No. It /couldn't/ end this way. No. No no no. My grip tightened on my
keyblade, but I quickly flung it to the ground. I knelt down next to my
Riku's body, my eyes never leaving the hollow gaze of his killer. My
fingers slid around the cold handle of Oblivion. I winced, the thought of
his warmth leaving so quickly chipping away little pieces of my heart. I
tried not to show this weakness, though, and stood, pointing the tip of the
blade at our offender's heart.
"You killed him." I almost whispered. The rage in my heart threatened to boil over and explode; it was all I could do to keep it at this steady trickle for now.
To my surprise (or maybe I should have expected it), he laughed, showing me a haughty smirk. Riku's smirk. Again I fought down rage. "No I didn't." His smirk widened. "You let him die."
My eyes widened. The words were like an arrow, piercing my soul. I visibly recoiled, but straightened again at his hollow laughter. "No, I didn't. He told me t-"
"You're a liar. He loved you and you let him fade. Oh, unrequited love. Such a tragic thing." He grinned now, and I released a growling scream.
"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM!"
"Tsk, tsk. You say that, yet there he lies. Feel him. His skin is already cold." He strolled up to me importantly, sliding a gloved hand over my cheek. "But don't worry. You can have me if you want."
I pushed the mirror away roughly. The mere thought of... of... /that/ made me sick. "Get the fuck away from me." I held Oblivion up for defense.
"Oh, Sora, Sora, Sora. What am I going to do with you? Mourning over a man you never loved, when we could rule the universe together. The Darkness is more powerful than you realize, especially with my heart now completed." He smirked again. "That troublesome boy was well worth it. He gave me his heart and his body... In more ways than one."
He did /not/ just fucking say that. How could he...? To Riku...? He was only fifteen. He was only a child! "YOU SICK BASTARD!" I swung at him with my blade, hoping to strike anything. I wanted to hurt him any way I could.
He deflected my stroke easily, leaning over the crossed Keyblades to smile grimly. "Come, boy. We could be so powerful together. Don't I look just like him? Isn't my voice the same? Touch me, for my skin is just as soft as his is. Join me. I could even be the submissive one if you so desire." He grinned wickedly as something flashed in those empty yellow eyes. His eyes.
"You don't have his eyes. You have the eyes of a heartless. I know you're not him. You never could be. You killed him, and you will pay." I withdrew my keyblade from its position locked against his and promptly struck him in the head.
"FUCK!" He screamed, clutching the side of his face. "You insolent little fool! I can destroy you just as easily as I did him!" He lunged at me but I moved to the side, striking him in the back. Another pained scream and he turned to face me. "How can you do this? It will be like killing him all over again."
"STOP TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME!" I growled at him, holding my blade out in front. Another evil smirk crossed his face, though blood began to trickle from his lips.
"But it worked /so well/ on your little friend." My rage threatened to take over but I held it down. I couldn't let rage control me. Riku had let jealousy control him and it killed him. I wouldn't be like that. A tear slid down my cheek as I stood facing him. I'd let him make the next move.
But he didn't. He merely stood there, watching me. I could almost feel his eyes see straight through me. It felt like he could see into my heart. "You worthless thing. You think too often with your head. Let your heart take over. Let it control you. Submit to the pain, the anger, the rage, which reside deep within you." He scoffed. "You think he can come back, don't you?"
I fought internally for control. He couldn't come back. I knew it, knew that he was gone. But the mirror had planted seeds of doubt within me. Hatred festered in the wounds of my heart, threatening to overtake me completely. "Shut up."
"Why should I? You doubt yourself. One must never doubt oneself. It causes horrible mistakes to be made. You might kill me. We can't have that; no. I am still Riku, no matter what you may think. You can feel it in your heart, can't you? You know he's still in here. You know that I have his heart."
"Shut up!" I said again, with a bit of defensiveness in my tone. He was lying! He had to be! Riku was dead. Riku couldn't still be in that, that monster! "You lie! I'm going to kill you!" I lunged at him again, the rage finally taking its hold.
He fought expertly, deflecting my attacks with little or no effort. My head was swimming. How could he be stronger than I could? "That's it, child! Let your anger control you! Submit! Submit to the darkness within you!"
