Chp 12: Somewhere I Belong

Disclaimer: I don't own KH or "Somewhere I Belong" by Linkin Park

A/N: After you read this chapter, you HAVE to read the Author's Note at the bottom!!! Note that HAVE is in all caps. And I'm glad that y'all now look at Faye differently. That's what I was going for. That just goes to show that you never know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.

~*~

Riku sat on his bed staring into the air, thinking hardly about what he was about to do. He had finally decided what he was going to do. The question was how was he going to do it? He didn't know how to explain it to her. He needed to say what he was going to say but there was too much to tell. He couldn't put it into words. All he knew is what he had to do with his life right now, and when he became discouraged of what he was about to do, he just thought back to it. He knew now that he needed to let go of everything and break away from himself. He was so numb right now but if he just did what he knew he had to do...he would thaw out one day. If he just let go of all the pain inside of him he knew that he would find happiness somewhere and find himself again. Riku became more confident as he reminded himself of what he had to do over and over again. He just reminded himself that while he may not like the decision he made now...he knew one day he would be thankful he made it....

//(When this began)

I had nothing to say

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

(I was confused)

And I let it all out to find

That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

(Inside of me)

But all they can see are the words revealed

Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

(Nothing to lose)

Just stuck, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

And I've got nothing to say

I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face

(I was confused)

Looking everywhere, only to find

That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

(So what am I)

What do I have but negativity

'Cause I can't justify the way everyone is looking at me

(Nothing to lose)

Nothing to gain, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own

And I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be anything till I break away from me

I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

Somewhere I belong

Somewhere I belong//

Riku smiled softly as he thought these encouraging thoughts to himself. He knew what he had to do now, and he wasn't afraid. All he had to do was try to explain everything to Kairi. Riku got off his bed and then threw his bag over his shoulders. He walked towards the door. When he put his hand on it he paused and looked at everything in the room around him. He smiled.

"..After all if Kairi truly loved me, she'd understand..."

~*~

It was dark outside. The stars lit up the ground. Riku walked slowly down the road with his bag at his shoulder, looking as if he had not a care in the world. He heard footsteps running towards him and panting. He turned around and sure enough, Kairi was running towards him. He took a deep breath and stopped to let her catch up with him. He was growing very nervous and shaky..he didn't know how to say what he was going to say...

"RIKU!" Kairi shouted out in a tired breath. Then she finally caught up with him and bent down in order to catch her breath.

"Yes Kairi?" he asked softly.

"I...heard....," Kairi panted, "..that...you..broke....up with Faye." Riku sighed.

"Yes I did," he replied sadly. "It wasn't pretty."

"But Riku..I thought you said...hey wait, why do you have a bag?"

"Because I'm leaving this place."

"WHAT? You're coming back to Destiny Islands?! Oh, Riku I'm so happy!" Kairi wrapped her arms around Riku's waist.

"I promise Riku you won't regret it! I'm gonna make you the happiest person ever!" Riku swallowed to fight back his tears.

"...Kairi?" he said softly.

"....I swear Riku things will be different from now on! I swear I'll make it up to you!"

"Kairi," he said louder.

"....Oh Riku, you have no idea how happy you've made me! I can't wait until...."

"KAIRI!" he shouted. Kairi stopped.

"What is it Riku?" she said while wiping away her tears of happiness. Riku sighed.

"...Kairi, I'm not coming back to Destiny Islands with you." Kairi stepped back.

"What?" she asked softly.

"I'm not staying here, and I'm not going back with you."

"Then what are you doing with that bag?" she asked nervously.

"Kairi....I'm getting out of here. I'm leaving this place. I'm letting go of all the pain, sorrow, guilt, betrayal, stress, and anger that has built up for me here. I'm letting go of it all and leaving to find happiness someplace else. I'm finding somewhere I belong. I will never become anything unless I break away from the nothing I've become here." Tears formed in Kairi's eyes.

"But Riku....," she searched for a reason for him to stay, "....you'll be leaving Betsy, and Jay, and Thomas, and everybody else."

