Kairi crashed it once again. But this time it was his fault. Riku punched his fist into the brick wall beside him causing a gash in the wall. He looked up at the sky.

"WHY ME?" he shouted. He hated his life right now. Everything that happened in it was complicated. And it now seemed that no matter what he did someone would always suffer for it, but he'd end up suffering the most. He punched another gash into the brick wall. Riku knew that if any form of life passed him right now that it would be dead meat so he remained perfectly still. He wanted to scream so badly. He wanted more than anything to just scream his emotions away. That sure would be less complicated than embracing all his emotions away with Kairi. He needed someone to talk to. Someone he could let all his emotions out to, and they would listen every step of the way. And he knew just who that someone was.

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Betsy was alone in her house. Kairi had gone to think somewhere, so she made cookies for her when she returned. Betsy took the cookies out of the oven and smiled at their perfectly golden brown color. Then the front door slung open and Riku stepped inside.

"Betsy! Life sucks!" he shouted. Betsy giggled.

"Amen baby, why don't you tell ol' Betsy what's wrong hun?" Riku plopped down on a chair at the table with a frown on his face. Betsy laughed at his expression.

"Smile baby cakes!" she laughed. Riku shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Betsy, but at this point it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE for me to smile."

"Oh Riku," she groaned. She walked over to him and lifted his chin up and looked at him with warm, motherly eyes, "When you smile, it brings sunshine in my life." Riku smiled meekly at her comment.

"There we go!" Betsy cheered. "Well Riku baby, you're in luck, I made your favorite: triple chocolate chip cookies." She set the platter of cookies at the table. "Now tell me what's troubling you deary." Riku took a bite out of his cookie and took a deep breath.

"Well it goes like this...."

(A/N: Yah, y'all know the story of Faye telling Riku not to she Kairi anymore, blah blah blah...)

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"..And that's it," Riku finished. Betsy was jumping for joy on the inside. She tried to remain calm. But Riku could see right through her.

"Wait...why am I telling you this? You like Kairi!"

"I'm sorry baby, I do like Kairi a lot, and I think y'all would make the cutest little couple!" Riku groaned.

"Yah well you're alone in thinking me and Kairi will ever become a couple. I won't allow myself to get mixed up with her again." Betsy grabbed Riku's hand affectionately.

"You're scared of getting hurt again." Betsy said softly. Riku stiffened up.

"I'm not scared of anything," he said sternly.

"Yes you are Riku, I know you are. Riku, you're a soldier, and everyday is a battle for you, but every soldier, no matter how strong, has a weakness, and yours is Kairi. You don't have to say it out loud it, but I can tell honey." Riku kept quiet. He knew she was right but, he didn't want to admit it. Betsy decided to change the subject.

"Why did you do that Riku, if you claim you want nothing to do with her, then why did you hug her so tightly? And now you even say you have a soft spot for her." Riku shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know honestly. When she wrapped her arms around me, all the good times we had together just started coming back to me. And something inside of me cried out to those memories, and the next thing I know I was embracing her tightly...and I didn't want to let go." Betsy smiled. But Riku started to get tears in his eyes. "Why is she doing this to me Betsy?" Betsy squeezed his hand affectionately.

"Oh honey, is Kairi really all that bad? I mean, what is so horrible about her that you always run away from?"

"Betsy! She broke my heart in ways unimaginable! I suffered for her and she didn't even give me a half-ass thank you! Who wants to go back to THAT? If you were me, you'd never want to see her face again either! No matter how beautiful her face my be!"

"But Riku baby, she cares for you, she wants to be forgiven."

"FORGIVEN? I don't think so. That crap she did to me scared me for life! I mean she wouldn't even be here if I didn't write that stupid letter to her! There's a distinct difference between care and pity!" Betsy was quiet for a while.

"Do you know she still has that letter?" she asked softly.

"Who cares if she still has it?" Riku snapped.

"She looks at it all the time. That letter is so worn out you can barely read it. But she doesn't need to read it. She memorized the words. She reads it all the time. It has tearstains all over it. Riku, she may be here because of that letter but what would you do if you had gotten that letter? Would you have sat down and done nothing about it? She has never forgiven herself for doing those things to you Riku. You aren't the only one suffering you know." Riku was silent.

"Even so," he said slowly, "if I hadn't written that letter none of this would have happened."

"How can you be so sure?" Betsy asked with a smile. There was silence for a while.

"I don't know what to do Betsy. My heart used to be burning with love for Kairi, but she froze it on Destiny Island. My heart was cold for so long, but when I held her so tight like I did, and kissed her brow, I could feel my heart thawing slowly. My heart felt warmth for the first time in so long. But I don't wish to feel this way! I have Faye! And I've already given myself to her. And I don't want to be with Kairi because she brings back too many awful memories. Yes, I may have good memories of Kairi and I, but for every good memory I have ten horrible ones. I just hate my life right now so bad! I just want to get away! From Faye...Kairi...everybody!" Betsy smiled.

"Riku, you told me you had a the tiniest portion in your heart that still thrived on Kairi. Even in your darkest hour, no matter how small the portion may be, it was still shining."

"What does that mean?" Riku asked with an attitude in his voice.

"It means that even though you think you hate her, she'll never leave your heart, she may disappear for a while, but she'll never go away. A part of her will always be with you, no matter how small. She makes you complete Riku!"

"Yah, completely miserable." Betsy frowned at his comment.

"Well Riku, you can mask all feelings for Kairi, and grant Faye's selfish wishes of not seeing Kairi anymore, but no matter what you do those feelings will never go away. And the longer you run away from your feelings, the longer they'll haunt you." Riku was silent.

"...I'm gonna go now..... I just wanna think, and be alone for a while."

"I understand baby." Betsy kissed his cheek and then he got up and left.

~*~

Riku walked with his hands in his pockets. His mind dwelling on the things Betsy had told him.

"Betsy was wrong about on thing, I'm not running. I can't run, I'm trapped. I'm tied to a chair and watching this all go by, I'm striving to get out but when I strive my pain just doubles. I have nowhere to run to. I'm so lost." Riku leaned up against the wall.

"But we were both right about one thing: Kairi makes me both complete and completely miserable."

//You make me come

You make me complete

You make me completely miserable

Stuck to a chair

Watchin' this story about me

Everything goes by so fast

Making my head spin

Used up all my friends

But who needs them, when you mean everything

I love the things that we should fear

I'm not afraid of being here

So much the same

It makes me helpless alone

Nothing to share

Why should I care if you're near me?

Give up all my plans

But who needs them

When you mean everything

I love the things that we should fear

I'm not afraid of being here

So much the same

You make me helpless alone

Yah, yah....you make me come

Yah, yah....you make me complete

Yah, yah....you make me completely miserable

...Miserable//

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Riku sat thinking for a long time. He was hollow and alone. But never the less he had a decision: to ignore his hateful, yet loving feelings for Kairi, or to stay with Faye and be running from his feelings but not be getting hurt again. Riku got up and walked off.

"...I hate myself."

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And this basically means that he hates Kairi but he loves her you know? Anyway, that was kind of a short chapter. But necessary, in order for what's coming next. Don't worry it all gets REALLY juicy later. Well that's all. Please R/R ^_^

Peace Out,

Kia Saphia