Spike rolled off the bed when he was sure Buffy was downstairs. He groaned as his burns reminded him of how she wanted him to 'prove' his love. 'Sick, sadistic bitch. God, I love her. But I do have my pride. Or at least what little Dru left me with. I'm the Slayer slayer, not the Slayer's whipping boy. She doesn't want me, fine. But I'm not going to hang around so she can lessen her guilt.' With that, Spike grabbed his duster and the blanket Buffy kept folded at the foot of her bed. He put the duster on gently, as to not aggravate the burns. Then he gave one last glace around Buffy's room, knowing this would be the last time he was here. He spotted a little notepad on the dresser and ripped off a page. He scribbled on the paper and set it on Buffy's pillow. Spike wrapped the blanket around him and braced himself for the arduous trek out the window and off the roof, to finally make his dash for the sewers.

To Buffy's surprise, she had managed to air out the house pretty well by the time her mother came down.

"Morning, Sweetie. You're up early! You *do* know it's a Saturday, right?" Joyce said as she accepted the cup of coffee Buffy handed her.

"Sure, I just thought, why lay in bed when there's so much I could be getting done!" Buffy sounded almost *too* cheerful. Joyce gave her a strange look.

"Honey, are you feeling well? I mean, you're a college gal who's up at 7:00am on a Saturday. I don't think we'll see Dawn for another 3 or 4 hours!"

"Well, high school kids, what do they know? Sleeping their lives away! Besides, I wasn't out too late patrolling last night. I got a good night's sleep." Joyce gave her a knowing look.

"Uh huh. Why do I have this feeling that this all has to do with a certain guy?" Buffy's eyes widened.

"What? No. No guy. No guy!"

"Sweetie, Riley hasn't been gone that long. You can't tell me that it doesn't still upset you. Couldn't sleep, could you?"

"Oh, Riley, yeah. I guess...you got me. I just thought if I kept up appearances no one would worry about me. I do miss him, though." Buffy *did* miss him, he just wasn't at the forefront of her thoughts at the moment.

"Buffy, it's perfectly natural to miss him. He was a really great guy. And so things didn't work out, it's not the end of the world. We'll get through this together. I know it seems hard now, but I promise it will get better." Joyce gave Buffy a gentle squeeze as she rounded the counter.

"I know. I just...ah, I'm gonna go take a shower. Get ready for the day. I have some errands to run. Did you need anything while I'm out?"

"Oh, I'll call in my prescription, if you don't mind going by the pharmacy. Only if it's not out of your way"

"No, that's fine. The headaches still bad?" Buffy frowned in concern.

"Oh, not so bad. I just want to make sure I have some pills around if it starts to get really unpleasant up there." Joyce pointed to her head for emphasis.

"Ok. I won't be too long getting ready."

Buffy sighed as she turned the knob to her room. She was sure Spike would be out cold, but she hated taking the chance of waking him. She'd just sneak in and grab some clothes and slip back out. As she slowly opened the door, she noticed how bright it was inside. She flung the door open the rest of the way to find an empty room. No Spike. No dust, so he hadn't followed through with his 'proof.' 'God, I was so stupid to tell him to do that. How did I know he would actually try it?' Buffy walked over to the window and pulled the blinds down. 'At least he took his stinky duster with him.' She turned toward the bed and noticed the note.

--Slayer, borrowed your blanket. You'll get it back.--

"Quite the wordsmith there, Spike." Buffy chuckled as she tossed the note back on the bed. 'Well, whatever. He's out of my hair. I just hope he doesn't do anything stupid.' That thought made Buffy worry. She knew she shouldn't worry for Spike, not after what he'd done to her. After what he'd almost let Dru do to her. But she still couldn't shake the image of him bursting into flames on her front porch. Because he loved her. She shook her head, unable to wrap it around such a concept. 'Ok, so a quick swing by his crypt to make sure he's ok. Not that I care, just...' Buffy stopped trying to rationalize and decided to take a shower.

Buffy decided to be polite and *not* kick in Spike's door. She pushed it open gently, the hinges creaking at the movement.

"Spike?" Buffy waited for a reply that didn't come. She shut the door slowly behind her and let her eyes adjust to the darkened room. She spotted her blanket folded neatly on the back of Spike's lazy chair. She walked over and picked it up. It smelled a little smoky, but looked no worse for the wear.

"Oh, hey, I was gonna get that back to you. Didn't expect you'd miss it that much." Spike startled her. She looked up to see him coming from the lower level. He was carrying a duffel bag.

"Planning a vacation? Hellmouth not exotic enough for you?" Buffy tried to be cheery, but she found herself very uncomfortable. Spike held up the bag and looked at it for a moment.