"I talked to Betsy about it already. She said she trusted in my decision to take any sort of action to break away from this hell hole that I call my life. And all the guys here know that whatever decision I make, I'm doing what's best for me. And what I'm doing right now is what's best for me."

"But...," she searched even more, "I'm not the only one that wants you to come back to Destiny Islands too, ya know! Sora is your best friend! He misses you too!"

"Best Friend? Hah! Kairi, after your so-called best friend betrays you and then steals your girl, I don't think he's your best friend anymore!"

"But...," Kairi paused. She couldn't think of anything else. "But Riku..I don't want you to go...I love you Riku. I told you I was sorry about what happened on Destiny Islands! I'm sorry Riku! Why won't you forgive me?"

"Oh Kairi, you're so ignorant."

"What?" she replied.

"Kairi you think you know everything about me but you don't. You think you can see right through me, but you can't."

"Riku, what are you talking about?"

"Kairi, 'One who knows nothing, can understand nothing'. Ansem said that, and he was right. You don't know anything right now. What I wrote in that letter was just the tiniest fraction of why I was leaving."

"I still don't understand! Why won't you come home Riku? I said I was sorry. I'm sorry if I deserted you back then, but I'm here now! Now what else did I do that was so bad to make you hate me so much?"

"Oh Kairi, you don't understand....You don't know what it was like....you have no ides what it was like to look into your eyes after you let go of Sora's hand when you were separated. You don't know how it felt to see you stare into the starry sky, thinking thoughts of Sora....," Riku moved closer to her and stared directly into her eyes. "And you don't know how much it broke my heart to watch you cry as you drew that picture on the wall of you giving Sora the poupu fruit." Tears started to form as Kairi stared back into his aqua eyes.

"....What? How did you....I mean...Riku you weren't even there."

"Kairi, the very second I was behind the Door to the Light, my heart was instantly with you. I was there for everything you did those years when we were apart. Every step you'd take, and every move you'd make, I'd be watching you....You thought I was gone, but I wasn't. I was with you all those years. And in the time we were separated, you never once cried a single tear for me. So that's when I decided why should I care about any of this? Because you were never there for me when I needed you most." Kairi was absolutely silent for several seconds. She was blown away at what Riku had just told her. Kairi didn't know what to say. She didn't have that much left to say.

"Riku....I'm sorry for breaking your heart so, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you because I am so in love with you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you then, but I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere because I love you so much." Riku sighed.

"Kairi...If you truly loved me you'd do as I say....You'd go back home to Destiny Islands and be with Sora...right now, he needs you a lot more than I do." Kairi bent her head down and started to cry bitterly. Riku put his hand under Kairi's chin and lifted it up until Kairi's tear-filled eyes were staring back into his.

"Kairi...you want me to be happy right?"

"....Right," Kairi sniffed through her tears.

"Well if you'd just let me leave then I could find happiness somewhere far away. And when I do....then things would be so much more different for us. When I finally find that happiness I long for...I'll come back for you....I promise. That day may not be today or tomorrow, or even three years from now, but when it does come, I'll be there for you. But you can never see me until that day or everything will fail." Kairi nodded her head slowly.

"But Kairi, I can only go on one condition: if you say it's all right for me to go."

"WHAT?" she shouted through her tears.

"Kairi, if you love me and you want me to be happy, you have to let me go. And I'll even tell you why: because right now you have all of me. Every fiber in my being is with you. And if you don't let me go, then I won't be complete when I leave and I'll never recover. And when I say "let me go", I mean let the part of me that is always with you go. Because if you don't, it doesn't matter how far off I travel to, because my life will always be bound to the part of me that was left with you." Kairi started to cry even harder.

"I won't let you Riku! I love you....I don't want you to go!" Then she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest and cried hysterically. Riku cried softly as she did this. He held her back and stroked her hair gently. He pulled her away and stared into her eyes.

"Kairi, I love you too. I always have. But right now..I just can't. I can't love you. (A/N: Meaning he loves her, but given the circumstances he can't express that love to her)." Kairi stopped crying and looked at Riku with angry eyes.

