Part 8 of 8
**
*Flashback*
It was just over a week since Donna had received her black eye from Josh and the bruising had almost disappeared.
"Josh," Donna said as she entered his office on the Tuesday night, "I'm gonna head home now, okay?" Josh looked at his watch and then scrubbed at his right eye with his hand before answering her.
"Donna, it's still early," he complained.
She rolled her eyes. "It's 7:30, it's not that early. Besides, there's nothing on my desk that can't wait until tomorrow."
Josh let out a long sigh and then stood up, walking behind Donna to close his office door. "Okay," he said through another sigh, as Donna turned to face him. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He looked at her intensely before adding, "I'll miss you tonight."
Donna smiled at him warmly. "I'll miss you too, Josh," she replied huskily, kissing him lingeringly before leaving. Josh smiled a little, but it didn't reach his eyes; he still couldn't understand why Donna was so strict about spending two nights in her own place every week. She had come up with a routine and she'd insisted on sticking to it, no matter what Josh said or did. He had been placated by the fact that she designed the routine to minimize their time apart.
*
A little after 8pm Sam arrived in Josh's open doorway.
"Hey."
Josh looked up from his desk. "Oh, hi, Sam, what's up?"
"I was just passing, well, seeing who was still here. Has Donna gone?" Sam asked, casting a glance to the empty bullpen.
"Yeah, she left a little while ago," Josh said sulkily.
"So, why are you still here?" Sam asked, confusion showing; it had become the 'norm' for Josh and Donna to leave together every night.
"I don't want to go back to an empty apartment," Josh admitted.
"Huh?"
Josh let out a long sigh before explaining. "Donna's spending the night in her own apartment."
Sam still looked confused. "But, it's Tuesday…I thought she stayed in her own place on Mondays?"
"No, she alternates," Josh replied, then continued as he saw Sam's quizzical face. "She always stays with me at weekends, i.e. Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, but she still spends two nights a week in her own apartment. We don't spend more than a night apart, unless we're forced to due to work, so one week she'll stay in her own place on the Monday and Wednesday and the next week it'll be the Tuesday and the Thursday. You know what she's like for rules and routines."
Realization dawned on Sam's face. "Ah, so this is the Tuesday and Thursday week?"
Josh nodded. "Yeah, and it sucks."
Sam smiled at his friend's forlorn expression. "I never thought I'd see the day where you were in a committed relationship, Josh," Sam said, smirking at him. Josh shot him a look. "Oh, come on, Josh, you and Donna spend practically all your time together, both here at work and then at home, I don't remember you ever being like that with any of your previous girlfriends; usually you were trying to escape from them as often as possible."
The look on Josh's face proved that Sam had a point, but Josh just shrugged his shoulders, prompting Sam to grin before he continued speaking.
"Well, anyway, will it suck any less if you spend the night with me?"
"Okay, Sam, I don't know what you've heard about me but…" Josh replied laughingly.
"Funny. I was actually asking if you wanted to go out for a drink. We haven't had a 'guys night out', just the two of us since…well, for a while anyway."
Josh caught the hesitation in Sam's statement and called him on it. "You mean since Donna and I started dating?" Sam nodded but hung his head a little; he was slightly embarrassed. "I know what you mean, Sam but, what can I say? I prefer the company of a beautiful woman to you," Josh said through a smile.
"And Donna certainly is beautiful," Sam replied automatically.
Josh narrowed his eyes in a mock-glare. "Should I be concerned that you're noticing that about my girlfriend?" he asked.
Sam thought for a moment before replying, "No, you should be honored. Donna could do much better."
"I know," Josh said seriously, "believe me, I know."
*
"So, things are still going well between you and Donna?" Sam asked while sipping on his third beer."Yeah, things are great." Josh was still nursing his first low alcohol beer; he had seriously considered getting himself completely drunk so that he would find it easier to sleep without Donna next to him, but the thought of her either glaring at him, yelling at him or teasing him – or a combination of all three – the next morning had quickly changed his mind.