"Just...respecting your wishes, pet. Getting out of town." Buffy frowned, he looked very serious.

"Yeah, right. Like all it takes is me telling you to leave. Never tried that one before!"

"Well, things are different now. I don't find it very becoming mooning after someone who doesn't want me. Did that bit with Dru before, and you can see where that got me." Spike had a very cold edge to his voice that disturbed Buffy.

"Spike, you don't have to leave. I already told you that."

"Oh, the fair Slayer is deigning to let me stay? How honored I am. Sorry, pet, I can't agree to your terms. You expect me to just get over you like some schoolboy with a crush? I'm not like your soldier boy who can just up and decide he doesn't want you anymore. I'm a vampire. Our ideas of love and commitment are just a bit different from a human's. I was with Dru for a hundred years. What did you get? Maybe a year out of Captain America before he scampered off? The boy doesn't know what it means to commit. The first hint of trouble and he's gone. And then-" Spike's tirade was cut short by a right cross.

"Don't you ever talk about Riley that way. You don't know him. You have no idea what happened with us." Spike sniffed and rubbed his jaw.

"No, but I do know he's not here. That wholesome, all-American farmboy split. And who's left? The soulless, evil thing that can't love."

Buffy pointed at his duffel bag. "Not for long, apparently." 'Why are you arguing with him?? You *so* don't want him to stay.'

Spike chuckled and shook his head. "Pet, if I thought for one second you wanted me to stay...if I thought you wanted me here for anything more than being a punching bag or informant, you'd never get rid of me. I'm not like those other guys, luv. I don't leave when things get hard. But I'm also not going to stay here and get every last shred of dignity I have stomped on. Even by you, Slayer." Spike made himself busy tossing random items in his bag. He didn't even seem to be paying attention to what he threw in, more trying to have something else to do besides look at Buffy.

Buffy felt bad. She knew he was more than she told him he was. She could see plainly he had feelings that she was hurting. "Spike..."

"Look, Slayer, there's nothing left to be said. And besides, you got the problems with your mum, taking care of the Nibblet. You don't need me hanging around, causing you more grief. Just look after them, and be glad I'm out of your hair."

Buffy laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Oh, so now you're leaving for my own good? That's novel. Never heard of that one. Glad you thought it up."

Spike sighed, "I'm leaving for a lot of reasons, pet. I'm just glad you'll get a little benefit out of it. And don't tell me the Scoobies won't be thrilled that I'm gone."

"This isn't about them. This is about you and me. And despite all your talk about loving me and being different from the others, you're still leaving. So, no, you're not so different." Buffy knew she shouldn't be saying these things, but her emotions were in control now, and thinking about Angel and Riley always made her irrational.

"Bloody hell, woman! First you tell me to go, then you tell me to stay. You tell me to get all nice and cozy with Mr. Sunshine, and then you won't let me go through with it. I can see why the others left. You're bleedin' insane!"

Buffy took a deep breath and pushed down her anger. "I'm not telling you to stay. I'm just not ready for you to leave yet." Buffy sighed and sat on the lazy chair. "You're right. I have a lot of stuff going on in my life, and none of it consistent. But you, you're one of the few things I can count on. I can count on you to annoy me and to drive me absolutely nuts. But you've also always been there when I've needed anything. Even though I mostly had to pay you, you never said no. Even with all the grief I gave you. I don't understand why when I try so hard to drive you away, you won't go. That's something I've never known before. Usually I tried so hard to keep people from leaving, but the ended up gone anyway. And you...you wouldn't go, no matter how much I wanted you gone." Buffy held her head in her hands.

Spike walked up to her and kneeled in front of her. "Buffy? Buffy, look at me." Spike reached out and lifted her chin with his forefinger. Her face showed confusion. "You want me to stay?" Buffy nodded almost imperceptibly. "Then you have to give me something. Something more than just status quo."

Buffy frowned. "Spike, I can't give you what you want. I'm sorry, I just can't."

Spike nodded. "I know. But how about what *you* want? You want me around for more than just punching and paying, right?" Another small nod. "Then just tell me what you want from me."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know. That's just it. I should want you to leave. I should have let you burn up this morning. It's my job, I'm the Slayer and you're a vampire." Spike nodded, complete openness showing in his eyes. "But I can't *do* my job. And it's not just because of the chip. I don't know. I guess I want...My friends, I can't really talk to them sometimes. They're just...people. And not that I'm not a person, but I'm not like them. I'm different. And so are you. We're not the same, you and I, but I don't think either one of us has anyone we can talk to about being more than human. Giles comes the closest to understanding, because it's his job to understand. But..."

