Chp 7: The Hardest Thing

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Disclaimer: I don't own KH or The Hardest Thing by 98 Degrees...(I know it's a boy band but bare with me here!)

A/N: I've had TWO people comment about me saying "y'all" a lot (hehe)...so if anyone else is wondering...I'm from Alabama, so please excuse the "y'all's" (no offense to the people who mentioned it...I think it's funny). And Betsy is even supposed to be southern *hint hint. ^_^ Well just clearing all the southern talk up for y'all. By the way....if you want to know how Betsy sounds like EXACTLY...think Kim Basinger in 8 Mile

Note to Beta Genius: In response to your what-I-thought-was-going-to-be-my- first-flame review, I'm GLAD you're confused, because in the story, Riku is very confused by his emotions too, so I'm trying to express his emotions in a confusing way. In this chapter he even comments on how a full-grown adult couldn't explain what he's feeling. And the whole "I hate you, but I love you" thing makes perfect sense to me: even though he claims to hate Kairi, and she makes him miserable, something inside of him allows him to look through the bad things and see the good in her, but then again I wrote the story, so everything makes sense to me =P. Well, it'll all make sense later (hopefully).

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It was dark outside. The street lamps lit up the ground that Riku walked sadly upon. His head full of heavy emotions bent towards the ground as he walked slowly, dreading what he was going to do. A flame in his heart still burned for Kairi, no matter how hard he tried to forget her, but that flame is like dry ice: it's the coldest thing one can tough but it burns worse than fire. But he didn't want to be feeling anything for her at all. He wanted to hate her, but something in his being just wouldn't allow him to do that. The love he had for her before was so strong that it wouldn't allow himself to break away from her. It was times like these when he especially didn't like Kairi...she made him weak, she messed his life. He stiffened up as he started to walk. Everything inside of him was so messed up. He felt right know that even a full-grown adult, with years of wisdom behind them, would take years to sort out all his emotions he was feeling. Riku stopped walking. He looked at the sky and threw his hands in the air.

"I'M JUST A KID!" he shouted in a goofy way.

"Riku..." A voice spoke softly behind him. Riku jumped and spun around. It was Kairi. He froze.

"Kairi, no offense, but you aren't exactly the number one person I wanna see right now."

~*Riku's POV*~

Wait, what am I saying? I'm supposed to be telling her the kind of drastic news that I'm not allowed to see her anymore! But I DON'T want to see her. I don't even want to look at her! She messed up my life!

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"Oh," Kairi said softly, "why is that?"

"Trust me, if you were me, you wouldn't wanna see you right now either. In fact, you wouldn't wanna see much of anybody." His voice started to rise, "In fact, you'd wanna be completely by yourself because you know that if this ONE person does anything ELSE to screw up your life. You are going to explode on everyone around you!" Kairi was silent after he said this. She started to get mad.

"Riku, you can't just blame me for all of your problems!"

"Oh yes I can! Me going into darkness...your fault. Me leaving Destiny Island because of sheer loneliness..your fault. Me being ABSOLUTELY miserable....YOUR FAULT!" Kairi got really mad after he said that.

"Riku, shut up! You're acting ridiculous! Yes, some of those things may be my fault, but not EVERYTHING. Faye is making you miserable too! If SHE wasn't in the picture right now everything would be fine!"

"Oh Kairi, don't start. If it wasn't for that stupid letter you wouldn't even be here! Why are you here anyway? What are you trying to accomplish?" Kairi paused.

"I'm trying to erase everything you said in that letter Riku."

"Kairi, I don't WANT you to erase the things I said in that letter. Besides even if those things did blow away for a while, and I came back with you to Destiny Islands, it would be the same thing all over again. You'd be with Sora and I'd fade into the background. I mean, since when do you care about me all of the sudden? You're Sora's girl!" Kairi started to tear up.

"But Riku, I DO care for you!" Riku shrugged his shoulders and his voice softened.

"No you don't Kairi. Don't you see? If I didn't write that letter you wouldn't be here. If you truly cared for me, you would've been there when I needed you most back on Destiny Islands."

"Well I'm here now!" Kairi said in a desperate tone.

"Yah, you're here when you're the one person I never wanted to see ever again. You're bringing back all the things that I specifically wanted to forget. And you're messing with my head and my heart." Riku walked closer towards Kairi until they were mere centimeters away from each other's faces. "And you're making Faye, my one full-proof ticket to making all my haunting memories go away, seem horrible, because you're so perfect, and yet you make me want to scream!" Kairi froze. Chills were sent up and down her veins. She now started to slightly understand the chaos that was going on in Riku's head. Then a thought struck her.

"Riku, if you claim to hate me so bad, then why do I make Faye seem so horrible? And how come that day when I came to you crying, instead of pushing me away, you wrapped your arms around me tightly and kissed the top of my head?" Riku looked into Kairi's eyes. They were full of tears and desperation. He had never seen anything more beautiful or sad in his entire life. Then that hole in his heart that still thrived for Kairi exploded, and quickly engulfed his heart. He had fallen back in love with her...full- blown. Riku clinched his fists so hard he was starting to bleed. Yet, he wanted to burst into tears.