"Josh, if you're this bothered about spending even just one night apart from her, why don't you ask her to move in with you?"
Josh looked at Sam for a second, then let his gaze fall to the beer bottle in his hands. "I already have, she didn't want to," he replied, his tone showing how clearly disappointed he was.
"Are you serious?" Sam asked skeptically. "I'd have laid money on her saying yes."
"So would I, but we'd both have lost."
"Did she give a reason for saying no?"
Josh raised his eyes to look at Sam again. "She said she wasn't ready, that we weren't ready."
"Wasn't?" Sam held Josh's eyes. "That sounds like past tense, Josh. When did you ask her?"
"A couple of months ago," Josh replied, realizing where Sam was going.
"A lot can happen in a couple of months, Josh."
"Yeah, but she said I'd know when the time was right to ask her again." Josh looked and sounded slightly depressed. "I still don't have the feeling that the time has come, as they say."
Just as Sam was about to respond, Josh's cellphone rang. He grabbed it from the table and saw Donna's cellphone number on the caller I.D.
"Hey Donna," Josh said into the phone, in a tone he used purely with her.
"Josh?" Donna asked, as if she wasn't expecting him to answer. "Where are you?"
"What?" Josh cast Sam a glance, showing he was a little confused.
"I asked, where are you?"
"Can't stand to be away from me, or at least my voice, for even a few hours, huh, Donna?" Josh teased.
Donna let out an exasperated sigh. "Josh, I'll ask you again; you're not in the office, I already called there, and you're not at home, so where are you?" Donna asked again.
Josh wasn't used to Donna taking this sort of attitude with him and he immediately went on the defensive. "For all you know, I could be at home and just be call screening," he retorted.
"I know you're not at home, Josh, because that's where I am," Donna stated sharply. Sam noticed the look of shock on Josh's face and wondered what was going on since he could only hear Josh's half of the conversation.
"What are you doing in my apartment?" Josh asked a little harshly. "I thought you were staying in your own place tonight?"
Donna, a little hurt by Josh's tone when he'd said 'his' apartment, deflected his question with one of her own. "Never mind that, where are you, Josh?" Her tone was harsher than his had been and Josh's shock grew.
"I'm in O'Neill's with Sam," he replied, trying to keep his voice under control; while also trying to figure out what was wrong with Donna.
"Oh," came Donna's deflated reply.
Josh sighed loudly. "Do you have a problem with that Donna? Am I not allowed to spend some time, on my own, with my friends?" By now, he had given up trying to control his voice and was letting his irritation show fully.
"Of course I don't, Josh," Donna shot back. "I don't expect you to stop hanging out with your friends just because we're dating, just as I wouldn't expect to have to stop hanging out with my friends."
"So, what's the problem, Donna?" Josh asked, his irritation ebbing a little, while Donna's grew.
"Nothing! I'd just hoped you'd be here when I arrived, or at least get back before it got too late. However, since you obviously don't want me in your apartment tonight, I'll just go home. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up the phone before Josh had a chance to respond and he stared at his cellphone for a moment before Sam broke the silence.
"Josh, is everything okay?"
Josh put the phone into his pocket and looked at Sam. "No, it's not, I…I don't have a clue what just happened," he replied, sounding bewildered. Sam raised his eyebrows, silently asking Josh to expand. "I think…I think Donna and I are fighting, but I sure as hell don't know what about."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam asked gently.
Josh shook his head. "No, I think I should go home."
"I thought you didn't want to go back to an empty apartment," Sam stated. "If you didn't want to do that before, do you really think it's wise to go back there now, where you will probably just sit and brood all night?"
Josh pondered the statement and then formed an idea. "You're right. I shouldn't go home…I'm gonna go to Donna's," he replied, grabbing his coat, standing up and starting to walk out of the bar.
Sam immediately stood up to go after him. "Josh," Sam yelled, although he tried to keep his voice as low as possible while still allowing Josh to hear him; he didn't think Josh going to Donna's was any better an idea than him going back to his empty apartment. Josh ignored his call and left the bar.
