Title: "Double Entendre."
Description: Post-ep for "A Little Help From My Friends." Fourth chapter in "The Long Way," a series of Season 9 post-eps beginning with "First Snowfall." Carter's POV.
Author: KenzieGal (a/k/a It's Always Something)
Disclaimer: Carter and Abby do not belong to me - they are the property of the wise and wealthy minds of TPTB at Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Once again, not a wealth of carby material from tptb in this eppy. I tried to keep it short. And simple. And angsty. Seems that's the way the carby cookie's going to be crumbling for awhile.
The tune playing in the background is Billy Joel's "A Matter of Trust."
Sweet nothings to Lanie, my beta extraordinaire. And to Pemberley, my carby alter ego.
Spoilers: Everything during Season 9 up to and including "A Little Help From My Friends."
* * * * *
I know you're an emotional girl
It took a lot for you not to lose your faith in this world
I can't offer you proof
But you're gonna face a moment of truth
It's hard when you're always afraid
You must recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
It's a matter of trust
* * * * *
I leaned my head against the window as the El inched its way through the winter darkness. A light snow continued to fall.
Every bone in my body ached. Chalk it up to another crazy day at County. From the cantankerous old doctor attempting to sew his own sutures to Coco and Captain Viagra as Chen had dubbed them, it had been a classic example of a day that tried a man's soul. Or at least the soul of this ER doc. Not to mention the gnawing emptiness that seemed to be burning a hole in my heart.
I closed my eyes as the train lurched to a stop. Where was I? And where was I going?
Face it, we were stuck in neutral.
We.
Me.
Abby.
Us.
I dialed up a mental image of her.
Earlier that day, she had approached me tentatively, asking if I would mind taking the El home while she ran an errand. No mention was made of the nature of her sudden rendezvous. Her tone was flat and cryptic, shorthand for "Don't go there, Carter." I stoically attempted not to read too much into it. For all I knew, she was planning a shopping expedition in search of a little black dress for a charity gala Gamma had roped me into attending next week.
In the end, I had reluctantly acquiesced, preoccupied with the sketchy details of Pratt's latest plight and was perhaps a bit shorter with her than I should have been. Besides, I had an errand of my own to run.
It had been a quick trip on the El to Pratt's apartment. As always, you could set your watch by Gallant's directions.
"Running a little clinic out of the apartment?"
At first glance, despite my steely resolve to unleash my mounting frustration on Pratt, the scene inside his apartment - Leon sprawled on his stomach, bloody and whimpering - had spooked me. With a sudden jolt, my mind had scrolled back through a mental montage of distant memories until it froze on a similar vignette: Anna DelAmico poised inside the entry way to my cousin Chase's apartment in full co-conspirator mode as I struggled to save him from an apparent drug overdose.
Though it wasn't smart, as I had repeatedly remarked, rather than fleeing back into the night, I had reluctantly helped Pratt stabilize his brother. Fortunately, the knife had missed his vital organs and we were able to patch him up nicely in our makeshift dispensary.
And once Pratt had filled in the blanks about Leon and the circumstances surrounding the injury, all the pieces had fallen into place.
Another poster child for family dysfunction walked among us in the ER, his secret uncovered.
Though I still couldn't be sure that I had gotten through to him, our conversation afterwards outside his apartment as I prepared to leave was probably the longest we had ever had since he had first strode into the ER. The poignant back story he had finally revealed spoke volumes about his attitude, his behavior and the reasons why he had probably decided to become a doctor.
"Do you have any help?"
"No, I've been doing it on my own for years. I'm good at that."
"Well, we work as a team. We cover for each other, lean on each other. The job's too big to do solo."
"If you can't see it that way, you should be a surgeon. Or a superhero. Or something else that doesn't require trust."
"I've never been big on trust."
"You know what that turns into. Nobody trusts you either. Self sufficiency is a good thing. But it's not the only thing. Asking for help when you need it doesn't make you weak."
Seems like I had had my fill lately of intimate revelations on apartment stoops.
I replayed my end of the conversation in my mind.
There was a word for it.
Double entendre.
Double meaning.
Which words had been meant for Pratt? And which words had been meant for Abby?
How much was I trying to help Pratt realize the error his ways? And how much was I trying to sort out the pent up frustration over Abby's slow but steady withdrawal since she had returned from Nebraska?
* * * * *
This time you've got nothing to lose
You can take it, you can leave it
Whatever you choose
I won't hold anything back
And I'll walk away a fool or a king
Some love is just a lie of the mind
It's make believe until it's only a matter of time
And some might have learned to adjust
But then it never was a matter of trust
* * * * *
Deep down, I knew that I was on the receiving end of everything she was capable of giving right now.
But for the first time since the lockdown, it was hardly enough to sustain me.
Would it ever be enough?
How long could I keep waiting for her feelings - or at least her willingness to express them - catch up with mine?
One more day?
Forever?
For the moment, a question I didn't know the answer to.
The El slowed to a crawl as it approached the familiar stop.
I picked up my satchel bag.
But my feet stood still.
I could not go gently into that good night.
Not to her.
Not tonight.
* * * * *
Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
But you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust
* * * * *
Description: Post-ep for "A Little Help From My Friends." Fourth chapter in "The Long Way," a series of Season 9 post-eps beginning with "First Snowfall." Carter's POV.