And I stopped. Confusion crossed his features before being covered once again by the haughty stoic mask. "No. I have no darkness. I banished it for him." I struck him in the head once again, and he fell to the ground.
I stood over him, fear showing in his eyes as I held Oblivion over his heart. "Sora..." he choked out, and I looked into those yellow eyes, my own devoid of emotion. "Sora, how could you?"
And for a split second I doubted myself. He sounded so much like Riku. So much. My eyes softened and my grip loosened. I couldn't do it; it would be like losing him all over again. He was Riku. He was... No! It wasn't him! "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME ANYMORE!"
I plunged the blade into his chest and he let out an agonized scream. I withdrew the blade, watching his chest heave as the blood spilled from it. Those large yellow eyes showed so much emotion, and I almost detected betrayal. Almost.
A beautiful, glowing fuchsia heart began to rise from him. I could feel the strength pouring from it. I reached out, sliding my fingers over its crystalline surface. Comforting warmth surrounded my body. It was Riku's heart. I let my hand fall to my side as it drifted further upward, leaving a trail of gold behind it. Tears fell from my eyes, spattering on the now vacant ground. The fake Riku had disappeared as I watched my love float away. I looked down, putting a hand on my forehead as I tried to gather my thoughts and feelings. I was all-out sobbing now, barely noticing the stopping rain. A deep sigh escaped me as I tilted my head back, waiting for God only knows what.
I turned around to see another heart-shattering image. Riku still lay on the cold pavement, the last few drops of rain bouncing off his pale skin and dark coat. He was almost white now; he had lost so much blood. I ran to his side, lifting his stiffening body in my arms. Rigor mortis had begun to set in. The thought made me shudder involuntarily. I shifted his weight in my arms to make him easier to carry. But where was I going? I was so horribly, hopelessly lost at this point. My emotions were drained and my mind was on the verge of cracking. I stared out at the labyrinth of dark streets. Sighing again, I started in the direction I had come. I prayed to God I wasn't trapped there forever.
Suddenly, heat washed over my body, a strong contrast to the near-freezing atmosphere I had been in. I felt rooted to the spot, but instead of feeling afraid, I felt I calmed. I looked at my feet and saw not darkness, but light traveling further upward to cover me completely. The brightness eventually became blinding and I felt like I was being pulled gently to an unknown destination. Finally, the light subsided and I opened my eyes.
I was in the Secret Place. Both Riku's and my clothes had changed back to what we had been wearing before we were sucked into the abyss. I still held him in my arms, and for a moment, hope flittered through my mind, only to have its delicate wings ripped off when I realized that Riku was still dead.
I exited cautiously; hoping no one would notice my presence. I didn't want them to see. And I didn't want to talk to any of them. It was nearly dawn, and no one was out yet. I carried Riku's body to my boat, laying him down gingerly before climbing in myself. I rowed back to the main island, my heart feeling like a heavy stone in my chest. I'd have to tell his parents. I'd have to tell everyone. I didn't want to. I didn't want to speak to anyone ever again.
+
It was hell.
I nearly collapsed when Riku's parents answered the door, greeted by their dead son's body. Somehow I managed to keep my face stoic and emotionless. I couldn't cry anymore. I felt obligated to be strong, though I don't know why. He was always the strong one.
I had failed.
He had a respectable funeral. The whole island came, so heartbroken to lose one of its children. I didn't recognize some of the people there. I guess they knew him. Or maybe they just felt they should come. I didn't care. His parents, Kairi, and I sprinkled handfuls of dirt on the coffin. God, I hate that word. So final an absolute. The priest went on for about half an hour about lost innocence. The viewing was the hardest part for me. I sat in the back. I'd seen him dead. I didn't need to look again.
My heart was broken.
I stayed on the hill in the small graveyard long after everyone else had gone. I didn't really know if anyone but Kairi knew what I felt for him. I didn't really care either. I sat up there, twirling a rose between my fingers, reading the inscription over and over: 'Riku Motosuwa - 1987 - 2003 - Beloved Friend and Son'. A heart was carved into the small granite edifice. 'So cliché,' I thought, tracing my fingers over the textured area. After a few hours, I finally laid the rose across the head stone. It looked so different from all the other flowers; the reds, blues, and violets. My rose was pure white. White like his hair. Like my light. The sun shined down on me as I left, almost mocking me.