*
Donna had only just had time to get changed into her pajamas before there was a loud knock on her apartment door. She knew who it would be and sighed inwardly as she reached the door and confirmed her suspicions by looking through the peephole.
As soon as she opened the door, Josh barged past her.
"Geez, Josh, why don't you come on in?" Donna said, her tone dripping with sarcasm.
He turned sharply to look at her; his expression softening a little as he saw her standing in her Winnie-The-Pooh covered satin pajamas. "I'm sorry, it's just…we need to talk," he stated, removing his coat and dropping it over the back of the couch before taking a seat.
Donna closed the door and retrieved Josh's coat from the couch, hanging it on the hook by the door; she was stalling for time and they both knew it. Josh didn't say anything more, but when Donna walked in front of him, trying to make her way to the window, he grabbed her hand and pulled her down beside him on the couch.
"What are you here for, Josh?" she asked tiredly.
"Like I said, we need to talk. Is Nadine home?" He had moved so that he was sitting sideways on the couch, looking directly at Donna, who turned her head away.
"Nadine's away on business again," she replied, before asking in a tone laced with tiredness and worry, "Do you really think now is a good time to do this?"
"I don't think we should go to bed angry," he stated simply.
Donna gave him a shocked look. "Do you really think I'm gonna go to bed with you now?" she asked incredulously.
Josh let out a long sigh and forced her to hold his eyes. "I meant that we shouldn't go to sleep still mad at each other. I know if I go home without talking this out, I'm not gonna sleep and everything will just fester in my mind, meaning I'll probably be more mad, and confused, in the morning. I have a feeling that the same thing will happen to you," he explained, trying to keep his tone of voice controlled.
Donna shrugged her shoulders but remained silent, turning her head away again.
"Donna," Josh said forcefully, "what's all this about?"
"What?" she asked abrasively, while looking at him sharply.
"Why did you get mad on the phone?" he asked calmly, not wanting the situation to get worse. "What's the problem?" She looked away again and Josh used his index finger to force her to look at him. "Donna?"
"Why do you think I got mad? You told me you didn't want me in your apartment," she replied bitterly.
"WHAT?" Josh shouted, catching himself and bringing his voice under control again before continuing. "I never said that. What on earth makes you say that?" he asked, confusion and hurt in his tone.
"You asked what I was doing in your apartment, Josh," Donna replied harshly. "It was obvious you didn't want me there."
"Donna, I--" He let out a long sigh, taking time to replay their phone conversation in his head. "Okay, I admit I wasn't my usual charming self when I said that, but you know I didn't mean it that way. I only used that tone because you already sounded mad at me. What you were mad about though, I have no idea."
Donna looked at him sharply again, but then realized that he honestly didn't have any idea.
"I…" she started, then stopped and looked at him seriously. "I guess we were both to blame. I was upset when I called you and you wouldn't tell me where you were; you were being obstinate and that got me mad, which I guess got you riled up," she finished, her tone softening slightly.
"Yeahhh," Josh said slowly, "but I wasn't being obstinate. I was just teasing you; you never really gave me a chance to tell you where I was. Anyway, I don't really see how it mattered, you can't expect to keep tabs on me, Donna." He was becoming a little angry again; unhappy that Donna was trying to shift some of the blame onto him, when he felt he had done nothing wrong.
"I wasn't trying to keep tabs on you!" she retorted angrily.
Josh realized the conversation was getting out of control and he interrupted before she could continue. "I know…that was the wrong thing to say. Why was it so important to you to find out where I was though?"
A loud sigh was heard coming from Donna and she dipped her head. "I was at your apartment, Josh. I was there for a reason. When you weren't there, I called the office and got no reply. I waited for you, but you didn't arrive back home; I was worried so I called you," she explained quietly.
"And I answered my cellphone, meaning you didn't need to be worried. So, I ask again, what was your real problem?" Although he didn't want to fight again, Josh knew he had to get to the root cause of the problem.