'This can't be happening,' he thought. 'Now I have to tell her that I can't see her anymore. Man, I hate her so much, but I love her! God, I'M the one that's messed up. Man, the person I really hate right now is myself. I let myself fall back in love with her!' Riku clinched his fists harder.

"Riku what's wrong?" Riku started to tear.

"Kairi, I'm sorry I got mad at you, but if you were in my shoes just for one second, you'd understand." There was silence for a few seconds.

"Riku," Kairi said sadly, "I'm starting to understand how I messed up your life. I know you wanted to forget all about Sora, and me and all about you're past life. You had a really good thing going here, you had the motherly love of Betsy, good friends, and you had a girlfriend, who I don't like at all, but she was helping you the most. She was helping you to forget about us. And when you were an inch away from that happiness that I know you long for, I came and screwed all that up, and I'm sorry Riku."

The two were still centimeters away from each other's faces. Riku started into Kairi's tear-filled lavender eyes as she recited the story of his life to him. He was fighting with everything inside of him not to cry.

"I know you're beginning to feel new things no that you don't wish to be feeling," Kairi continued. "I know that if I leave here, everything will go back to normal for you, and you're head will be in the right place again. I'm sorry Riku but I can't do that. I don't want to leave you ever again! I know I screwed up in the past Riku, but maybe we can move on and start a new life. My heart is way ahead of us, and I'd do anything for you to start that life with me. I love you Riku, and I don't want to spend anymore of my life without you there beside me."

Riku wanted to die right then and there. Here he was, trying to tell this girl, in some way, that he can't see her anymore, and she just poured her whole out heart to him right onto his lap. Riku blinked hard to fight back his tears of shame.

"Kairi," he began, "I'm sorry but I just can't do that. I mean, I've got Faye. And she's..well I just have Faye right now. And I'm sorry but I..I...," Riku choked on his tears as he stared into Kairi's sad eyes, appalled at what he was about to say, "I...don't..love you Kairi."

Kairi bit her lip to fight back her tears. She bent her head down in dismay.

"Kairi...Faye told me not to see you anymore, and I think it's for the best."

"WHAT?!" she shouted in her tear-filled voice. "Faye told you that? She can't do that she's not your mom!"

"I'm sorry Kairi!" Riku said loudly through his breath that was fighting back tears. "I just don't want to mess things up for me and Faye!"

Kairi started to cry horribly. She didn't want to look at Riku, she just cried with her head bent down. Riku felt so low. He had to sit there and show no emotion as she cried so cry. It was the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

"Kairi I'm sorry!" he shouted through her loud sobs. "I'm sorry! I.." then he couldn't take it anymore. He had so many emotions inside of him he couldn't stand up straight. He bent over and put his hands on his knees as he fought so hard not to cry. Kairi stopped crying and looked at Riku in this horrible position. Riku lifted his head and gazed back into Kairi's eyes. He was breathing heavily from fighting back his tears. Then he stood up straight and cupped his hands on the sides of Kairi's face. They gazed into each other's eyes as a single tear fell form Kairi's eye. Riku wiped that tear away with his thumb. Then something happened that Riku didn't plan on happening. With his hands still on Kairi's face, he pressed his lips down on Kairi's. As Kairi closed her eyes to expect his kiss, tears fell down her cheeks. She lifted her arms up and placed them on Riku's arms. The two kissed for about thirty seconds then Riku pulled away with small sob. Kairi looked into Riku's eyes full of sadness. Riku still had his hands on the sides of Kairi's face. He simply gazed back into her lavender eyes trying to savor this moment. He bent his head down in shame as a single tear finally fought its way out. He looked back into her eyes.

"..I'm sorry Kairi." Then he removed his hands from her face and turned around and walked away. Kairi broke down on the floor and cried loudly. Riku fastened his pace. He didn't want to hear her cry. It was too painful. He put his hands over his ears and then ran away from the screaming Kairi.

//We both know that you shouldn't be here

This is wrong

And baby, it's killin' me, it's killin' you

Both of us tryin' to be strong

I've got somewhere else to be

Promises to keep

Someone else who loves me

And trusts me fast asleep

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you

I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time

So you can get on with your life

I've got to be cruel to be kind

Like Dr. Zhivago

All my love I'll be sending

And you will never know

'Cause there can be no happy ending

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

I can't let you see

What you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you

Maybe another time, another day

As much as I want to, I can't stay

I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

She's been good to me

And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye

And tell you I don't love you

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion

When you start to cry

I can't let you see

How much you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing

I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away

Pretending I don't love you//

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....Ok I HATE boy bands, but ya gotta admit...that song was RIGHT on target, so thank you Beta Genius for the suggestion. And thank all of y'all for your awesome reviews. I especially appreciate those of you who say my story is the first R/K story that's appealed to you. I appreciate every review I get so thank y'all very much *blows kisses. Well thatz all!

Peace Out,

Kia Saphia