And I did not cry.
I had a nasty habit from then on of not talking. I didn't want to. I still don't want to. There isn't much point, really. I feel like, when he died, everything went with him: my hopes, my dreams, my future. I fell. I'm still falling. And I fall deeper every day. Sometimes I hear voices, telling me to wake up, to get out of this before it's too late. But, the thing is... I don't /want/ to. I can't honestly say why. I've never dealt with loss very well. Never. My dad died when I was ten. I didn't talk for a while after that. Riku pulled me out that time. But now he's not here. I feel dead inside too.
It hurts too much.
If you wanted to, I guess you could call this a suicide note. Pretty long, and strange, but I suppose that's what it is. If you really want a reason, you've read it. I'll try not to get blood on the pages. Maybe I'll just lay it on the sink? That should work. I doubt anyone will find me in time. Slit my wrists, loss of blood. Reminds me of a song, 'I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war, if you can tell me something worth fighting for. And I'm gonna buy this place is what I said. Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.' I sound crazy now, don't I? I suppose I am. I lost all sanity in that final thrust into Ansem's chest. When I thought I'd killed Riku. Maybe I /did/ kill him. I don't know. I don't know if I care. But I miss him. I miss him so much.
So much.
+++
FINALLY! Ah, done. There will be an epilogue, though. Yep.
Sorry for taking sooo long. I've been busy, plus I'm grounded from the computer. Yeah. And it would have been up a couple days ago, but ff.net won't let me log iiiin... I had my first therapy session yesterday! So I guess that makes it official, doesn't it? That I'm crazy. Oh joy.
And Riku's not coming back. Nope. He be dead. Very dead. Deader than a doornail. The epilogue will be angsty as fuck, but I don't wanna say what's going to happen. I think this is the longest chapter. Four pages. Did you know this is my most popular fic? It has the most reviews of any of my other stories. Thank you all for your patience and encouragement! Hugs for all!
Oh, and thanks to aurora-kayd, who is currently keeping my mailbox full of happy reviews! Whee!
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
//
Or does it explode?
"You killed him." I almost whispered. The rage in my heart threatened to boil over and explode; it was all I could do to keep it at this steady trickle for now.
To my surprise (or maybe I should have expected it), he laughed, showing me a haughty smirk. Riku's smirk. Again I fought down rage. "No I didn't." His smirk widened. "You let him die."
My eyes widened. The words were like an arrow, piercing my soul. I visibly recoiled, but straightened again at his hollow laughter. "No, I didn't. He told me t-"
"You're a liar. He loved you and you let him fade. Oh, unrequited love. Such a tragic thing." He grinned now, and I released a growling scream.
"I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM!"
"Tsk, tsk. You say that, yet there he lies. Feel him. His skin is already cold." He strolled up to me importantly, sliding a gloved hand over my cheek. "But don't worry. You can have me if you want."
I pushed the mirror away roughly. The mere thought of... of... /that/ made me sick. "Get the fuck away from me." I held Oblivion up for defense.
"Oh, Sora, Sora, Sora. What am I going to do with you? Mourning over a man you never loved, when we could rule the universe together. The Darkness is more powerful than you realize, especially with my heart now completed." He smirked again. "That troublesome boy was well worth it. He gave me his heart and his body... In more ways than one."
He did /not/ just fucking say that. How could he...? To Riku...? He was only fifteen. He was only a child! "YOU SICK BASTARD!" I swung at him with my blade, hoping to strike anything. I wanted to hurt him any way I could.
He deflected my stroke easily, leaning over the crossed Keyblades to smile grimly. "Come, boy. We could be so powerful together. Don't I look just like him? Isn't my voice the same? Touch me, for my skin is just as soft as his is. Join me. I could even be the submissive one if you so desire." He grinned wickedly as something flashed in those empty yellow eyes. His eyes.
"You don't have his eyes. You have the eyes of a heartless. I know you're not him. You never could be. You killed him, and you will pay." I withdrew my keyblade from its position locked against his and promptly struck him in the head.