"Josh." She waited for the penny to drop and he finally got a look in his eyes.
"You said you were in my apartment tonight for a reason. What was the reason?"
Donna smiled at him as she replied, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Nadine's out of town, I didn't want to spend the evening on my own."
"So, you just went to my apartment because you were feeling lonely?" he accused, his hurt showing.
"No…yes…I…" she stopped, not knowing how best to explain. Josh took her hands in his own, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them and trying to show her that he wanted to sort things out.
"Donna?" he asked gently, encouraging her to open up and talk to him.
"I wasn't feeling lonely Josh, I was feeling alone…because I wasn't with you. I decided my two nights a week at home rule was stupid and I wanted to be with you. However, when I got to your place, and then finally talked to you, I discovered that you weren't missing me and had instead gone out with Sam."
"I went out with Sam because I was missing you," he replied honestly, his emotions showing in his voice. "Every time you stay at your own place, I can't sleep. I usually bury myself in work, trying to tire myself out. Tonight, Sam suggested going out for a drink instead. I figured it was as good a way as any to try and forget about how much I would miss you sleeping beside me."
Donna felt tears spring to her eyes and she blinked them back, determined not to let herself be overcome. "So, why did you get mad at me when I told you I was in your apartment?"
"I wasn't mad at you," he said sincerely. "I was mad at myself." Donna showed her confusion and he explained further. "Like I said, usually, when you're staying at your own place, I bury myself in work to tire myself out. I normally take stuff home with me and work there, so, any other night that you had come over unannounced, I would have been home. However, tonight Sam persuaded me to go out for a drink with him. When you told me where you were I…I was pissed that I'd agreed to go with him. I'd much rather have been with you."
Donna grinned at him a little. "So, we were fighting about nothing then?"
"Pretty much, yeah," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.
"You wanted me at your apartment and I wanted to be there," Donna continued, "so we just had a little miscommunication…"
"That got blown out of all proportion," Josh finished for her, "yeah, that pretty much sums it up. By the way, why did you use your cellphone to call me when you were in my apartment, was there something wrong with my phone?" He was smirking a little, but she knew he was puzzled.
"I…I didn't want you to clue into the fact that I was at your apartment; I wanted to find out where you were first," she admitted, hanging her head a little again. Josh smiled at her, but didn't say anything. There was a comment on the tip of his tongue about how if he'd seen his home number on the caller I.D. and knew she was there, they'd never have fought in the first place; however, he bit it back, not wanting to start another round of the fight.
After a few moments of silence Donna asked out of the blue, "How did you get here?"
"Um, I drove," Josh replied, surprised at her question and trying to figure out where she was going with the conversation. She glared at him and he added quickly, "I only had one lite beer when I was out with Sam though."
Her face softened and she asked quietly, "So, your car is outside?" He nodded in response, still not sure what she was alluding to. "Do you still keep a change of clothes in it?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, if you go and get the clothes, you could stay here tonight, instead of you going back to your place and me staying here."
"It's cold outside…I could just get my clothes in the morning," Josh responded.
Donna rolled her eyes. "Oh, so in the morning you're going to give the neighbors a thrill by going out to your car in your boxer shorts, are you?" Donna quipped.
"No, I'll just send you to get them," he stated through a grin.
"Move it, buster," Donna responded, pushing him from the couch. "You know, if you kept a change of clothes here, like I do at your place, you wouldn't have this problem."
"There's no point in me keeping a change of clothes here, Donna. I haven't spent the night here since we got together."
"I know. Why is that?"
"You know why," he replied, slowly trudging to the apartment door and getting his car keys out of his coat pocket. "You have a roommate, I don't."
"Why does it matter that I have a roommate? Nadine has her boyfriend over a lot, so she wouldn't bother about you being here." Josh tried to work out if she was being serious or not; he was unable to tell from her expression or her voice, so he decided to answer her question.