"If you love me then what are you so afraid of? Why are you running like this?"

"Kairi, I'm not running. I told you, I'm letting go of all this crap that's here. I'm letting go of all the weaknesses in me, and trying to find myself again. And Kairi, besides, wouldn't you rather have me love you when it's not hurting me to love you? When I hug or kiss you wouldn't you rather me put all my heart into it instead of thinking "what the hell am I doing?" And whenever I look into your eyes wouldn't you rather have me see the wonderful life ahead of us instead of being haunted by the horrible life behind us?" Kairi paused. Then she bent her head down and nodded in quiet agreement as a tear fell down her cheek.

"Kairi, if you'd just let me go, eventually I'd come back to you, and everything would be just like I said." Kairi was quiet for a few moments. Then she took a deep breath.

"Ok....I'm letting you go." Riku smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Thank you Kairi." Then the two of them wrapped their arms around each other tightly as if they were never letting go. Kairi rubbed her cheek up against his strong shoulder as more tears of sorrow fell from her face. Riku cried softly to himself and kissed the top of her head as he embraced what he'd be leaving behind for what he knew could be the last time at any moment. When they finally pulled apart, after what seemed like hours, Riku pulled a necklace out of his shirt and ripped it from his neck. It was a dog tag style necklace that had "Riku" engraved on it and a silver chain.

"Give me your hand," he said softly. Kairi reached out her hand and Riku placed the necklace into it as he held her hand for the final time.

"I want that when I return to you....but until that time just keep it to remember me by." Kairi's eyes shined with tears.

"Oh Riku.." she wrapped her arms around his waist once again. The two embraced for several minutes. Riku kissed her cheek, as they pulled apart.

"I love you Riku," Kairi said. Riku smiled.

"Kairi, I promise that one day I'll say it back, but right now I just can't." Kairi nodded slowly.

"I understand," she replied softly.

"And Kairi....if you ever feel alone, just look up at the stars and think of them as Drops of Jupiter in my hair...."

~*Another Time, Another Place*~

The children around him smiled happily as his story was coming to an end. They never took their eyes off of him as he told his story with such passion. The children rested their heads on each other's shoulders as they listened to him peacefully.

"...And that's my story," Riku finished. "That was the story of my life before I came to live here. It was sad story for me, filled with sorrow and anger, but eventually I found peace inside of me."

"But are you happy?" one of the children called out. Riku smiled at her.

"No yet, but I'm close. Excuse me, but I have to go now. I hope everyone enjoyed my story."

"Wait Mr. Riku!" another child called out, "What about Kairi? And Betsy? And Faye? Did you ever see them again?"

"No, I never saw any of them again."

"Are you sad about that?"

"Well....sometimes."

"Why aren't you sad all over?" another child asked, "If I left people like them, I'd be very sad. Especially Kairi!"

"Yah!" all the kids protested. Riku smiled.

"I'm not sad all over because I know that one day, everything's gonna be ok, and when that day comes, I'll love Kairi even more."

"I don't understand," one of the kids whined softly. He walked over to her and put her hand on his shoulder.

"You know, I don't think anyone understands. Which is why when you grow up you can't be stupid and end up like me ok?"

"Ok," she giggled.

"Mr. Riku, how will you know when you finally become happy?"

"Because I'll feel like I did when I looked into Kairi's eyes before the Heartless came...and it felt like I was flying without wings."

~*THE END*~

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Well that's the end of my story. I'm sorry if I disappointed a lot of y'all, but I wanted to do something y'all weren't expecting. But you know, my story may not COMPLETELY go away...... *cough*SEQUEL*cough*....(hint hint). Well I think I did a pretty ok job, what do y'all think? Thank you for all y'all's wonderful reviews. They were very encouraging for me! I hope y'all enjoyed my story and be sure to watch out for me cause I got a lot more stories in mind. Well that's all! Thank you once again for your reviews and I'm sorry if I disappointed y'all on the end of the story....*cough*SEQUEL*cough*.

Peace On and Out,

Kia Saphia