When in Doubt, Go Leather

The Autobiography of Sirius Black

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Chapter Three: Goin' to the Chapel.....

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August 29, 1978



Planning for Lily and James's wedding was really hardly planning at all. Lily, who was usually all for details, just wanted to get married, so she did a few hurried decorations, a set of plain invitations, dresses for herself and her maid of honor, tuxes for James and myself, for I was best man of course, and some food, which she insisted on making herself, and chairs for the outside wedding.

That was it.

Her dress and everything was really pretty, our tuxes were nice-- rented, but nice--, the flowers were from her flower garden, the maid of honor, her best friend Jennifer, had her dress, which was nice....

Overall it was really nice.

I woke up at three in the morning to James shaking me awake. "Sirius, help me, I think I'm gonna pass out."

"Wait till the morning," I mumbled, trying to go back to sleep.

"The wedding is in nine hours, Sirius!" he said quietly. "I'm gonna faint!"

"Go eat something."

He paused for a minute. "What?"

He can be such an idiot sometimes, I mean honestly.

"Nevermind. What's to be nervous about?"

"What if something goes wrong? What if I'm smiling and I have something in my teeth? What if the cake collapses? What if in all the pictures my eyes are closed? What if-"

"For all those things, I'll laugh. Goodnight, James."

"You know, most best friends would say, 'Oh, none of those things will happen, don't worry, go make yourself some coffee.' But not you. You say 'I'll laugh.' Great best friend, you."

"Fine, fine," I sighed, sitting up. "What do you want...what are you wearing?"

James looked down. He was dressed in lime green robes, which I recognized to be Lily's from her sixth year at Hogwarts for this costume ball we had. Even in the dark I could see James blushing.

"I-I don't know," he admitted. "I think I just grabbed something."

"You give new meaning to dressing in the dark, Jamsie. Where's Lils? I want some crepes."

"Number one, it's three in the morning. Number two, she's at Jennifer's. You know that."

I groaned, rubbing my eyes. I really hoped Lily had left us something to eat or James had some money or something. James and I...well, let's just say we'd either starve or kill ourselves if Lily weren't here to cook for us.

"Let's go find something to eat," I said. "Maybe it'll help me think."

"What do you need to think about?" James asked as I rummaged around in my dresser drawer for a pair of socks.

"How we're going to Remus and Peter over here," I told him.

James sprang up from the position where he was (sitting on my bed). He crossed the room, grabbed me by the front of my robes and said in a deadly voice, "Tell me you're joking."

"No."

"SIRIUS!" he shrieked, his voice quite a bit higher than usual. "You were supposed to take care of that two weeks ago!"

Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew are our other best friends. They were currently in Ireland and France respectively on vacation from this school they went to for a teaching degree and entry-level Ministry work, respectively.

I shrugged. "Must've slipped my mind," I said casually.

James screamed. I'm not kidding. He just....screamed.

"Lily's going to kill you! She's going to kill me!" he babbled.

"Look, they'll just Apparate- no big deal," I said.

"From where? They don't know what time to come, what point to come from-"

"I sent them an invitation," I said loudly. "They know when to come."

He glared at me. "You'd better take care of this," he said, poking me in the chest. "You had better take care of this."

James left the room then and not long after I heard his steps on the stairs.

*****

"ARE YOU INSANE?!" Lily's harried voice rang through the house, leaving a ringing sound after her thought was finished.

"Lily's here!" I announced. James was adjusting his tie, looking nervously in the mirror. He now turned white.

"Time to face the music, chap," I said, clapping him on the shoulder.

James looked hurriedly at his bling-blingin' watch. "Sirius, it's only 11:10," he said, voice shaking. "We still have forty-five minutes before we have to be at the altar."

"Correction-forty-five minutes before you have to be at the altar. I'm escorting Jen, remember?"

James paled again. "I have to be up there alone?" he whispered.

"Yes," I said slowly. "James, we talked about this."

James was about to reply when Lily's voice thundered again.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'THE CAKE COLLAPSED'?!"

"The cake!" James gasped, standing up and getting ready to go out the door. I pulled him back by his suit jacket.

"No can do, sir," I told him. "Can't see the bride before the music starts."

"She spent six hours making that cake the Muggle way!" James said. He looked crestfallen.

"Yeah, well we'll just conjure one up that looks just like it," I said, trying to console him.

The door swung open, revealing Remus Lupin who was huffing and puffing, sandy brown hair sticking up slightly, his face red.

"Lily's gone mad!" were the first words out of his mouth. "She's insane! She keeps babbling on and on about a cake and how the cherries probably hadn't even set. She almost pounced on me when I came in the door!"

I snickered. I couldn't help it. Remus looked absolutely terrified. He and Lily had always gotten on well, but he was right: Lily could be very scary when she wanted to be. Like the time James and I were out until four in the morning and Lily waited up for us. Ooh, you want to talk about scary? Poor Jamsie.....had to sleep on the couch for a month and a half.

"It's not funny!" Remus snapped. "Do you want to go down there?"

I shut up.

"I really should go down there," James said, trying to get out the door. Both Remus and I stopped him this time.

"She'll be fine," I said. "Her mother will take care of it."

"Her mother's a Muggle!" James yelled. "She can't conjure up a cake!"

"I never said she had to conjure one," I retorted. "She can go buy one. There's a bakery down the street."

James sighed and sat back down on the bed, rubbing his eyes. "Guys?" he said softly, looking up.

Oh God. Here it comes. The sentimental 'I just love her so much. What if it's not enough?' crap all groomsmen have to go through.

"I'm scared."

What?! How could the guy who got sorted into Gryffindor, the bravest House in Hogwarts, in under three seconds be scared of a silly little thing like marriage? It was ridiculous!

"I...I don't want to lose Lily," he continued.

He lost *me*.

"You can't lose Lily," I said loudly. "She's like a little lost puppy, she follows you everywhere. Trying to lose Lily would be like trying to lose those calls from China you still get."

"You're still getting those?" Remus inquired, mildly surprised. "I thought you changed the number."

James sighed and put his head in his hands.

****

"I just wanna say," I slurred. "I jus' wan' say dat Lils and Jamsie gon' be together forever.....eve' if Lils won't let 'im ge' lucky....."

It was the reception, and I was drunk. Dead drunk. James made the mistake of putting red wine in front of me. He knows once I get one drink, it's all over.

Idiot.

That's not the half of what happened.

I started to sing.

I sang Bette Midler: "Wind Beneath My Wings."

"Did you ever know that you're my heeeeeeeerooooo?" I warbled, my voice terribly off-key. I usually sound much better than that. If I wasn't a wizard, I would be a rock star. After all, I have all the qualities: I can sing, I'm dead sexy, and I have experience.......my modeling, of course. "You're everything Iiiiiiii ever wanted tooo-ooo-ooo be...."

You may be wondering how I know all of this.

Remus, ever the memory-saver, recorded it all. In a Pensieve. Well, not recorded it, but you know.....saved it. I've visited James and Lily's wedding night many, many times.....and laughed each and every one.

By now, James was trying to keep a straight face while Lily sobbed.

"Thank you," I slurred. "Thank you very much."

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After that wedding, James and Lily tried to get me never to drink again. There were some occurances where I slipped up, but nothing totally major. Well, there was the time on their first anniversary.......

Well, that wasn't nearly as funny as the time at their wedding, so we'll ignore it.

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A/N: Yeah......I think I have a slight Sirius obsession. Doesn't everyone, though?