"Well, the fact that you have a roommate means that we wouldn't be able to…do what we wanted…where we wanted…when we wanted…how we wanted…get my drift?"
Donna rolled her eyes and shook her head; somewhat amused at the fact she had managed to get Josh to blush slightly. "Typical."
Josh grinned at her and disappeared out of the apartment to retrieve his bag from his car.
*
When Josh returned, he found that Donna had already gone to bed. She was lying on her side, with her back facing the bedroom door.
"Donna?" he said quietly while changing.
"Yeah?" she responded, still keeping her back towards him.
"This is…okay, right?" he asked hesitantly; suddenly unsure and wondering if Donna was still a little mad at him. Donna lay still for a moment, but then turned to look at him.
"Yeah, of course it is, c'mere." Josh quickly climbed into bed beside her and held out his arms for her to crawl into, which she did instantly.
"I'm sorry about fighting with you, Donna," he said in almost a whisper.
"I'm sorry
too, Josh."
"There is one good thing about us fighting though," Josh commented. Donna raised an eyebrow and waited for him
to continue. "Making up."
"Not
tonight, Josh," she responded and watched as his face lost its grin. "Tonight, I just want to sleep. I don't want you to get into the habit of
fighting with me just so we can make up."
"Hey!" he exclaimed, trying to sound wounded.
"Goodnight, Joshua."
"Night, Donna, I love you."
*End of Flashback*
"I still don't get why you included this photo, Josh," Donna said when she had stopped reminiscing. "I figured you'd want to forget about the fight."
"Hmmm, yeah, but…it kind of leads into the next photo. The fight clued me into something," he replied cryptically. Donna looked at him quizzically for a moment and then finally turned the page to reveal the next photo.
"Hey, that reminds me," she said, looking from the photo to Josh. "I was going to ask you about this."
The photo Donna was looking at showed her clothes hanging next to Josh's in his closet. Another photo alongside it showed her sweats lying beside Josh's in one of his drawers, just as she'd found them earlier that evening.
Since Donna had already expressed her curiosity, she decided to remain silent and wait for Josh to explain. He stared at her intently for a long moment and she could feel her heart beating faster. Finally, just as she was about to question him again, he spoke.
"When we were fighting, you said that you realized your two nights at home a week rule was stupid; which is something I've agreed with for a long time by the way," he said, emphasizing the last part. Donna rolled her eyes. "Anyway, I took your comment as a sign that the time was now right," he finished, his tone husky from depth of feeling and trepidation.
"Right for what?" Donna asked, the smile in her eyes showing that she thought she already knew the answer.
Josh held her gaze and smiled back. "When I asked you to move in with me a few months ago, you said that you didn't feel ready. You also said that when the time came and you changed your mind, and you did feel ready, I'd know," he said seriously. Donna nodded her head, both in agreement and as an instruction for him to continue. "Well, I know now…don't I?" he asked quietly, still looking directly into her eyes, but with a pensive expression on his face.
"So, you moved my stuff into your room in an attempt to get me to move in with you?" Donna asked. "You thought that maybe by doing that I'd be forced into it; that maybe I'd be too lazy to move my stuff out of there again?" She kept her tone neutral and Josh got a panicked look on his face for a split-second before he grinned at her.
"Did it work?" he asked laughingly.
"I don't know, Josh," she replied seriously. The panicked look appeared again and Donna grinned mischievously. "Just because my stuff is now in your room, it doesn't mean that I can't still stay in my own place; I have clothes there too you know."
"You mean I should have thought this through more?" he asked, grinning back at her. "Maybe roped Nadine in? Got her to pack up the rest of your stuff and bring it over?" Donna laughed. "Like I maybe have her doing right now?" Josh was smirking and the dimples were out in full force.
Donna looked at him, with a mixture of shock and amusement. "You didn't?" she quizzed, only half-disbelievingly.
"No, I didn't," he admitted. "But, if I need to, I will. So, what do you say, Donnatella? Are you ready now, will you move in with me permanently?"
