Switching Places
Parody Bonus (Whether you want it or not)

AN (ie: Excuses) –

The Short of it: Real life had hit me upside the head and I have no time for my own writing. Here's some silly bonus stuff because I've gotten 100 reviews! ^___^

The Long of it: I know what it's like to be anxious for a new chapter and I don't like being the source of that. (grr...) Sadly I am lacking two important things to be able to write chapter seven: Time and a comfortable writing space (well, I found one really. The problem is that when I'm available to use it so is everyone else…get the picture?). ;_; I found a little time to write out some snippets I've scribbled between and during classes (it's good enough for this silliness but I need a larger block for the real chapter...). x_x This is also intended as a bonus because I have received 100 reviews! (101 right now, but that's beside the point). ^___^ These are parodies and may not make much sense, let alone be funny. ^^;; There's a behind the scenes bit of humor that can be taken as part of the story and is marked as such. There is also further information on Riddle and how he didn't turn out evil at the bottom. Review responses will be included at the bottom of the actual chapter Seven.

** If you don't like this then make a suggestion for if and when review 200 comes around. If you do like this then tell me! (Nothing but complaints will be counter-productive.) Ok? **

Enjoy!



Parody Number One - St. Mungos at some time before McGlenn tries to kill Harry:

St. Mungos was a busy place – nurses hustled from room to room, doctors were never in enough places at once, visitors wandered up and down the halls in a futile search for loved ones and patients lay there in utter boredom either reading magazines from a decade ago or repeatedly calling for the nurse just for the attention. There was one patient, however, who did neither because of his inability to be conscious.

This patient was one Harry Potter. This one, not the other one, had been run through the mill. For this reason he was in fairly serious condition and under a powerful medication field to stabilize him while other healing magic went to work on his injuries. Being unable to do much more than breathe, he had few visitors. However, considering the hectic nature of St. Mungos the gaggle of girls who slipped into his room went largely unnoticed by the hospital staff.

"There he is!" one near the front whispered excitedly and pointed.

They surged forward and surrounded the bed. While several of them made delighted noises and fidgeted, another gave him a once-over and commented dryly, "He looks like death warmed over."

Another nodded solemnly, "No wonder he's in a coma."

"Let's wake him up!" came a voice from the behind one of the taller spectators.

"Did anyone bring a wand?" They looked at one another. Several shrugged, others moaned in disappointment, and a few had excited grins plastered on their faces. All at once at least five wands were whipped out of sleeves or other concealed places at the same time. It took a moment to get over the shock of staring down the length of a wand… on the receiving end.

"Ok, now what spell should we use?" The grins disappeared.

"We could just poke him until something happens."

"Does anyone have a Latin-English dictionary?" asked a girl with bits of plastic in her hair as she waved a hammer at the other people.

But before that could be discovered the door opened and a surprised and angry Dr. Burke stormed into the room, "Do you not realize that the hospital has rules on the amount of visitors allowed in a room at one time?"

He was met with several blank stares.

Then he saw the wands. "The University Hospital is in Lancaster. I suggest you step away from Mr. Potter before I call the Aurors."

"But-but he's got to wake up!" cried one.

"He can't stay asleep!" cried another.

The rest of the protests blended together into one cry…until they were suddenly silenced. They looked at each other in confusion, their mouths agape but no sound escaped.

"Ok, I tried to stay true to the story line but this is ridiculous," Dr. Burke sighed in frustration. "All of you reviewers, out! He will wake up when he is supposed to!" Dr. Burke waved his arms and then pointed at the door.

Many of the reviewers hung their heads and they left the room. A couple of stragglers stuck out their tongues and one rambunctious reviewer slammed her foot into Dr. Burke's shin. As he howled in pain and rage she scampered off to the others who were snickering along with her.



Parody Number Two - How the scenes should really be:

Harry looked up at the person who was supposed to be his Uncle Remus, "You know, you look really tired and beat. Did Uncle Sirius take you bar hopping again?"

Remus sputtered, "No..."

"Then did he try to...um...you know," Harry wiggled his eyebrows.

"No!"

"Can anyone explain what the hell is going on?" Sirius asked petulantly.