"It's not the same. Not the same as talking to someone who was forced into this life, right? The others, they have a choice. They could walk away from it if they wanted to, but not you and me. We were put into our roles, we didn't choose them." Buffy nodded, a small smile of gratitude on her face. 'Someone finally gets it.' "Would you have chosen to be the Slayer, if you could?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Now that's a loaded question! I don't know. So much goes into it. I guess it's a good thing that it's not a choice, otherwise I'm not sure anyone would do it! What about you? Do you ever wish you hadn't been turned?"

Spike smiled slightly. "Talk about loaded. I don't know. I do know if I were a human I'd have a better chance with you, but then again, I'd be rotting in a grave somewhere, so probably not." Buffy chuckled, and Spike glowed at seeing her smile. "A lot of what I like about myself is because I'm a vamp. Not sure I'd be willing to give that up. Strength, speed, this gorgeous face forever...it's a pretty good package deal." Spike smiled at Buffy. She laughed at him.

"Ah, you got the deluxe package, complete with vanity. Nice choice. Thought I gotta tell ya, the face isn't faring too well right now." Buffy reached up and gently touched his burns. Spike stilled her hand and laid it on her lap.

"The face will be fine. Back to it's dashing form in no time."

"I'm sorry about that. That was pretty harsh of me. Telling you to sit out in the sun..."

Spike shrugged. " 'S ok, pet. I'm used to women being cruel to me. Wouldn't want to shatter my illusions and make me think women can actually be nice, now would we?"

Buffy smiled sadly. "Spike, I'm going to try to be nicer to you. What you did, downstairs, I know it's just...your way of...doing things. Not that I'm ok with it, but I kind of understand. I should have remembered that's how you are."

Spike shook his head. "It's not how I am, pet. I was desperate and I went off the deep end. And well, frankly, I've been with Drusilla for too long. Kind of forgot what's acceptable with normal girls. But I knew better than that. It was a mistake that I'm so very sorry about."

"Ah, forget it. What girl hasn't dreamed of being chained up in a crypt filled with vampires?" Spike raised an eyebrow at that and chuckled. "JOKE, buddy. Don't get any ideas." Buffy pointed at the duffel bag. "So, you still going? I can understand if you do. I haven't really given you any reason to stay."

Spike stood up and looked down at her thoughtfully. "You want me to stay because I can give you something no one else can. Can't think of a better reason. And you're going to be nicer to me, don't think I didn't hear that. Icing on the cake. But, pet, do know that I'm not going to stop loving you. I know you don't feel like I do, so I'll try not to make you uncomfortable. But it'll always be there. You want me around, it's something *you'll* have to deal with. It's not going away."

Buffy nodded as she stood in front of him. "Sounds like a deal. I'll be nicer to you, and you don't get all moony around me. And maybe somewhere in between we can be...friends?"

Spike laughed. "Friends? How ambitious of you, luv. How about we shoot for 'not mortal enemies' first? Then we'll see where that gets us."

Buffy smiled and extended her hand. "Sounds good." Spike took her hand gently and brought it to his lips for a chaste kiss.

Spike watched Buffy leave with something akin to giddiness. Inside he felt like he could burst at what had just transpired. The Slayer had actually said she needed him. *Wanted* him, in fact. He collapsed in his chair, his legs no longer able to hold him.

Buffy left the crypt with an incredible sense of relief. She had made peace with Spike and could actually envision tolerating his company. More than tolerate, she almost looked forward to it. 'Being nice to him won't be that bad. He's a decent enough guy when you take away the smirk and swagger.' She silently hoped she'd get to see more of him like that, all open and endearing. 'Although the smirk and swagger can be damned sexy sometimes. NO! This is Spike...just friends...for now.' She still couldn't explain her sudden change in attitude about Spike, but she knew better than to fight it. He was a loyal guy when her life was lacking that presence. Xander was like a brother, Giles a father figure. She just wanted a 'guy' around. Not necessarily for romance, just for friendship. And he did understand what it was like to be cast your lot in life instead of getting to choose it like everyone else. He understood her, and while it made part of her uneasy, another part was strangely comforted. No one ever understood her. But Spike did. And he would always be there. And Buffy finally realize that was a very good thing.

**

The End!

I never intended this to be very long, and I don't want to put all the good Spuffiness I have in my head just in this story. I know it could go on, but I have bigger plans for my longer fic The Gift Redux, which is very Spuffy- centric. I don't want to give less attention to my other fics than they warrant and I don't want to leave them hanging, so I'm gonna try and wrap them up. If there's one thing I hate, it's creating a fic that will never be done!