Donna remained silent, adding to the already heightened atmosphere in the room. Her face then split into a grin as she replied, "Yes." She stated it simply, quietly, and huskily. Josh enveloped her in a huge hug, bringing his lips down to hers very gently. He pulled back slightly, looking into her eyes and seeing her happiness, before kissing her more forcefully. "Josh, wait," Donna said, pushing him away. He looked at her, surprised and slightly weary. "I don't want the scrapbook to get crushed," she explained, moving to put the book onto the coffee table.
Josh stretched out a hand to stop her. "Wait, you haven't finished the book. There are a couple more sections," he explained.
Donna brought the book back to her lap and looked at him quizzically. "But Josh, the photo of our clothes brings us right up-to-date, what else can there be?"
"Take a look," he suggested.
Donna turned the page and glanced at it quickly before looking back at Josh.
"It's blank," she stated, confusion in her tone.
"No, it's not blank," Josh replied. "There aren't any photos, but there's a title." He watched Donna's face closely as she looked back at the page. He heard her gasp and saw her shocked expression, but was instantly relieved when he saw the smile in her eyes and her face begin to beam.
"Our Wedding Photos," she said quietly, reading the title Josh had written in the next section. She looked at him intently, silently asking what he meant.
"Keep going," Josh said, indicating for her to turn the page again. She narrowed her eyes a little; she wanted an explanation of the current section before she moved on, but sensing that Josh wasn't going to say anything more, she turned the page.
"Our First Born," she read, her voice beginning to crack a little. Josh motioned for her to turn the page again. "Our Family." She looked at Josh again, but this time he remained still; she had come to the end of the book. "Josh?" she asked questioningly. Josh stayed silent and watched the emotions dancing across Donna's face as she tried to figure out what was going on; she finally spoke again, "Josh…I--"
He put a finger to her lips to silence her. "Shh, I don't want you to say anything, just listen to me." Donna nodded her head. "I'm not asking you to marry me…" Her brow creased in confusion. "Not yet, anyway. I just want to show you how much this relationship means to me, how much you mean to me. At some point in the future, when we're both ready, I would very much like to ask you to marry me and then I want to start a family with you. All I want to know now is, are you open to that suggestion?" His voice was full of raw emotion and his eyes were glistening.
Donna let her tears roll openly down her cheeks and she looked deep into his eyes; Josh felt as though she was boring a hole into his soul.
"Yes. I am open to the suggestion that at some point you can ask me to marry you, when we are both ready, which I agree is not right now." Josh beamed at her. "I can't guarantee how I will answer…" she continued and Josh looked shocked until she smiled warmly at him. "All I know is that, if I feel the same way then as I do now, the answer will be in the affirmative." His face split into a fully-dimpled grin and they embraced in a loving hug, bringing their lips together passionately.
"I love you, Donna," Josh whispered as they took a breath. "I know I don't tell you enough, but I really do love you."
It was Donna's turn to silence Josh by placing a finger over his lips. "Josh, I know you love me," she said sincerely. "And you know I love you. We don't need to tell each other constantly. Although we use words to express our feelings, mostly to tease each other, I prefer it when we are more tactile with one another."
"What do you mean?" Josh asked, taking a break from nuzzling her neck, and smiling at how breathless she sounded.
"I mean, you don't have to tell me how much you love me, I much prefer it when you show me," she stated seductively. Josh whipped his head round to look into her eyes and he grinned at her.
"Well, in that case, follow me," he said, taking the book from her hands and placing it on the coffee table. He then grabbed both of her now free hands and pulled her from the couch. Josh turned around to face the bedroom and Donna stood behind him. He reached behind him and grabbed her hands again, bringing them around his waist. With his hands still over hers, he led them both to the bedroom, to show their commitment to each other for the first time in what was now their home.
**
THE END…well, it's supposed to be the end, but one of my beta's (hey Sharon!) suggested I write an epilogue. So, I'm going to put it out to a vote, do you want more? :-)