"Dumbledore can," Remus shrugged.

"But he's not here right now. He needs to be here so he can explain," Sirius whined in a very dog-like fashion.

"I'll go owl him." As soon as Remus left the room all communication halted. The remaining occupants did nothing but stare at one another and they continued to do so until Remus returned. He wiped some ink on his robes and then looked up expectantly at Harry and Sirius.

Nothing was said.

"So…" Remus wanted to ask 'What are you doing here? Why are you here? Why me?!' and throw his hands up in supplication to some omniscient being that took pleasure in making his life hell. Instead he looked at the silent men, staring at each other.

The silence seemed to be infinite. If this were some artsy film the sun would set and the stars would come out and meanwhile not a word would be said; no movement made.

Remus felt a finger prod him in the back, "You alive?"

Remus knew it was useless to try and look so he simply replied, "Do you want to get into the technicalities of it or just say 'yes'?"

There was a disembodied snort, "Just say yes."

"Yes, then," Remus rolled his eyes.

Harry looked pleadingly at the spot beyond Remus where the snort had come from. "Line?"



Parody Number Three - Remus and Sirius (at some point after Harry has left):

Remus returned to the living room with a china tea service balanced expertly in his hands. As he set it down Sirius remarked, "There's nothing else."

Remus poured out the tea and asked calmly, "Nothing else of what?" He eyed the manuscript Sirius seemed to be reading from and realization dawned, "Maybe she hasn't gotten that far yet."

"Maybe she's going to kill us off," Sirius threw down the script and prepared his own cup.

"Maybe she's written us out," Remus suggested and took a sip.

"That's what I just said."

"They're not the same thing, Padfoot," Remus shook his head, "You just specified how we'd be written out."

Sirius was thoughtful for a moment as he added sugar to his cup, "Maybe she'll send us on an impromptu trip to the Caribbean."

Remus took another sip of his tea, "I'd like that."



Parody Number Four - Annoyance with the so-called Innocent Harry:

Endriago Luna had decided to skip the trip to St. Mungos. The mission to wake up the original Harry was important, but she had other business to attend to. She stalked along the corridors of Hogwarts until she reached the portrait of the Fat lady. This was by no means a difficult obstacle, a stolen password and a sweet smile gained her access to the Gryffindor common room.

She grinned and her anticipation grew as she drew closer to the fifth year boys dormitories. But how should she go in? Sneak in as she had done for most of the way here? Kick the door in and take him by surprise? Pretend to be a sweet girl that didn't exist in his world? Well, the last had possibilities because it would allow her to get up close while she watched him squirm. She snickered to herself.

However she dismissed them all upon seeing him on the landing. His back was to her due to an untied shoelace. This was too perfect! She stepped up to him confidently, but in complete silence, aligned herself for the best shot, took aim and gave him a swift kick in the pants.

Upon contact Harry gave a startled exclamation that cannot be repeated without raising the rating. He fell forward and caught himself before he plastered his face against the flag stone while the sound of his voice echoed through the tower as well as the resounding smack from hitting the floor. Still uttering censored words, he flipped over to face his attacker.

But she was already gone. There was nothing left to show that someone had been there except for a small slip of paper with something written on it. Harry crawled over and picked it up. It read: Endriago Luna has permission to kick Harry Potter. Not Scar Harry, the other one. – [Signed] Child of Two Worlds



Behind the Scenes Number One - Dumbledore in his Office:

Headmaster Albus Dumbledore had one weakness that could truly be exploited by evil forces and that was his love of sweets. However, since Dark Forces tend to favor Liver and Onions as snack food it is unlikely any form of evil will manipulate this addiction.

Nevertheless, such an addiction did have its consequences. As he sat at his desk eating muggle sweets he tried to figure out what the heck Harry (our Harry) did. One hand held a bag of Lemon drops while his other hand was used to insert candy into his mouth and turn pages. He was so completely absorbed in both task and candy that his didn't take notice of his sticky fingers.