Author: KenzieGal (a/k/a It's Always Something)
Disclaimer: Carter and Abby do not belong to me - they are the property of the wise and wealthy minds of TPTB at Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Once again, not a wealth of carby material from tptb in this eppy. I tried to keep it short. And simple. And angsty. Seems that's the way the carby cookie's going to be crumbling for awhile.
The tune playing in the background is Billy Joel's "A Matter of Trust."
Sweet nothings to Lanie, my beta extraordinaire. And to Pemberley, my carby alter ego.
Spoilers: Everything during Season 9 up to and including "A Little Help From My Friends."
* * * * *
I know you're an emotional girl
It took a lot for you not to lose your faith in this world
I can't offer you proof
But you're gonna face a moment of truth
It's hard when you're always afraid
You must recover when another belief is betrayed
So break my heart if you must
It's a matter of trust
* * * * *
I leaned my head against the window as the El inched its way through the winter darkness. A light snow continued to fall.
Every bone in my body ached. Chalk it up to another crazy day at County. From the cantankerous old doctor attempting to sew his own sutures to Coco and Captain Viagra as Chen had dubbed them, it had been a classic example of a day that tried a man's soul. Or at least the soul of this ER doc. Not to mention the gnawing emptiness that seemed to be burning a hole in my heart.
I closed my eyes as the train lurched to a stop. Where was I? And where was I going?
Face it, we were stuck in neutral.
We.
Me.
Abby.
Us.
I dialed up a mental image of her.
Earlier that day, she had approached me tentatively, asking if I would mind taking the El home while she ran an errand. No mention was made of the nature of her sudden rendezvous. Her tone was flat and cryptic, shorthand for "Don't go there, Carter." I stoically attempted not to read too much into it. For all I knew, she was planning a shopping expedition in search of a little black dress for a charity gala Gamma had roped me into attending next week.
In the end, I had reluctantly acquiesced, preoccupied with the sketchy details of Pratt's latest plight and was perhaps a bit shorter with her than I should have been. Besides, I had an errand of my own to run.
It had been a quick trip on the El to Pratt's apartment. As always, you could set your watch by Gallant's directions.
"Running a little clinic out of the apartment?"
At first glance, despite my steely resolve to unleash my mounting frustration on Pratt, the scene inside his apartment - Leon sprawled on his stomach, bloody and whimpering - had spooked me. With a sudden jolt, my mind had scrolled back through a mental montage of distant memories until it froze on a similar vignette: Anna DelAmico poised inside the entry way to my cousin Chase's apartment in full co-conspirator mode as I struggled to save him from an apparent drug overdose.
Though it wasn't smart, as I had repeatedly remarked, rather than fleeing back into the night, I had reluctantly helped Pratt stabilize his brother. Fortunately, the knife had missed his vital organs and we were able to patch him up nicely in our makeshift dispensary.
And once Pratt had filled in the blanks about Leon and the circumstances surrounding the injury, all the pieces had fallen into place.
Another poster child for family dysfunction walked among us in the ER, his secret uncovered.
Though I still couldn't be sure that I had gotten through to him, our conversation afterwards outside his apartment as I prepared to leave was probably the longest we had ever had since he had first strode into the ER. The poignant back story he had finally revealed spoke volumes about his attitude, his behavior and the reasons why he had probably decided to become a doctor.
"Do you have any help?"
"No, I've been doing it on my own for years. I'm good at that."
"Well, we work as a team. We cover for each other, lean on each other. The job's too big to do solo."
"If you can't see it that way, you should be a surgeon. Or a superhero. Or something else that doesn't require trust."
"I've never been big on trust."
"You know what that turns into. Nobody trusts you either. Self sufficiency is a good thing. But it's not the only thing. Asking for help when you need it doesn't make you weak."
Seems like I had had my fill lately of intimate revelations on apartment stoops.
I replayed my end of the conversation in my mind.
There was a word for it.
Double entendre.
Double meaning.
Which words had been meant for Pratt? And which words had been meant for Abby?
How much was I trying to help Pratt realize the error his ways? And how much was I trying to sort out the pent up frustration over Abby's slow but steady withdrawal since she had returned from Nebraska?
* * * * *
This time you've got nothing to lose
You can take it, you can leave it
Whatever you choose
I won't hold anything back
And I'll walk away a fool or a king
Some love is just a lie of the mind
It's make believe until it's only a matter of time
And some might have learned to adjust
But then it never was a matter of trust
* * * * *
Deep down, I knew that I was on the receiving end of everything she was capable of giving right now.
But for the first time since the lockdown, it was hardly enough to sustain me.
Would it ever be enough?
How long could I keep waiting for her feelings - or at least her willingness to express them - catch up with mine?
One more day?
Forever?
For the moment, a question I didn't know the answer to.
The El slowed to a crawl as it approached the familiar stop.
I picked up my satchel bag.
But my feet stood still.
I could not go gently into that good night.
Not to her.
Not tonight.
* * * * *
Some love is just a lie of the soul
A constant battle for the ultimate state of control
But you've heard lie upon lie
There can hardly be a question of why
Some love is just a lie of the heart
The cold remains of what began with a passionate start
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of trust
* * * * *