"FUCK!" He screamed, clutching the side of his face. "You insolent little fool! I can destroy you just as easily as I did him!" He lunged at me but I moved to the side, striking him in the back. Another pained scream and he turned to face me. "How can you do this? It will be like killing him all over again."
"STOP TRYING TO MANIPULATE ME!" I growled at him, holding my blade out in front. Another evil smirk crossed his face, though blood began to trickle from his lips.
"But it worked /so well/ on your little friend." My rage threatened to take over but I held it down. I couldn't let rage control me. Riku had let jealousy control him and it killed him. I wouldn't be like that. A tear slid down my cheek as I stood facing him. I'd let him make the next move.
But he didn't. He merely stood there, watching me. I could almost feel his eyes see straight through me. It felt like he could see into my heart. "You worthless thing. You think too often with your head. Let your heart take over. Let it control you. Submit to the pain, the anger, the rage, which reside deep within you." He scoffed. "You think he can come back, don't you?"
I fought internally for control. He couldn't come back. I knew it, knew that he was gone. But the mirror had planted seeds of doubt within me. Hatred festered in the wounds of my heart, threatening to overtake me completely. "Shut up."
"Why should I? You doubt yourself. One must never doubt oneself. It causes horrible mistakes to be made. You might kill me. We can't have that; no. I am still Riku, no matter what you may think. You can feel it in your heart, can't you? You know he's still in here. You know that I have his heart."
"Shut up!" I said again, with a bit of defensiveness in my tone. He was lying! He had to be! Riku was dead. Riku couldn't still be in that, that monster! "You lie! I'm going to kill you!" I lunged at him again, the rage finally taking its hold.
He fought expertly, deflecting my attacks with little or no effort. My head was swimming. How could he be stronger than I could? "That's it, child! Let your anger control you! Submit! Submit to the darkness within you!"
And I stopped. Confusion crossed his features before being covered once again by the haughty stoic mask. "No. I have no darkness. I banished it for him." I struck him in the head once again, and he fell to the ground.
I stood over him, fear showing in his eyes as I held Oblivion over his heart. "Sora..." he choked out, and I looked into those yellow eyes, my own devoid of emotion. "Sora, how could you?"
And for a split second I doubted myself. He sounded so much like Riku. So much. My eyes softened and my grip loosened. I couldn't do it; it would be like losing him all over again. He was Riku. He was... No! It wasn't him! "YOU CAN'T FOOL ME ANYMORE!"
I plunged the blade into his chest and he let out an agonized scream. I withdrew the blade, watching his chest heave as the blood spilled from it. Those large yellow eyes showed so much emotion, and I almost detected betrayal. Almost.
A beautiful, glowing fuchsia heart began to rise from him. I could feel the strength pouring from it. I reached out, sliding my fingers over its crystalline surface. Comforting warmth surrounded my body. It was Riku's heart. I let my hand fall to my side as it drifted further upward, leaving a trail of gold behind it. Tears fell from my eyes, spattering on the now vacant ground. The fake Riku had disappeared as I watched my love float away. I looked down, putting a hand on my forehead as I tried to gather my thoughts and feelings. I was all-out sobbing now, barely noticing the stopping rain. A deep sigh escaped me as I tilted my head back, waiting for God only knows what.
I turned around to see another heart-shattering image. Riku still lay on the cold pavement, the last few drops of rain bouncing off his pale skin and dark coat. He was almost white now; he had lost so much blood. I ran to his side, lifting his stiffening body in my arms. Rigor mortis had begun to set in. The thought made me shudder involuntarily. I shifted his weight in my arms to make him easier to carry. But where was I going? I was so horribly, hopelessly lost at this point. My emotions were drained and my mind was on the verge of cracking. I stared out at the labyrinth of dark streets. Sighing again, I started in the direction I had come. I prayed to God I wasn't trapped there forever.
Suddenly, heat washed over my body, a strong contrast to the near-freezing atmosphere I had been in. I felt rooted to the spot, but instead of feeling afraid, I felt I calmed. I looked at my feet and saw not darkness, but light traveling further upward to cover me completely. The brightness eventually became blinding and I felt like I was being pulled gently to an unknown destination. Finally, the light subsided and I opened my eyes.