Upon turning touching the parchment to turn to the next page the tome snapped shut on his hand. The book snarled and chewed on Dumbledore's hand as he gave a surprised shout and waved his arm about in a futile attempt to dislodge the book. Immediately he was up out of his chair and swinging every which way, but the book held on. Finally, with a great amount of centrifugal force, the book lost its hold on Dumbledore's hand and flew across the room. It smacked the door to his office, slid to the floor and opened to the page where he had left off - all the while whimpering and rustling its pages.

Rubbing his abused hand, Dumbledore sighed, "I really must remember which books are mine and which belong to the library."



Behind the Scenes Number TwoThe New History of Tomas M. Riddle:

Tomas Riddle was abandoned by his father shortly after his birth and he spent the next eight years of his life at a muggle orphanage. This is how he knows what it is like to have both older and younger siblings. While he grew up with muggles he may or may not have known of his magical heritage. How? I'm guessing. It could go either way and he drew several parallels between his life and Harry's in Chamber of Secrets. In the books Riddle really did grow up in an orphanage and really did live there for most if not all of his time spent at Hogwarts. I can't imagine that he didn't know before getting his letter and there is no way the orphanage would have paid for him to attend.

So the guess is, based on the canon and a few other odds and ends, that Riddle's mother must have had money in Gringotts so that Riddle could afford going to Hogwarts. He must have known something before hand to be so fiercely proud of his magical heritage. Well, then again maybe he resented not being told before hand… Whether it was the actual knowledge that he was a wizard or whether he just knew he was different, I'm really not sure.

For muggle-borns there has to be someone who comes and explains the whole deal with magic so that the whole letter by owl isn't passed off as a scam. This could have happened if Riddle really didn't know about his magic.

Anyway, Riddle's adopted around when he is eight. I'm going with he knew he was different, but he didn't know how much. (Pet owners, here is an analogy: You remember when you went to the pet store/shelter/wherever and you just knew that you wanted that one? It's kind of like that... Not to demean it or anything, but that's the best way I can think of to explain it. It's either that or give his adoptive parents a tragic past and that's too cliché.) Riddle has some issues about being abandoned by his father, as he discovers when he gets to school.

At some point during his adolescence he has a heart-to-heart with his father about right, wrong, good and evil. Some anger management and a few eye openers. Riddle, in this universe, has grown up with muggles and has seen the best and worst of both worlds. He resents his biological father's reaction (while appreciating what his adoptive parents have done for him) and wonders what life could have been like his is mother had not died. He wants to prove to himself and to his biological father that he is not some freak or worthless (like how he excels in school in the canon. I'm guessing anyway…). Thus, he raises himself up above the standard and eventually becomes the minister of magic.

Now for the whole Santa deal. Riddle spent the majority of his childhood in an orphanage. He knows what it's like not to have a family. When he was ten he needed his appendix out. This was a huge deal in those days and you were in the hospital for at least a week and then it was a long road to recovery after that. This didn't have such a profound impact until later in life when he met his wife. She made a comment about those who didn't have someone to go home to for the holidays. He was bringing her to meet his family (he has adopted siblings) since by this point she was nearly his fiancé (he hadn't proposed yet). He remembered his time in the hospital and how lonely it was. Then he got to thinking about those kids who didn't get any visitors.

He started doing the Santa thing before he became Minister of Magic, and it certainly helped to gain votes during his campaign. He continues to do it for Christmas, New Year and a couple of other holidays throughout the year if he can manage it. However, he will always show up for Christmas. ^__^

Is that better? If not, just ask questions. His life and family aren't that important to moving the plot along, it's just where everything started being rearranged. I like to believe that James and Lily had a 'true love' thing going and were going to be married regardless. Harry was an unexpected first. Then there's also how I perceive alternate universes. There are similar universes to this where Harry wasn't born, while Riddle did choose this path. It was necessary, for whatever Harry did (b/c I'm not telling that at this time ^.~), that there had to be another Harry to exchange places with. (That may be too much information as it is... =P But how many people are going to read this far? o.O)

**Oh, and if anything in the actual story seems random, please point it out. McGlenn was a change of plans, but he wasn't random (there's a point to what he did and something will come of it). I have the whole thing figured out; it's just getting out all the details that takes time and effort.**