I was in the Secret Place. Both Riku's and my clothes had changed back to what we had been wearing before we were sucked into the abyss. I still held him in my arms, and for a moment, hope flittered through my mind, only to have its delicate wings ripped off when I realized that Riku was still dead.
I exited cautiously; hoping no one would notice my presence. I didn't want them to see. And I didn't want to talk to any of them. It was nearly dawn, and no one was out yet. I carried Riku's body to my boat, laying him down gingerly before climbing in myself. I rowed back to the main island, my heart feeling like a heavy stone in my chest. I'd have to tell his parents. I'd have to tell everyone. I didn't want to. I didn't want to speak to anyone ever again.
+
It was hell.
I nearly collapsed when Riku's parents answered the door, greeted by their dead son's body. Somehow I managed to keep my face stoic and emotionless. I couldn't cry anymore. I felt obligated to be strong, though I don't know why. He was always the strong one.
I had failed.
He had a respectable funeral. The whole island came, so heartbroken to lose one of its children. I didn't recognize some of the people there. I guess they knew him. Or maybe they just felt they should come. I didn't care. His parents, Kairi, and I sprinkled handfuls of dirt on the coffin. God, I hate that word. So final an absolute. The priest went on for about half an hour about lost innocence. The viewing was the hardest part for me. I sat in the back. I'd seen him dead. I didn't need to look again.
My heart was broken.
I stayed on the hill in the small graveyard long after everyone else had gone. I didn't really know if anyone but Kairi knew what I felt for him. I didn't really care either. I sat up there, twirling a rose between my fingers, reading the inscription over and over: 'Riku Motosuwa - 1987 - 2003 - Beloved Friend and Son'. A heart was carved into the small granite edifice. 'So cliché,' I thought, tracing my fingers over the textured area. After a few hours, I finally laid the rose across the head stone. It looked so different from all the other flowers; the reds, blues, and violets. My rose was pure white. White like his hair. Like my light. The sun shined down on me as I left, almost mocking me.
And I did not cry.
I had a nasty habit from then on of not talking. I didn't want to. I still don't want to. There isn't much point, really. I feel like, when he died, everything went with him: my hopes, my dreams, my future. I fell. I'm still falling. And I fall deeper every day. Sometimes I hear voices, telling me to wake up, to get out of this before it's too late. But, the thing is... I don't /want/ to. I can't honestly say why. I've never dealt with loss very well. Never. My dad died when I was ten. I didn't talk for a while after that. Riku pulled me out that time. But now he's not here. I feel dead inside too.
It hurts too much.
If you wanted to, I guess you could call this a suicide note. Pretty long, and strange, but I suppose that's what it is. If you really want a reason, you've read it. I'll try not to get blood on the pages. Maybe I'll just lay it on the sink? That should work. I doubt anyone will find me in time. Slit my wrists, loss of blood. Reminds me of a song, 'I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war, if you can tell me something worth fighting for. And I'm gonna buy this place is what I said. Blame it upon a rush of blood to the head.' I sound crazy now, don't I? I suppose I am. I lost all sanity in that final thrust into Ansem's chest. When I thought I'd killed Riku. Maybe I /did/ kill him. I don't know. I don't know if I care. But I miss him. I miss him so much.
So much.
+++
FINALLY! Ah, done. There will be an epilogue, though. Yep.
Sorry for taking sooo long. I've been busy, plus I'm grounded from the computer. Yeah. And it would have been up a couple days ago, but ff.net won't let me log iiiin... I had my first therapy session yesterday! So I guess that makes it official, doesn't it? That I'm crazy. Oh joy.
And Riku's not coming back. Nope. He be dead. Very dead. Deader than a doornail. The epilogue will be angsty as fuck, but I don't wanna say what's going to happen. I think this is the longest chapter. Four pages. Did you know this is my most popular fic? It has the most reviews of any of my other stories. Thank you all for your patience and encouragement! Hugs for all!
Oh, and thanks to aurora-kayd, who is currently keeping my mailbox full of happy reviews! Whee!
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun
Or fester like a sore-
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over-
Like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
//
Or does it explode?
